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Hudson Hawk (1991)

by Steven E. de Souza.
Revisions by Daniel Waters.
Based on an original idea by Bruce Willis & Robert Kraft.
Production script, June 14, 1990.

More info about this movie on IMDb.com


FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY


FADE IN:

EXT. VINCI COUNTRYSIDE - RENAISSANCE - DAY

Beneath a jawdroppingly storybook castle, a small
Renaissance Fair with florid awnings, demented ACROBATS
and roaring puppets is unfolding.

RUSTIC FARMERS and their families rumble with enjoyment
at the Sabbath afternoon entertainment.

Encircled by children, A JUGGLER WITH AN UNFORGETTABLY
ETCHED FACE elegantly plucks the red balls from a pouch
on his mule.  As he begins to juggle, a LOUD EXPLOSION
is heard, causing him to ungracefully drop his balls
and collapse in a heap.

Everyone at the fair, including the puppets, looks up.

		UNFORGETTABLE JUGGLER
	Leonardo, che pazzo.

The juggler shakes his fist up to a swish pan that swings
up toward a smoking window of the awesome castle...

INT. ROOM OF THE GOLD MACHINE

where the charismatic LEONARDO DA VINCI laughs down at
him.  Da Vinci wears a pair of very early, very cool sun-
glasses with his trademark beard.

He turns and loses his smile, something extraordinary
reflecting off his glasses.  Removing his shades, Da
Vinci moves to the Something, a gloriously incredible
machine.  The opening CREDITS REVEAL its dazzling idio-
syncrasies.

TWO COUGHING APPRENTICES haplessly try to disperse smoke
from the still billowing, mysteriously spectacular
Machine.  Mirrors attached to parts of it reflect beams
of light which cut through the smoke like a Renaissance
laser show.

		DA VINCI
		(silencing authority)
	Basta vapore.

The apprentice throws a lever.  A shunt near the furnace
turns.  Steam escapes upwards.  The machine immediately
slows down.  Da Vinci oh-so-gently coughs and moves for-
ward with tongs.

A LITTLE TROUGH - IN THE MACHINE'S INNARDS

comes to a trembling, mystical halt.  Right behind this
trough is a CONPLEX POLYHEDRON CRYSTAL as intricately
modulated as any Rubik stocking stuffer, but much more
dazzling in beauty.  It gleams like a jewel in the yellow
glow which pours from a PLEASANTLY GRINNING DEMONHEAD into
a trough--a glow of heat--and something more than heat.

The tongs enter the frame.

Da Vinci brings the object closer to his face.  A murmur
goes up from the awestruck apprentices as the Master
peers at the smoking yellow bar.

		APPRENTICE TWO
	Maestro, che meraviglia!

		APPRENTICE THREE
	Lei e' proprio fantastico!

Da Vinci's pride goes dead as the implications hit.

		DA VINCI
	Lasciatemi, solo.  Solo!

The apprentices scurry out.  Mind reeling, Da Vinci turns
his back to the viewer, before a wall of frescoes.

		DA VINCI
	L'ho fatto.

Spinning back around, using the edge of his cloak, Da
Vinci pulls out the large gleaming crystal with a pop.

INT. DA VINCI'S WORKSHOP

With an accompanying blast of smoke, Da Vinci bursts
through some double doors into his workshop, sadly
reflecting upon the crystal in one hand and the tonged
bar in the other.

His workshop is a spendiferously enigmatic blend of
laboratory and studio; On a table in the foreground is
a fresh clay equestrian statue; a large VOLUME of
sketches, the inkwell nearby; a MODEL of what looks like
a HELICOPTER; Da Vinci flings the tonged bar on the table
among these goodies.

Pocketing the crystal, Da Vinci meanders through his work-
shop casually tinkering with various experiments.  He
snaps his fingers at a BATHING SUITED APPRENTICE, wearing
a diving helmet prototype.  The Apprentice jumps into a
pool of water.

Leonardo next stops at an easel displaying a finished-
except-for-the-mouth portrait of Mona Lisa, who happens
to be seated in a stool before the easel.  She broadly
smiles, revealing the worst dental work of her epoch.
Da Vinci shakes his head and moves out onto a

EXT. CASTLE TERRACE

A FLYING APPRENTICE sails past Leonardo in a bat winged
glider, enthusiastically shouting.  Da Vinci grins back
until he touches his pocket.  He pulls out the crystal
and, after a beat, angrily twists it apart into two
separate, geometric pieces revealing a small intricate
mirror.  He quickly folds the surprisingly shapable
geometric pieces.

Calming down, Da Vinci looks from the three components of
the crystal to each of the three unfinished works on the
table in his workshop.  He ponders then looks back out to
the Vinci vista.

The bat winged glider DISSOLVES into:

A HAWK

who is revealed to be flying over Sing Sing prison.

INT. A SING SING PRISON CELL

The shadow of the hawk passes through a cell window, over
the face of EDDIE HUDSON HAWKINS causing him to break out
of an eye-closed trance.

Before the viewer can get a good look at him, Hudson
Hawk turns to an oddball version of the "Mona Lisa" that
has his face and tears it off the cell back-wall.

INT. PRISON BLOCK WALKWAY

TWO PRISON GUARDS, One WISE and BLACK, the other YOUNG
and GREEN march down a cell block.  The Former is smoking
a pipe which the Young Guard lights with a lighter.

		WISE GUARD
	We're losing our biggest celebrity
	today.

		YOUNG GUARD
	You're kidding, Petey the Paint
	Thinner Killer is getting paroled?

		WISE GUARD
	Not that slime, you Fizzhead.
	Hudson Hawk.  The last of the
	great cat burglars.

INT. PRISON CELL WALL

A hand tears down a picture of a happy Hudson Hawk and
a LITTLE MONKEY, identically dressed in black cat
burglar gear.

THE BLOCK

The Wise Guard and the Young Guard rumble forward.

		WISE GUARD
	As a thief, Hawk was a poem.
	Iambic fucking pentameter.  You
	know, Crime used to have a little
	class.  A hundred reporters were
	here when he came in, now they're
	probably out covering some tired
	crack gang war...

The Guards approach Hawk's cell.  Hawk, with his back
turned, hefts on a nifty blazer.

		HAWK
	Remind me to fire my publicist.

The Wise Guard chuckles as the Young Guard fumbles with
his key-ring.

		YOUNG GUARD
	Darn, these are for L-block...

Hawk's hand reaches through the bars and grabs a pipe
cleaner from the Wise Guard's pocket.  Then the lighter
from the Young Guard's pocket--BURNS OFF the fabric fuzz
with the lighter beside it--bends the now blackened
wire--and with a quick turn of the wrist uses it to
UNLOCK the door.

		YOUNG GUARD
	- go back down to security and-

He stops, dumbfounded, as the door clunks open.  The
Guards double-take as Hawk, finally in full view, struts
past them, down the hall.  The Guards hustle to catch
up.  The wise guard puts his finger in the air and
sarcastically pretends to be stung by the heat emanating
from Hawk.

		WISE GUARD
	Guess this means, Hawk, you'll
	be able to let yourself back in...

		HAWK
	Never happen.  Bet.  Ten bucks.

Hawk and the Wise Guard hit fists, half-smiling.  Hawk
unfolds the painting.

		HAWK
	Oh, give this back to Petey in A
	block.  Tell him it was a sweet
	gift, but I think he got some
	wrong ideas about our friendship.

		YOUNG GUARD
	The Paint Thinner Killer did
	this?  I think you picked a good
	day to get out...

The trio comes to the final checkpoint.  Hawk takes a
deep breath.

		WISE GUARD
	Hope I lose the bet.  Have that
	cappuccino on me.

		HAWK
		(flipping him the
		 pipe cleaner)
	You got it.  A double.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE PRISON--DAY

Hawk strides to the Massive Sliding Concrete Door/Wall
between him and freedom.  As music crescendos and
Hawk glows his first smile, the door opens to reveal two
Mafioso brothers, CESAR and ANTONY MARIO, the latter
sitting upon the hood of a tinted window Lincoln
Continental.  Cesar is of cool, hair-slicked-back
attitude, his scumbag brother is not.

		ANTONY
	Welcome back, buddy ol' pal.
	We've got a proposition...

		 HAWK
	Answer's no, not even if you
	bathe.  Cesar Mario, Antony Mario,
	how's the "Family?"  Kill any
	monkeys lately?

		 CESAR
	How many times do I have to say
	it?  I didn't put the hit on
	Little Eddie... Never had anything
	against that kooky chimp.  I
	actually found him, "endearing."

		HAWK
	Sure.  Face down.  Two endearing
	shots to the back of the head.
	That's your mark, man.  What did
	Little Eddie ever do to...

Smouldering, Hawk struts off.  Cesar takes a black
canvas bag from a SCARFACED DRIVER and hustles up to
Hawk.  The Lincoln rumbles behind them, Antony riding
on the hood.

		CESAR
	You're hitting Rutherford's
	Auction House.  Easy as my
	brother's wife.  Directions are
	in the bag.  Just open the seventh
	floor safe and take out the
	thingie...

		HAWK
	Or you cut off my thingie.
	Directions even your brother
	would understand.

		ANTONY
		(defensively)
	Yeah, directions even I could
	understand.

The car squeals to a stop.  Antony bounds off.  Cesar
shove-throws the canvas bag into Hawk's unwilling
hands.

		CESAR
	Hawk, you're a great thief.  Got
	set up, did some time, nothing to
	be ashamed of.  Don't give me a
	sonata about you always just
	really wanted to settle down,
	open a hardware Store and sell
	spatulas...

		HAWK
	If the Mario brothers weren't
	Jersey's third largest family,
	I'd say kiss my ass.  But
	considering your status, I'll
	say slurp my butt.

Hawk fiercely push-shoves the canvas bag back into
Cesar's hands.

		CESAR
	What's your favorite sport, Hawk?

		HAWK
	Baseball, why?

Antony opens the back door of the Lincoln and says
"Baseball."  He is handed a baseball bat.  Hawk backs
up as Antony moves threateningly toward him.

		HAWK
	I meant, ping pong.  Listen, I'd
	rather go back in than whore for
	you...
		(stopping)
	Oh, I need to borrow ten dollars.

A PRISON GUARD from above turns as not to be a witness.
Hawk feebly calls up to him.

		HAWK
	Help?  Police?

Antony swings at Hawk, who pretends not to notice until
the last second.  Hawk ducks and slam-kicks his calf.
Antony crumples, using the bat as a crutch.  Hawk boots
up the bat for a two-handed catch then savagely pivots
it across Antony's face, knocking him into the backseat
of the car.

		CESAR
		(unfazed)
	You need some time to think.
	That's cool, but next time, I'm
	not going to say "Please."

Cesar floats into the backseat.  The Lincoln takes off.
Hawk seethes...

		HAWK
	I don't believe this.  I've been
	out forty seconds...

A BACKFIRE rings out.  Hawk hits the ground, thinking
it is a gunshot.

HAWK'S ON THE GROUND P.O.V.

A gasping 1960 Caddy comes to a stop and a pair of a too-
fancy-to-be-tasteful shoes comes out.  Hawk looks up to
see ALEX MESSINA, his older, maybe-maybe-not-wiser best
friend.

		ALEX
	That's the first thing I did.
	Smooch the ground and taste the
	freedom.  Sorry I was late.  Miss
	anything?

		HAWK
		(getting up)
	Your timing, and your shoes, are
	impeccable...  Good to see you,
	Alex, been having a lousy day.

		ALEX
	Lousy day?  The man's getting out
	of prison and he's having a
	lousy day.  What, you missing out
	on the Cell Block Water Ballet
	pageant?  Believe me, it's
	overrated.

Hawk pauses to say something, then just hugs Alex.

		ALEX
	Where's the kiss?  No tongue this
	time, I promise.

A laughing Hawk gives Alex's stomach a slap before
getting in the car....

		HAWK
	Looks like you've been expanding
	your...

		ALEX
	Don't say it, Hawkins.  I'm
	incredibly sensitive about my
	fucking figure.

		HAWK
	My next word was gonna be
	"consciousness."  Swear to God...
	tubby.

EXT. THE ROAD INTO HOBOKEN--DAY

The Caddy thunders past a sweet Manhattan view. "Come
Fly With Me" is playing on the radio.  Hawk casually com-
pletes an intimidating hand puzzle.

		HAWK
	That's your definition of "Hard?"

		ALEX
	Show off.  Hey, boss tune.  "Come
	Fly with Me."

		HAWK
	Three minutes, 51 seconds.

		ALEX
	Still do the puzzles, still know
	the running times of songs, and
	I'll bet you're still the best
	damn cat burg--

		 HAWK
	Not anymore.  Now I'm the laziest
	damn cat burg--I'm going to take
	it so straight that I won't tape
	a Mets game without the expressed
	written consent of the National
	Baseball League.

		ALEX
	Now that you're born again,what
	do you wanna do?  Statue of
	Liberty?  Entertain some ladies?
	Miss Saigon tix?  Seduce some
	women?  Play Nintendo?  Bone some
	chicks?

		HAWK
	Come on, Alex, let's just get to
	Alex's.  Your bar's the only
	place that's going to cheer me.
	God, I'd kill for a damn
	cappuccino.  What the hell's a
	Nintendo?

		ALEX
	Oh man, you still got a thing for
	those unmasculine European coffees?
	Who's your buddy?

Alex pulls a styrofoam cup from a paper bag.

		HAWK
	The man knows, the man knows!

Hawk takes off the cap with a stimulating whiff.

		ALEX
	So Mr. Coffee, what went down
	outside the prison?

		HAWK
	Oh, not much.  Mario Brothers want
	me to do a job.

Alex brakes and cappuccino flies.  Hawk half-heartedly
tries to lick up with his fingers.

		ALEX
	Those dago-guinea-I can say
	this shit I'm Italian-wop
	motherfu--

		HAWK
	Ah, had the perfect amount of
	foam.  Just get me to the bar...
	It's the one good thing in my
	life that'll never change....

EXT. OUTSIDE ALEX'S BAR--NIGHT

The Guys move through the personably Jersey face of the
bar.  The Empire State Building beams in the background.
Sinatra cuts off.

INT. ALEX'S BAR--NIGHT

It's changed.  Hawk and Alex enter into what has become
the ultimate pseudo-art deco-fern littered-nightmare,
packed with noisy, INSUFFERABLY SELF-ABSORBED YUPS.
A violently erotic and pretentious video plays upon
elevated T.V. sets set up all around the place.

Hawk's mouth gapes as he drifts by a sickening COUPLE
toasting wine coolers, and two very YOUNG BROKERS high-
fiving each other after missing a dartboard.

		ALEX
	I didn't know how to tell you.  A
	couple brokers stopped in for
	Stoley Spritzers one night.  Next
	thing I know Fast Track Digest
	votes us "Watering Hole of the
	Month."  Now, I'm shopping for
	Aqua Salmon wallpaper.

		HAWK
	I read about these people in
	Newsweek.  Where's all the
	regulars, Crazy Jeff Cava, the
	Todd sisters, Indian Joe?  Where's
	Ed Kranepool's autograph?  Captain
	Bob's steering wheel?

		ALEX
	Hey, get this irritable guy a
	cappuccino.  I gotta go be a boss.

Alex lifts a piece of the bar and moves behind it.
Snatching up a menu, Hawk calls out...

		HAWK
	This is Pizza?  Reindeer Goat
	cheese?  I admit, I've been known
	to go wild and order a Canadian
	Bacon in my time, but..

Hawk lights up a cigarette.  A TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER
immediately turns to him wearing a "Yes, I mind if you
smoke" button.

		TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER
	Can you read.... smoker?

		HAWK
	Can you take a sunrise and
	sprinkle it with dew?

		 TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER
		(Huh?)
	No.

		 HAWK
	The Candy Man can, Felix.  You
	know, I thought this was a country
	where you could do any stupid
	thing you wanted; drive to work
	naked, make love to a V.C.R.
	Guess I'm wrong.  Maybe that's
	why I became a serial arsonist.

		TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER
	Hey, it's okay, big guy.  Smoke
	all you want.  Have mine....

The Non-smoker fumbles out a pack of cigarettes and
flees.  A cappuccino in cup and saucer slides down the
bar saloon-style.  A smiling Hawk picks it up, turns away
from the bar and closes his eyes, bringing the cup to his
lips until a POLICE BADGE swirls into frame and splashes
into the cup, splattering coffee over Hawk's blazer.

		GATES (O.S.)
	You're under arrest...

Hawk makes eye contact up to a crude, coarse, and
cackling island of a man, OFFICER GATES, amid the sea
of oblivious and self-obsessed yuppitude, standing by
a table.

		GATES
	Have a seat.  Good to see you,
	buddy ol' pal...

		HAWK
	The pleasure's all yours, Officer
	Gates.

BACK OF THE BAR

With concern, Alex watches Hawk sit at Gates' table.

GATES' TABLE

Gates pillages a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with
terrifying precision.  Hawk tosses the badge onto the
food.  Gates eats around it.

		GATES
	Why do you show your parole
	officer such disrespect?
	Especially after I got you such
	a nice job.

		HAWK
	What job?

Gates pulls up the black canvas bag and puts it on the
table.

		GATES
	The auction house, asshole.  One
	night's work and you're free like
	no ex-con's ever been.  No
	checking in with a shrink, no
	community service teaching
	retards how to play air hockey.
	It's a great deal, I can't lie.

		HAWK
	The only thing you can't do is
	get sex for free.  I know I was
	in prison for like basically the
	80's, but, call me daffy, aren't
	you supposed to stop me from
	committing crimes.  You know,
	Book-em-Dano, Call-for-backup,
	Give-a-Hoot-Don't-Pollute.

Gates thunders out of his chair and moves around to sneer
down at Hawk.  Behind Gates, on the T.V. screens, are
analogous images of DISGUSTING ANIMALS AND MONSTERS.

		GATES
	You wouldn't be out if it wasn't
	for me!  I did dog and pony for
	you!  You think they would have
	let you out after what you did,
	you told the board members they
	looked like the Three Stooges...

		HAWK
	How was I supposed to know they
	were women?  Besides one of them
	was bald and kept saying
	"Soitinly."

Gates simmers into his seat with a self-control smile.

		GATES
	Remember that guy in the cell
	next to you who hung himself?

		HAWK
	Yes.

		GATES
	Remember that shoe you lost...

		HAWK
	Uh, yeah.  Cut to the chase.

Gates pulls up a shoe and puts it on the table.

		GATES
	One phone call and your shoe
	will become a piece of evidence
	and that suicide'll become a
	murder.

Hawk bobs under the table and up.

		HAWK
	What else do you got under there
	... I don't want to be rude, but
	this is all pretty lame.

		GATES
	That's the beauty.  It's bullshit,
	but I can make it stick because
	I'm a good guy parole officer and
	you re a bad guy who's about to
	find out that there's a thin line
	between ex-con and escape con.

Alex suddenly approaches the table.

		ALEX
	How is everything tonight, sir?

		GATES
	Beat it, Alex.  You're a dinosaur.

		HAWK
	Alex, did you know this ape was
	going to be here...

		ALEX
	Sure.  That's why his meatballs
	are made out of marinated Chuck
	Wagon.

		GATES
		(mouthful)
	You're full of shit.

As Alex speaks, an eating dog is on the screens.

		ALEX
	No, man, actually you are.  Just
	add water and it makes its own
	gravy.  Keeps your teeth healthy
	and your coat shiny.

Gates grabs the shoes and races off, gagging.  Hawk gets
up to laugh next to Alex.  Their laughter dies as they
turn to look at the black canvas bag left on the table
between them.

INT. BACK ROOM--DAWN

Hawk stares mournfully at a black and white photo of a
monkey-sized chalk-outline on a city street.  Behind him,
Alex pulls out blueprints from the black bag.  Sinatra's
"Witchcraft" blares on the radio....

		ALEX
	Hmmmm.....

		HAWK
	Yo Pandora, quit hummm-ing... look
	at this.

Hawk is rummaging through stockpiled remnants of an old,
"true" bar.  Round lamps, tacky mirrors, pictures of Hawk
and the Regs at the bar.  Managing a weary smile, Hawk
lifts a ship steering wheel, while Alex puts on a pair of
granny classes and pulls out blueprints.

		HAWK
	It's Captain Bob's steering wheel!
	Remember when the Captain.....

		ALEX
	Hmmm, nasty little safe on the 7th.

Hawk nervously picks up a Rubik's Cube and holds it
behind his back.  He brings it back around, completed.
Sighing, Hawk drops the cube and rubs his scalp.  Alex
starts rubbing his stomach.  They pace in pre-job
syncopation and speak rapid-fire.

		HAWK
	The safe's a Simpson 71.  Last
	time I played the game, Simpson
	only had a 40.

		ALEX
	Just means it'll take you an extra
	31 seconds to seduce.  You re
	still the best, I know it.

		HAWK
	But you got three guards who...
	Shit, what am I doing?  Where's
	the want ads?  Gonna sell some
	spatulas.

		ALEX
	Hey, I'm sorry, man.  I'm putting
	out a fire with kerosene.

Alex gives Hawk a consoling two-hand-shake then jumps
back to reveal he has put Hawk into thumbcuffs.

		HAWK
	This isn't funny.  I'm not into
	this.  I...

		ALEX
	There goes five seconds...My
	record's eighteen.

		HAWK
	You're not...LISTENING!

Out of annoyance, Hawk breaks out of the cuffs and
violently throws them at Alex, who sits down a little
wounded.

		HAWK
	I'm sorr--Goddamn Mario Brothers.
	Goddamn Gates.  Goddamn Rutherford
	Auction House.  By the way, how
	many seconds?

		ALEX
	Rutherford Auction... that name...

Alex jumps up excitedly and then convulses in pain.

		HAWK
	Alex!

		ALEX
	Don't wet your diapers.  I'll have
	to change them.  "Witchcraft."
	What's the running time?

Alex flops down behind a work table before a wallfull of
drawings of different kinds of vaults.  He sets himself
up for an insulin injection.

		HAWK
	3:48.  I can't get you involved,
	man.  This is my sewage and...
		(re drawings)
	God, you love all this, don't you,
	you bastard.  Haven't you ever
	heard of stamp collecting, or
	curling?

Hawk leans in and administers the shot of insulin to
Alex.

		ALEX
	I'm in.  Have you seen the public
	service announcements for Diabetes.
	We can ride horses, play LaCrosse,
	and knock off auction houses.  I
	got a plan.  You won't have to hail
	Cesar or Gates.

Hawk collapses next to Alex, resigned to his fate.

		HAWK
	I'm a bum.

EXT. NICE, BUSINESS NEIGHBORHOOD--NIGHT

TWO GRUBBY DERELICTS, one pushing a shopping cart, the
other inside it, situated atop the usual two Glad bags.
They are drunkenly warbling "Witchcraft."  IMPECCABLY
DRESSED NIGHT-LIFERS give them a wide berth.

Our derelicts pass beneath a MASSIVE RED CANOPY of a
distinguished eight story edifice, upon which is written
RUTHERFORD'S AUCTION HOUSE.  A DOORMAN shoos them away...

A NEWSPAPER TRUCK pulls up in front of the Auction House.
The Driver pops out with a bundle of papers and moves to
a Dispenser on the corner.  The Bums wheel around the
truck.  The Driver loads the papers and bounds back.

The Truck pulls away from the corner.  The shopping cart
rolls off--the bums nowhere to be seen.

The Truck turns the corner, revealing the derelicts
climbing up the back of it, with Glad bags around their
necks.  The Truck moves toward an enclosed Walkway Bridge
that connects the Auction House with another Building.

Launching low-tech grapples, the Vagrants latch them-
selves onto the Walkway window as the Truck passes
beneath.

AT THE WINDOW

The viewer's viewpoint moves into a tighter view of the
dangling derelicts, revealing them to, of course, be Hawk
and Alex.  Getting a footing, on the small window ledge,
each man cuts a hole in the window while holding onto a
plunger.

		HAWK
	Whoa, you better cut a bigger hole
	than that.

		ALEX
	Hey, you promised......Don't worry,
	I'm wearing my girdle.

INT. INSIDE THE WALKWAY WINDOW--NIGHT

Hawk and Alex come through their window holes.  Hawk
immediately flattens himself against a wall, whisper-
ing...

		HAWK
	Cameras?

		ALEX
	No need.  Guards' station's right
	there.

Alex points to an open doorway just down the hall where
laughter and shadows emerge.  Hawk tries to flee, but a
grinning Alex pulls him toward it.

Hawk and Alex slide across the wall to a closed room
marked POWER, which is right next to the open Guards'
Station.  The viewer's viewpoint moves past Hawk and
Alex lock-picking into the Power room to...

INT. THE GUARDS' STATION

Two Security Guards sit before a console of seven
security screens still chuckling over an unheard joke.
Wires coming out of the security console run across the
floor and through the wall into...

INT. THE POWER ROOM

The wires go up to a row of seven humming, RECORD button
flashing V.C.R.s.  Hawk and Alex stand before them,
sharing a cig.

		ALEX
	They record everything their
	video surveillance takes in...

		HAWK
	Yes, master-thief, I can see that.
	You said something about a plan...

Alex presses the REWIND buttons on the V.C.R.'s.

		ALEX
	Am I boring you, smartass?  Watch.
	A little rewind and re-wire action
	and the Guards are going to be
	watching a rerun and miss out on
	our exciting episode.

Alex pulls from a nearby shelf six tapes marked MONDAY.

INT. SEVENTH FLOOR AUCTION AUDITORIUM--NIGHT

Moving beneath a video camera and a dazzling Set of
Hanging Horse Mobiles, a Heavyset guard, BIG STAN, moseys
through the dimly lit main auction house auditorium.  The
auditorium chairs are strewn out in the middle beside a
turbo Floor Washer.

Next to a painting of Happy Children Riding Horses at the
back of the auditorium stage, Big Stan hefts himself upon
a comparatively TINY BLUE CHAIR and begins to tip back
and snooze.

INT. GUARDS' STATION

The Security Guards look to the seventh floor screen to
see an unfolding shot of Big Stan mid-snooze.

		SECURITY GUARD ONE
	Check out Big Stan...
		(walkie-talkie)
	Big Stan!

THE AUCTION AUDITORIUM

Startled by his walkie-talkie, Big Stan falls back on the
little chair, crunching it to the ground.

THE FIRST FLOOR

The laughing security guards see the crunch.

INT. THE POWER ROOM

Alex puts the last of the Monday tapes into a V.C.R.

		ALEX
	You got about five minutes and
	change.

		HAWK
	5:32.  "Swinging on a Star."

		ALEX
	You know they invented something
	while you were inside.  Called a
	watch.

A freight elevator pings.  Hawk opens it up as the music
of "Swinging on the Star" kicks in on the soundtrack.

		HAWK
	"A mule is an animal with long
	funny ears."

		ALEX
	"He kicks up at anything he
	hears.

Hawk crams himself into the freight elevator with his
Glad bag.  Strenuously upbeat Ray Conniffesque singers
continue to sing the song, orchestrally accompanied, when
Hawk isn't.

INT. THE FREIGHT ELEVATOR

Hawk takes over the song, sardined in the elevator.

		HAWK
	"Or would you rather swing on a
	star, carry moonbeams home in a
	jar."

POWER ROOM

Alex goes up to a Circuit Box and pulls down two large
Switches.  The soundtrack singers continue to warble.

THE GUARDS' STATION

The lights of the floor wobble and die.  The console
screens blink off.  The Security Guards stop laughing.

		SECURITY GUARD TWO
	Hell-o.  Check the Power room,
	bud...

Security Guard One harrumphs into a standing position...

POWER ROOM

Alex speedily hooks and rehooks the backs of the V.C.R.S.
They now all have their PLAY buttons lit up.

		ALEX
	swing on a star, carry moonbeams...

OUTSIDE THE POWER ROOM

Security Guard One fishes for keys to open the power
room.  The soundtrack singers whisper as not to give away
Alex.

INSIDE THE POWER ROOM

Alex briskly slams back up the switches.

OUTSIDE THE POWER ROOM

The singers go louder as the lights come back on.
Security Guard One harrumphs and heads back to the
Guards' Station.

THE AUCTION AUDITORIUM

Hawk scrambles out of the freight elevator in the left
wall of the Auditorium, glancing to the clock.

		HAWK
	"Or would you rather be a fish?"

He pulls out the black canvas bag from his Glad bag and
takes out the blueprints.  Hawk follows them toward the
painting on-stage.

THE GUARDS' STATION

Big Stan comes up from behind his fellow guards, dumping
the remains of the chair on the floor.

		BIG STAN
		(moving back off)
	Very funny.

The Seventh Floor Screen shows a peaceful auction
auditorium.  And the Blue Chair.

THE AUCTION AUDITORIUM--CAMERA P.O.V.

From the exact angle, the viewer sees the current state
of the room with Hawk flinging off the painting of the
horseback children, revealing a safe.  But no Blue chair.

HAWK

spits on the rubber cup of an electronic sensor, plugged
into a Walkman, and affixes it to the safe above the
dial.

		HAWK
		(lyric trouble)
	"A fish is annuh nan na nan na
	brook.

THE FREIGHT ELEVATOR

Alex is now packed into the freight elevator.

		ALEX
	"He can't write his name or read
	a book.  To fool people is his
	only thought."

THE AUCTION AUDITORIUM

		HAWK
		(remembering)
	"And though he's slippery, he
	still gets caught."

Wearing headphones, Hawk cranks up the Walkman and spins
the dial.  The CLICKS from the dial are so loud he winces
and turns down the volume.  Then there's a CLUNK.

THE GUARDS' STATION

With the soundtrack singers taking over, Guard Two sips
a cup of coffee.  He doesn't swallow.

His sights zero in on the Blue Chair on the seventh
screen.  He looks to the chair remains, then back again.

		SECURITY GUARD TWO
	Uh, Jerry.  I'm looking at the
	seventh floor and I don't know
	how to say this, I see the Blue
	Chair.

		SECURITY GUARD ONE
	What the... You think that's weird,
	check out screen two.....

Screen Two shows THE TWO SECURITY GUARDS THEMSELVES
hatching open some on-duty beers, going down a hall.
Guard Two looks to the empties atop the console....

		SECURITY GUARD TWO
	Somebody rewired the recorders!

AUCTION AUDITORIUM

Hawk ditches his accessories and swings the safe door
open.

Inside the safe, along with the "holy" Da Vinci music
cue, is the clay equestrian model from Leonardo's
worktable.

Hawk belts out as he put it in the black canvas bag.

		HAWK
	"And all the monkeys aren't in
	the zoo."

		ALEX (V.O.)
	"Every day you meet quite a few."

Alex gives Hawk a congratulatory pat.

		HAWK AND ALEX
	"So you see it's all up to you.
	You can be better than you are.
	You could be swinging on a star."

THE AUCTION ROOM

BIG STAN reconnects the wires of the seventh V.C.R.

THE GUARDS' STATION

Suddenly, on the seventh screen, the image and voices
of Hawk and Alex in-process comes on.

		SECURITY GUARD ONE
	Shit, let's roll!

THE AUCTION AUDITORIUM

Hawk puts the painting back up, but stops to stare at the
playful children.

		ALEX
	The song's over!  Come on!
	"You could be swinging on a star."

		HAWK
	What am I doing here?  There are
	so many things I wanna do that
	aren't this.  Paint a lighthouse.
	Kiss a woman in Italy.

		ALEX
		(more frantically)
	"You could be swinging on a star."

		HAWK
	Paint a woman in a lighthou--I
	don't want to steal a horse.
	Life is...

Hawk's soliloquy is cut short as Security Guards One and
Two crash into the auction auditorium.

		ALEX
		(DEADPAN)
	"You could be swinging on a star."
	You couldn't have waited to see
	a psychiatrist.  No, you had...

Alex whips his chair at the floor washer, tipping it
forward and causing its electrical cord to pull up and
trip the Guards into a bellyflop.

Hawk bolts right at the bustling up guards and locks them
into Alex's thumbcuffs.  He then limbos under their
connected arms and springs over the outstretched washer
cord.  The Security Guards clumsily turn and re-trip
themselves.

		HAWK
	Let's go down the freight elevator.

Big Stan suddenly unhatches from the freight elevator.

		ALEX
	Keep those ideas coming.

Hawk and Alex run toward an office located at the right
wall.  They both do a Gene-Kellyesque-chair-tip-over
before simultaneously bashing through the office door.

INT. DARKENED AUCTION AUDITORIUM OFFICE

Hawk and Alex stop in the office to painfully laugh and
rub their funny bones.  Alex stops laughing.

		ALEX
	I'm not as unpleasantly plump as
	that Guard am I.

Big Stan fires off a warning shot.  Hawk and Alex quickly
tear up a window.

Moving out on to a ledge, Hawk and Alex look down to the
huge auction house awning and trade gulps.

Big Stan wobbles into the mouth of the office door.

		HAWK AND ALEX
	I got a bad feeling....

		HAWK
	I can't even swim.

		ALEX
	Hell, the fall'll probably kill
	ya...

Big Stan raises his gun.

Hawk and Alex jump and AAAGH down the face of the
building....

Closer and closer to the awning....

The viewer focuses upon Hawk as he free-falls......

				 CUT TO:

RIGHT INTO A LAZ-Y-BOY CHAIR

Hawk continues his "fall" into a ridiculously huge
reclining chair.  The foot stand swooshes out with a
thump.  A HAND pulls away the canvas bag with a cackle.

INT. GATES APARTMENT--LATE NIGHT

Hawk's weirdly reclining viewpoint makes Gates and his
pad more grotesque than they are (No small feat.)
A sub-Radio Shack stereo coughs next to a scary punch
bowl of red, margarita-like substance, beneath the
instantly recognizable framed picture of Those Dogs
Playing Poker, all atop a Jungle Shag.

Gates, in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt-over-a-KEEP ON
TRUCKIN'-T-shirt, raises a loud tumbler with one hand,
the black canvas bag in the other.

		GATES
	Hudson Hawkins gets the chair of
	honor.  How about a Gates-arita?
		(toward bowl)
	I used real hot dogs.

		HAWK
	Weren't you the bartender at
	Jonestown?

Suddenly a light is turned on in the corner, revealing a
seated Cesar and Antony Mario, the latter taking a painful
Gatesirita sip.

		CESAR
	Good job, not pretty, but good.

		HAWK
	Ah, the mafia, the cops; do I know
	how to party or what?

Gates pulls out the horse and looks at it.

		GATES
	All this trouble for a horsey.
	I may not know art, but I know
	what I like.

		HAWK
		(to Dog picture)
	You certainly do.

		GATES
	So when's that Sebastian-Cabot-
	Buckingham-Palace-looking-
	Butlerhead getting here?

		ALFRED
	Any minute now, dear Mr. Gates.

A malevolently snobbish British Butler, ALFRED, enters in
distaste.  He makes a stressful glance to three VANITY
FAIRS on a coffeetable that has a photo of a MAGNETIC
HUSBAND-WIFE-DOG COMBO with the caption: MAYFLOWER POWER.
Hawk notices this.

		GATES
	Oh, sorry Jeeves.  Gates-arita?

		ALFRED
	I'll pass.  May I?

Alfred takes the equestrian model and with a jeweler's
loupe, studies it carefully.

		ALFRED
	Ah, such craftsmanship.  Leonardo
	Da Vinci's last commission for the
	Duke of Milan.  Irreplaceable.

		GATES
	Hey, Mr. French, I'm delirious
	for you.  Now where's my cut?

With dignity, Alfred SMASHES the ancient horse over
Gates's head.  Alfred rummages through the debris
REVEALING a perversely labyrinthine CRYSTAL PIECE.
(recognizable from Da Vinci's workshop).

		GATES
	You son-of-a......I don't believe
	this!  You come into my house!

Alfred pockets the goodies, but not before Hawk can give
them a confused peruse.

		GATES
	I ought to take Big Ben and shove
	it up your limey blimey bunghole!

A blade slides down Alfred's arm.  Half-yawning, he...

ALFRED'S 180 DEGREE POV

spins before Gates and the bystanders behind him.
THE BLADE goes back up Alfred's arm.

The room's only sound is the stereo's inappropriate
music.  Gates shrugs but his voice is off.

		GATES
	Like I said.  Where's my cu-u-...

Suddenly a line across Gates's neck turns red and blood
begins to gush like a tourist attraction.  Gates crashes
down upon the table holding the punch bowl and the stereo,
sending it to the ground, cutting off the music.  The Dog
Poker picture falls atop the carnage like a lid.

Blown away, Hawk tries to wiggle his way out of the
recliner.  Alfred pats some stain remover on the blood
on his shirt.

		ALFRED
	So much for his "cut."
		(post-chortle)
	Excuse my dry British humor.

		CESAR
		(rising)
	Lovely work, Alfred, taking the
	Concorde back?

		ALFRED
	Indeed I am, Mr. Mario.  I'm
	really racking up those frequent
	flyer points...

		HAWK
	I hate to interrrupt you two
	lovebirds...

		ANTONY
	You know, I think Gates promised
	Hawk a cut, too....

The Mario brothers cackle out.  Hawk tries to flail out
of his chair.  Alfred turns to him and flicks up his arm.
Hawk sees his life pass before his eyes until he realizes
Alfred is merely pulling him up off the chair.

		ALFRED
	Ta ta, Hudson Hawk.

		HAWK
		(breathless)
	Too-do-loo, babe.

INT. ALEX'S RESTAURANT--DAWN

Hawk bursts into the bar.  Alex sits on a stool, reading
the paper.

		ALEX
	Did I miss anything?

		HAWK
	Oh, not much.  Gates just had his
	tonsils taken out.  The hard way.

		ALEX
	Geez, Gates was killed.  Who do we
	send the thank you note to?

Hawk does a combat jump over the bar and begins to fiddle
with the cappuccino machine.

		HAWK
	The Butler did it.  Guy was a cross
	between Alistair Cook and a Cuisinart.
	Dude took Mr. Ed and humptied
	dumptied it over Gates's head.  He
	said it was made by, get this,
	Leonardo..

		ALEX
		(professorial)
	Ah yes, a rare Renaissance piece.
	Da Vinci's "Sforza," an equestrian
	model of a never executed statue.
	I consider it to be the prize of
	tonight's auction of objets
	d'equestrian.  Horse things.

The cappuccino machine sparks.  A perplexed Hawk takes
a couple extra seconds to back off.

		HAWK
	Okay, you got me, Mr. PBS.

		ALEX
		(holding up newspaper)
	Morning edition.  Seems two thieves
	"attempted" to steal it last night,
	but thanks to three "courageous"
	guards, it will be ready for tonight.

		HAWK
	"Attempted."  At-tempt-ted!  I'm
	not happy about having to steal
	that horse, but I do have my
	pride.  Face it, when it comes to
	burglary, and sex, I....

Hawk takes the newspaper.  There is a picture of the
Three Security Guards in a cheery pose behind the
"Sforza."  Hawk squints to see that Security Guards One
and Two are still wearing the thumbcuffs.

		HAWK
	Boing.  Uh, this I don t understand...

		ALEX
	Why try?

		HAWK
		(hurdling the bar)
	Because I'm tired of not
	understanding things.  Cops,
	Mafia, and butlers forcing me to
	bust my ass to steal something,
	which it turns out I really didn't
	steal--it's fucked up.

		ALEX
		(pulling back newspaper)
	You re not thinking of going to...

		HAWK
	Alex, my man, it's time to play a
	little offense.  Where's your tux?

INT. RUTHERFORD'S AUCTION HOUSE--NIGHT

Dressed in a not-quite-fitting but suave tuxedo, Hawk
enters the now well-lit auction house auditorium (chairs
all set out).  Bored WORKMEN in coveralls lug equestrian
items on to a podium from the familiar freight elevator.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	...fan-taas-tic example of
	Florentine marble... Who will start
	at 160,000...160,000......180,000.

Someone raises their paddle as Hawk passes beneath the
hanging horses and finds an aisle seat near the stage.
Hawk scans everyone in the room before coming to the one
seated next to him, AN ENCHANTINGLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

		HAWK
	All these years of attending auctions,
	I still get goosebumps.  The paintings,
	the sculptures....the things that
	aren't really paintings or sculptures...

		THE WOMAN
	.... the pretentious vultures who
	don't even look up from their
	calculators to see what they're
	buying.  Now that gives me
	goosebumps.  Auctions are
	disgusting.

		HAWK
	I couldn't agree more.  Savages.

The Woman laughs at his gear switch then catches herself.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Lot Fifteen, an equestrian sconce
	attributed to the Cellini school..

AUCTION ENTRANCE

Big Stan, the hefty guard from the heist, enters the area
wearing a blue ribbon.

AUCTION AREA

Big Stan is walking in back of the seated bidders:  An
oblivious Hawk in the foreground starts to scan VARIED
BIDDER-TYPES, raising their paddles to babble out dollar
figures; a GAUDY ROCK STAR and his GLOOMY-CHIC ENTOURAGE,
A KING FAROUK-TYPE with a BORED TEENAGE AMERICAN HOOKER,
and a scary NORDIC PRINCESS in a monocle and a tiara.

THREE STANDING ASSISTANTS frantically man a table of
phones set up down before the stage.  One raises his
arm.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Sold!  To the caller from
	Newfoundland.

A STYLISH FEMALE ASSISTANT takes out an impressive replica
of the "Sforza" from the safe behind the podium and brings
it to the Auctioneer.  The crowd a-a-hs... Hawk laughs
and shakes his head.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUTIONEER
	And finally, Lot number 17,
	thought to be lost in the war,
	and again last night, the Da
	Vinci "Sforza," the jewel of the
	sale.  Fan-taas-tic...

		HAWK
		(re: Auctioneer)
	Is looking like a constipated
	warthog a prerequisite to getting
	a job in the art world?

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	There have naturally been questions
	of its authenticity, so to verify
	we have Doctor Anna Baragli of the
	Vatican.  Doc?

		ANNA
		(rising, to Hawk)
	Some of us warthogs are more
	constipated than others.

Hawk uneasily laughs as Anna makes her way up the stage
and pulls out a large magnifying glass.  A look of
distress passes over her face.  Hawk closes his eyes in
anticipation.

		HAWK
	Oh, the shit is going to hit the
	fa--

		ANNA
		(suddenly serene)
	Fantastic.  Perfection.  The
	Vatican extends its jealousy to
	the lucky bidder.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	We'll begin the bidding at 82.5
	million dollars.  To you, sir.
	Eighty-three, Ninety--your bid,
	madame--Ninety point five.....

Hawk opens his eyes in confusion.  He scans Anna coming
off the stage, gliding toward the phone table.  Hawk
floats into the aisle, curling toward her as she picks
up a phone and murmurs into it.

		DARWIN MAYFLOWER
	lOO million clams, Francesco!

The crowd orgasms as Vanity Fair cover boy, DARWIN
MAYFLOWER works the aisle, playfully mussing up the
appreciative, tiaraed Princess's hair, giddily high-
fiving the Rock Star, and sloppily frenching the Hooker.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	100 million dollars to Mr. Darwin
	Mayflower.

Hawk turns to gaze at the enigmatically familiar figure.
Anna looks up from the phone to do the same.  She
swerves her attention to the back-turned Hawk.

Darwin moves to one of two reserved empty seats as his
wife, Minerva, makes her entrance par excellahnce.  She is
outrageously dressed with a mammoth Tiffany watch that
extends from her wrist down to, acting as a leash,
her obnoxious little dog, BUNNY.

		MINERVA
	Francesco, 100 million and one.

Darwin, to the crowd's delight, holds his struck heart.

		DARWIN
	Outbid by my own wench, quelle
	bummere.

		MINERVA
	Poor baby..... Here, Bunny.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Fan-taas-tic, the bid is at 100
	million and one dollars.

Commencing a slow motion sequence, Big Stan comes out
of the nearby office, zipping up his fly.  He immedi-
ately scopes Hawk in the space before the stage.

The Mayflowers lower themselves into their seats with
devoured canary smiles.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Go-ing!

Big Stan pulls out his gun, untheatrically, as not to
cause a scene.  Anna sees this and follows Big Stan's
eyeline to Hawk.

Hawk turns to re-pursue but stops dead at the sight of
the gloating Big Stan.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Go-ing!

Big Stan launches a gallop toward Hawk, who spins and
veers back round up the aisle.

The Mayflowers zero their sights on the activity.

		ECCENTRIC BALD AUCTIONEER
	Gone!

The gavel comes down in super slow-motion.

Anna's leg pokes out of the aisle, tripping the guard.

Hawk brakes at the end of the Mayflower's row and smiles
in relief, casually turning to Darwin and Minerva.

The gavel continues to come down in super slow-motion.

Both Darwin and Minerva Mayflower suddenly DUCK DOWN.

Smile vanishing, Hawk spins toward the stage.

The Gavel hits.

Breaking out of slow-motion into wide-angle, the entire
podium explodes sending debris, equestrian pieces, and
eccentric bald pieces searing into the screaming,
battered crowd.

Knocked off his feet, Hawk gropes into a standing
position.  He sees the Mayflowers make a smooth exit.
He starts to give chase until he sees a battered Anna
rising from the ground.

A hanging white Tri-Star Pegasus, cracks from the
damaged ceiling and swooshes down towards Anna.

Hawk bolts upon some auction chairs and makes a flying
leap.  He slams Anna out of the Pegasus's pulverizing
Path.  They weary up off the ground and move down the
aisle, calm in a storm of packed art patrons.

		ANNA
	My God, that was bold of you,
	you didn't have to do that...

		HAWK
	Forget about it--it was nothing--
	anybody would have done the same
	thing--It's an impulse...

		ANNA
	No, I meant you didn't have to
	tackle me and rip my dress.  A
	polite push, perhaps?  A clear
	shout of "watch out, Anna"
	would have done nicely...

		HAWK
	Excuse me, Milady.  I would have
	flown over and carried you up to
	a pink cloud, but I left my cape
	at the cleaners.

Anna touches Hawk's lips and laughs.

		ANNA
		("Hey, I was kidding")
	Thanks tough guy, thanks a lot.
	Why was the guard chasing you?

		HAWK
		(Serious answer?
		 Na-a-h?)
	Because Danger, Doc, is my middle...

Before Hawk can finish, a hanging horse out of nowhere
hammers him into the ground and the viewer into
darkness.

FADE IN:

INT. VAN-TYPE AMBULANCE--NIGHT

Hawk stirs into consciousness strapped on an elevated
gurney.

		HAWK
	Saint Pete, hey I know, the whole
	cat burglar thing, it sounds bad,
	but I'll take the worst cloud you
	got...

Hawk's eyes focus.  The Mario Brothers hover over him.

		CESAR
	News flash.  You're not in
	heaven.  Yet.  30 seconds and
	counting, if you know what I'm
	saying.  Couldn't just play along,
	could you...

EXT. THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE--NIGHT

The ambulance careens onto the Brooklyn Bridge.

INT. INSIDE THE AMBULANCE

Antony raises up a mammoth gun.

		HAWK
	Pretty class way of covering your
	tracks.  I think that auctioneer
	landed at La Guardia.

		ANTONY
	Subtlety was never one of our
	strong points.

		HAWK
	Neither's flossing.

A confused Antony touches his teeth with his gun hand.
Hawk escapes from one of his straps and launces a nearby
trayful of syringes into Antony's face where they ghoul-
ishly quiver.  Antony fires a wild shot, shattering the
partition.

FRONT SEAT OF THE AMBULANCE

The Scarfaced Bodyguard/Driver, now in paramedic white,
freaks at the starred windshield.

THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

The ambulance bumper-pools off some innocent cars.

INSIDE THE AMBULANCE

Hawk frantically tries to undo his other strap but a
howling Cesar, side-stepping his vibrating-on-the-floor
brother, latches onto the back of the gurney and wrenches
it backward.

OUTSIDE BACK OF AMBULANCE

The elevated gurney blasts out the back with a now
unstrapped but terrified Hawk whoa-a-ing atop it.

The gurney wheels hit the road, sparking.

A sheet from the gurney, caught on the door, yanks TAUGHT
--Hawk is "water skiing" on his stomach atop the elevated
gurney!

Screeching cars are weirded out by the new vehicle on the
road.

THE GURNEY

Battered by wind and fear, Hawk clutches to the gurney
and the sheet with a grit teeth stoneface.

The sheet is torn from the gurney sending it rocketing
off to the side on its own crazed volition.

Hawk skis toward a TOLL BOOTH WITH A LARGE GATE-ARM.

		HAWK
	Life don't get much better than
	this.

He then sees he's heading toward an EXACT CHANGE lane.

Whizzing wildly forward on the gurney, Hawk scrambles
into his pocket and wiggles out some change.  He fran-
tically winnows out some pennies and then maniacally
FLINGS the change from twenty feet away.

TOLL BOOTH

The change ker-chunks into the basket and Hawk and the
gurney JUST BARELY streak underneath the rising Gate-arm.

EXT. THE AMBULANCE

CRASHES through a gate-arm of another lane.  Hawk and the
still-wildly whooshing gurney cut it off.

FRONT SEAT OF THE AMBULANCE

Cesar pops his head through the partition.

		CESAR
	Make him into Roadkill!

Antony, seemingly oblivious to the syringes porcupined in
his skull, pokes his head next to Cesar's.

		ANTONY
	Yeah, run him down!

Cesar and the Bodyguard/Driver turn to Antony and scream,
then all three look out the windshield and scream.

THE AMBULANCE

jackknifes over a stopped car and somersaults into a
fiery ball.

In the foreground, Hawk's gurney coasts down

A PEACEFUL OFF-ROAD

Hawk, with an unchanged expression of pure white knuckle
fear, comes to a tranquil gurney-wheels-gently-squeaking
stop.

Lit by the flames of the ambulance crash, a sneering
young man in wire rim glasses emerges from the darkness,
carrying a steel suitcase.  He kneels before Hawk and
opens the suitcase revealing a complex computer appara-
tus.  He begins mumbling into a cellular phone.

A malevolent, SILENT DEADPAN WRAITH passes him and
approaches Hawk.  Both men are dressed in outfits that
seem to be a melange of fascist uniform and haute
couture.

On the fingers of one Wraith hand is carved the word
HATE.  On the other hand is the word FROG.  The Frog Hand
hands a befuddled Hawk a card.  It reads: MY NAME IS KIT
KAT AND THIS IS NOT A DREAM.

Hawk looks up with a "huh" expression as Kit Kat chops
his neck, knocking him off the gurney.

The sneering computer guy hangs up his phone and pulls
forward a small cattle prod from his apparatus.

		HAWK
	This is the worst night...

		SNICKERS
	When it rains, it pours.  Name's
	Snickers.  The plane leaves in 40.

Snickers zaps Hawk in the leg with his device.  Hawk a-
a-ghs into a kneeling position.  Snickers returns to his
suitcase and is passed by a PLEASANT YOUNG BLACK WOMAN in
the "outfit."

		ALMOND JOY
	Almond Joy.  I know, pretty silly.
	But it's better than when we first
	started out, our code names were
	Diseases.  You don't know what
	it's like being called Clymidia
	for a year.
		(walking off)
	Whoops, forgot....

She deftly kicks Hawk across the face.  Hawk angrily
bounds back up until he sees the BIGGEST MEMBER OF THE
GROUP Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum his way toward them.  Suddenly, the
Giant clumsily trips over Snickers' suitcase apparatus
and ram-collapses into Hawk and the gurney.  Laying atop
Hawk, Butterfinger goofily speaks...

		BUTTERFINGER
	My name's Butterfinger.

		HAWK
	No shit.

The mysterious group parts to reveal a much more mature
and cynically subdued man dressed in big lapels and a hat
that screams Old Time CIA.  His name will be GEORGE
KAPLAN.

		KAPLAN
	Don't you just hate kids...

		ALMOND JOY
	George, you promised.  No Old CIA/
	New CIA jokes...

		KAPLAN
	I call them the MTV.I.A.  Punks
	think Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea.
	They think the Cold War involves
	penguins and...

		HAWK
	Don't I know you...

		KAPLAN
	You just might.  I'm the guy who
	tricked you into robbing a
	government installation and then
	had you sent to prison for it.  At
	the time, I was bald with a beard,
	no moustache, and I had a different
	nose, so if you don't recognize me,
	I won't be offended.

		HAWK
	Bastard, you're going to need
	another nose!

Hawk explodes upward.  Everyone but cool Kaplan draws a
gun.

		HAWK
	But I'm not the type of guy to
	hold a grudge.

		KAPLAN
	I used you as a diversion.  while
	you were getting captured upstairs,
	I was shredding documents in the
	basement.  Deep down, I guess I
	was just jealous.  You were one
	incredible thief...

		HAWK
	To what do I owe the dishonor of a
	reunion, you centrally intelligent
	scumsicle.

As Kaplan converses, Snickers and Butterfinger bring out
a mammoth empty suitcase and open it behind Hawk.

		KAPLAN
	I Want to make things up to you.
	That's why I got you this gig,
	doll.  Hawk, my name's George
	Kaplan and to quote the late,
	great Karen Carpenter, "We've only
	just begun."

		HAWK
	Three minutes, twenty-three
	seconds.  If you think I'm doing
	another...

		KAPLAN
	Hush.  My employer wants a meeting.

		HAWK
	Employer?  The president?

		KAPLAN
	No, somebody powerful.  Oh.  Look.
	what's that up there?

		HAWK
	I'm supposed to fall for that?

		KAPLAN
	Shucks.  Guess not.

Kaplan savagely point-blank punches Hawk in the face,
knocking him out cold and into the mammoth suitcase.
Snickers slams it shut revealing a KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL
sticker.

INT. MYSTERIOUS BARE ROOM--DAY

Hawk slowly awakens on an exotic couch.  He has been put
in an aggressively fashionable Italian outfit.  He eyes
and touches his new duds with complete bafflement.  He
then stumbles into a standing position to, mouth gaping,
take in a wondrous 360 degree view of Rome, Italy as "O
Solo Mio" blares on the soundtrack.

		HAWK
	No.  Way.

Hawk's spinning view and the music on the soundtrack slam
to a halt as he zeroes in on the sight of Scary Butler
Alfred elegantly reaching the top of the staircase.

		ALFRED
	Welcome to Rome, sir.

		HAWK
	Yes way.

EXT. OUTSIDE INTERESTING BUILDING--DAY

Alfred opens the back door of an omnipotent, Mayflower-
logoed LIMOUSINE.  The car moves off as Hawk slides in...

INT. THE BACK SEAT OF THE MAX-TECH LIMOUSINE

facing Darwin Mayflower who is blustering into the
cellular.

While he talks, Darwin shakes Hawk's bewildered hand,
then holding up one finger in a "be with you in a sec"
facial move.

		DARWIN
	For those kind of wages, I could
	have built the factory in America!
	They're Vietnamese, can't we just
	give them more Bart Simpson shirts?
	I hear depressing news like this
	and I want to commit genocide!
		(slamming phone)
	Alfred, hold my calls.  So, Hawk!
	The Hawkster!  What do you think
	of the vehicle?

		HAWK
	You could host American Bandstand
	in here.  Why did you duck at the
	auction, asshole?

		DARWIN
	Because I didn't want to get hurt,
	taterhead.

A FAX MACHINE comes to life as Darwin babbles.

		DARWIN
	What can I tell you, I'm the
	villain.  Initially it was a
	priority to keep a lot of buffers
	between you and me, but since most
	of them are dead now, I thought
	what the heck.  Hawk, you come
	highly recommended.  I would have
	done some things differently at
	the auction house, but hey, I want
	to be in business with you.

Darwin scans the Fax message with annoyance, and then
shoves it into a violent paper shredder.

OUTSIDE THE LIMO SHREDDER

Shredded paper litters out of a vent on the outside door.

INSIDE THE LIMOUSINE

A simmering Hawk tries to explode but the phone rings.

		HAWK
	My life is not some deal.  I...

		ALFRED (O.S.)
	It's Boston, Mr. Mayflower.

		DARWIN
	I'm sorry, I have to take this.
	Those are valid points though...

Darwin picks up the phone and goes Mr. Hyde, while giving
Hawk "Can you believe this guy"-type gestures.

		DARWIN
	You better have a good excuse...
	You better have a better excuse!
	You are so weak!  I'm only
	thankful your ancestors didn't
	settle America or else my name
	would be Running Brave or Vomiting
	Antelope...Really.  Well, listen
	close, babe.

Darwin holds the phone over a 50 cent piece-size siren in
his armrest.  Darwin presses a button and a PIERCING
NOISE fills the car as it comes to a stop.

		DARWIN
	Shall we?

Darwin bolts out.  Hawk hangs back, waiting for Rod
Serling to explain things, then bolts out too.

EXT. E.U.R. DISTRICT BUILDING--DAY

Hawk and Darwin head up the steps of an overpowering
fascistly marble superstructure.  Alfred brings up the
rear.

		DARWIN
	So Hawkasaurus, I won't mince
	words...

		HAWK
	Whatever.  You own Boardwalk, you
	own Park Place, you own the four
	railroads.  You think you're God.
	For all I know, you're probably
	right.  I just wanted to have a
	damn cappuccino, maybe play some
	Nintendo after I find out what it
	is.  Man, why didn't you just buy
	the horse?  What am I saying, you
	did buy it...

		DARWIN
	Oh... Let's see.  There are
	organizations that think we wanted
	the "Sforza" for reasons other
	than putting it in the Da Vinci
	museum we're building in Vinci.
	Hopefully, these organizations
	think our plan has been ruined
	with the explosion of our replica.
	If I seem vague, grand.  We want a
	low profile on this, that's why I
	got Kaplan and the Candy bars
	involved.  I helped George help
	the Mario Brothers and Gates help
	get you out....

		HAWK
	If you're pausing for a "thank you,"
	give it up.  So boss, you going to
	tell me what the crystal piece
	inside the pony means?

		DARWIN
	Way to go, Alfie!  How many people
	did you break that thing in front
	of.   Good help's hard to find.

		HAWK
	I guess that's a no.

INT. MASSIVE CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY

A mind-blowingly pretentious painting of Darwin, Minerva,
and Bunny hangs above a mammoth M-shaped conference table.

Lying atop the table in heels, shades, and a heart-
stopping dark outfit is Minerva.  NASTY Metal riffs semi-
audibly spew from a headset she wears.

Surrounding the table is a VARIED GROUP OF OLD MONEY AND
NEW MONEY BOARD MEMBERS ranging from a nine year old
INDIAN PRINCE to a SWEET ELDERLY AMERICAN WOMAN.  They
converse to the person at their side in businesslike
tones, oblivious to Minerva.

		DARWIN
	Ladies and gentlemen of the board...

The board members go into tableau silence.  Minerva con-
tinues a brief sing-a-long before Darwin scolds...

		DARWIN
	And Min-er-va.  Let's give it up
	for Hudson Hawk.

The board applauds as Alfred pushes Hawk inside.

		MINERVA
	Hello......Bunny, Ball-Ball!

Minerva lobs a ball in the air.  Bunny, the annoying dog,
scurries beside Hawk to catch it.

Moving down toward the other end of the table, Hawk takes
in the surreal surroundings with battle fatigue.  He sees
ONE BOARD MEMBER take a luxurious sip of cappuccino.
Minerva paces up upon the table.

		DARWIN
	Hawkmeister, we got you clothes,
	great hotel, and a 250,000 lira
	per diem.

		MINERVA
	That's two hundred dollars a day?
	So he can get a hooker and some
	tequila.  Veto, Darwin.

		HAWK
	Guess I know who wears the penis
	in this family.

		MINERVA
		(jumping off table)
	For God's sake, chain this
	convict.

With a yawn, Alfred pulls out a pair of state-of-the-art
handcuffs.

		HAWK
	Alfred, you're a very polite
	psychopath, but if you...

Hawk kicks out at Alfred, who nimbly moves slightly and
gives a pummel to Hawk's body somersaulting him over the
edge of the table, into an empty seat.

The Board Members politely applaud.  Alfred pulls Hawk's
hands around his back and cuffs him.  Bunny intensely
sniffs his crotch.

		MINERVA
	We want Da Vinci's sketchbook,
	what do they call it, the Codex.

		DARWIN
	Listen Hawk, this might be hard to
	believe, but I'm a regular joe.  I
	just want to be happy and happiness
	comes from the achieving of goals.
	It's just when you make your first
	billion by the age of 19, it's
	hard to keep coming up with new
	ones.  But now finally I got my
	new goal.  World domination.  With
	your help...Bunny....quit that!

		MINERVA
	Bunny, ball-ball!  Bad bunny!

		HAWK
	Think he's already got today's
	ball-balls.  Five more minutes
	please, it's been so long...

Minerva yanks away the yelping dog.

		HAWK
	Anybody have a cigarette?  But
	seriously, do me a favor and
	Concorde me back to prison.  I
	don't care anymore.  I hope you
	have the receipts for the threads.

		MINERVA
	You go back, you won't be alone.
	You'll have a diabetic barkeep
	cellmate.  You're still young
	enough to have fun shanking child
	molesters for a pack of smokes,
	but "Alex" will go in knowing that
	the next time he gets out it'll be
	to attend his own funeral.
	Depressing.

		HAWK
	You wouldn't risk the dime to call
	the police.  You have no proof.

		DARWIN
	Ah, the magic word...

Alfred plants a slide machine on the table and Darwin
starts clicking gorgeous images of Hawk and Alex robbing
the auction house, on a bare wall.

The Board members gush.  The Elderly Woman gives a
thumbs-up.

		DARWIN
	It's veja du, Hawkhead.  Something
	you wish never happened.  We shot
	the entire operation with hidden
	cameras behind the hidden cameras.
	Hired the guy who did the last
	Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.
	Excellent work... whoops, damn
	Fotomat assholes...

A slide hits the wall of himself and Minerva kneeling in
Big Baby clothes with Alfred snarling over them, decked
out in leather.  He clicks ahead...

Hawk looks away and sees that the Board members have an
annual Report-type booklet in front of them that reads--
THE DA VINCI/ALCHEMY PROJECT.

Minerva leans over in front of him.

		MINERVA
	Tomorrow, you're going to hit a
	church.

				CUT TO:

EXT. A MASSIVE WIDE SHOT OF ST. PETER'S--DAY

The Vatican stands in its glory, mobbed by HUNDREDS OF
LOCALS AND SIGHTSEERS.  The viewer's viewpoint zeroes in
on the Mayflower limousine circling around it.

INT. THE LIMOUSINE

Hawk looks out from the back seat of the limousine
in stylish Italian sunglasses.

		HAWK
	I'm robbing the Vatican.  The nuns
	at St. Agnes predicted that I'd end
	up doing this...

Two identical Twin Flunkies sit across from him, grinning
stupidly.  Hawk pushes up his sunglasses with his middle
finger.

INT. VATICANESQUE MAP ROOM

Mentally casing the joint, Hawk gets some distance
between him and the flunkies as he enters into a room
that has a glorious, ancient Map of the World Mural.

INT. ANOTHER VATICAN ROOM

Hawk makes a scribble in a notepad before coming to a
Vatican guard, standing before a painting of a Pope
performing a Coronation.

		HAWK
		(half-hearted)
	Excuse me, I'm being blackmailed
	into robbing the Vatican by a
	psychotic American corporation
	along with a CIA...

		VATICAN GUARD
	"You're being".....uh, I don't,
	uh...

A jaded Hawk laughs and pats the cop on the back.

		HAWK
	Forget it, man.  Go tackle a
	jaywalker.

INT./EXT. CIRCULAR OPEN AIR HALLWAY

Hawk comes out onto a circular open-air hallway.  He
scans up to some rooftops and makes a note...until he
sees a line of International Phone Boothettes.  Checking
for Flunkies, he rips one up.

		HAWK
	Operator, I want to make a collect
	call to Alex Messina, New York....

The Flunkies drift into view.  Hawk hangs up and seethes
off.

INT. HALLWAY LEADING TO CODEX ROOM

Hawk saunters down a long resplendent hallway toward a
room at the end bustling with excitement.  Coming to the
mouth of the room, he looks to two gold framed mirrors on
either side of the opening, rubs his head, and scribbles.

INSIDE THE CODEX ROOM

Hawk takes in the majestic beauty, and practical details,
of the room--windows, statues, a Massive Ornate Lighting
Fixture--as he moves down one of the twin winding stair-
cases leading to a path of people behind velvet ropes and
the object of their gaze...

THE DA VINCI CODEX

--an old book enclosed in a glass case, propped open to
the familiar BEAUTIFUL DRAWING of a MAN inside a CIRCLE.

The case is located between two informational tablets
enclosed in glass columns.  Enter Holy Da Vinci theme.

		ANNA (V.O.)
	But it is his gift as an inventor
	who drew together science and art
	that is most incredible.

Hawk brightens to the return of Anna, carrying a portfolio
bag, striding down the stairs with a group of INVESTORS
AND FAMILIES.  She brightens back, giving him a quick
verbal breath and a hand squeeze.

		ANNA
	Tough guy.  What are you--How's
	your head.

		HAWK
		(vegetable)
	Yes, and my giraffe loves it, too...

She laughs, going into her public voice.

		ANNA
	As you know, the Da Vinci Codex,
	has lived in the Vatican for
	centuries and will continue to
	live here for centuries more.

		HAWK
		(under his breath)
	That's what you theenk.

		ANNA
	Question, sir?   His untiring pen
	predicted the airplane, the
	submarine, the bicycle, the
	helicopter, and even the tank.

A LITTLE BRAT trailing the group, moves next to Hawk,
bitching away to her STUFFED ELEPHANT, POKEY.

		LITTLE BRAT
	This is so bor-ing!  Do you hate
	Italy as much as I do, Pokey?
		(bad ventriloquism)
	Si, senor!  Italy sucks the big
	one!  why can't we go to the Epcot
	Center!

The Little Brat stops and lets Pokey the elephant dangle
from her side.  Hawk eyes the elephant strangely.

		ANNA
	These more dangerous designs
	inspired him to develop a secret
	code that ....

The stuffed elephant suddenly goes flying over Anna's
head.

The ALARM goes off.  The Massive Ornate Lighting Fixture
swoops down from the ceiling, inverting in air, and slams
down over the Codex, transformed into a makeshift cage.

Strange green gas comes billowing out of the vents.
Needless to say, everyone goes crazy.

Coughing gas, Hawk peeks to see that a line of light
sensor alarms imbedded in the tablets are what set the
alarm off.

Two GAS MASKS drop airlinesquely from the mouth of the
entranceway and TWO RACING-IN GUARDS wrangle them on.

The Little Brat sees that Pokey the stuffed elephant has
been beheaded by the cage/lamp.  She is pulled away and
spanked.

		LITTLE BRAT
	Pokey, come back!

Anna yanks a notetaking Hawk away as the gas blusters in
around him.  The Two Flunkies, eyes on Hawk, are hap-
lessly making their way up the opposite staircase.

		ANNA
	Come on, this stuff will knock you
	out.  Have you ever had the feeling
	you were being followed, Mr. Bond.

		HAWK
	Never, why do you ask?

Reaching the top of the stairs, just outside the door,
Anna briskly pulls Hawk into a PIECE OF WALL THAT IS
REALLY A DOOR.  The wall closes as the Flunkies come
flying out, baffled.

INT. CIRCULAR STAIRCASE

Hawk, mucho impressed, and Anna move down a tight, dark
circular staircase.

		HAWK
	Whoa.  Name's Hawkins, Eddie
	Hawkins.
	My nickname's Hudson Hawk, but don't
	call me Hudson, not even as a joke.
	The Nuns at St. Agnes called me
	that and they're the ones who
	helped make me what I am today.
	Not a compliment...

		ANNA
	Sure Hudson.  Are you going to
	tell me why you did that back there
	or are you going to blame it
	on Dumbo?

		HAWK
	Could you believe that crazy
	elephant?

Anna shakes her head as she opens a door into...

INT. A LITTLE UNDERGROUND SUBWAY--DAY

A four foot high mail train rumbles down the track of a
mini-underground station.  Workers latch onto mail bags.
Hawk and Anna emerge from a small door.

		HAWK
	Whoa, part 2.  Does it go to Times
	Square?

		ANNA
	Delivers up to ten at night.  The
	Pope has an obsession with his
	Easter Seals.  It's actually not
	that an unusual set-up.  The
	secret passageway on the other
	hand....

		HAWK
	The Vatican is made of constant
	mysteries meant to be enjoyed,
	not explained.

		ANNA
	Nice.  But right out of our
	brochure.

		HAWK
	Oh, you read that.

		ANNA
	Actually I wrote it.  It's a good
	sentence.  It can apply to people.

		HAWK
	You're not an unmysterious thang
	yourself.

		ANNA
	I don't steal stuffed elephants
	from little girls.
		(smoothing his
		 jacket)
	And I buy my own clothes.  My
	life's a little boring...

		HAWK
	God, I wish I could say the same
	thing.  What about having a nice,
	dull dinner with me tonight.
	Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes,
	Anecdotes about famous dead
	Italians....

		ANNA
	I'll bring my entire repertoire...

The Two Flunkies stumble into the station, looking
around.  Anna and Hawk crouch down.

		HAWK
	And I'll bring my entourage...

		ANNA
	Secret passageways don't mean as
	much as they used to.  There's
	a place two blocks east of here.
	Enzo's.  Say 10:30.

		HAWK
	Said.

Hawk and Anna peck each other with a smile.  He crawls
out an exit door.  As he leaves, Anna's smile disappears.
She pulls out a rosary and gives herself a self-scolding
bang on the head.  She then darts to a large crucifix
and looks up.

		ANNA
	Father, it's obvious.  He's up to
	something.

Suddenly a speaker in Jesus's mouth gently crackles.

		JESUS (Italian)
	Report downstairs at once.

		ANNA
	Yes, sir.

INT. CATACOMBLIKE AREA

A CARDINAL paces in an enigmatic Vatican area.  Anna
clacks up to him.

		CARDINAL
	Did he mention the Mayflowers?

		ANNA
	No, your Eminence.  I think he's
	going to steal the Codex, as
	early as next week.

		CARDINAL
	Attempt, you mean.  The vanity
	of this man, Hudson Hawk.  The
	Vatican has foiled the advances
	of Pirates and Terrorists.  We
	will not lie down for some
	schmuck from New Jersey.  Must
	you flirt with him so realistically?

		ANNA
	That's the best kind.  A wise
	woman once said "Polite
	conversation is rarely either."

		CARDINAL
		(chuckling)
	Let me be the one to quote
	Scripture.  ....As an agent of
	our organization, you are put in
	awkward situations.  Just
	remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil,
	evil man.

		ANNA
		(unconvinced)
	Yeah.  The big E.

EXT. NAVONA PIAZZA--DAY

The evil Hawk clumsily strides around a fountain, looking
off in all directions, soft-shoes past some sedate
painters and swings into...

INT. A BIG QUIRKY PHONE BOOTH

Hawk grabs up the phone and dials....

		HAWK
	Hello, operator.  I'd like to
	make a collect call to New York
	number...

The Mayflower limousine creeps to the edge of the piazza,
behind an oblivious Hawk.

		HAWK
	Thank you, operator, thank you.

Hawk turns, putting a finger in his ear.  Seeing the
limo, he FREAKS and balls himself into a corner.

		HAWK
	Come on, Alex, pick up, you
	Reindeer goat cheese-eating
	motherfucker.

INT. ALEX'S RESTAURANT--NIGHT

It is late night in New York.  A phone rings atop the
bar of Alex's restaurant with no one in sight.

INT. PIAZZA--DAY

Hawk pokes his head to see a Darwin and Minerva (holding
Bunny) emerge from the limousine.  As he turns his con-
centration back to the phone, ALEX HIMSELF flows out from
a building to cheerfully speak with Darwin and Minerva
and get licked by Bunny, before they all pile into the
limo.

		HAWK
	A-lex, A-lex, come on Alex.

Hawk slams down the phone and turns to see the limousine
pull off.

Hawk angrily bursts from the door and is painfully
CLOTHESLINED by agent Butterfinger, who is dressed as
a mailman.

Crumpled on the ground, Hawk kicks out with his foot,
into Butterfinger's stomach, doubling him. Hawk then
grabs him by the head and rams into the glass of the
booth.

Hawk rotates off for an escape...but the rest of the
CIA crew cuts him off holding barely concealed guns;
Snickers dressed as a maitre 'd, Almond Joy as a Bermuda
tourist, and Kaplan in his usual emsemble.  Kit Kat is
dressed exactly like Hawk, right down to a bloody lip.
Hawk gives him a double take.

		KAPLAN
	Hawk, Hawk, Hawk.  Enjoying
	Italy?  I always had a soft spot
	for Rome.  Did my first barehanded
	strangulation here.  Communist
	politician.

		HAWK
	Why George, you big softie...

		KAPLAN
	God, I miss communism.  The Red
	Threat.  People were scared, the
	Agency was respected, and I got
	laid every night.

A humiliated Butterfinger comes waddling out, holding
the phone.  Kaplan rolls his eyes.

		BUTTERFINGER
	Sorry, coach...

		KAPLAN
		(shaking his head)
	If his father wasn't the head of
	Shit, I hate this, the
	government's got me farmed out,
	working for the Mayflower
	corporation now, money beats
	politics.  War isn't Hell anymore,
	it's Dull.  Don't slaughter their
	men and rape their women, just
	steal their microchips.

		HAWK
	You know Kaplan, if you weren't
	the slimiest pinata of shit that
	ever lived, I'd feel sorry for
	you.

		SNICKERS
	Good news, bud, the Mayflowers
	have moved up the time-table.
	You're hitting the Vatican to-night.

		HAWK
	Tonight?  You're whacked.  The
	timing's off, I'm underequipped
	Damnit, I have a date!

Almond Joy smoothly extracts Hawk's notebook and reads...

		ALMOND JOY
	Grapple, Biker's bottle, hairspray,
	black turtleneck, Pocket
	Fisherman, acid, collapsible
	yardstick, softball, and 72 stamps.
	Gee Stud, this is going to be
	some date.  No Harvey's Bristol
	Cream?

		KAPLAN
	Snickers, make the list happen.
	Oh and it's one thing to play
	hide and seek with the Mayflower's
	pathetic staff, but we're sore
	losers.  I've put jumper cables
	on the nipples of children and
	not always in the line of duty.

		HAWK
	Thanks for sharing.

		KAPLAN
	We blow up space shuttles for
	breakfast.  You and your friend
	Alex would be a late afternoon
	Triscuit.

		HAWK
	If you do anything to my friend...

		KAPLAN
	Yeah, right.  By the way, as long
	as I'm getting things off my
	chest, I'm the one who killed your
	little monkey.  Made it look like
	a Mafia hit.  Did it for fun.
	Ciao.

Kaplan and the crew quickly disperse in different
directions as Hawk howls in frustration.  Kit Kat moves
behind Hawk and perfectly mimics him.

		HAWK
	What did you have against Little
	Eddie, motherfucker?  He was just
	a monkey who liked to laugh.
	Come back without your yuppie
	army.  I'll triscuit you, you
	space shuttle eating...Shit.!

Without looking, Hawk elbows the mimic Kit Kat in the
face.  Kit Kat gives Hawk a strange smile and hands him
a card that reads:  BEWARE THE ODD STEPS.

Hawk looks up from the card.  Kit Kat is gone, but
Butterfinger scampers in his place.

		BUTTERFINGER
	Hey, Mr. Hawk, I got those 72
	stamps!

Sighing, Hawk takes the huge sheath of stamps.

EXT. INDOOR TRAIN TRACK

One of the small Vatican mail trains bullets across an
indoor track.  The viewer's viewpoint whooshes to catch
up, focusing on a very large package, addressed to the
Pope, that has Hawk's sheath of stamps slapped onto it.
The train zips into a tunnel.

INT. THE VATICAN UNDERGROUND SUBWAY

The train rumbles into the Vatican mini-station.  TWO
HARRIED WORKERS heave up the strange cargo onto a sorting
table.

A bell rings as a clock hits 10.  The workers do a sigh
of relief.  Shucking off their uniforms, they head out.

A hand rips out of the huge package.

INT. OUTSIDE THE CODEX ROOM--NIGHT

Hawk pops out of the secret passageway door and moves to
the mouth of the doorless Codex room.  He pauses to
hand-comb his hair in the two large, framed mirrors at
the sides.

THE CODEX ROOM

Carrying the now frameless mirrors in each hand, Hawk
hustles to the top of the steps and suddenly stops.

		HAWK
	"Beware the Odd Steps."

Hawk crouches down and notices the step below him has a
clear magnetic tape running across it to a dime sized
alarm button.

		HAWK
	Why Kit Kat, aren't you a
	gentleman...

Hawk bounds down every other one of the steps down to
where the Codex is bathed in a holy light.

He hefts up the two now frameless mirrors and puts them
each in a groove of a collapsible yardstick running
across the top.  The parallel mirrors now face out from
each other.  Hawk sprays a blast of Clairol to reveal the
light sensor beams, and then with a deep breath, he
thrusts the mirrors into the beams.

The light bounces harmlessly off the mirrors and Hawk
exhales.  He balances the connected mirrors then crawls
through his tent-like passageway.

Hawk squirts acid from a biker's bottle on the cracks of
the rectangular glass case that holds the Codex.  The
acid sizzles.

INT. VATICAN LIBRARY HALLWAY--NIGHT

A BURLY GUARD thoughtfully stares at a painting, fingers
propping his chin like an critic then continues ambling
on.

THE CODEX ROOM

Rubbing his head, Hawk gives an excited smile as the glass
cracks of the rectangular case loosen.  Hawk pulls out a
pocket fisherman....

The viewer's viewpoint moves upward to reveal, through
the mouth of the room, the Burly Guard is coming down
the hall.

OUTSIDE THE CODEX ROOM

Burly Guard approaches the outskirts of the Codex room.
He combs his hair into the piece of wall in the now
empty mirror-frame then REALIZES.

Muttering Italian into his walkie-talkie, Burly Guard
rushes into the room and looks down to the sensor
deflecting mirrors.

He passes a statue, behind which, Hawk is revealed to
be standing.

Burly Guard approaches the Codex and sees the dripping
acid.  He also notices a fishing hook attached to the
binding of the Codex.  The fishing wire leads out of
the glass case.  The Guard reaches to touch it when
suddenly the wire is pulled tightly upward by a
moving-out-from-behind-the-statue Hawk.

The Codex FLIES off its perch, setting off the ALARM and
sending the bizarre cage/lamp CRASHING DOWN and AROUND
the hapless Burly Guard.  The green gas commences its
noxious billowing as the Codex swooshes into Hawk's
hands.  He then hurls a softball, smashing a window
on the other side of the room.

The familiar Vatican Guard and a Guard Three barrel
down into the mouth of the codex room.  Only one
Gas Mask drops from the doorway.  The Vatican Guard
pulls it on and gives a "That's Life" shrug of
shoulders to the fainting Guard three.

Hawk puts on the missing gas mask and launches a grapple
around the ceiling cord of the dropped Ornate Lighting
Fixture.  Hawk then Tarzans from one staircase to
another.  He then ungrapples and heads toward the
shattered window.

The Vatican Guard waits a stunned moment before giving
chase.

EXT. THE ROOF

Hawk flings off his gas mask and begins a classical
skipping-across-the-rooftop jaunt.  Suddenly a brick
on the slightly slanted roof gives way and Hawk FALLS.
His canvas bag goes skipping down across the roof,
landing against the antennae.

INT. THE POPE'S BEDROOM

A T.V. showing Mr. Ed. speaking to Wilbur in Italian
goes fuzzy.  THE POPE, wearing his famous hat and a Notre
Dame bathrobe angrily bangs on it.

EXT. THE ROOF

Hawk harvests his grapple on the level part of the roof
and slides down toward the dangling-off-the-antennae bag.

The Vatican Guard pops out of the window and fires a
warning shot.

Hawk stretches to the bag.  His fingers touch as the
Guard continues to bound forward.

		HAWK
	Please God, Please God.......let
	the guard shoot me.

Hawk pulls up the bag and turns himself to see Vatican
Guard hovering over him on the roof.

		VATICAN GUARD
	The worm's on the other foot,
	yankee noodle candy.

Hawk sees the Vatican Guard's foot move toward the
grapple.  Hawk ferociously tugs, ripping the Guard
off-balance and knocking down a side of the roof.

EXT. TOP OF A NEARBY WALL

Hawk dashes atop a nearby wall and hurls his grapple
across a road around a tree branch.  Hawk ties the end of
grapple line, tosses on a friction belt, takes a breath
and JUMPS OFF THE WALL.  The viewer follows him on his
breathtaking ride.

The brused Vatican Guard flops back atop the roof.  He
gets off a wild shot before crumpling back down.

HAWK

is alnost to the other side when the Guard's bullet hits
the friction belt.  Hawk drops with a wild scream...
and lands with a painful straddle atop a street lamppost.
His eyes bug out with the thought of a life without
children.  He slowly spins off the lamppost and sails
down upon...

EXT. A BUS

and the comfortable luggage housed on top of it.  Hawk
tries to maintain his balance upon the wobbling
baggage, but the bus makes a quick turn and Hawk goes
flying off...

EXT. RIGHT INTO A CAFE CHAIR--NIGHT

Panting and discombobulated, Hawk looks across the table
to the female hands holding open a menu.  The menu comes
down.  It is Anna.  Hawk unpretzels and laps his canvas
bag.

		ANNA
	Oh Hudson, I was worried you
	weren't going to drop by....

		HAWK
	I never break a date.  Scout's
	honor.

Hawk does the honor sign with his black gloved hand
then quickly rips it off as a WAITER comes to the
table.

		HAWK
	Fettucini con Funghi Porcini.

		WAITER
	Bellissimo, signor.

		HAWK
	Oh, and could I have some ketchup
	with that.

Anna hits her forehead with the palm of her hand while
the waiter's entire body sinks in disappointment.  Other
TABLE OCCUPANTS sadly shake their heads.

EXT. ANOTHER TABLE--NIGHT

At a comfortable distance curled behind a heat lamp,
Snickers is being an Uglier American to an UNCOMPREHENDING
WAITER, while Almond Joy chuckles and Butterfinger spreads
butter over an entire baguette.

		SNICKERS
	Come on, Pierre, Steak-bur-ger,
	Fren-n-ch Fries.  This is France,
	you gotta have French.....

		ALMOND JOY
	Actually we're in Italy, Snickers,
	she said as if it made a difference.

The Waiter sneaks off.  Butterfinger devours his bread.

		SNICKERS
	Italy, France, Moscow.  They all
	just wanna be Nebraska.  Old Man
	Kaplan thinks since Communism is
	dead, we got nothing to do.  Man,
	Democracy isn't free elections.
	We gotta teach the world that
	Democracy is Big Tits, College
	Football on Saturdays, Eddie
	Murphy saying the word "Fuck"
	and Kids putting their hands down
	garbage disposals on "America's
	Funniest Home Videos."

		ALMOND JOY
	Damn baby, when's the last time
	you had a vacation...Jesus, I
	gotta get out of this job.  If
	my Mom knew her daughter
	assassinated the leader of the
	anti-Apartheid movement....

		SNICKERS
	Quit bitching, you got the
	employee of the month plaque for
	that shit...Ah to be in Pari-is
	and in love.

They look off to....

HAWK AND ANNA'S TABLE

Physically sarcastic, the Waiter brings a tall wine
basket with a bottle of ketchup in it.  Hawk nabs it.

		HAWK
	This is bueno.  They had the worst
	ketchup in prison.....uh...

		ANNA
	Prison?

		HAWK
	I was the Warden?

		ANNA
	How long were you in?

		HAWK
	Let's just say, I never saw E.T.

		ANNA
	Wow, you were "in the joint."
	"Doing hard time."  It's funny,
	but that excites me.  I seem to
	have a thing for sinners.

		HAWK
	I seem to have a thing for sinning.
	sinning.  Check please....

		WAITER
	Ah, anything for dessert?

		ANNA
		(she shoots)
	Yes.  Something to go.

		HAWK
		(she scores)
	I'll bring the ketchup.

  INT. ANNA'S HOUSE--NIGHT

  The viewer's viewpoint pulls back, past the black canvas
  bag on a table, to reveal a barefoot Anna is straddling
  a bare-backed Hawk, demurely and tentatively studying his
  bruises.

		ANNA
	What have you been doing?

		HAWK
	Uh....old badminton injury.

Anna giggles and bends to kiss a bruise.  She stops
herself and opts for tickling.

		HAWK
	tickles, ticKleS, TICKLES.

		ANNA
		(not stopping)
	Oh, I'm so sorry...

Roaring with laughter, they capsize onto the floor.
Hawk slithers around to devour her toes.  Anna closes
her eyes and arches her back.....

She opens her eyes and sees a large crucifix staring
right at her.  With a gasp, she rolls away from Hawk
and stands up, trying to brush off her sins.

		ANNA
	I'm sorry.  I can't.  I....

		HAWK
		(softly approaching)
	Hey now, outside of a very
	friendly dog this morning, it's
	been a slow decade.  I don't make
	love every ten years, I get a
	little cranky.

		ANNA
	It's also been a long time for
	me.  I--

Their heads fuse for a semi-classic screen kiss until
THE CRUCIFIX LIGHTS UP AND BEGINS SHOUTING IN ITALIAN.

		HAWK
	Catholic girls are scary...

		     ANNA
	Somebody robbed the Vatican.

		     HAWK
	Oh.  No.

Anna slides on her shoes and makes a hasty retreat.
She bumps into the canvas bag.  The Codex slides out.
They both catch it in mid-air.  Anna's eyes pop.  She
wrenches the Codex away and kicks.  Hawk pulls her into
a compassionate back-against-his-stomach hug.  The Codex
falls to the floor unharmed.

		HAWK
	It's not what you think.  Okay,
	maybe it is....

		ANNA
	You really went and did it.  With
	one day, not even a day, of
	planning, you did it.  Nobody
	does it better, Hudson.  You
	started the week stealing the
	Sforza and you ended it swiping
	the Codex.

		HAWK
	Wha--

		ANNA
	What are your plans for the
	weekend?  Hoisting away the
	Colosseum?  Tell me, did the
	devil make you do it or did
	Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?

EXT. A CAR OUTSIDE OF ANNA'S PLACE--NIGHT

Crammed together in the front seat, Snickers, Almond
Joy, and Butterfinger are watching the shadows of
Hawk and Anna up in the window.  Snickers snaps a
cartridge into a gun while Butterfinger attacks a
goo-ey pastry.

		 SNICKERS
	What's going on in there?

		 BUTTERFINGER
	Do you want me to rape them?
		(throwing pastry down)
	Dunkin does it better.

		 SNICKERS
	Just read, Butterfinger.

Butterfinger pulls up the book on Da Vinci that Anna
wrote and starts reading like a schoolboy.

		BUTTERFINGER
	"Da Vinci had fears about his
	more dangerous designs, so he
	created a shorthand code in
	reverse script..."

		ALMOND JOY
	To yourself!.....What are they
	doing?  In twenty seconds, we go
	in.

INT. ANNA'S PLACE

Foam shoots out over the coffee.  Hawk smiles down at
it as Anna works a cappuccino machine.

		ANNA
	For two years, I've been tracking
	the Mayflowers' peculiar interest
	in three Da Vinci pieces.  Their
	Sforza replica was as fake as
	the "gas leak" that supposedly
	destroyed it.

		HAWK
	Does everyone in the world know
	more than me?  Jesus, I'm just
	some guy who happens to be good
	at swiping stuff.....Lifted a
	piece of licorice when I was one
	and a half.  Who knew it would
	lead... They even got the CIA
	involved!

		ANNA
	The C.I. what?  God, no...

		HAWK
		(raising his cup)
	Ooh, I guess I do know something
	Here's looking at you, kid...

THE CAR OUTSIDE

The agents burst from the car, guns raised.

		ALMOND JOY
	Now.

ANNA'S HOUSE

Hawk sips the cappuccino.  His face immediately contracts.

		HAWK
	This doesn't taste like
	cappuccino.

		ANNA
	Oh, I must have put too much
	ethyl-chloride in it.

Anna throws a pillow on the ground and holds out her
hand.  Hawk collapses.  His coffee cup lands perfectly in
Anna's outstretched hand and his head lands perfectly
on the pillow.

The candy bars bash the door open, guns raised.

		ANNA
	Why didn't you tell me at the
	restaurant that he had hit the
	Vatican tonight.  My people will
	not be happy.  I want to see Kaplan.

		ALMOND JOY
	That's not overly possible.  He...

		BUTTERFINGER
	But guys, remember, he's in the
	castle at Vinci....

Snickers and Almond Joy grimace into fake smiles.

EXT. THE CASTLE--NIGHT

A helicopter thunders up to the awesome castle from the
opening Da Vinci sequence.

INT. HELICOPTER

Anna pets the head of Hawk on her lap.  She is pondering.

INT. A MYSTERIOUS DARK ROOM--NIGHT

A sparse circle of light houses a chair and a pacing
Kaplan.

Snickers and Butterfinger flop Hawk onto the lit chair.

Kit Kat is dressed exactly like Anna.  She reacts as she
comes into the light.  Kaplan takes the Codex from her.

		KAPLAN
	Way to go, Anna.

		ANNA
	When the Mayflowers find out we
	have the Codex, they're going to
	want to make a deal...

		KAPLAN
		(gung-ho lying)
	And then we'll arrest those
	greedy pigs... Is that it?

Hawk stirs.  The viewer gets his woozy P.O.V.

		ANNA
	Actually George, it's not it.
	What are we doing in this castle?
	I happen to know the Mayflowers
	bought this castle last year when
	they found out Da Vinci used to
	do...

The lights in the room come on to the sound of holy Da
Vinci theme, revealing an almost perfect refurbishing of
the exact same workshop Da Vinci toiled in in the
opening.

		KAPLAN
		(trying to be solemn)
	It's the site of their new museum
	and we're taking it over.  Operation
	Deflower Mayflower is going full
	speed ahead.

		ANNA
		(taking it in)
	Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is
	that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins,
	had some "neat" things to say about
	Darwin, Minerva, and you.
	Basically that you're part of the
	same car pool.

		KAPLAN
	Anna.  Anna.  Anna.  If that were
	true, Almond Joy would have
	handed you your heart right
	after you handed me the Codex.
	Now, get some sleep.  Kit Kat...

Kit Kat in drag spookily moves inches away from Anna.

		 ANNA
	Cat got his tongue?

		 KAPLAN
	Actually he never told us what it
	was.

Kit Kat smiles, revealing the fact he has no tongue.

		ANNA
	How sweet.  I trust you will see
	Hudson Hawk is given to the proper
	authorities.  I recommend
	leniency...

		SNICKERS
		(holding in a laugh)
	Oh, I think we all do.

Hawk gives her a look of honesty and pain that causes
Anna to guiltily gulp as she heads out with the mimicking
Kit Kat.

		SNICKERS
	Do you think she has any idea that
	Operation Deflower Mayflower is as
	bogus as Kit Kat's tits?

		KAPLAN
	I don't think so, although bringing
	her to the castle gave her a big,
	juicy hint.

		ALMOND JOY
	With all due respect to that great
	blouse, why didn't I cut out her
	heart?

		KAPLAN
	Close call, but she's our only way
	of keeping tabs on that damn
	mysterious Vatican organization.
	Hawk, it's time to go to the
	principal's office....

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CASTLE--NIGHT

Moving into the chopper, Anna glimpses, Bunny, the
obnoxious dog, in a Mayflower logo dog tag, taking a leak
on some bushes.  She fakes a yawn to the like dressed Kit
Kat who fakes one back.

INT. THE G. MACHINE ROOM--NIGHT

Kaplan, Hawk, and the other agents march into the mammoth
room of the opening scene.  In the place of where one
remembers the gold machine are undulating sheets, beneath
which are unassembled parts of the machine.

Inside, a ball goes whizzing out of a tennis ball
machine.  In tennis gear and goggles, Darwin Mayflower
thwacks it against the wall of (now faded) frescos.

Also in tennis threads, Minerva is laying on a chaise
lounge holding a gadget in her hand.

		DARWIN
	Seven!

Minerva turns the gadget up to SEVEN and presses a
button.  Another tennis ball shoots out, a little faster.
Darwin batters it.  The ball ricochets into the forehead
of an "amused" Alfred who is retrieving balls in sweat
pants.

		ALFRED
	Jolly.  Good.  Shot.  Sir.

		MINERVA
	Ooh, it's Hudson Hawk, you cease
	to amaze me, convict.  You are a
	terrible cat burglar!

		DARWIN
	Haven't you ever seen, like David
	Niven?  You know tiptoe in, tiptoe
	out.

		MINERVA
	Like a "cat", one could say.

		HAWK
	Shucks, I'll just take it back.

Hawk reaches for the Codex.  Kaplan pulls it over to
Darwin, who pulls up his goggles and fondles the ancient
binding.  Taking a knife from Kaplan, he begins to slit
it open.

		MINERVA
		(bouncing up)
	No, let me!

		DARWIN
		(pout)
	I don't care.

Hawk looks away to the billowing sheets and the strange
machine parts behind them.

Minerva slits the bindings and tugs out another geometri-
cally perverted crystal.

		HAWK
	Another piece of the puzzle for
	the Da Vinci Alchemy project.

Kaplan, Darwin, and Minerva look up to Hawk, then to each
other, all start to speak, then all stop.

This quandary is deferred by the entrance of the twin
Flunkies.

		DARWIN
	Oh, you.  There's nothing more I
	hate than failure.  All you had to
	do was follow the Hawk, it's not
	like I said "Teach our nation's
	children how to read."

Hawk uses the distraction to amble toward the sheets.

		DARWIN
	I guess we're just going to have
	to kill 'em...

Shockingly swift, Minerva pulls a small gun from beneath
her tennis dress and blasts a burning hole between each
set of Flunky eyes, splattering them to the ground.

		DARWIN
	God Minerva, I was kidding.

A SHOCKED HAWK

quickly turns from the blithe carnage and pulls up a
sheet.  He reveals the familiar Gold Machine Demonhead.

THE MAYFLOWERS

reverberate off each other with laughter.  Bloodstained,
Kaplan and Almond Joy exchange an eye bulge.  Minerva's
smile disappears as she sees Hawk by the sheets.

		MINERVA
	Get away from there, convict!

		HAWK
	Just browsing.  Don't touch me....

Snickers touches him.  Hawk smashes him in the jaw.
Snickers rears back to reciprocate....

		DARWIN
	Don't hurt him!  We need him for
	the final job!

Snickers stops himself, snarling in frustration.  Hawk is
suddenly the happiest man he's been in Italy.

		HAWK
	Oh weeeeelly, don't hurt me?  Even
	if I do this....

Hawk pulls Snickers' glasses off and stamps them.

		HAWK
	And this....

Hawk knees Butterfinger in the stomach.

		HAWK
	Surely this must offend....

Hawk body-block-dominoes Butterfinger and Snickers to the
ground.  Kaplan and Almond Joy aim their guns.

		KAPLAN
	That's it!

Playfully lifting his shirt, Hawk grabs Minerva and
manually swivels her hips to the beat of his.

		HAWK
	Things are getting a little loose
	at the Da Vinci workshop tonight.
	"Put your left leg in, take your
	right foot out."  May I call you
	Minnie....

Hawk mambos to Alfred who rifles his blade up to Hawk's
crotch.  Hawk stops dancing.

		DARWIN
	Come to think of it there is a part
	of your body that you won't need for
	your next job...

		HAWK
	Hey, guys, I've always wanted to sing
	like Franki Valli and the other seasons,
	but come on....

Alfred moves the blade a little upward.  Hawk a-a-ghs.

		MINERVA
	Big girls don't cry-I-eye.

		HAWK
	Two minutes, 35 seconds.  Damnit,
	I'm involved in this thing, so I
	just wanna know what this thing is.
	I wanna be treated as an adult.

		DARWIN
	That's fair.  Tomorrow.  Back in
	Rome.  Now go to your room.

Alfred strategically Vulcans Hawk on the neck.  He falls.

INT. DARK CONFESSION BOOTH--MORNING

The lips of Anna come into light.

		ANNA
	Forgive me Father for I have
	sinned.  It's been 1200 hours
	since my last confession.

INT. THE CARDINAL'S SIDE OF THE CONFESSION BOOTH

The cardinal suppresses a yawn.

		CARDINAL
	Hit me with your best shot.

		ANNA (O.S.)
	I betrayed a man.  A good man.  An
	innocent man.  A thief.

		CARDINAL
	Anna, what are you trying to say...

ANNA'S DARKENED LIPS

		ANNA
	He came into a world where crime
	is a legitimate business tactic
	and a legitimate government
	procedure.  But he knew Right and
	Wrong.  Oh, and we kind of messed
	around...

THE CARDINAL

freaks and goes into some Italian gibberish before...

		CARDINAL
	"Messed around" messed around?  I
	know-- I don't want to know.  First
	base?  Second Base?  Stop me when
	I'm getting warm...

		ANNA (O.S.)
	A little petting is not the issue!

		CARDINAL
	Sorry.  Seventeen Hail Marys and
	five minutes outside.

INT. OUTSIDE THE CONFESSION BOOTH--MORNING

The Cardinal emerges and stands by Anna's confessional
curtains.

		CARDINAL
	So let me get this straight,
	sister, you're saying Hudson Hawk
	is not willingly working for the
	Mayflowers but Kaplan and the
	Candy Bars are?

Anna moves out of the confessional curtains, wearing a
FULL NUN HABIT for she is a Nun.  The gaspingly beautiful
church unfolds as they walk.

		ANNA
	You got it.  Operation Deflower
	Mayflower is a bad joke and I'm the
	punchline.  I thought we were using
	the CIA to help us to get Mayflower,
	but really the CIA was using me to
	keep us away from Mayflower.

		CARDINAL
	Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal
	in charge of catering.... If the
	Mayflowers get the three sections
	of Da Vinci's crystal and his
	instructions for the gold machine--
	Aie-yi--Do we got anything?  What of
	Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his
	loyalty?

		ANNA
	I'm going to find out.

		CARDINAL
	I'm sorry for losing it back there,
	but you must remember, sister, you
	have vows to God as well as a mission
	to the world.

		ANNA
	I know, I know, your Eminence, just say
	"God go with me."

		CARDINAL
	God go with you, sister.

Anna puts on the coolest pair of sunglasses, deliciously
contrasting with her habit.  She moves off....

INT. ROME CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY

Beneath the wacky portrait, Darwin circles the board-
member filled conference table as Minerva smooches Bunny.
Everyone watches Alfred place a bar of Gold and of Lead
in the hands of a blindfolded Hawk at the middle of the M.

		DARWIN
	So, Captain Hawk, in one of your
	paws you got a gold bar worth
	about 8 thou.  In the autre, you
	got lead that won't get you
	gelato.

		MINERVA
	Surely a master-thief like you can
	tell the difference.

		HAWK
		("What's my Line")
	That's two down to Kitty
	Carlisle...

Hawk "weighs" the two bars in his hands--digs with his
fingernails.  He rips off the blindfold in subdued
frustration.  As Minerva speaks, she unconsciously
molests Alfred.

		MINERVA
	Cool, isn't it?  Weight, feel,
	mal1eability, they're all but
	identical.  On the periodic chart
	of elements, they're but one
	proton apart.  Great minds worked
	for centuries to turn worthless
	into priceless.

		HAWK
	Alchemy.

		DARWIN
		(casually goosing Alfred)
	Alchemy!  Is the business term of
	the 90's, my man!  Minerva read
	about it in an airline magazine
	about four years ago.  I dumped
	some lira into research... Shazam,
	we come across a diary by one of
	Da Vinci's apprentices detailing
	La Machine de Oro, the gold machine
	for those at home, and the rest is
	about to become history.  Money
	isn't everything, gold is.  Fuck
	blue chip stocks!  Fuck T-bills!
	Fuck Junk Bonds!  I got the real
	deal!  Money will always be paper
	but gold will always be gold!

		MINERVA
	Market crashes.  Bomb drops.
	Greenhouse effect affects.  We'll
	still be the richest, most powerful
	people in the world.  In 1992,
	Europe is coming together to become
	one business superpower.  It's one
	party we'd love to poop.

		DARWIN
	Well, that said, the last
	ingredient in the recipe is in, get
	this, you're gonna die, the Kremlin.

		 HAWK
	Sure.  The Kremlin.  Makes sense.
	The Kremlin.  Why not?  Listen,
	this is all too Indiana Jones and
	the Lost City of King Tut for me,
	man.  Throw me in jail and go ahead,
	just try and throw Alex...

		MINERVA
	Jail, you asshole!  Our foot
	soldiers will blow your brains
	out!  Bunny, Ball-Ball!

Minerva angrily throws the dog off her lap and whips a
tennis ball into its mouth.

		DARWIN
	I'll torture you so slowly you'll
	think it's a career!  I'll kill
	your family, your friends, and the
	bitch you took to the Prom!

		HAWK
	You want an address on that last
	one?

Bunny barks up at Hawk in anger.

		HAWK
	Bunny, not you too?

		 MINERVA
	You've got a dilemma, tiger.  I
	think I know what's going to help
	you solve it.

Alfred quickly latches on the state-of-the-art handcuffs
and the blindfold.  The viewer's viewpoint stays on a
writhing Hawk.

		 HAWK
	I'll kill all you.  Even the old
	lady.


Hawk kicks back on the table, "jump ropes" the cuffs,
then picks the lock with his teeth.  Hawk rips off the
blindfold to see that the entire room is empty except
for Alex, standing at the other end, in an incongruous
Italian leather coat.

		ALEX
	I hated cigarettes until I saw my
	first No Smoking sign.  Keep off
	the Grass?  Let's play Soccer.
	Only law I cared about was
	friendship.  Broke that one too,
	didn't I?  This Gates-Mario
	Brothers-CIA-Mayflower-Da Vinci
	thing seemed like a sweet deal.
	Visit foreign lands, take their
	treasures.  I don't know, I thought
	you'd get into it.  It's better
	than playing darts with M.B.A.'s at
	the bar.  I didn't know it was
	going to be like this.  Them using
	me to use you... I'm sorry, there's
	only one way out of this and it's
	gonna hurt me more than it's gonna
	hurt you.

Alex pulls out a gun from his jacket and clicks it in.

EXT. FAMILIAR PIAZZA--DAY

The piazza from the fascist E.U.R. building are bustling
with office workers laughing, smoking, and hustling.
Darwin, Minerva and Kaplan are a solid troika in the
center of the steps.  The other agents stroll in the
periphery....

		 KAPLAN
	I just don't think it was a
	smoking hot idea to leave them up
	there alone.

		MINERVA
	Don't worry George, this is the
	reason we put the old diabetic
	guinea on the payroll to begin
	with.  To keep Hawk in line.
	They'll talk about "being buddies"
	and "chugging brewskis."

		DARWIN
		(raising glass)
	You gotta love male bonding.

As Darwin slaps Kaplan on the back, behind them, Hawk and
Alex come crashing out of the windowed doors of the building.

		 KAPLAN
	You were saying...

Moving to the edge of the stairs, Hawk and Alex, latter
holding his gun, sprout up from their own debris and
continue savagely brawling.  The wigging out passers-
by give them space.

		HAWK
	You bastard!  You fucked my
	freedom for a lousy job!

Alex trembles, going into a diabetic seizure.  He shakily
raises his gun.

		ALEX
	Hawk... I'm so sorry...

Hawk roars forward like a bull and helmets Alex.  They
roll together down the massive staircase past Darwin,
Minerva, and the CIA who react with "This can't be
happening" catatonia.

Two SHOTS go off as Hawk and Alex crash to the bottom of
the staircase.  Hawk rises up in a daze to see Alex on the
ground with two bloody bullet holes.

		HAWK
	No.....Alex!  Wake up, you can't
	go out like this.

Hawk falls to his knees as Snickers hustles toward him.
Suddenly, sirens are heard as a police van pulls up.
Snickers stops.

Four policemen blast from the back of the van.  One holds
back the crowd.  One strenuously pulls Hawk into the van.
The other two drag in Alex.

The villains look to each other for non-existent guidance
as the van pulls away.

		MINERVA
	Plan B, anyone...

Using initiative, Snickers hops on a Vespa and roars off
after them.  The van can be seen swerving off.....

AROUND A CORNER

where it bolts up into a much larger truck marked VATICAN
SOUVENIRS.  TWO SEEMINGLY-INNOCENT-BYSTANDER PRIESTS break
demeanor to flop up the wheel ramps, slam close the back
of the truck, lock it shut, and continue on their solemn
way.

The TRUCK BELLOWS off as the Vespa spins around the corner.
Snickers brakes and looks around for the police van.  He
hits his handle with frustration.

EXT. BEAUTIFUL ROME OVERVIEW

Out of her habit but still in her incredible sunglasses,
Anna looks out to a lovely view of Italy.  The Vatican Truck
pulls up behind her.  A giddy, blood-stained Alex and a not-
so-giddy Hawk bound out of the back.  Alex excitedly gives
himself an insulin shot.

		ANNA
	Oh thank God, you're dead...

		ALEX
	It was so beautiful!  When the
	blanks went off, they...

Hawk's fist whooshes into frame and blasts Alex's jaw.

		HAWK
	You bastard.  You fucked my
	freedom for a lousy job.

		ALEX
	But I said I was sorry....

		HAWK
	No sweat, Alex, you only made the
	biggest mistake of my life.  What
	was your per-diem?

		ALEX
	Don't act like you've never committed
	a crime before, Hawkins?  I know, I
	made call, when Anna tracked me down I...

		ANNA
	Hudson, don't you understand...

		HAWK
	And you, Dr. Cappucino, you're lucky
	I don't hit women, assuming you are
	a woman.  I'm not taking anything for
	granted anymore.

		ANNA
	I-work-for-a-covert-Vatican-humanitarian-
	organization.  The-CIA-made-a-fool-of-me.
	I-care-for-you...

		HAWK
	Oh.  Well, what's this?

Hawk pulls out the Demon Head that was in the Mayflower
Museum from out of his pocket.  Anna turns white.

		ANNA
	Where did you get this?

		HAWK
	You know, the place where you gave
	the bad guys the Codex.... the
	Mayflower Museum.

		ANNA
	It's from the machine.  All they
	need is the crystal to run it and
	they have 2/3 of it already.  We
	can't let that happen.

		ALEX
	You're saying you want us to beat
	them to the crystal and save the
	world from financial disarray.

		ANNA
	Something like that.

		ALEX
		(pulling out plane
		 tix)
	Well, forget about it.  Hawk and I
	are going to Rio.  We're hurt,
	we're tired, and a hero ain't
	nothing but a sandwich.  Right,
	buddy?...

		ANNA
	Hudson, God's given you a gift for
	cat burglary, you can t just...

		HAWK
	You better believe I can.  I'm
	sick of people telling me what I
	have to do.

		ANNA
	It's that kind of selfish attitude
	that...

		HAWK
	Selfish attitude?  I'm just some
	guy who wants a little nap and a
	cappuccino for when he wakes up,
	not too much foam...

		ANNA
	You re not "some guy" anymore,
	Hudson.  Right now, you're the
	only guy.  Without your help, I....

Anna looks to Hawk with a choked-up expression.  The
weight of the world on his shoulders, Hawk turns away
to a lovely view, his mind painfully raging and
swirling toward peaceful clarity.

		HAWK
	The world is beautiful.  Every day
	in prison I made sure to remember
	that.  It's only when I actually
	got out that I forgot.  If I was
	sane, I'd be on that plane to Rio.
	But being beaten and abused to
	fulfill some corporation's
	perverted vision does something to
	your mental health.  The world is
	beautiful and I'm tired of being
	fucked.
		(turning around)
	It's Darwin and Minerva's turn to
	bite the pillow...

Anna involuntarily does the sign of the cross.  Alex
goodnaturedly does a jerking off motion.

		ANNA
	That was beautiful.

		ALEX
	I laughed, I cried.

Shaking his head, Hawk swipes the plane tickets from
Alex.

		HAWK
	Rio, Alex?  After all they've
	done to...Hey, these tickets are
	for Moscow!

		ALEX
		(knowing smile)
	Damn travel agency.  That Kremlin
	thing is in Moscow, isn't it?

A proud Hawk slaps Alex on the back as some passing
ITALIAN LOCALS stop to stare, horrified, at Alex's
bullet holes.  Anna sweetly intervenes.

		ANNA
	Ketchup.  Stupido Americani...

The locals give off a slightly dazed "A-a-h" and move off.

INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY

Wind blows through the shattered conference room window.
Snickers is banging on his computer apparatus at the
table with the Mayflowers and the other agents.

		KAPLAN
	We're all family now.  My team
	has done a lot of rougher things
	than steal the model of a
	helicopter.

		SNICKERS
	We're going to whack this place
	so fast we'll have time to shop
	for American imports.

Darwin and Minerva politely smile and then turn away to
each other with knowing looks.  The computer screen shows
the familiar image of the Kremlin building that turns
into a complex look at interiors the viewer will later
see.

		ALMOND JOY
	Lucky for us, the Da Vinci is
	located in a wing of the Kremlin
	that they used to throw the Miss
	Ukraine pageant and stuff.  It'll
	have the least number of guards....

		KAPLAN
	As for our plan of action,
	anybody'd be insane to go in
	from the ground floor...

INT. A VAN-BUS--NIGHT

A head-rubbing Hawk and a stomach rubbing Alex kneel on
the floor of a moving van, over a barely legible drawing
of what was so neatly delineated on the CIA computer.
Both guys are dressed as priests and are chewing gum.

		ALEX
	We're going in from the ground
	floor.

		HAWK
	Geez, this Art Treasures Room
	looks like a burnt diaphragm.

Hawk laughs and pops up into the passenger seat.  Anna
is revealed to be driving in her habit.  Hawk gives her
a kiss.

		HAWK
	Hey, don't take your disguise so
	seriously.

		ANNA
	Uh, yeah.  Guess I'm a wee bit
	nervous.  I'm sorry I could only
	score clergy passports.

		HAWK
	Fits my new image.  A thief for
	the masses.  This is one job I'm
	not going to feel guilty about
	enjoying.  Gum.

Hawk, Alex, and Anna all spit out their gum into a bag
Hawk holds.

		ALEX
	The security's actually not that
	severe.

		ANNA
	It doesn't have to be.  Everybody
	knows that if you mess with the
	Kremlin, you'll end up in a
	Siberian gulag eating your own
	fingernails.

Hawk takes in some views of Moscow that remind one of
Budapest.

		HAWK
	Shwoof, that makes me feel better.
	I can't believe this is the Iron
	Curtain.  All the guy at Airport
	customs wanted to know was "Who
	Shot J.R.?"

		ALEX
	You sound disappointed.

		HAWK
	Yeah, I mean, come on, going
	through the Iron Curtain is
	supposed to be crawling
	underneath barbed wire, it's
	supposed to be strangling a
	guard...

THE VAN

passes a textbook shot of the Kremlin in the distance.

		HAWK (V.O.)
	It's supposed to be parachuting
	in the moonlight....

EXT. THE TOP OF THE KREMLIN--NIGHT

Kaplan, Snickers, Almond Joy, and Butterfinger slam down
upon the roof of the Kremlin and discard their
parachutes.

Snickers opens up his computer screen, upon which is the
image-map of the Kremlin with a flashing blue light at
the top of the building and a flashing green one inside.

		SNICKERS
	We are the blue light.  The green
	light is where the Art Treasures
	room is.

		KAPLAN
	Let's go make a purple light.
	Where's Kit Kat?

EXT. THE KREMLIN GROUNDS

Dressed in cat burglar black and all chewing gum, Hawk,
Alex, and Anna crawl across the Kremlin grounds.  They
scope out a shabby Delivery Entrance.

		ALEX
	Delivery Entrance.  Low Security.

		ANNA
	Gum.

All three spit out their gum into Hawk's bag.

		HAWK
	Count of three?

		ALEX
	Why not just go now?

		HAWK
	Okay.

The Trio rush for the door.

THE KREMLIN ROOF

SOVIET GUARD ONE comes out on the roof to light a cig-
arette.  He looks in the distance to the motivating CIA
team.  Suddenly a card floats down into his hand.

It reads:   WILLIAM TELL.  ADAM'S APPLE.  GET IT?

The not-getting-it Guard looks up from the card as a
grinning Kit Kat parachutes behind him.  The Guard
swerves around and Kit Kat savagely skewers him with a
crossbow shot to his Adam's apple.

THE DELIVERY ENTRANCE

Hawk, Anna, and Alex race to the door, the latter
bashes it...

INT. GRUNGY WHITE FOYER

open and sets off an annoying hammer-against-bell alarm.
Alex all-fours beneath the alarm.  Hawk does a Michael
Jordan vault off Alex's back and slam dunks A MASSIVE
BALL OF USED-GUM, pulled from his bag, between the
hammer and the bell, cutting off the sound.  They rush
ahead.

EXT. THE KREMLIN ROOF

The agents are trotting across the roof when a phone on
Snickers' apparatus rings.  Kaplan answers it.

		KAPLAN
	Everything's going fine, Minerva,
	thanks for asking...

INT. NONDESCRIPT HALLWAY

Minerva chats on a cellular moving down a hallway, with
Darwin, who is holding in his laughter as if this was a
great crank.

		MINERVA
	I say who needs this Hudson Hawk
	anyway....

INT. A GRAND BALLROOM

The good guys scurry upon the second level of an epic
and gorgeous ballroom.  Two lush staircases lead up from
the floor.  From behind a pillar, the gang checks out
the activity below.

A tablecloth is being wrangled over a large table at
the opposite end of the ballroom by SERVANTS.  Threaten-
ing SOVIET SOLDIERS maneuver on the floor.

		HAWK
		(Wizard of Oz)
	Oh-Eee-Oh-A-Whoa-Oh.

They then make a mad scuffle across their side of the
second level, hunkering down by the level railing.

As they move into another wing hallway, the viewer's
viewpoint moves back down to the ballroom floor to see
a gloating DARWIN AND MINERVA ENTER, the latter still
on the phone.

		MINERVA
	Everybody here, in Rome, wishes
	you tinsel boxes of love...

The servants move away from the tablecloth and the
table, revealing that it is shaped like an M.  A GROUP
OF SERIOUS SOVIET V.I.P.'s come out to join the
Mayflowers at the table.

THE ROOF

Kaplan hangs up the phone.

		KAPLAN
	Lazy, rich, condescending bitch.

The team moves up to the rooftop doorway where Kit Kat
is.  He holds up an "About Time" card.  The agents laugh
and greet them.

INT. A VERY LONG, ENIGMATIC HALLWAY

Hawk, Alex, and Anna pass through a set of windowed
double doors into a very long hallway that leads into a
pitch darkness.  A MURAL OF A HAPPY, ARM-STRETCHED LENIN
looms above the doors.  They give it a a quick glance
before pulling out screwdrivers and wire hangers.

		ALEX
	Eighth room down, babe...

		ANNA
	Guards come exactly every three
	minutes....

		HAWK
	Three.  Oh.  Oh.  "Side by Side."

Our trio charges down the hallway.

		HAWK
	"Oh, we ain't got a barrel of
	money.

		ALEX
	"Maybe we're ragged and funny."

They reach a MASSIVE SPOOKY DOOR WITH AN ODD, ANCIENT
LOCK.  They go to work on it.  Not losing the beat.

		HAWK AND ALEX
	"But we'll travel along, singing
	a song.  Side by Side..."

INT. TOP FLOOR HALLWAY

With a gust of wind, Kaplan and the Candy Bars bluster
through the rooftop door into another hallway, where
SOVIET GUARDS TWO AND THREE are taking it easy.

		KAPLAN
	Create a diversion.

Snickers and Butterfinger calmly blow away both guards
with silenced mini-Uzis.

SOVIET GUARD FOUR rushes out a door before the agents,
zipping up his fly.  Almond Joy twists his neck with an
agonizing SNAP.

THE LONG HALLWAY

Hawk, Anna, and Alex retreat beneath the Lenin mural
through the windowed double doors.

Behind the doors, they poke up to see a BESPECTACLED
GUARD emerge from the darkness to check out the door.

		ALEX
	Now that's a lock.

		HAWK
	Don't worry, we'll get it...

		ANNA
	Can I sing this time, too?
	Please?

Hawk and Alex are not thrilled about the idea, but Anna's
eye flutter does it.

		HAWK
	Uh, I guess so.

The Bespectacled Guard moves back into the darkness.

THE BALLROOM

The Soviet V.I.P.'s open up presents of pink L.A. GEAR
tennis shoes, silly T-shirts, and Nintendo joysticks
as a standing Darwin hypnotizes them.

		DARWIN
	I look at you Soviet people and I
	feel... pity... superiority.  Most
	of your life, your government has
	told you that Capitalism turns
	people into robots who'd rather
	eat microwave sushi, naked in the
	back of a Cadillac than hear the
	laughter of children.

		MINERVA
		(smiling)
	We're here to say, your government
	was right.

		DARWIN
	So let's get busy.  Have some fun
	and make some deals.

AT THE LOCK

Alex holds a lit match into the lock, while Hawk
does something incomprehensible with a screwdriver.
They are improvising...

		HAWK
	"Oh this lock is a pain in the bu-utt"

		ALEX
	"How'd we ever get such in a ru-utt"

Anna suddenly, booms out the chorus in a way that Hawk and
Alex can barely concentrate.

		ANNA
	"But we'll travel the road, Sharing
	the load.  Side by Side!"

THE HALLWAY ABOVE

The CIA team saunters through corpses up to a door
similar in lock and design to the one Hawk and Alex
are working on.

Snickers's computer screen shows the blue light directly
above the green light.

		SNICKERS
	This is the room above the Art
	Treasures room.  The lock is a
	Natalya Z-Z, first created...

		ALMOND JOY
	Snickers, baby, I love you like a
	brother, but really, who cares?
	Silencer bomb...

Butterfinger pulls from around his shoulder a strange
rifle.  He attaches to the front of it;, a glass encased,
suctioning time-bomb from a waist satchel.  He fires
the bomb against the door and it starts ticking.

BEHIND THE WINDOWED DOUBLE DOORS

come Hawk, Alex, and Anna, panting.

		HAWK
	That was close....

		ALEX
	Anna, I think you better stay....

		HAWK
	You can be lookout!.....  Take
	Alex's gun.

Alex hands Anna his gun, who glumly takes it like a Little
Sister not allowed to play.  Hawk and Alex go back through
the doors.

THE HALLWAY ABOVE

The CIA bomb blows up the door with a weird silencer
sound.  Kaplan and the Candy Bars giddily whoop as they
rush through the smoking door.

THE BALLROOM--SECOND LEVEL

Anna meanders across the second level muttering to herself
in Italian and amusingly imitating Hawk's condescension.

		ANNA
	"You can be the lookout."

Anna suddenly moves past the pillar to see the Mayflowers
and the V.I.P.S.  She gasps and hurls herself behind the
second level railing.

THE BALLROOM FLOOR

A VERY DIGNIFIED SOVIET LEADER, in a SHIT HAPPENS baseball
cap, addresses Darwin.

		SOVIET LEADER
	Before we serve you "the main course,"
	hee, hee, we need to know specifics
	about what you can do for us.  We--

		DARWIN
	Bluntness.  How amusingly Hungarian.
	Listen up, for reasons I don't want
	to get into, I recently had to close
	down a petroleum factory, but I'm
	going to re-build it here and
	Madonna's going to cut the ribbon!
	Frozen burritos in Leningrad.  1982
	fantasy.  1992 reality.

THE LOCK OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Hawk and Alex more frantically toil on the lock.

		HAWK
	"We all had our quarrels and
	parted..."

		ALEX
	"But we'll be the same as we started...

The lock clunks open.  They race through the doors into...

INT. THE ART TREASURE ROOM

Hawk and Alex weave through the room which is crammed,
with little nuance, to the gills with great art treasures
including an impressive array of Faberge eggs.  A solid
gold hammer and sickle hang on one wall...

		HAWK AND ALEX
	"Just traveling along, singing a
	song.  Side--"

		HAWK
	Geez, this place is a mess...

		ALEX
	Voila...

They rumble toward an opening in the wall of the room
covered by a small curtain that has the Da Vinci Man in
the Circle drawing emblazoned across it.  Hawk reaches
for the curtain.  Alex puts his arm around him and speaks,
not sings.

		ALEX
	Side by side, man...

Suddenly, the roof above them explodes.  Kaplan and the
Candy Bars drop down behind them.

		ALMOND JOY
	What the hell....

		SNICKERS
	You're supposed to be dead!

		ALEX
	I'm a ghost.  Boo.

		HAWK
	I don't want to sound immature,
	but we were here first...

		KAPLAN
	I wish I could think of those cute
	quips the way you can, Hawk, but
	I can't, so I'll just shoot Alex.

Kaplan point blank shoots Alex in the chest.  Alex
crumples backward, moaning.  Butterfinger, casually, but
with incredible strength, holds Hawk's arms behind his
back.

		HAWK
	No....

		ALMOND JOY
	That was pretty uncool, George...

		KAPLAN
	Sorry, you know he kind of reminds
	me of Little Eddie.  But I digress.
	Ah, victory is so sweet....

Kaplan pulls back the Da Vinci curtain.  Nothing is there.

THE BALLROOM BANQUET

A SOVIET CHEF lifts up a silver domed serving tray,
revealing the Da Vinci helicopter model.

		MINERVA
	Yum.  This is the best meal I
	ever had...

ANNA

bulges her eyes at the revelation.  She pulls out Alex's
gun and bangs herself in the head.  What to do....

THE ART TREASURES ROOM

Kaplan is bugging out.

		KAPLAN
	Damnit, this isn't the plan!
	Blue light, green light, shit!
	Snickers, Kit Kat, A.J., scramble,
	see if you can find out anything.

They thunder out.  Hawk, still in Butterfinger's
oblivious clutches, shouts..

		HAWK
	Can't you see the Mayflowers
	double-crossed you...

		KAPLAN
	They may be scum, but if I get the
	Da Vinci model back, then we'll be
	roasting weenies on the beach.

		HAWK
	I don't think you'll appreciate
	their choice of weenie.

Kaplan raises his gun.

THE BALLROOM BANQUET

Darwin holds the Da Vinci model in one hand and raises
a glass of vodka in the other.

		DARWIN
	You're helping us achieve a goal
	and in return, I'm giving you a
	key to the world's executive
	washroom.  Don't piss it away....
	Skoal, amigos...

		 ANNA (O.S.)
	Stop or I'll shoot.

Minerva and some various Soviet VIPS spew their vodka to
look up to Anna pointing a gun down at them from the
second level.  She is shivering, shaking the gun.

		 ANNA
	You people are immoral and
	narcissitic and I won't let you...

In unison, the Soviet Soldiers surrounding the table
begin machine gunning up at her.  She dives behind the
railing.

THE ART TREASURES ROOM

Kaplan lowers his gun.

		KAPLAN
	I can't believe this.  I'm in
	fucking Russia, or do I have to
	say, the fucking Soviet Union and
	I'm shooting a non-Bolshevick.
		(raising back up
		 his gun)
	I never thought I'd say "I'm just
	in this job for the money."  Sad.
	Any last immature quips?

		HAWK
	No.
		(a beat)
	But why do you let Butterfinger
	keep those blood stains on his
	shirt?

Falling for the oldest trick in the book, Butterfinger
looks down to his shirt.

		BUTTERFINGER
	What blood stains....

Hawk bounces up to savagely head-butt Butterfinger.
Butterfinger slams back against a wall causing the Gold
Sickle to fall down around his neck and knock him to the
ground, pinning his head to the floor.  The Gold Hammer
next trembles off the wall and crushes Butterfinger's
skull.

		HAWK
	You want immature, how 'bout an
	egg fight...

Hawk flings a Faberge egg, smashing the gun out of Kaplan's
hand.  Hawk pelts a batch more at him.  Kaplan sloppily
whips some eggs back.  Hawk finally smashes one in half
and beans the jagged piece into Kaplan's eye.  He squeals
to the ground, geysering blood.

Hawk swoops down to a wheezing, breath controlling Alex.

		HAWK
	Alex, are you....

		ALEX
	I can't believe you didn't notice.
	My weight.  I lost ten pounds in
	Rome

		 HAWK
	You're a reed, man.  I gotta get
	Anna.  Hang in there...

THE BALLROOM

Bullets stop splintering around Anna at the railing as
the soldiers fling out their empty cartridges to reload.

Snickers, Almond Joy, and Kit Kat race out of the hall-
way area into the ballroom area.  They stop at the sight
of Anna....

		ALMOND JOY
	Anna-bannana-fo-fanna, I guess I
	have to cut out your heart for
	real now.  It's not personal.

Anna feebly raises her gun.  Almond Joy laughs and
pulls out a knife.

		ALMOND JOY
	You won't shoot.  I read your
	dossier... Sister.

The Soviet Soldiers snap in new cartridges as Almond Joy
moves out from behind the pillar towards Anna.  The
Soldiers blast away at this newly appearing figure.

Almond Joy ruptures and vibrates in a Sonny Corleone
ballet.

		ALMOND JOY
	I gotta get a new job...

Snickers and Kit Kat militarily roll on either side of
Anna as their partner wilts to the ground.  The men,
Snickers with his mini-Uzi, Kit Kat with his cross-
bow rifle, briefly leap up to fire down at the soldiers
with some graphic success.

Anna watches Darwin and Minerva head up the stairs to
her level.  She bolts off....

BALLROOM FLOOR

The last of the Soviet VIPS flee as the Soldiers tip
over the M shaped table on its side, using it for
cover, firing upward.

KIT KAT

breaks off and scurries around the second level to get
a position behind the M.

He fires down an arrow for a successful kill.  Another
guard tries to fire up, but Kit Kat impales him to the
back of the table with a quality shot.

Kit Kat grins and reloads as Alfred, the butler, regally
creeps behind him.

HAWK

comes out of the long hallway double doors up to where
Anna is bustling.  They hug...

		ANNA
	The Mayflowers got...

Hawk and Anna turn to see the Mayflowers hastening in
their direction.  Noticing them back, the model-toting
Mayflowers halt.

KIT KAT

turns to Alfred and fires his crossbow.  Alfred effort-
lessly cuts it in half with his blade and continues
to move forward.  Still smiling, Kit Kat tries to reload.

MINERVA

breaks the standstill.

		DARWIN
	What a pleasant surprise.  You're
	probably wondering...

		HAWK
	But you're going to tell us
	anyway...

		MINERVA
	I hate a man with a sense of
	humor.  While you corn dogs were
	comparing the lengths of your
	masculinity, we obtained the
	helicopter the new fashioned
	way: a thoroughly corrupt business
	deal.

		HAWK
	If you think you're getting past
	me...

Grunting behind them, Snickers gun-butts Hawk to the
ground.

		HAWK
	Don't be stupid...they...

		SNICKERS
	Bastard!  If you were a true
	American.

		HAWK
	Just shut up and hit me!

Snickers swings a punch.  Hawk blocks it then whomps
him in the chest.

As they battle, Darwin grabs Anna's hair, slams her
into a pillar, and watches her crumple.

KIT KAT

gets in an arrow but it's too late.  Alfred stabs
him deep, deep, deeply, and lifts him from the ground.

A shower of cards reading "OUCH" "PAIN" and "THIS REALLY
HURTS" rain from out of Kit Kat's coat.

Alfred discards him over the edge.

Kit Kat sails down upon the M.

The lone card of "FUCK" plops from his open eyed corpse.

HAWK

and Snickers trades fierce blows, stumbling down a
staircase.

DARWIN

and Minerva watch the fight with amusement.  Alfred
approaches.

		DARWIN
	Alfred, the getaway car...

SNICKERS

slashes Hawk in the arm with a small but sinister blade.

		HAWK
	Damnit, I hate this!  I'm a cat
	burglar!  Nobody said anything
	about this fight-to-the-death
	shit.

		SNICKERS
	Too bad.

Snickers goes for a final thrust when suddenly one of the
silencer time bombs suctions to his head.

Hawk turns to see Alex, barely standing, at the top of
the stairs, holding the strange rifle.

Darwin and Minerva turn to this dramatic entrance.  They
start to trot off...

		MINERVA
	I knew it!  I told you it was a
	fake.

		DARWIN
	That New-York-Italian-Father-
	made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son-
	of-a-bitch.  What was our bet?  A
	million?

		MINERVA
	Million five, lover...

HAWK

boots Snickers down the stairs.  Snickers somersaults
up and frantically tries to pull off the bomb.

Snickers wails to the soldiers, who have lowered their
guns and are poking their heads out of the M to watch.

		SNICKERS
	Help me you Democratic Reform
	lovers!  Get a screwdriver, you
	Stupid Eskimoes!  Screw-dri-ver!
	Oh God, I always wanted to know
	how to play the harp, there
	just was so little time!  Rosebud!

The soldiers high-tail it out.  Snickers plugs his ears.
Nothing happens.

		SNICKERS
	Maybe it was just a....

Snickers blows up gloriously before the M.

THE STAIRCASE

Hawk bounds up to Alex, who puffs down onto the steps.

		ALEX
	Get 'em.  They went down the
	hallway.

		HAWK
	Let's just forget it, I mean...

		ALEX
	Get em....

Hawk rushes up the. stairs, gives a "What can I do?" glance
to the unconscious Anna, and then continues rushing, past
a pillar.  Minerva emerges from behind the pillar and
moves forward.

THE LONG ENIGMATIC HALLWAY

Hawk chugs beneath the Lenin mural and down the hall-
way.  He sees Darwin breezing in front of him.  Darwin
looks back to Hawk then runs forward into the darkness.

THE BALLROOM

Minera sits down next to the pained Alex.

		MINERVA
	Alex.  How's it going?

		ALEX
	Go, go to Hell, to Hell.

Minerva pulls out a candy bar and rips it open.

		MINERVA
	Where's your insulin....No?  Well,
	Bon Appetite.

Minerva savagely slams Alex's head down and shoves the
candy bar in his mouth.

THE HALLWAY

Hawk moves closer and closer to the darkness of the
hallway when a one-eyed and bleeding George Kaplan dives
out of the Art Treasures room and tackles him.  Hawk
kicks him off...

		HAWK
	Oh, come on....

THE BALLROOM

Alex gulps down the last of the candy bar, shivering.

		MINERVA
	Very good, Alex, but you re
	still alive....

She pulls out another candy bar.  Alex, with a last
burst of strength, punches her across the face.

		MINERVA
	That's fair.

THE LONG HALLWAY

Hawk and Kaplan lock onto each other's throats.

		HAWK
	Why does this have to be so hard...

		KAPLAN
	Tell me about it...

Suddenly, of all things, a car is heard rumbling in the
darkness.

Hawk and Kaplan stop fighting and turn to see THE MAY-
FLOWER LIMOUSINE screeching out of the darkness with
Darwin standing out of the sunroof firing a gun.

Bullets fly around them.  From his back pocket, Hawk
slaps the nice picture of him and Little Eddie into
Kaplan's hands.

		HAWK
	Take this to Hell with you...

Hawk jumps up and grabs a hanging lamp.

Deranged with confusion, Kaplan turns from the picture
to the charging limousine.

		KAPLAN
	My pension.....

The driving Alfred smiles through the windshield.

Kaplan's body slams into a vivid somersaulting crash
into the windshield.

Hawk's hands burn and sizzle on the hanging lamp.

Passing beneath, Darwin raises up his gun.

Hawk lets go of the lamp and drops down on Darwin,
locking his legs around his neck and crushing him
down into....

THE BACKSEAT OF THE LIMOUSINE

Hawk and Darwin grapple on the floor of the limo.  The
Da Vinci helicopter model bobs on the backseat.  Darwin's
gun goes off..

right through Alfred's throat.  He slumps over, pressing
down on the accelerator.

THE LIMOUSINE

blasts down the hallway, sparking off the wall, and
bashing off paintings and mirrors.

THE BACKSEAT

Darwin flicks on his paper shredder and shoves the side
of Hawk's hand into its teeth.

OUTSIDE THE LIMOUSINE

A mist of blood coughs out of the shredder vent and makes
a weird bloody line across the wall.

INT. BACKSEAT

Hawk yanks his hand from the shredder and grabs the meg-
lomaniac by the hair and shoves his head down on the
arm rest.  Hawk turns on the piercing siren and Darwin's
eyes try to escape his head with a high pitched scream.
Darwin's entire body bucks wildly.

Darwin back-elbows Hawk and moves down for his gun.
Hawk pulls him back by his hair, grabs him by the balls,
and pushes him upward through the sunroof.

		DARWIN
	God-damnit, I only wanted to
	destroy the world in my own image.
	I'm a regular Joe...

Darwin pounds his fists on Hawk's head as Hawk hits the
sunroof switch sliding it shut on Darwin, pinning
his arms below the roof, but leaving his torso twisting
in the wind.

The mural of a happy Lenin with his arms outstretched
looms ahead waiting to greet Darwin.

Putting two and two together, Darwin loses it....

		DARWIN
	Not Lenin, anybody but Lenin.  God,
	let's talk abut this.

The limousine charges through the double doors and Darwin's
body connects with the mural.

INSIDE THE LIMO

Hearing the crunch, Hawk flips into the front seat and
brakes the vehicle.  Alfred's head bounces against the
steering wheel.  Hawk reaches over with a grin and picks
up the Da Vinci model.  He looks to Alfred, Kaplan
crunched in the windshield, and Darwin's dangling legs.

		HAWK
	Wow, this is really gonna hurt the
	resale value...

THE BALLROOM

Hawk runs up to a woozy Anna and helps her up.  She has
a cross-shaped blood stain on her forehead.

		HAWK
	Oh, honey....

Hawk looks to Alex, sitting on the stairs, the same way
he left him.  Hawk rushes to him.

		HAWK
	We did it man, we...

Hawk grabs Alex's shoulder.  Alex falls back.  Written
over his face in red lipstick is REALLY DEAD.

Engaging a slow motion sequence, Minerva saunters behind
Anna, putting on red lipstick.  Minerva slams her back
to the ground.

Hawk howls then turns to see stiff-upper-lip Alfred,
bleeding from the neck.  Hawk tries to throw a punch,
but Alfred blocks it and crunches him across the face.

The Da Vinci helicopter model bounces down the stairs
in slow motion and cracks open, revealing the intricate
mirror of the opening scene.

INT. DARK ROOM ATOP MAYFLOWER MUSEUM--DAY

A damaged Hawk awakens in a dungeonish room and stumbles
to some shutters.  "O Solo Mio" returns on the sound-
track as the shutters open to a postcard view of Vinci.

Hawk closes the shutters and cuts off the music.  A
slightly more composed Anna touches his shoulder causing
him to jump slightly.  They melt into a kiss.

		ANNA
	Oh Hudson...

		HAWK
	I told you not to call me Hudson.
	The only people who called me that
	were the nuns at...

		ANNA
	Oh Hudson, I'm a sister of the
	Catholic church as well as an
	agent.

		HAWK
		(cut-off laugh)
	This is too bad to be false.

Alfred enters the room in his favorite outfit with a
bandage around his neck.  His voice is strange, but still
polite.

		ALFRED
	Welcome back to Vinci.

		HAWK
	Last rites, sister?

		ANNA
	Please, no nun jokes...They're a
	bad habit to get into....get it?

Hawk and Anna unconvincingly laugh then sadly pause.

		 HAWK
	She killed Alex.

Alfred gives them a push.

INT. THE DA VINCI WORKSHOP

Alfred leads them through the Da Vinci workshop past the
bat winged glider and incongruously crammed-in tennis ball
machine.

INT. THE ROOM OF THE GOLD MACHINE--DAY

Alfred grandly opens double-doors to reveal that Da
Vinci's gold machine has been majestically re-created
piece by piece.  In the periphery, the 90's rears its
head in the form of THREE TECHNICIANS wearing headsets
and gun holsters who consult computer terminals.

		 MINERVA (O.S.)
	GOLD-FI-ING-ER!

Hawk and Anna turn to see Minerva splashily enter in
sexy funeral-wear.

		 MINERVA
	Sorry, I couldn't resist.  You're
	probably wondering why you're
	still alive.  Anna.....

As Minerva speaks, TECHNICIAN ONE forcibly escorts Anna
toward a stand near the gold machine and tightly
handcuffs her to it.

		 MINERVA
	I want you to monitor the Da
	Vinci's directions from the
	apprentice diary.  And Hawk, I
	didn't want you to go to hell
	without knowing that Darwin and
	I's dream came true.
		(suddenly sheepish)
	Beside that, none of us can seem
	to put that damn crystal together.
	Alfie and I were up all night with
	the thing.

TECHNICIAN TWO commences a forcible escort of Hawk to the
gold machine.  Hawk cold-cocks him to the ground.

		 HAWK
	You killed a friend.  Why should I
	help you go for the gold?

		 MINERVA
	It'll take a couple of years of
	steady production, but I'll flood
	the market with so much gold that
	gold itself, the foundation of all
	finance, will lose its meaning.
	Brokers, economists, and fellow
	entrepreneurs will drown in the
	saliva of their own nervous
	breakdowns.  Markets will crash-
	crash.  Financial Empires will
	crumble-crumble.

		 HAWK
	Except yours-yours.  The goal of
	world domination.  Well, if you
	put it that way, Minnie.  How can
	I resist?

		 MINERVA
	You can't, convict!  You're just
	a shmoe!  Every shmoe has the
	fantasy the planet revolves around
	them.  It rains, car crash stops
	traffic, you say "How could this
	happen to me?"  It's a natural
	inclination.  But for I, this
	isn't a fantasy, it is reality!
	You are on my planet!  You walk
	around the corner for coffee, out
	of my sight, you do not fucking
	exist!  The lives of shmoes like
	you have meaning only in relation
	to the rich, to the powerful, to ME!

Anna looks at the oil cloth diary before her.  She pulls
a compact from her pocket and holds the compact mirror
over the scribblings.  Reading off the reflection, her
eyes widen.

		 ANNA
	Do it.  There's no reason to fight
	anymore.  She's a force of nature.

Trying to get a grip on Anna's words, Hawk lets himself
be escorted to another stand before the gold machine that
has the two complex crystal parts and the weird mirror.

		 MINERVA
	If you pull this off, I can't
	promise I won't kill you.  I mean,
	who we trying to kid?  But I will
	spare the Flying Nun here....

		 HAWK
	And to think I thought you were
	Evil Incarnate in pumps.

		 MINERVA
	I killed some lovable working
	class Italian-diabetic, but you
	killed the most significant male
	figure of the decade and a kind,
	gentle lover.  So don't play with
	me.

Minerva flicks a switch on the stand Anna's handcuffed
to.  Anna vibrates, being electrocuted.

		 HAWK
	Okay, fine!

Minerva switches it off.  Giving himself a head rub, Hawk
bears down on the three oddly malleable objects.  He
TANGLES and BENDS and with a loud SNAP, puts them
together, forming the Crystal from the opening scene.
Minerva snatches it from him and puts on a head-set.

		 MINERVA
	Oh Hawk, don't ever change.  Go,
	team, go!

Minerva giddily sets the crystal in the same place as Da
Vinci had it in his machine.

Using a long steel pole, Technician One adjusts a myriad
of mirrors so they are in a proper angle with a series
of lenses culminating on the top of the machine.

Technicians Two (black-eyed) and Three pour various
chemical powders and liquids into corresponding compart-
ments on the machine, beautifully decorated by the
chemical's zodiac sign.

Alfred places a lead bar in its proper place.

Hawk glides to Anna and undoes her handcuff.

		 HAWK
	I hope you know what....

		 ANNA
	Trust Leonardo....

		 HAWK
	Wha.....

Anna puts her fingers on his lips.

Minerva throws a lever.  Steam begins to percolate from
the furnace towards the machine.

		 MINERVA
		(into the headset)
	We're for real.

THE MACHINE

begins to rotate, at first clunkily, then faster.
The Crystal rotates comfortably in its compartment.

The machine throws out its folding arms, each with an
element.  The arms click higher.

The goggled technicians stand before a time-coded video
monitor, taking notes.

The chemical housings open and the chemicals begin to
spill and drop through brass tubes.

ANNA

murmurs to Hawk.

		 ANNA
	Da Vinci made the real directions
	in a secret script that I decoded.
	The way the machine is running
	now, the gold will produce too
	quickly, clog, and the machine
	will shut itself down.  Isn't it
	wonderful?

		 HAWK
	Yeah, but what would happen if that
	little mirror came out of the
	crystal.

		 ANNA
	Wha -- you don't want to know...

Hawk pulls out the mirror from his pocket.

		 HAWK
	I wanna know...

		 ANNA
	Holy sh-h--things are going to
	get very interesting, very fast.
	Da Vinci would be proud of you.

IN THE MACHINE

The chemicals snake down their individual paths to the
Lead Bar spinning its trough.  There's a FLASH and a
controlled but jarring explosion.

EVERYONE

doubletakes.  Hawk reaches down to the six foot steel
pole and with one swing slams the faces of all three
deep in concentration Technicians to the ground.

Oblivious to the violence behind her, Minerva, pulling
on goggles over her head-set, moves closer with a
religious purr.

THE MACHINE

triggers a fresnel lens and laserlike beams bounce around
the mirrors faster and faster, circling the room.

OUTSIDE THE MACHINE

Hawk and Anna squint, blinded.  Flinging off her goggles,
A literally beaming Minerva giggles forward.

THE MACHINE

Beams of light converge on the top mirror and bounce into
the innards of the machine with a mighty roar!

MINERVA

sees that the center of the machine gleams yellowish and
molten.  She moves closer, shouting into her head-set.

		 MINERVA
	Eureka, motherfuckers!

The machine thunders and spins at a more aggressive
pace.

Hawk's voice suddenly comes on Minerva's head-set.

		 HAWK'S VOICE (head-set)
	Minnie, hate to interrupt your
	orgasm, but....

HAWK AND ANNA

stand above the unconscious Technicians.  Hawk is on
head-set.

		 HAWK
	Me, Anna, and Leonardo just wanna
	say you got the Midas touch, baby...

MACHINE

Minerva turns toward the machine in anger and confusion.

The center of the machine blows.  The pool of molten gold
rockets at the viewer.

Mirrors explode and the lasers slash at the walls.

Minerva tumbles from the machine, screaming, that is to
say, trying to scream, because molten gold covers her
face.  It bubbles and cascades, turning her into a
bizarrely beautiful echo of Nefertiti.

HAWK AND ANNA

turn to retreat, and see, standing in the mouth of the
open double doors, in an open shirt, wearing Indian war
paint on his face and the words RULE BRITANNIA painted
on his chest, ALFRED!

		 ALFRED
	How.

		 HAWK
	You're unemployed, Alfie.  Boss
	is dead.  Her plan is over.

		 ALFRED
		(strange voiced)
	My plan is just beginning.  I'll
	forgive you for denying me the
	pleasure of slaughtering my
	boorish employers, but I'm afraid
	the birth of the new British
	Empire can have no witnesses!

		 HAWK
	Ooh-kay...

Alfred rushes forward with a howl.  Hawk meets him
halfway.  They trade savage punches and then lock onto
each other's throats.

Anna pulls a gun from a technician's holster and prays
for forgiveness.  She aims steadily, and fires...

right into Hawk's arm.  This allows Alfred to knock him
back with a strong punch.

		 ANNA
	Sorry!

She fires again.  The bullet pings off Hawk's belt buckle.

		 HAWK
	Stop helping me!  Thou shalt not
	kill!

Hawk's turning to chastize Anna, allows Alfred to kick
Hawk back against a wall.  Alfred lunges out with his
blade, hitting the wall off-angle.  Hawk yanks the shaft.
Alfred goes with the flow and presses the shaft on Hawk's
throat.

Gasping, Hawk looks to a rip in Alfred's shirt and sees
a hinge and lever on the shaft.  With an all or nothing
jerk, Hawk flicks the lever.  The shaft clicks on the
hinge.

Alfred's greater strength and narrower grip makes it fold
away from Hawk and suddenly it is Alfred's throat which
is caught in the V-shaped trap!  The momentum of the
sudden change makes Alfred stumble towards the wall until
the point of the "V" hits it--

		 HAWK
	Don't lose your head over this.

Hawk takes the six foot steel pole and gives a Babe Ruth
swing right onto the V.  The blades slam together and
POP ALFRED'S HEAD OFF, SENDING IT SCREAMING DISEMBODIED,
HIGH IN THE AIR.

ALFRED'S SCREAMING HEAD P.O.V.

Hawk and Anna are seen waving up to the viewer (Alfie's
head).

		 HAWK
	Excuse my crass American humor.

The machine thunders with another explosion.

THE DA VINCI WORKSHOP

Hawk and Anna rush into the Da Vinci workshop.  She
guiltily touches the surface wound on his arm.  He
delicately takes the gun from her and laughs until he
sees...

BUNNY THE DOG!! standing in the open mouth of the
workshop.  Anna turns to Hawk...

		 ANNA
	Allow me.

Anna confidently moves toward the dog until Bunny leaps
up and savagely clamps his teeth into her throat sending
her crashing to the ground.

Hawk pauses in disbelief before raising the gun.

Bunny continues to viciously gnaw away on the convulsing
Anna, blood gently starts to emerge.

Hawk can't get off a shot.  He throws down the gun in
exasperation.  It lands next to The Gadget that is
connected to the Tennis Ball Machine.  Hawk rushes
forward, picks up the gadget, turns the dial to Ten, and
then smiles sweetly toward the dog.

		 HAWK
	Oh Bunny, Ball-Ball.

Bunny stops his violent behavior and perkily looks up
blood droplets drizzling from his mouth.

Hawk slams down on the gadget.

A tennis ball comes rocketing out of the machine.

Bunny leaps and catches the rocketing ball but the force
of it sends him FLYING AND CRASHING out a window.

Hawk pulls up Anna as the machine completely EXPLODES.

A huge chunk of the roof THUDS before the workshop door.

Hawk suddenly looks off-camera and smiles.  Anna shakes
her head vigorously.  He pulls her out of the frame.

EXT. A VINCI COUNTRYSIDE TREE

A man awakens from a nap and pulls up his hat.  It is THE
TRAVELING JUGGLER WITH THE UNFORGETTABLY ETCHED FACE.

He pulls his three red balls from a pouch on his mule.
He begins a stoic juggle when another loud BOOM sends him
to the ground.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE GRAND CASTLE--DAY

An explosion of steam and gas blows out the windows!
Debris frisbees toward the camera along with....

Anna, hanging on Hawk's waist, and Hawk, hanging from
the bar on DA VINCI'S BAT WINGED GLIDER.

The glider gracefully swooshes down through the castle -
through the glorious vista.

EXT. THE ROAD TO THE CASTLE

The glider floats to a perfect landing before the
Unforgettable Juggler.

		JUGGLER
		  Che pazzo....

Hawk and Anna collect themselves and look up to the smoke
billowing castle.  They smile and gush in relief.  They
wrap arms around the confused but warming up Juggler and
laugh again.

A SMALL PIAZZA

The mule trots into a small storybook piazza in the hush
of dawn.  Hawk, Anna, and the unforgettable Juggler ride
atop it.

A WOMAN WITH AN UNFORGETTABLY ETCHED FACE moves to a cafe
table with a luminous smile.  She unfolds a table cloth
atop it and then mystically sets down two cappuccinos.

Hawk and Anna dismount, thank the Juggler, then cozy into
the table.

		HAWK
	Have I ever told you the world is
	beautiful...
		(semi-seductively)
	I'd really like to play
	Nintendo with you, or something...

		ANNA
	Hudson, I'm afraid I'm sticking
	with God.
		(smiling)
	But you're a close second, tough
	guy.  What is that smile?

		HAWK
		(broadly grinning)
	I got my planet back.

Hawk puts on a pair of sunglasses that look exactly like
the ones Da Vinci wore in the opening and raises his cup.

		HAWK
	The first one's for Alex.  Cheers.

The viewer's viewpoint moves into Hawk's lips having a
sip of that damn unmasculine European coffee.

				 FADE OUT.

THE END
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