Screenplays for You - free movie scripts and screenplays About   Links  
Screenplays and movie scripts organized alphabetically:
#  A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z   PDF



Stalag 17 (1953) movie script

by Billy Wilder and Edwin Blum.
Based on a play by Donald Bevan and Edmund Trzcinski.
Shooting draft.

More info about this movie on IMDb.com
						SEQUENCE "A"

FADE IN:

BARBED WIRE AGAINST A WINTRY NIGHT SKY

Beyond it, more barbed wire. Ice has formed on the strands. 
Now and then searchlight beams crisscross the pattern. As 
the CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES along the double fence, SUPERIMPOSE -

THE CREDIT TITLES

THE GREAT CAMP - (NIGHT)

A wide expanse of barren ground checkered with clusters of 
barracks, sectioned off into compounds by double barbed-wire 
fences, nine feet high. Searchlights sweep over the barracks, 
the muddy ground with the snow patches, and the pine forest 
beyond the barbed-wire. The searchlights come from the goon 
towers -- little guard houses elevated on poles -- 
interspersed along the fences.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
		(with an occasional 
		stammer)
	I don't know about you, but it always 
	make me sore when I see those war 
	pictures -- all about flying leather-
	necks and submarine patrols and 
	frogmen and guerillas in the 
	Philippines. I don't want to take 
	anything away from those guys, but 
	what gets me is that there never was 
	a movie about P.O.W.s -- about 
	prisoners of war. Now my name is 
	Clarence Harvey Cook, -- they call 
	me Cookie. I was shot down over 
	Magdeburg, Germany back in 43. That's 
	why I stammer a little once in a 
	while, especially when I get excited 
	and I always get excited when I talk 
	about Stalag 17. I spent two and a 
	half years in Stalag 17. Stalag is 
	the Kraut word for prison camp and 
	number 17 was somewhere near Krems 
	on the Danube. There were about forty 
	thousand P.O.W.s there, if...

OUR COMPOUND

In the foreground the big gate. Above it a sign: STALAG 17-
D. On both sides of the gate German guards in heavy coats, 
rifles slung over their shoulders. They stomp about in 
enormous boots with high cork soles to keep warm. Beyond the 
gate about eight low barracks form a U about the Appell-
ground. They are primitive one-story wooden structures all 
set up on stilts about two feet high. From one of the 
buildings -- the Administration Building -- flies the 
swastika. In between the barracks are the wash latrines. A 
road runs through the slushy compound to the compound beyond.

ONE OF THE GOON TOWERS

A couple of German guards up there, one at the machine gun, 
the other working the searchlight.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	you bothered to count the Russians 
	and the Poles and the Czechs. In our 
	Compound there were about six hundred 
	and thirty of us -- all American 
	airmen, all shot down by the Krauts -- 
	radio operators, gunners and engineers -- 
	all sergeants. Now you put six hundred 
	and thirty sergeants together and 
	boinnnnng! -- you've got yourself a 
	situation! There was more fireworks 
	shooting off around that place! Take 
	for instance the story about the spy 
	we had in our barrack. It was about 
	a week before Christmas in '44 and 
	two of our guys -- Manfredi and 
	Johnson to be exact -- were just 
	getting set to blow the joint...

THE HUNDEFUEHRER

A German guard plodding along inside the barbed wire with 
four mean mastiffs straining at the leash. The light from 
the goon tower grazes over him.

ONE OF THE BARRACKS

The light sweeps slowly over the long shack. Catches the 
sign: BARACKE 4. Catches one of the doors, locked from outside 
with a heavy wooden bar.

INSIDE BARRACK

Bunks on both sides. Tripledecked bunks. In the bunks seventy-
five American P.O.W.s huddled in blankets. In between the 
bunks, in the little space left to them, crude tables, an 
iron stove, makeshift stools. Every inch crowded with whatever 
they have. Up above and all the way down the barrack hangs 
their wash. Over all of it, the heavy stench of seventy-five 
men cooped up. From outside through the broken, patched 
windows the searchlight sweeps over the bunks. The men are 
all asleep. Or are they?

THE FAR END OF THE BARRACK

This is the strategic spot of the story. In the five tiers 
of bunks live our major characters.

In the upper bunk lies HOFFY. Little fellow. Plenty of 
authority. The Barrack Chief. His eyes are wide open. He is 
studying his wristwatch, the phosphorescent numerals shining 
in the dark.

In the other bunks lie the others, wide awake, tense:

DUKE, big bellyacher.

TRIZ, six-foot-three, ninety-eight pounds.

PRICE, the barrack Security Chief. Quiet, touch of class.

MANFREDI, no cover, fully dressed.

HARRY, bug-eyed, cocky.

BLONDIE, fair-skinned, boyish.

JOHNSON, fully dressed like Manfredi. Scared.

SEFTON, casual. In his mouth a cold cigar butt.

Hoffy again. Still staring at the wristwatch. This is the 
moment. He lifts the metal dogtags off his chest and jiggles 
them. This is the signal.

Duke instantly slides out of the bunk, grabs up his blanket 
and moves toward the window. A searchlight beam sweeps across. 
Duke goes flush on the ground. The light passes on. Duke 
gets up again and starts hanging the blanket over the window.

Now the others go into action, silently, efficiently. Except 
for Manfredi and Johnson they are all in long winter 
underwear, some in slacks and socks.

As for Sefton, he is lying in his bunk just watching them.

Blondie hangs a blanket over the window. Triz swings one 
over the clothesline to shield off their end of the barrack.

Hoffy and Price light a couple of handmade lamps: margarine 
in tin cans with the wick stuck inside.

Manfredi and Johnson are putting on their leather jackets.

Harry tries to awaken STOSH in the bunk above him. The wooden 
boards around Stosh's bunk are plastered with Betty Grable 
cheesecake. Harry pokes him. Stosh does not respond. Harry 
interlocks his fingers, puts them close to Stosh's ears and 
cracks them in a SHARP SALVO. Stosh opens his eyes, dazed. 
Harry pats Stosh's cheek.

		HARRY
		(in a whisper)
	Get up, Animal! Betty Grable's on 
	the phone!

Stosh gives him a dirty look. Gets out of the bunk. He and 
Harry move to the little iron stove. Triz is already 
dismantling the pipe above the stove. Harry and Stosh lift 
the stove and start inching it to one side.

Hoffy moving to a large bucket of water. It is a trick job: 
a bucket within a bucket. He lifts out the shallow inner 
part with the water. Hidden underneath are some civilian 
clothes. He takes them out, crosses to Manfredi and Johnson. 
(All the dialogue in this scene in whispers, of course.)

		HOFFY
	Here's your civilian clothes, boys.

		MANFREDI
	Okay, Hoffy.

Duke takes the clothes from Hoffy and starts stuffing them 
into a small barrack bag.

		HOFFY
	Bury your Army outfits before you 
	get out of the forest.

		MANFREDI
	Okay.

		HOFFY
	The compass is the top button on 
	your pants, Johnson.

		JOHNSON
	Okay.

Sefton, propped up in his bunk, watches the proceedings with 
a pitying little smile. He eyes wander to Harry and Stosh. 
By now they have moved the stove some four feet to the side, 
and start carefully lifting some sawed-off planks out of the 
floor.

Blondie is standing watch by the blanket-covered window, 
peeking out.

Price slips a wire hook down into the crack between a bunk 
and the wall, fishes out a sheaf of papers and walks to 
Manfredi and Johnson.

		PRICE
	Anybody asks for your papers, you're 
	French laborers.

He hands them the papers.

		PRICE
	Your map -- your Kraut money -- Swiss 
	francs.

		MANFREDI
	Roger.

		PRICE
	Now, let's hear it once more, boys.

		JOHNSON
	We've been over it a hundred times.

		HOFFY
	Let's hear it again.

		MANFREDI
	We stick to the forest going west 
	until we hit the Danube --

		PRICE
	Check.

		JOHNSON
	Then follow the Danube up to Linz --

		PRICE
	Check.

		JOHNSON
	In Linz we hop a barge and go all 
	the way to Ulm --

From OFF come the WEIRD SOUNDS of an ocarina being played. 
They turn.

It's JOEY in his bunk playing the sweet potato. He's nuts 
all right.

		DUKE
	Stop it, Joey -- go to sleep!

Joey hides the ocarina behind his back, afraid they may take 
it away.

		PRICE
	(to Johnson)
	Go on. You're in Ulm.

		JOHNSON
	Once in Ulm we lie low until night, 
	then take a train to Friedrichshafen.

		MANFREDI
	Then once in Friedrichshafen we steal 
	a rowboat, get some fishing tackle, 
	and start drifting across the lake -- 
	always south -- until we hit the 
	other side -- Switzerland.

Sefton has gotten out of his bunk, and is picking up the 
margarine lamp.

		SEFTON
	Bingo. Once in Switzerland, just 
	give out with a big yodel so we'll 
	know you're there. It's a breeze, 
	boys.

He lights his cigar butt with the margarine lamp. Manfredi 
and Johnson shoot him a nervous glance.

		HOFFY
	Stay out of it, Sefton.

		SEFTON
	Just one question. Did you calculate 
	the risk?

Harry and Stosh have by now removed the loose planks off the 
floor. A small black hole gapes below them.

		HARRY
	Ready.

Hoffy, Price, Manfredi and Johnson move toward the trap door, 
Johnson carrying the barrack bag. Hoffy looks at his watch.

		HOFFY
	You got ten minutes to get through 
	the tunnel. That'll bring you out 
	just when the Jerries are changing 
	shifts.
		(Turns to window)
	Blondie?

Blondie gives him the high sign.

		HOFFY
		(to Manfredi and 
		Johnson)
	Okay, boys -- peel off.

There are handshakes, goodbyes and good-lucks.

		STOSH
	When you get going on those broads, 
	think of me!

		HARRY
	Animal! Animal! Aren't you ashamed 
	of yourself? A couple of guys are 
	trying to escape and you're thinking 
	of broads. Broads?

He does a take.

		JOHNSON
		(with feeling)
	We'll miss you, you cruds.

He turns and climbs down through the trap. Before Manfredi 
follows him, he turns away, goes down on his knee, crosses 
himself quickly.

UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

Johnson has already landed on the ground. Manfredi slips 
down. They look around and start crawling off in the direction 
of the latrine.

INT. BARRACK 4 - (SHOOTING UP THROUGH TRAP)

Stosh is peering after them, his head hanging down through 
the trap from above. Beyond him in the barrack, Hoffy, Price 
and Duke bend over Stosh, waiting for developments.

UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

From Stosh's point of view: Manfredi and Johnson have now 
reached the end of the barrack and are crawling into the 
compound towards the wash latrine some fifteen feet away. A 
searchlight sweeps dangerously towards them.

INT. BARRACK

Stosh pulls up from the trap, his eyes closed, his fingers 
in his ears. He doesn't want to see or hear the two out there 
get shot. The others stand petrified. No shots, no screams. 
So Stosh bends down into the trap again.

EXT. BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

Manfredi and Johnson just manage to fling themselves back 
under the barrack as the searchlight sweeps past. Then, they 
get on their feet again and dash to the wash latrine -- just 
ahead of another searchlight from the other direction.

INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)

A primitive, roofless structure, with wooden partitions 
shielding it from the outside. Above, a water tank with pipes 
running down to spigots over a trough. Under the trough, a 
wooden lattice to stand on.

Manfredi and Johnson have reached first base. They stand 
breathless. Then Manfredi picks up the lattice, leans it 
against the trough, and lifts a dirt-covered trap leading 
into the tunnel. Johnson has tied the barrack bag to his own 
ankle. They HEAR BARKING. Freeze.

THE HUNDEFUEHRER

Leading the mastiffs past the wash latrine. One of the 
mastiffs is BARKING. He seems to smell something, but the 
other dogs pull him along.

INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)

Manfredi and Johnson wait until the BARKING fades in the 
distance. Johnson, the barrack bag tied to his ankle, jumps 
down into the narrow vertical shaft. Manfredi follows. He 
pulls the trap shut over his head in such a way that the 
lattice falls into place on top of it.

THE TUNNEL

A shaft about three feet square and five feet deep leads 
into a narrow, crudely shored-up tunnel. Johnson and Manfredi 
light their Zippo lighters and start worming their way through 
the tunnel, Johnson leading the way, the barrack bag dragging 
from his ankle.

INT. BARRACK

Harry and Stosh moving the stove back into place. Hoffy fixing 
up the trick bucket. Price pacing up and down. Sefton leaning 
against a bunk, smoking the cigar.

		HOFFY
	They ought to be under the barbed 
	wire soon.

		BLONDIE
		(still covering the 
		window)
	Looks good outside.

		STOSH
	I hope they hit the Danube before 
	dawn.

		PRICE
	They got a good chance. This is the 
	longest night of the year.

		TRIZ
	I bet you they make it to 
	Friedrichshafen all right.

		STOSH
	I bet they get all the way to 
	Switzerland!

		SEFTON
	And I bet they don't even get out of 
	the forest.

They all look at him.

		DUKE
	Now what kind of a crack is that?

		SEFTON
	No crack. Two packs of cigarettes 
	say they don't get out of the forest.

		HOFFY
	That's enough, Sefton. Crawl back 
	into your sack.

		HARRY
	He'd make book on his own mother 
	getting hit by a truck!

Sefton takes two packs of cigarettes from his pocket and 
throws them on the table.

		SEFTON
	Anybody call?

		HOFFY
	Go on, Sefton -- butt out!

		DUKE
	Wait a minute, Hoffy -- I want to 
	back those kids. I'll cover ten of 
	that.

He starts shaking cigarettes out of his pack onto the table.

		TRIZ
	I'll take five.

		PRICE
	Eight.

		HOFFY
	Put me down for ten, you louse.

		DUKE
		(throwing two packs 
		on the table)
	I'll call the whole pot.

		SEFTON
	Whatever you say.
		(calling off)
	Hey, Cookie -- get me some more 
	cigarettes.

COOKIE, a chipmunk of a kid, scrambles down from his bunk -- 
the one above Sefton's. Drags out a footlocker from under 
Sefton's bunk. The footlocker is chained to the bunk-post. 
Cookie opens it, starts taking cigarettes out.

About twelve guys are around Sefton by now, making their 
bets.

		HARRY
	Here's two and a half.

		SEFTON
	No butts.

Cookie comes over with a carton.

		COOKIE
		(With a stammer)
	W-w-will that do or do you want some 
	m-m-m --?

		SEFTON
	That'll do.

He rips open the carton.

		SEFTON
	Speak up, boys. Any more sports in 
	the crowd?

INSIDE TUNNEL

Johnson and Manfredi crawling on, by the light of their 
Zippos. Johnson dragging the bag behind him. They are dripping 
with perspiration. From above comes a little shower of loose 
earth.

Johnson stops as he comes to the end of the tunnel. There is 
another shaft leading up. He picks up a rusty can and starts 
digging at the earth above.

20. THE OPEN GROUND ABOVE - (NIGHT)

In the pine forest some thirty feet outside the barbed wire. 
From the goon towers, the lights sweep over the camp and 
over the edge of the forest.

The tin can thrusts through the ground as Johnson digs into 
the open. Then, when the opening is wide enough, he climbs 
out, his face covered with sweat and dirt. He helps Manfredi 
out. They lie on the ground for a moment, exhausted. Then 
Johnson starts untieing the bag from his ankle.

		MANFREDI
	Let's go.

He rises. There is a SHARP BURST of MACHINE GUN FIRE. Manfredi 
falls instantly. Johnson, not knowing where the gunfire is 
coming from, tries to turn and run, the bag dragging behind 
him.

From a hillock about thirty feet off a MACHINE GUN, manned 
by three German guards, is blasting away.

A light from one of the goon towers picks up Johnson, running. 
The machine gun gets him, ripping his chest. He spins and 
crumples to the ground. The light swings to Manfredi. 
Bleeding, he tries to crawl back to the safety of the tunnel. 
There is another BURST of FIRE --

INSIDE BARRACK

The men have all run to the window and look out.

All except Sefton and Cookie. They stand at the table where 
the cigarettes are. And in back of them: Joey, sitting in 
his bunk, comprehending nothing.

There is another BURST of FIRE. Then all is silent. The men 
turn back into the room, sickened.

		BLONDIE
	Filthy Krauts!

		DUKE
	What slipped up, Hoffy?

		HOFFY
	Don't ask me. Price was elected 
	Security.

		DUKE
		(To Price)
	Okay, Security -- what happened?

		PRICE
	I wish I knew. We had everything 
	figured out. To the last detail.

		STOSH
	Maybe the Krauts knew about that 
	tunnel all the time!

		HARRY
	Shut up, Animal!

		STOSH
	Maybe they were layin' for 'em out 
	there!

		SEFTON
		(casually)
	Yeah. Maybe.

He gives Cookie a sign. Cookie pulls the front of his shirt 
out of his pants and holds it out against the edge of the 
table. Sefton sweeps the mass of cigarettes into Cookie's 
shirt.

		DUKE
	Hold it, Sefton. So we heard some 
	shots -- so who says they didn't get 
	away?

		SEFTON
	Anybody here wanna double their bet?

No answer. He nods to Cookie again. Cookie carries the 
cigarettes to their bunks. Sefton follows him, kicks open 
the footlocker. Cookie dumps the loot in.

The men are looking at them. Stosh sees a cigarette on the 
floor which Cookie has dropped. He picks it up and tosses it 
into Sefton's footlocker viciously.

							FADE OUT:

						END OF SEQUENCE "A"

			SEQUENCE "B"

FADE IN:

THE CAMP - DAWN

Another miserable day has begun. The barracks loom in the 
murky light.

From the Administration Building -- the one with the swastika -- 
come a dozen German guards, Lugers hanging from their belts. 
They spread out and cross the muddy compound toward the 
barracks, BLOWING WHISTLES shrilly. They lift the wooden 
bars off the doors and go inside.

FELDWEBEL SCHULZ has arrived at Barrack 4. He is an enormous 
man, about fifty-five. His cauliflower ears make a good 
vegetable for his pig-knuckle face. He removes the bar, opens 
the door, stands there WHISTLING like a madman, enters.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	Funny thing about those Krauts. They 
	hated the sight of us yet they 
	couldn't wait to look at us again. 
	Every morning -- at six on the dot -- 
	they'd have the Appell -- that's 
	roll call to you. Each barrack had 
	its own alarm clock. Our alarm clock 
	was Johann Sebastian Schulz. I 
	understand the Krauts had a composer 
	way back with the Johann Sebastian 
	in it -- but I can tell you one thing: 
	Schulz was no composer. He was a 
	Schweinehund. Oh, Mother -- was he 
	ever a lousy Schweinehund!

INT. BARRACK

Schulz is marching down the barrack, beating the bunks with 
his stick.

		SCHULTZ
	Aufstehen, gentlemen! Appell! Raus! 
	Hurry up!

Men start sliding out of their bunks. Others roll over in 
their sacks, groaning.

		SCHULTZ
	You must get up for roll call! Raus, 
	raus, gentlemen! Everybody aufstehen! 
	Raus!

		MEN
	We heard you, Schulz!
	And good morning to you!
	Aw, break it off!
	Why don't you take that whistle and 
	shove it!
	Tell the Kommandant I've got 
	dysentery! 
	Shut up, Schulz -- you're talking to 
	sergeants of the United States Air 
	Force! 
	Look at this chilblain. Ain't it a 
	beaut!

		SCHULTZ
	Raus! Raus! Aufstehen!

Whacking the bunks, Schulz has reached our end of barrack. 
Hoffy and Price are getting into their clothes.

		HOFFY
	Come on, sack rats -- cut the bitchin' 
	and get up!

Duke, Triz and Blondie start climbing out, yawning and 
scratching themselves.

		PRICE
	Say, Schulz -- you guys had machine 
	gun practice last night?

		SCHULTZ
		(throwing up his hands)
	Ach, terrible! Such foolish boys. 
	Such nice boys. I'd better not talk 
	about it. It makes me sick to my 
	stomach.

		DUKE
	You killed them, huh? Both of them?

		SCHULTZ
	Such nice boys! It makes me sick to --

		DUKE
	Don't wear it out!

Schulz moves to Joey. Joey is sitting in his bunk, TOOTLING 
on his ocarina. Schulz raps the sweet potato with his stick.

		SCHULTZ
	Outside! You, too! Put away the 
	piccolo!

Joey hides the sweet potato, staring at Schulz, frightened. 
Schulz jerks him off the bunk.

		SCHULTZ
	Los, los. Dummkopf!

		HOFFY
		(pushing in)
	Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. 
	He's krank.

		SCHULTZ
	Sometimes I think he is fooling us 
	with that crazy business.

		HOFFY
	Yeah? How would you like to see the 
	guts of nine pals splattered all 
	over your plane?
		(to Joey)
	C'mon Joey -- don't be afraid.

He helps him up and starts putting clothes on him.

Schultz has approached bunk with Harry and Stosh. He pokes 
Harry with the stick.

		SCHULTZ
	Aufstehen, gentlemen! Please! You do 
	not want to stay in bed on such a 
	beautiful morning we are having today!

		HARRY
	Say, Schulz --

		SCHULTZ
	Jawohl?

		HARRY
	Sprechen Sie deutsch?

		SCHULTZ
	Jawohl.

		HARRY
	Then droppen Sie dead!

		SCHULTZ
		(splitting his sides)
	Ja -- ja! Droppen Sie dead! Always 
	mit the jokes! Droppen Sie dead!

He pokes Stosh with the stick.

		SCHULTZ
	Aufstehen! Appell!

He moves on.

Harry bends over Stosh, shaking him.

		HARRY
	Get up, Animal. Come on!

Stosh doesn't budge. Harry again gives him a knuckle-cracking 
salvo. Stosh opens his eyes automatically.

		HARRY
		(sweetly)
	Good morning, Animal! What'll it be 
	for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with 
	little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny-
	side up? Griddle cakes? A waffle?

		STOSH
	Stop it, Harry!

		HARRY
	Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little 
	cocoa?

		STOSH
		(grabbing him by the 
		collar)
	Why do you do this to me every 
	morning?

		HARRY
		(with sadistic speed)
	Hamburger and onions! Strawberry 
	shortcake! Gefillte fish! Banana 
	split! French fried potatoes! Chicken 
	a la king!

The last items are coming out with a gurgling SOUND as Stosh 
tightens the grip on Harry's neck.

		STOSH
	I'll kill you, Harry -- so help me!

		HARRY
	Let go, Animal! It's roll call! Hitler 
	wants to see you!

Sefton is standing near his bunk, getting dressed. Cookie is 
helping him to zip up his luxurious flyer's boots.

		SCHULTZ
	Good morning, Sefton.

		SEFTON
	Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. 
	Schulz? And all the little Schulzes?

		SCHULTZ
	Fine -- fine!

He looks at the two bunks which were occupied by Manfredi 
and Johnson. Takes off his gloves.

		SCHULTZ
	Let us see. We have now two empty 
	bunks here.
		(takes out pencil and 
		notebook, writes)
	Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer 
	dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier.

		PRICE
	Suppose you let those mattresses 
	cool off a little -- just out of 
	decency?

		SCHULTZ
	Ja, ja, gewiss! It is only that we 
	are cramped for space with new 
	prisoners every day.
		(to the whole barrack)
	Gentlemen! Outside! Please! Do you 
	want me to have trouble with the 
	Kommandant again!

He starts herding them out the door.

		STOSH
	Hey, Schulz -- as long as you're 
	going to move somebody in -- how 
	about a couple of those Russian 
	broads?

		SCHULTZ
	Russian women prisoners?

		HARRY
	Jawohl!

		SCHULTZ
	Some are not bad at all.

		STOSH
	Just get us a couple with big 
	Glockenspiels.

		SCHULTZ
	Ja! Ja! Droppen Sie dead!

Splitting his sides, he pushes them out, and follows.

EXT. COMPOUND - COLD GREY MORNING

Most of the P.O.W.s are out of their barracks by now. A mass 
of freezing, disheveled men. Some wear Army coats over their 
underwear, knitted caps pulled down over their ears. Some 
are huddled in blankets, their feet in wooden clogs. Only a 
few are fully dressed and shaven. A few are on crutches or 
bandaged up.

They assemble before their respective barracks, forming a U 
facing the center of the compound. The barrack chiefs are 
assisting the guards in lining them up, fifteen abreast and 
five deep.

Supervised by Schulz and Hoffy the last ones from Barrack 4 
emerge.

		HOFFY
	All right, men -- fall in!

From off comes:

		GERMAN OFFICER'S VOICE
	Ach-tung! Abzaehlen!

The HUB-BUB dies down.

The guards march down the front line of their barrack groups, 
counting the lines of five in German.

As Schulz passes him, Blondie spots something in the middle 
of the compound. He nudges Duke. Duke nudges Price, Price 
Harry, Harry Stosh, Stosh Cookie. Cookie nudges Sefton who 
is putting on his wool gloves. The glove drops. They all 
look off in the same direction.

In the center of the compound, right smack in the mud, lie 
the corpses of Johnson and Manfredi, covered with a blanket. 
You know it's them because Johnson's foot is sticking out, 
with the barrack bag still tied to it.

A stir goes through the men of Barrack 4. They are hit hard. 
All but Sefton. He looks at the corpses for a moment, then 
bends down, picks up the glove and starts putting it on.

In front of the Administration Building a German Lieutenant 
has been supervising a couple of guards as they lay narrow 
planks over the mud in a line leading to the middle of the 
compound. He turns now to the P.O.W.s.

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	Parade Atten-tion!

The German guards come to rigid attention. The Americans 
just stand there, sullenly.

The Lieutenant comes to a heil salute. Through the open door 
of the Administration Building steps the Kommandant, OBERST 
VON SCHERBACH, followed by another Lieutenant. Von Scherbach 
is a big erect officer of the Potsdam School. Over his 
shoulder hangs a furlined officer's coat. His boots shine 
like polished glass. He glances over the compound, then walks 
down the planks, followed by the two Lieutenants, marching 
through the mud on both sides of him. Von Scherbach stops at 
the end of the plank. In front of him lies a deep puddle. He 
clicks his heels and raises his hand in a heil salute.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Guten Morgen, Sergeants!

A glowering silence from the men. Von Scherbach lowers his 
hand.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Nasty weather we're having, eh? And 
	I so much hoped that we could give 
	you a white Christmas -- just like 
	the ones you used to know... Aren't 
	those the words that clever little 
	man wrote -- you know the one who 
	stole his name from our capital -- 
	that something-or-other Berlin?

He waits until his nasty little joke sinks in. Schulz has 
come up to the Lieutenant, salutes and hands him the slips 
of paper with the prisoner count.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Look at that mud. Come spring -- and 
	I do hope you'll still be with us 
	next spring -- we shall plant some 
	grass here -- and perhaps some 
	daffodils --

He turns to the Lieutenant for the tabulations.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Ich bitte!

		LIEUTENANT
		(checking the papers)
	Melde gehorchsamst: 628 Gefangene. 
	Zwei Mann fehlen in Baracke vier.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(to the P.O.W.s)
	I understand we are minus two men 
	this morning. I am surprised at you, 
	gentlemen. Here I am trying to be 
	your friend and you do these 
	embarrassing things to me. Don't you 
	know this could get me into hot water 
	with the High Command? They do not 
	like men escaping from Stalag 17 - 
	especially, not enemy airmen from 
	Compound D. We plucked you out of 
	the skies and now we must see to it 
	you do not fly away. Because you 
	would come back and blast our cities 
	again. The High Command would be 
	very angry with me. They would strip 
	me of my rank. They would courtmartial 
	me, after all these years of a perfect 
	record! Now you wouldn't want that 
	to happen to me, would you? 
	Fortunately, those two men --

From the ranks of the men comes the EERIE DISSONANT SOUNDS 
of Joey's SWEET POTATO.

Joey, in the second row of the Barrack 4 company, is playing 
on his ocarina, oblivious to what is going on. Stosh turns 
and quickly grabs the ocarina from Joey's mouth.

Von Scherbach chooses to disregard the little musical 
interlude.

		VON SCHERBACH
	As I was saying: fortunately those 
	two men did not get very far. They 
	had the good sense to rejoin us again, 
	so my record would stand unblemished. 
	Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag 
	17. Not alive, anyway.

He snaps his fingers in the direction of the guard who stands 
watch over the corpses.

The guard pulls back the blanket in such a manner that all 
we can see is the barrack bag tied to Johnson's leg.

The P.O.W.s however see the corpses. There is an ANGRY BUZZ.

Hoffy marches up to Von Scherbach.

		HOFFY
		(saluting)
	Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?

		HOFFY
	As the duly elected Compound Chief, 
	I protest the way these bodies are 
	left lying in the mud.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Anything else?

		HOFFY
	Yes. According to the Geneva 
	Convention, dead prisoners are to be 
	given a decent burial.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva 
	Convention. They will be given the 
	burial they deserve. Or perhaps you 
	would suggest we haul in twenty-one 
	cannons from the Eastern Front and 
	give them a twenty-one gun salute?

Hoffy turns on his heel and walks back to his men.

Von Scherbach, without even looking at the corpses, snaps 
his fingers. The guard throws the blanket back over the 
bodies.

		VON SCHERBACH
	For the last time, gentlemen, let me 
	remind you: any prisoners found 
	outside the barracks after lights 
	out will be shot on sight. 
	Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack 
	4, the one camouflaging the trap 
	door, will be removed. And so that 
	the men from this barrack will not 
	suffer from the cold, they will keep 
	warm by filling in the escape tunnel. 
	Is that clear?

The men just stand there, in frustrated anger. Stosh clenches 
the ocarina in his first.

		VON SCHERBACH
	All right, then, gentlemen. We are 
	all friends again. And with Christmas 
	coming on, I have a special treat 
	for you. I'll have you all deloused 
	for the holidays. And I'll have a 
	little tree for every barrack. You 
	will like that.

Stosh, with a quick underhand flip, throws the sweet potato 
in the direction of Von Scherbach.

It lands smack in the middle of the puddle in front of Von 
Scherbach and splashes his boots with mud.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(stiffening)
	Who did this?

Absolute silence.

		VON SCHERBACH
	I will give the funny man exactly 
	five seconds to step forward.

He looks about the compound. Five seconds pass. Nobody moves.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Then you shall all stand here if it 
	takes all day and all night.

From the ranks of the men of Barrack 4, Stosh steps forward.

		VON SCHERBACH
	That is better!

But his triumph is short-lived, for almost instantly Harry 
steps forward alongside Stosh. Then Duke and Blondie and 
Cookie. Spontaneously, men from all the other barracks follow 
until all the P.O.W.s have moved forward one step.

		VON SCHERBACH
	I see! Six hundred funny men! ...There 
	will be no Christmas trees! But there 
	will be delousing.
		(to Schulz)
	With ice water from the hoses!

He wheels about and marches back up the plank and into the 
Administration Building. His Lieutenants after him. Two of 
the guards start picking up the planks again.

		SCHULTZ
		(shouting, to the 
		P.O.W.s)
	Dismissed!

The men break ranks, going off in all directions, some back 
to the barracks, some toward the latrines.

Only Joey stands where he stood, his eyes fastened on the 
puddle. Slowly he walks toward it. He bends down and fishes 
out his sweet potato, dripping with mud. It is broken. He 
wipes the pieces off on his coat and hides them inside his 
jacket.

INT. WASH LATRINE

Packed with men from Barrack 4, about two dozen of them. 
Others waiting outside for their turn. At the trough washing: 
Hoffy, Price, Duke, Stosh, Harry, Cookie and Sefton. No soap. 
A couple of worn-out towels. Except for Sefton: He's got 
soap, towel and tooth brush.

		STOSH
		(imitating von 
		Scherbach)
	'We will remove the iron stove -- 
	the one that was camouflaging the 
	trap door.'

		HARRY
	I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis 
	ain't Kosher.

		STOSH
	You can say that again!

		HARRY
	I'm telling you, Animal -- these 
	Nazis ain't Ko --

		STOSH
		(grabbing him)
	I said say it again. I didn't say 
	repeat it.

Triz reaches for Sefton's soap, but gets a sharp rap on the 
knuckles.

		SEFTON
	Private property, bub.

		DUKE
	How come the Krauts knew about that 
	stove, Security? And the tunnel? How 
	come you can't lay down a belch around 
	here without them knowing it?

		PRICE
	Look -- if you don't like the way 
	I'm handling this job --

		HOFFY
	Kill it, Duke. It's got us all 
	spinning.

		DUKE
	I just want to know what makes those 
	Krauts so smart.

		STOSH
	Maybe they're doin' it with radar. 
	Maybe they got a mike hidden some 
	place.

		HARRY
	Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.

		DUKE
	Or maybe it's not that they're so 
	smart. Maybe it's that we're so 
	stupid. Maybe there's somebody in 
	our barracks that's tipping 'em off! 
	One of us!

		HOFFY
	Come again?

		DUKE
	You betcha. I said one of us is a 
	stoolie. A dirty, stinkin' stoolie!

		SEFTON
	Is that Einstein's theory? Or did 
	you figure it out yourself?

A P.O.W. sticks his head into the doorway.

		P.O.W.
		(breathless)
	New dames in the Russian compound!

Stosh lets go with a SCREAM. He takes off like shot from a 
cannon, Harry after him. Instantly the wash latrine is emptied 
of the men, wet as they are. Nobody is left but Price, Hoffy, 
Duke, Sefton and Cookie.

EXT. COMPOUND

It's a stampede. P.O.W.s are rushing across the compound 
toward the Russian compound.

Stosh, charging like a bull, gets tripped and falls flat on 
his puss right into a mud puddle. Harry zooms past him. Stosh 
picks himself up and runs after him, his winter underwear 
dripping with mud.

THE BARBED WIRE FENCE

dividing the American and Russian compounds. P.O.W.s rush in 
from all sides, about a hundred of them. They go as far as 
they are permitted; to a low warning wire, running parallel 
to the big fence some fifteen feet away. To cross the warning 
wire is verboten. The German guards up in the goon towers 
insure that.

There is great excitement among the P.O.W.s. Some give out 
with cat-calls and wolf-whistles; others just stand there 
staring.

Beyond the fence a new batch of Russian prisoners has just 
been brought in. German guards are counting some sixty 
prisoners, about twenty of them women. They all are in 
uniforms and wear boots, a bedraggled lot. The women are big 
buxom dames, not exactly Golden Circle material, but this is 
war.

The Americans jump up and down trying to attract the women's 
attention. They throw cigarettes, chewing gum, chocolate. 
One guy is dancing the Kazatski, two of his pals holding him 
up.

		P.O.W.S
	Yee-ow!
	Tovarich! Tovarich!
	Oh you sweethearts!
	Let's open the third front!
	Hey, Minks -- Pinsk!
	How about some borscht -- the two of 
	us!

Stosh and Harry push right up to trip wire. Stosh, plastered 
with mud, goes completely berserk.

		STOSH
	Hey -- Russki -- Russki! Look at 
	those bublichkis! Over here!

		HARRY
	Comrade! Comrade! Otchi Tchorniya -- 
	Otchi Tchorniya!

Stosh puts two fingers in his mouth and tries to whistle. He 
gets his mouth full of mud. Spits out the mud. Searches madly 
through his pockets and throws whatever he can find across 
the fence.

		STOSH
	Chewing gum -- chewing gum!

Some of the Russian women break the ranks to pick up the 
goodies that come flying over. The German guards push them 
back. The women smile at the Americans and wave.

		STOSH
		(at the top of his 
		lungs)
	Look at me! I'm your baby!
		(to Harry)
	Get a load of that blonde one! Built 
	like a brick Kremlin!

		HARRY
	Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is 
	Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman 
	of Barrack four!

		STOSH
	Lay off! The blonde is mine!

The women are being led away by the guards.

		STOSH
		(screaming)
	Hey, Olga -- Volga -- wait for me!

He takes off blindly toward the women, trips immediately 
over the warning wire and falls flat on his face in the mud 
again.

Up in the goon tower the guard swivels the machine gun and 
yells down.

		GUARD
	Zurueck oder wir schiessen! Zurueck!

Harry frantically grabs Stosh by the feet and pulls him back, 
under the wire.

		STOSH
	Let me go! Let me go!

		HARRY
	They'll shoot you, Animal!

He lies right on top of him, holding him by the wrists.

		STOSH
	I don't care! Let me go!

From OFF come the SOUNDS of a dishpan being beaten and shouts 
of "Chow!" Some of the P.O.W.s start to go back to the 
barracks.

		HARRY
	It's chow, Animal! Chow!

		STOSH
	Who wants to eat? I just wanna get 
	over there!

		HARRY
	No you don't! You don't want any 
	broads with boots on!

		STOSH
	I don't care if they wear galoshes!

		HARRY
	You want Betty Grable!

		STOSH
	Let me go!

		HARRY
		(yelling)
	Betty Grable!

Stosh's face lights up.

		HARRY
	Animal! When the war's over, remember 
	I told you I'd fix you up with Betty 
	Grable!

		STOSH
	Yeah? How you going to fix me up 
	with Betty Grable?

		HARRY
	How? We go to California. I got a 
	cousin that's working for the Los 
	Angeles Gas Company. That's how we 
	get the address, see? Isn't that 
	clever? I take you up to her house 
	and ring the doorbell and say, 
	'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We 
	have voted you the girl we'd most 
	like to be behind barbed wire with, 
	and I'm here to present the award'.

		STOSH
	What's the award?

		HARRY
	What d'ya think, jerko! You're the 
	award!

		STOSH
	Me? What if she don't want me?

		HARRY
	If she don't want you, she don't get 
	anything.

		STOSH
		(grabbing him)
	You're teasing me again!

		HARRY
		(gagging)
	Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll 
	miss chow!

Stosh relaxes his hold and drops him like a limp rag. They 
scramble to their feet and run off towards Barrack 4.

INT. BARRACK

Chow time. Most of the men sit around eating. Only a few are 
still in line. They stand before a washtub, from which Triz 
ladles out a thin brew. Then each man gets a pitiful slice 
of sawdust bread, cut by Blondie at the table.

		1ST G.I.
		(in chow line)
	What's this stuff anyhow? Manicure 
	water?

		2ND G.I.
	This is what I like -- a hearty meal.

		3RD G.I.
	They finally found the formula: an 
	Ersatz of an Ersatz.

Hoffy, back in the line with Joey, carrying both chow cans.

		HOFFY
	What's holding up the parade?

		4TH G.I.
	Are you supposed to drink this stuff 
	or shave?

		DUKE
		(next in line)
	Drink.
		(tastes the stuff)
	Shave.

Hoffy gets the two cans filled, gives one to Joey. This is 
the end of the line.

		TRIZ
	Anyone else want potato soup?

No answer. He takes out a homemade washboard and a pair of 
socks, puts them in the tea and starts scrubbing.

Through the door, Stosh and Harry come running.

		STOSH
		(out of breath)
	Chow! Where's the chow!

He dashes to his bunk, gets his chow can and is about to dip 
it into the tub, when he sees what Triz is doing.

		STOSH
	Take your socks outa my breakfast!

Triz takes the socks out. Stosh dips in his chow can.

		HARRY
	No, Animal.

		STOSH
	No?

		HARRY
	No. Your eyeball goes. The top of 
	your head. Gotta wind up with 
	athlete's stomach.

Stosh pours back his tea, a miserable man. His eyes fall on 
the door. An electric shock goes through him. He grabs Harry's 
arm. They look off:

Sefton has come into the barrack and is crossing toward the 
iron stove. In his hand is the incredible -- more beautiful 
than all the Kohinoors in the world: an egg.

Harry and Stosh stand there with their eyes bulging. They 
start forward, drawn by the egg.

Cookie is at the stove, tending a can of boiling water. He 
sees Sefton and puts a makeshift skillet (the banged-up top 
of a tin can) with a dab of margarine in it, on the fire. 
Sefton takes some keys out of his pocket, tosses them to 
Cookie.

		SEFTON
	Set 'er up, Cookie. I'm starved.

Cookie goes towards Sefton's bunk. Sefton cracks the egg 
into the skillet. Stosh and Harry move in, their eyes bulging 
at sight of the sizzling beauty.

		HARRY
	Easy, Animal! Easy!

		STOSH
	Where'd that come from?

		SEFTON
	From a chicken, bug-wit.

		STOSH
	A chicken?

		HARRY
	Don't you remember, Animal? A chicken 
	lays those things.

		STOSH
	It's beautiful!
		(to Sefton)
	You goin' to eat it all yourself?

		SEFTON
	Uh-huh. The yellow and the white.

He flips the egg over in the skillet. Harry and Stosh cover 
their eyes and yelp in panic. To their relief they see that 
the egg has landed safely. The aroma of the frying egg has 
brought about six P.O.W.s down from their bunks. They crowd 
around, their mouths watering.

		STOSH
	Is it all right if we smell it?

		SEFTON
	Just don't drool on it.

		HARRY
	You're not going to eat the eggshells?

		SEFTON
	Help yourself.

He tosses him the eggshells. Harry gives one half to Stosh.

		STOSH
		(grateful)
	Thanks. You're a real pal!
		(on second thought)
	What're we goin' to do with it?

		HARRY
	Plant it, Animal, and grow us a 
	chicken for Christmas.

Cookie, at Sefton's bunk, has taken from one of the 
footlockers three cans, a china cup with a broken handle, a 
fork, a spoon, and a salt-and-pepper shaker. He slams the 
locker shut with his foot and sets everything up on the other 
footlocker. Hoffy, Duke and Price, seated at the table eating 
chow, eye him with disgust.

From the stove comes Sefton carrying the skillet and the can 
of boiling water. The other P.O.W.s, including Harry and 
Stosh, follow him, hypnotized by the egg. Sefton walks to 
his bunk, sits down on a little stool, puts salt and pepper 
on the egg. Cookie meanwhile has opened the cans. From one 
of them he measures out a spoonful of instant coffee into 
the cup and pours the boiling water over it. Sefton takes 
two lumps of sugar out of the other can and some Zwieback 
from the third can. The guys around him sniff the royal 
breakfast. The situation is tense.

		HOFFY
	If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that 
	egg some place else. Like for instance 
	under the barrack.

		SEFTON
		(sipping the coffee, 
		to Cookie)
	A little weak today.

Cookie puts another half a spoonful of instant coffee into 
the cup.

		DUKE
	Come on, Trader Horn! Let's hear it: 
	what'd you give the Krauts for that 
	egg?

		SEFTON
		(eating away)
	Forty-five cigarettes. The price has 
	gone up.

		STOSH
	That wouldn't be the cigarettes you 
	took us for last night?

		SEFTON
	What was I going to do with them? I 
	only smoke cigars.

		DUKE
	Nice guy! The Krauts shoot Manfredi 
	and Johnson last night and today 
	he's out trading with them.

		SEFTON
	Look, this may be my last hot 
	breakfast on account of they're going 
	to take away that stove. So will you 
	let me eat it in peace?

		STOSH
	Ain't that too bad! Tomorrow he'll 
	have to suck a raw egg!

		HARRY
	He don't have to worry. He'll trade 
	the Krauts for a six-burner gas range. 
	Maybe a deep freeze too.

		SEFTON
	What's your beef, boys? So I'm 
	trading. Everybody here is trading. 
	Only maybe I trade a little sharper. 
	So that makes me a collaborator.

		DUKE
	A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to 
	have some of that loot you got in 
	those footlockers!

		SEFTON
	You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- 
	the first week I was in this joint 
	somebody stole my Red Cross package, 
	my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I 
	wised up since. This ain't no 
	Salvation Army -- this is everybody 
	for himself. Dog eat dog.

		DUKE
	You stink, Sefton!

He goes after him.

		HOFFY
	Come off it! Both of you!

A couple of P.O.W.s hold Duke back.

		SEFTON
	Now you've done it. You've given me 
	nervous indigestion.
		(he gets up)
	Anything else bothering you, boys?

		PRICE
	Just one little thing. How come you 
	were so sure Manfredi and Johnson 
	wouldn't get out of the forest?

		SEFTON
	I wasn't so sure. I just liked the 
	odds.

He picks up the skillet with the half-eaten egg.

		SEFTON
	And what's that crack supposed to 
	mean?

		PRICE
	They're lying dead in the mud out 
	there and I'm trying to find out how 
	come.

		SEFTON
	I'll tell you how come.
		(pointing at Hoffy)
	The Barrack Chief gave them the green 
	light. And you, our Security Officer, 
	said it'd be safe. That's how come.

He crosses to Joey who has been sitting on the edge of the 
bunk looking on blankly and puts the skillet with the egg on 
his lap. Turns back to the others.

		SEFTON
	What're you guys trying to prove 
	anyway? Cutting trap doors! Digging 
	tunnels! You know what the chances 
	are to get out of here? And let's 
	say you do get all the way to 
	Switzerland! Or say to the States? 
	So what? They ship you to the Pacific 
	and slap you in another plane. And 
	you get shot down again and you wind 
	up in a Japanese prison camp. That's 
	if you're lucky! Well, I'm no escape 
	artist! You can be the heroes, the 
	boys with the fruit salad on your 
	chest. Me -- I'm staying put. And 
	I'm going to make myself as 
	comfortable as I can. And if it takes 
	a little trading with the enemy to 
	get me some food or a better mattress 
	or a woman -- that's okay by Sefton!

He strikes a match on the sleeve of Duke's leather jacket 
and lights himself a cigar.

		DUKE
	Why you crud! This war's going to be 
	over some day -- then what do you 
	think we'll do to Kraut-kissers like 
	you?

He lunges forward and there is a fracas, the others trying 
to hold them back.

From off comes:

		MARKO'S VOICE
	At ease! At ease!

MARKO, the Inter-barrack Communications officer, has entered 
from the compound, followed by a one-legged P.O.W., THE 
CRUTCH. Marko gets up on a stool a piece of paper in his 
hand.

		MARKO
		(yelling)
	AT EASE!

		HOFFY
	Break it off, boys! At ease for the 
	news!

The ruckus subsides.

		MARKO
	Today's Camp News!
		(reading)
	Father Murray announces that due to 
	local regulations the Christmas 
	midnight Mass will be held at seven 
	in the morning!

		STOSH
	You can tell Father Murray to --

		MARKO
	At ease! He also says, quote: All 
	you sack rats better show up for the 
	services and no bull from anybody. 
	Unquote. At ease! Monday afternoon a 
	sailboat race will be held at the 
	cesspool. See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack 
	7 if you want to enter a yacht. Next: 
	Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will 
	play Frank deNotta and Mike Cohen 
	for the pinochle championship of the 
	camp.

		HARRY
	That's a fix.

		MARKO
	At ease! Tuesday afternoon at two 
	o'clock all men from Texas will meet 
	behind the north latrine.

Boos and cheers.

		MARKO
	At ease! Next: A warning from 
	Kommandant von Scherbach. Anybody 
	found throwing rocks at low-flying 
	German aircraft will be thrown in 
	the boob. At ease! At ease!
		(then in a lower voice)
	Are the doors covered?

He looks around to make sure.

		MARKO
		(to The Crutch)
	Okay, Steve. Give 'em the radio.

The Crutch, leaning against the edge of the table, pulls up 
the empty pant leg. Attached there is a small radio, a 
makeshift set with tubes showing. Also a pair of earphones. 
Blondie starts getting it out.

		MARKO
		(to Hoffy)
	You can keep it for two days.

		HOFFY
	Two days? We're supposed to have it 
	for a week!

		MARKO
	You're lucky to get it at all. The 
	boys are afraid the Jerries'll find 
	it here. This barrack is jinxed.

		PRICE
	Don't worry. We'll take care of it.

		HOFFY
		(to Stosh and Harry)
	Take some men and get the antenna 
	going. Let's see if we can catch the 
	BBC.

In the background, Harry gets a volley ball from under the 
bunk, Stosh picks up a roll of chicken wire from a corner of 
the barrack, and the two lead six other P.O.W.s out into the 
compound.

		MARKO
	What about those guys last night? 
	What gives in this barrack anyway?

		DUKE
	Just a little sickness. Somebody 
	around here's got the German measles.

		SEFTON
	He oughta know. He went to Johns 
	Hopkins. He used to be a bedpan.

		MARKO
	What's the gag?

		SEFTON
		(imitating him)
	At ease! At ease!

Marko shrugs and turns to Hoffy.

		MARKO
	Be sure to put down the news. Looks 
	like the Germans have started a 
	counter-offensive and the other 
	barracks want to know.

Marko and The Crutch go off.

EXT. BARRACK

The men are setting up the chicken wire, attaching one end 
to the barrack, and the other to a tall post: it becomes a 
volley ball net, and in turn, an antenna. Stosh is slipping 
a wire through the window into the barrack. They divide into 
two teams, Stosh and Harry on opposite sides, and start 
playing volley ball. In the background, Marko and The Crutch 
are seen walking away.

INT. BARRACK

Triz has connected the antenna wire to the radio on the t 
able. Blondie is sitting there with the earphones on, working 
the dials, Price sitting next to him with pencil and paper. 
The others stand around waiting.

		PRICE
	Getting anything?

		BLONDIE
	Getting too much. I'm tryin' to 
	unscramble.

		SEFTON
	If you can't get the BBC, how about 
	getting Guy Lombardo?

		HOFFY
	Are we boring you?

		BLONDIE
	Hold it... Quiet...

He repeats what he hears over the earphones while Price writes 
it down.

		BLONDIE
	...has driven across Luxemburg... 
	The second German wedge is reported 
	fourteen miles west of Malmedy where 
	tank columns cut the road to 
	Bastogne... the Allied Air Force is 
	grounded by poor visibility...

The boys don't like what they hear.

EXT. BARRACK

The volley ball game is in fine progress, the ball popping 
back and forth across the antenna. A German guard approaches, 
puzzled over the sports activity on this lousy winter day. 
He is a singularly grim fellow. He starts circling them. 
Harry and Stosh, to appear nonchalant, break into the 
SCHNITZELBANK SONG. The guard moves dangerously close to the 
window. Quickly Harry flips the ball over the net at him. 
The guard slaps it back across the net. Again Harry pops it 
at him ... and slowly the guard finds himself sucked into 
the game.

		HARRY
	Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar!

		STOSH
	He's the grrrrreatest!

The guard permits himself a smile as he goes on playing.

INT. BARRACK

The boys around the radio.

		BLONDIE
		(Repeating what he 
		hears)
	...five Panzer divisions and nine 
	infantry divisions of von Rundstedt's 
	army have poured into the wide 
	breach... meanwhile two of Patton's 
	tank units have been diverted toward 
	Bastogne and are trying to --

It's jammed again. Blondie fiddles with the dials.

		HOFFY
	Come on!

		BLONDIE
	Static!

		DUKE
	Static is right! The radio's static, 
	Patton's static, we're static!

		SEFTON
	Maybe it's going to be a longer war 
	than you figured -- eh, Duke?

Triz, who has been standing watch at the door, now sees:

EXT. COMPOUND

Marching toward Barrack 4 are four German soldiers headed by 
Schulz.

INT. BARRACK

Triz reaches up and snaps a string. All the wash in the 
barrack jumps up and down. That's the signal.

Immediately the boys jump into action. Triz and Blondie 
disconnect the wires. Hoffy takes the radio off the table 
and they all start dispersing.

EXT. BARRACK

Schulz and the four German soldiers are about to enter the 
barrack. Schulz pauses as he sees the guard playing volley 
ball enthusiastically. Schulz taps him on his back. The guard 
wheels around, freezes, clicks his heels. Schulz gives him a 
disapproving look. Then he leads the four soldiers into the 
barrack. Harry, Stosh and the other P.O.W.s follow, worried.

Schulz and the soldiers enter the barrack, followed by Harry, 
Stosh and the other players.

The guys have just assumed innocent positions. A little too 
innocent maybe.

		SCHULTZ
	Did I interrupt something, gentlemen?

		STOSH
	Yeah. We were just passing out guns.

		SCHULTZ
		(laughing)
	Always joking. Always making 
	wisecrackers!

		HARRY
	Wisecrackers? Where did he pick up 
	his English? In a pretzel factory?

		SCHULTZ
	You always think I am a square. I 
	have been to America.
		(he shows them his 
		cauliflower ears)
	I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis 
	and Cincinnati. And I will go back! 
	The way the war is going I will be 
	there before you!

		HARRY
	You should live so long.

Schulz has taken a wallet out of his pocket, shows a 
photograph to them.

		SCHULTZ
	This is me in Cincinnati.

		STOSH
	Who's the other wrestler? The one 
	with the mustache?

		SCHULTZ
	That is my wife.

		STOSH
		(taking the photograph)
	Look at all that meat. Isn't she the 
	bitter end!

		SCHULTZ
		(snatching it from 
		him)
	Give it back. You must not arouse 
	yourselves.

		HARRY
	Hey, Schulz! I got a deal for you. 
	Suppose you help us escape. We'll go 
	home and have everything ready for 
	you in Madison Square Garden. For 
	the world championship! Schulz, the 
	Beast of Bavaria versus Halitosis 
	Jones!

		SCHULTZ
	Droppen Sie dead!
		(to the German soldiers)
	Raus mit dem Ofen. Los! Los!

The soldiers move toward the stove. As the scene proceeds 
they dismantle the stove and ultimately carry it out.

		SCHULTZ
		(to the P.O.W.s)
	All right, gentlemen! We will now 
	all go outside for a little gymnastic 
	and take some shovels and undig the 
	tunnel which you digged.

		STOSH
	Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- 
	with the Kommandant on one end and 
	you on the other.

		SCHULTZ
	It is not me. It is the orders. I am 
	your friend. I am your best friend 
	here.

		DUKE
	Cut out the guff, Schulz. We're on 
	to you. You know everything that's 
	happening in this barrack. Who's 
	tipping you off?

		SCHULTZ
	Tipping me off? I do not understand.

		HOFFY
	You're wasting your time, Duke.
		(to the others)
	Outside, everybody! Let's get it 
	over with.

		PRICE
	Wait a second, Hoffy. Schulz says 
	he's our best friend. Maybe he can 
	give us a little hint.

		DUKE
	Come on, Schulz! Spill it! How did 
	you get the information? About 
	Manfredi and Johnson? About the stove 
	and the tunnel? Who's giving it to 
	you? Which one of us is it?

		SCHULTZ
	Which one of you is what?

		PRICE
	Which one of us is the informer?

		SCHULTZ
	You are trying to say that an American 
	would inform on other Americans?

		DUKE
	That's the general idea.
		(looking at Sefton)
	Only it's not so general as far as 
	I'm concerned.

		SCHULTZ
	You are talking crazy!

		SEFTON
		(taking the cigar out 
		of his mouth)
	No use, Schulz. You might as well 
	come clean. Why don't you just tell 
	'em it's me. Because I'm really the 
	illegitimate son of Hitler. And after 
	the Germans win the war you'll make 
	me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati.

		SCHULTZ
	You Americans! You are the craziest 
	people! That's why I like you! I 
	wish I could invite you all to my 
	house for a nice German Christmas!

		HARRY
		(to Stosh)
	Why don't we accept, Animal? The 
	worst that can happen is we wind up 
	a couple of lamp shades.

		SCHULTZ
		(jovially)
	Raus! Raus! All of you!

By this time most of them have put on their warm clothes, 
caps and gloves and are filing out.

Schulz starts to follow them, but stops short as he sees:

The electric light bulb hanging by a wire from the ceiling. 
Just the bulb. No shade. The wire is tied up into a slip 
knot.

Schulz reacts to what he has seen. he watches the last of 
the P.O.W.s leave, and the Germans carry the stove out of 
the barrack. He closes the door. His entire attitude has 
changed. He is serious and efficient. He walks over to the 
chess set on the table. Out of his pocket he takes a chess 
piece -- a black queen -- and exchanges it with the black 
queen from the set. He puts it in his pocket. Steps over to 
the light bulb, pulls the slip knot free and exits.

The light bulb hangs straight now, swaying gently in the 
empty barrack.

EXT. COMPOUND

The men from Barrack 4 are lined up between the latrine and 
the barbed wire, starting to dig up the tunnel. They are 
supervised by German guards. In the background, Schulz is 
crossing from the barrack towards the Administration Building. 
As the men dig, they look off at:

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	He was the Beast of Bavaria all right, 
	as we pieced it together later. And 
	there was a stoolie in our barrack, 
	just as Duke said. They had a very 
	simple communications system -- Schulz 
	and the stoolie...

An open German half-truck driving toward the big gate, 
carrying two crude wooden coffins.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	That's how the Krauts knew about the 
	tunnel, from the day we started 
	digging. Those poor suckers Manfredi 
	and Johnson! They got out of Stalag 
	17 sure enough, only not quite the 
	way they wanted to go.

The men have stopped digging. As the CAMERA goes down the 
row they take off their caps. Joey does not comprehend. 
Blondie, standing next to him, takes the cap off for him. 
The CAMERA PULLS PAST Cookie who has taken his cap off, and 
now STOPS on Sefton. He has seen the coffins. He has seen 
the others take off their caps. He takes the cigar out of 
his mouth, snuffs it out, puts it into his pocket, and slowly 
pulls off his cap.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	As for the stoolie, I just wish he 
	had German measles because when you 
	get the measles you break out all 
	over in red spots, and we could have 
	pegged him easy. As it was it could 
	have been anybody in our outfit -- 
	Duke or Hoffy or Price or Goofy Joey 
	or Harry or the Animal or maybe 
	Sefton. Sergeant J.J. Sefton. I guess 
	it's about time I told you a few 
	more things about that Sefton guy. 
	If I was anything of a writer I'd 
	send it in to the Reader's Digest 
	for one of those 'Most Unforgettable 
	Characters You've Ever Met'...

							DISSOLVE:

						END OF SEQUENCE "B"

			SEQUENCE "C"

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

A circle about 15 feet in diameter is drawn on the barren 
ground with white lime. Around it, some forty G.I.s. In the 
center, Cookie, holding a cardboard box. To one side, standing 
on a wooden crate, Sefton. In front of him, a makeshift 
bookie's desk, a heap of loose cigarettes on top. G.I.s are 
crowding around, making wagers in cigarettes. Hanging off 
one side of the desk, the odds board: NO. HORSE ODDS 1. 
Whirlaway 3:1 2. Seabiscuit 5:1 3. Equipoise 1:1 4. Twenty 
Grand 4:1 5. Schnickelfritz 10:1

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	...he was a B.T.O., Sefton was. A 
	Big Time Operator. Always hustling, 
	always scrounging. Take for instance 
	the horse races. Every Saturday and 
	Sunday he would put on horse races. 
	He was the sole owner and operator 
	of the Stalag 17 Turf Club. He was 
	the Presiding Steward, the Chief 
	Handicapper, the Starter, the Judge, 
	the Breeder and his own bookie. He 
	was the whole works, except that I 
	was the stable boy for ten smokes a 
	day.

		SEFTON
	Step up, boys! The horses are at the 
	post!

		G.I.S
	Five on Equipoise!
	Give me Equipoise -- ten on the nose!
	Two on Twenty Grand!
	Schnickelfritz for me. Five smackers!
	Equipoise -- one solid pack!

		LAST G.I.
		(an unkempt bum)
	Five on Seabiscuit! Pay you when the 
	Red Cross parcels come in.

		SEFTON
	No credit.

		UNKEMPT BUM
	Have a heart, Sefton!

		SEFTON
	Sorry. It's against the rules of the 
	Racing Commission.
		(calling out)
	Already? Any more bets? Shake 'em 
	up, Cookie!

Cookie shakes the cardboard box, puts it face down on the 
ground in the center of the circle.

		SEFTON
	Let 'er go! They're off and running 
	at Stalag 17!

Cookie has lifted the box. There are five mice of various 
colors with numbers 1 to 5 attached to their backs. The mice 
start spreading hesitantly in all directions.

The P.O.W.s YELL and SCREAM, rooting for their horses to 
reach the circle line first.

Among the P.O.W.s Stosh and Harry. Stosh, with a bundle of 
mutuel tickets in his hand, screaming his head off.

		STOSH
	Equipoise! Oh, you beauty! This way! 
	This way!

Equipoise, No. 3, pulls in front and is only a few feet from 
the edge of the circle.

		HARRY
	Equipoise! Equipoise! What did I 
	tell you, Animal?

		STOSH
	Come on, baby! Daddy's going to buy 
	you a hunk of cheese!

Equipoise, now only a foot from the finish line, suddenly 
stops and goes into a dizzy spin. The other mice gain rapidly.

		STOSH AND HARRY
	Straighten out, you dog! This way! 
	That's no horse -- that's a dervish! 
	Please! This way! Come to Daddy!

In a turmoil of SCREAMING G.I.s, Schnickelfritz passes 
Equipoise, still spinning like a top, and crosses the line.

		SEFTON
	The winner is No. 5: Schnickelfritz!

Stosh grabs Harry.

		STOSH
	Schnickelfritz! I told you 
	Schnickelfritz! Why'd you make me 
	bet on Equipoise!

		HARRY
	I clocked him this morning. He was 
	running like a doll.

		STOSH
		(choking him)
	You clocked him! Why don't I clock 
	you?

		SEFTON
		(calling out)
	The next race will be a claiming 
	race for four months old and upward 
	which have not won since November 
	17th.

While Sefton pays off the winners, Cookie puts up a new odds 
board. New bettors start lining up on the other side. Among 
them, Harry and Stosh.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	It's a good thing nobody ever asked 
	for a saliva test. Because I wouldn't 
	have put it past Sefton to stiff a 
	horse once in a while -- especially 
	when the betting was heavy.

							DISSOLVE:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

Near Sefton's bunk, the distillery is set up: a Rube Goldberg 
contraption of old tin cans and a maze of piping, a margarine 
lamp burning under the boiler. The whole thing SPUTTERS and 
HISSES.

Behind a makeshift wooden shelf -- the bar -- stands Cookie, 
pouring drinks for some eight customers, among them Harry 
and Stosh, crocked. In Stosh's hand is the big Betty Grable 
cheese-cake photo from his bunk.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	Another one of his enterprises was 
	the distillery. Believe it or not, 
	he ran a bar right in our barrack, 
	selling Schnapps at two cigarettes a 
	shot. The boys called it the 
	Flamethrower, but it wasn't really 
	that bad. We brewed it out of old 
	potato peels and once in a while a 
	couple of strings off the Red Cross 
	parcels, to give it a little flavor.

		STOSH
		(in a crying jag)
	It's not fair, Harry. I'm telling 
	you, it's not fair! She's been married 
	for over a year! My Betty! She had a 
	baby! Didn't you hear it on the radio!

		HARRY
	C'mon, Animal! Pull yourself together!
		(off)
	Hey, Cookie! Belt us again!

He pushes their little condensed milk cans, serving as 
jiggers, across the bar, counts out four cigarettes.

		STOSH
	Look at her! Isn't she beautiful! 
	Married an orchestra leader!

		HARRY
	So what? There's other women!

		STOSH
	Not for me! Betty! Betty!

		HARRY
	Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up 
	with a couple of those Russian women!

		STOSH
		(sarcastically)
	You'll fix me up!

		HARRY
	Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there!

		STOSH
	How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 
	tried to get over there and they 
	shot him in the leg!

		HARRY
	It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I 
	figured us a little gimmick.

		STOSH
	You did?

		HARRY
		(tapping his forehead)
	Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's 
	frightening.

Cookie slides over the two tin jiggers. Harry picks them up, 
hands one to Stosh.

		HARRY
		(toasting)
	To the Brick Kremlin!

		STOSH
		(his eyes on the 
		cheesecake photo)
	She'll never forgive me!

		HARRY
	Bombs away!

They both drink it down in one gulp, Harry holding his nose. 
It's terrible stuff and hits them hard. Stosh goes into a 
violent fit of coughing, pulling his barrack cap down over 
his eyes.

		HARRY
		(to Cookie)
	What are you serving today? Nitric 
	acid?

		COOKIE
	I only work here. Talk to the 
	Management.

He points to Sefton, who is taking inventory of the cigarettes 
in his footlocker: cartons, packages, loose ones. He is 
tabulating the amounts on a piece of paper.

		HARRY
	All right, Management. What are you 
	trying to do? Embalm us while we're 
	alive?

		SEFTON
	Exactly what did you expect for two 
	cigarettes? Eight year old Bottled-
	In-Bond? All the house guarantees is 
	that you don't go blind.
		(to Cookie)
	Don't ever serve 'em again.

		STOSH
	Blind! Harry! Harry!

He staggers around, not realizing his cap is pulled down 
over his eyes.

		STOSH
	Harry -- I'm blind!

		HARRY
		(pushing up his cap)
	Blind? How stupid can you get, Animal? 
	I drank the stuff myself.

Suddenly he seems not to see too well himself. He gropes 
around in panic.

		HARRY
	Animal! Animal! Where are you, Animal?

							DISSOLVE:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

A big telescope, about seven feet long, is set up on a tripod 
at the window pointing toward the Russian Compound. The 
telescope is made of various-sized cans soldered together. 
It's run by Cookie, behind a table, piled with cigarettes 
and chocolate bars. Bent down peering through the telescope, 
panning it slowly, is a P.O.W. Across the barrack stretches 
a long line of impatient customers, all the way to the open 
door and out of it. Cookie taps the peeker to indicate his 
time is up. The next in line pays his cigarette and peeks

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	The killer-diller, of course -- the 
	real bonanza -- was when Sefton put 
	up the Observatory. He scrounged 
	himself some high-powered Kraut lenses 
	and a magnifying mirror and got Ronnie 
	Bigelow from Barrack 2 to put the 
	whole shebang together for a pound 
	of coffee. On a clear day you could 
	have seen the Swiss Alps, only who 
	wanted to see the Swiss Alps? It was 
	about a mile away, that Russian 
	delousing shack, but we were right 
	on top of it. It cost you a cigarette 
	or a half bar of chocolate a peek. 
	You couldn't catch much through that 
	steam, but believe you me, after two 
	years in that camp just the idea 
	what was behind that steam sure 
	spruced up your voltage.

RUSSIAN DELOUSING SHACK - (THROUGH THE TELESCOPE)

About a dozen Russian women, wrapped only in blankets, waiting 
in line. The telescope pans across a couple of windows. They 
are completely steamed-up by the disinfecting vapors.

INT. BARRACK

The P.O.W. is glued to the telescope. Cookie taps him on the 
shoulder.

		COOKIE
	Let's go! Thirty seconds to a 
	customer.

Without moving his eye from the telescope, the P.O.W. fishes 
another cigarette from his pocket and gives it to Cookie.

Sefton stands at the open barrack door, a cold cigar in his 
mouth. He surveys the landoffice business, both inside and 
out, for beyond him a line of about forty more P.O.W.s 
stretches into the compound.

		P.O.W.
		(from rear of line)
	Hey, Sefton -- what's snarling up 
	the traffic? By the time we get to 
	look they'll be old hags!

		SEFTON
	Simmer down, boys. There'll be a 
	second show when they put the next 
	batch through.

Hoffy, Price and Duke come in from the compound. Hoffy cases 
the situation and pulls Sefton to the side.

		HOFFY
	What's the big idea, Sefton? Take 
	that telescope out of here.

		SEFTON
	Says who?

		HOFFY
	Says me.

		SEFTON
	You take it out. Only you're going 
	to have a riot on your hands.

		HOFFY
	Every time the men get Red Cross 
	packages you have to think up an 
	angle to rob them.

		PRICE
	When the Krauts find that gadget 
	they'll throw us all in the boob.

		SEFTON
	They know about that gadget. I'd 
	worry more about the radio.

		DUKE
	I suppose they also know about your 
	distillery and the horseraces?

		SEFTON
	That's right.

		DUKE
	Just what makes you and them Krauts 
	so buddy-buddy?

		SEFTON
	Ask Security.
		(to Price)
	You tell him, Price. You've got me 
	shadowed every minute of the day. Or 
	haven't you found out yet?

		PRICE
	Not yet.

		HOFFY
	Answer the question. How do you rate 
	all those privileges?

		SEFTON
	I grease the Kraut guards. With ten 
	percent of the take.

		DUKE
	And maybe a little something else?

		SEFTON
	A little something what?

He strikes a match on Duke's dogtag and lights his cigar.

		DUKE
		(lunging at him)
	Maybe a little information!

Hoffy and Price hold back Duke.

		HOFFY
	Break it off!

		DUKE
	How much more do we have to take 
	from him?

		HOFFY
	There'll be no vigilante stuff. Not 
	while I'm Barrack Chief.

From the window come excited shouts.

		G.I. VOICES
	Hey, look at them! 
	It's Harry and the Animal! 
	Look what they're doing!

Everybody in the barrack is dashing toward the window giving 
out on the Russian Compound. Hoffy, Price, Duke, and Sefton 
follow after.

The window is packed by G.I.s staring out. More crowding in.

		G.I.S
	Those crazy jerks! 
	They won't get away with it! 
	The Krauts will shoot them!

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

This is Harry's little gimmick: He and Stosh are painting a 
white line down the middle of the road leading towards the 
Russian Compound. Stosh carries the bucket and Harry, moving 
backwards, wields the brush. They are very close now to the 
barbed wire fence dividing the compounds. A bespectacled 
German guard is standing in front of his sentinel house.

They crouch as low as they can as they paint themselves 
through the gate past the guard and up the road toward the 
Russian delousing shack. The guard gives them a glance. It 
looks okay to him. He starts stamping about at the open gate.

INT. BARRACK

G.I.s at the window, watching in great excitement.

		G.I.S
	They're past the fifty yard line! 
	Quarterback sneak! 
	Look at them go!

		SIX G.I.S
		(in chorus)
	We want a touchdown! We want a 
	touchdown! We want a touchdown!

		HOFFY
	Those idiots! They'll paint themselves 
	into their graves!

EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND

Harry and Stosh are doing dandy as they paint up the highway. 
Harry gets his bearings: the delousing shack is some twenty-
five feet off the road. He paints a very elegant turn off 
the highway.

THE GATE BETWEEN THE COMPOUNDS

The German guard is stamping up and down. Suddenly he does a 
double take as he sees:

EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND

The white line leading down the middle of the highway veers 
off idiotically over the terrain towards the shack.

THE GERMAN GUARD

He stands there perplexed, then takes off after them.

EXT. DELOUSING SHACK

Harry and Stosh have now painted up to the window of the 
shack. Without even stopping, they paint right up the wall 
and around the window. As they paint, they peer in through 
the thick steam (through which we cannot distinguish 
anything). Now, they paint down the building on the other 
side of the window and toward the doorway. Into their pathway 
come the boots of the German guard. They paint right over 
the boots. Then they see the butt of the guard's rifle. They 
look at each other. They are in trouble. They stop painting 
and straighten up slowly.

		GERMAN GUARD
	Was ist denn hier los? Sie sind 
	verhaftet!

Harry gives the guard's eye-glasses a couple of quick strokes 
of paint. Dropping paint and brush, Stosh and he run like 
mad back toward the gate.

The guard stands there struggling with his glasses.

The Russian women, huddled in blankets, giggle their heads 
off.

						FADE OUT: 

						END OF SEQUENCE "C"

			SEQUENCE "D"

FADE IN:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

About twenty P.O.W.s lazing about. The sack rats in their 
bunks. Triz and Price playing chess, Joey looking on blankly. 
Sefton, a towel around his neck, is sitting in a chair being 
shaved by Cookie. Stosh, in his bunk, is carving a new ocarina 
for Joey out of wood. CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY to:

The electric light bulb, hanging straight and innocent on 
its wire.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	Now let me see, what came next? Oh, 
	yes. Next came those new prisoners. 
	'Twas two days before Christmas when 
	all through the camp, not a creature 
	was stirring, not even that lamp.

		MARKO'S VOICE
	At ease! At ease!

Marko, carrying a handful of letters and a book, has entered, 
followed by The Crutch.

		MARKO
	Mail call!

The whole barrack springs to life, everyone moving towards 
Marko with whistles, screams and hoorays. Joey, who keeps 
staring at the chess board. Sefton and Cookie go on with the 
shave.

		MARKO
	At ease! At ease! First, the 
	Kommandant is sending every barrack 
	a little Christmas present. A copy 
	of Mein Kampf. In the words of Oberst 
	von Scherbach: 'Now that a German 
	victory is in sight, all American 
	prisoners are to be indoctrinated 
	with the teachings of der Fuehrer. 
	Unquote. In my own words:
		(he lets go with a 
		belch)
	Unquote.

He tosses the book into the air. Duke catches it.

		DUKE
	That's the wrong direction.

He flings it at Sefton. It sails past Sefton's head.

Cookie ducks. Sefton doesn't even bat an eyelash.

		SEFTON
	You must have been some tail gunner!
		(to Cookie)
	Go ahead, Cookie.

		STOSH
	Come on, let's get that mail. Anything 
	for Stanislaus Kuzawa?

		MARKO
	At ease! At ease!

As Marko calls out the names he hands out the letters. Some 
of the men open them immediately. Others go to their bunks 
to read.

		MARKO
	Martin. Shapiro. Price. Trzcinski. 
	McKay. Shapiro. Shapiro. Manfredi.

There is an awkward pause, then Marko puts Manfredi's letter 
in his pocket.

		MARKO
	Shapiro. Musgrove. McKay. Peterson. 
	Cook.

Cookie comes up for his letter. So do Duke and Blondie. (Their 
names are Musgrove and Peterson.)

		MARKO
	Pirelli. Coleman. Agnew. Shapiro.

		STOSH
		(in a little voice)
	Nothing for Kuzawa?

		MARKO
	Shapiro. Shapiro.

		STOSH
		(to Harry)
	Just what makes you so popular?

		HARRY
		(fanning the letters)
	Frightening, isn't it? Fifty million 
	guys floating around back home and 
	all those dames want is Sugar-lips 
	Shapiro.

		MARKO
	McKay, Agnew. Here, Stosh.

He holds out a letter.

		STOSH
		(revitalized)
	Yeah?

		MARKO
	Give this to Joey, will you?

		STOSH
	Oh.

Marko has now distributed all the letters.

		MARKO
	At ease! At ease! Here's a little 
	something from Father Murray. One to 
	each barrack.

He has knelt down in front of The Crutch and pulls out from 
the empty pant's leg a little Christmas tree.

		MARKO
	And he says he wants you cruds to 
	cut out all swearing during Yuletide.

		G.I.
	How'd he get those trees?

		MARKO
	I don't know. Prayed, I guess. They 
	grew out of his mattress.

Marko sticks the tree into one of the margarine cans.

		G.I.
	What'll we use for decorations?

		MARKO
	For that you got to pray yourself.

He goes, followed by The Crutch.

Stosh sits next to Joey at the table, reading his letter to 
him.

		STOSH
	'...and we do hope that you will 
	finish that last year of law school 
	when you come back home...'
		(looks up at Joey)
	Law school?! You don't want to be a 
	stinking lawyer with a stinking brief 
	case in a stinking office, do you, 
	Joey?

Joey just sits there. Stosh goes on reading.

		STOSH
	'...And do keep writing, son. Your 
	letters are very dear to us. With 
	all our love, Dad.' Here, Joey, take 
	it.

Joey doesn't move.

		STOSH
	It's from your Dad, Joey.

He shoves the letter into Joey's pocket.

		STOSH
	The next time we write to your folks, 
	Joey, you know what you're going to 
	say? You're going to say you don't 
	want to be a lawyer any more. You 
	want to be a musician -- like play 
	the flute, maybe -- eh, Joey?

There is a fleeting smile on Joey's face.

Triz, in his bunk, a crumpled letter in his hand, is mumbling 
to himself.

		TRIZ
	I believe it! I believe it!

		G.I.
	You believe what?

		TRIZ
	My wife.
		(Reading)
	'Darling, you won't believe it, but 
	I found the most adorable baby on 
	our doorstep and I have decided to 
	keep it for our own. Now, you won't 
	believe it, but it's got exactly my 
	eyes and nose...' Why does she always 
	say I won't believe it? I believe 
	it!

Blondie is reading his letter, several G.I.s around him, 
among them Duke.

		BLONDIE
	This is from my mother.
		(he reads)
	'I saw a wonderful article on German 
	prison camps in one of the magazines. 
	They showed pictures of the tennis 
	courts and they also say that in the 
	winter they freeze them over so you 
	boys can ice skate...'

		DUKE
	Anything about us grouse hunting in 
	the Vienna woods?

		BLONDIE
		(continues to read)
	'...In a way I'm glad you're not in 
	America right now -- with everything 
	rationed here, like gas and meat.'

		DUKE
	Heart-rendering, ain't it? Why don't 
	we send them some food parcels?

Harry is busy with all his mail. He has opened six of his 
letters and is now working on the last. Stosh comes into the 
SHOT and peeks over his shoulder.

		STOSH
	What do those broads say?

		HARRY
	What do they always say?

		STOSH
	That's what I wanna hear.

		HARRY
		(hiding the letters)
	It's not good for you, Animal.

Stosh grabs one of the letters from him.

		STOSH
	Hey! This is with a typewriter! It's 
	from a finance company!

		HARRY
	So it is from the finance company. 
	So it's better than no letter at 
	all. So they want the third payment 
	on the Plymouth.
		(showing him five 
		more letters)
	So they want the fourth, the fifth, 
	the sixth and the seventh. So they 
	want the Plymouth.

		STOSH
	Sugar-lips Shapiro! Frightening, 
	ain't it?

		HARRY
		(holding up the last 
		letter)
	This is a good one!
		(mounts a stool)
	Shut up, everybody! Listen to this!
		(he reads)
	'The President of the United States 
	to Harry Shapiro. Greeting: Having 
	submitted yourself to a local board, 
	you are hereby notified to report...' 
	What do you know! So now I'm a draft 
	evader!

EXT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

Hoffy is walking across the muddy compound towards the 
barrack, leading a couple of new prisoners: LIEUTENANT DUNBAR 
and SERGEANT BAGRADIAN. They are exhausted but, by contrast 
to the old P.O.W.s, remarkably clean. They are followed by a 
P.O.W., carrying two barrack bags.

		HOFFY
		(opening door to 
		barrack)
	This is it, gentlemen. Don't bother 
	to scrape your shoes.

He leads them into the barrack.

INT. BARRACK

Hoffy leads in Dunbar, Bagradian and the P.O.W. with the 
barrack bags. He snaps the line, the wash jiggles through 
the barrack. Everybody turns.

		HOFFY
	Okay, gang! Meet our new guests. 
	This is Lieutenant Dunbar and this 
	is Sergeant Bagradian.

		DUNBAR AND BAGRADIAN
	Hi.

		STOSH
	Lieutenant?!

The whole barracks comes to its feet and salutes him with 
mock reverence. Harry dashes up and polishes with his sleeve 
the Lieutenant's bar.

		DUNBAR
	Knock it off, boys. The pleasure's 
	all mine.

		HOFFY
	The Lieutenant will be with us for a 
	week or so until the Krauts can ship 
	him to the officers' camp in Silesia. 
	Looks like all the railroad lines 
	out of Frankfurt are fouled up because 
	somebody blew up an ammunition train.

		BAGRADIAN
	Somebody, my eye.
		(indicating Dunbar)
	The Lieutenant did it -- right in 
	the station -- with fifty German 
	guards around.

		HARRY
		(climbing off the 
		stool)
	Well! Glad to have you with the 
	organization!

		STOSH
	You're just in time for the Christmas 
	Pageant.

		BAGRADIAN
	Looks more like the lost company of 
	Tobacco Road.

		P.O.W. WITH BARRACK BAGS
		(indicating Bagradian)
	He's an actor. You should see him do 
	imitations. He can imitate anybody.

		HARRY
	If he can imitate a girl, he's made.

		P.O.W.
	Hey -- do Lionel Barrymore.

		STOSH
	Do Grable.

		HOFFY
	Stop it, boys. They were shot down 
	two days ago and they've been on 
	their feet ever since.
		(to Stosh and Harry)
	Fix them some tea, will you?
		(to Dunbar and 
		Bagradian)
	Price will show you your bunks.

Price leads them towards the bunks which were formerly 
occupied by Manfredi and Johnson, the P.O.W. with the barrack 
bags following them.

		PRICE
	We had a couple of unexpected 
	vacancies. Which one will it be -- 
	the upper or lower, Lieutenant Dunbar?

		DUNBAR
	Doesn't matter.

Cookie is just finished shaving Sefton. Sefton turns in his 
chair.

		SEFTON
	Lieutenant Dunbar? It wouldn't be 
	James Schuyler Dunbar? From Boston?

		DUNBAR
	Yes, it would. Do we know each other?

		STOSH
		(indicating Sefton)
	He's from Boston, too. But you 
	wouldn't know him, not unless you 
	had your house robbed.

Sefton gets up, wiping the soap off his ears with the towel.

		SEFTON
	Maybe he would. We applied for 
	Officers' Training together, remember? 
	They turned me down, but I'm glad to 
	see you made it. Of course, it 
	couldn't be that all that dough behind 
	you had something to do with it!
		(to the others)
	His mother's got twenty million 
	dollars.

		DUNBAR
	Twenty-five.

		SEFTON
	They've got a summer house in 
	Nantucket, with an upstairs polo 
	field.
		(to Price)
	You better put a canopy over his 
	bunk.

		HOFFY
	Lay off, Sefton.

		SEFTON
		(to Dunbar)
	With your mother's pull, how come 
	you're not a chicken colonel by now?

		HOFFY
	Lay off, I said -- if you don't want 
	your head handed to you.

		HARRY
		(from the table)
	Tea is being served on the verandah!

Harry sets two chow cans on the table.

		HARRY
		(to Stosh)
	Where are the napkins, Animal?

Stosh tears off two sheets of toilet paper from a roll, 
separates them and puts them next to the chow cans. By now, 
Dunbar and Bagradian come over to the table.

		BAGRADIAN
		(to Dunbar, a la Ronald 
		Colman)
	Do be seated, Bonita. What a perfectly 
	charming table arrangement. They 
	must have copied it from House 
	Beautiful.

Stosh starts pouring hot water from the pot.

		HARRY
	Animal! How many times have I told 
	you, you got to pour from the left!

Stosh reverses his direction. Harry has taken a faded tea 
bag out of his watch pocket. He dunks it three times into 
each chow can. Then, looking at the tea bag as if it were a 
watch:

		HARRY
	Dinner will be served at seven sharp. 
	Black tie.

He puts the tea bag back into his watch pocket.

		HOFFY
	Where'd they get you, Lieutenant? 
	Over Frankfurt?

		DUNBAR
	On the Schweinfurt run.

		HOFFY
	How many ships did you lose?

		DUNBAR
	Half the group.

		PRICE
	Flying out of England?

		DUNBAR
	Yes. Paddington, 92nd Bomber Group.

		BLONDIE
		(wide-eyed)
	Hey, Lieutenant. How did you blow up 
	that train with fifty guards around?

		DUNBAR
	Just lucky, I guess.

		BAGRADIAN
	Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't 
	have pulled a sweeter job.
		(a la Cagney)
	All right, boys. We were waiting in 
	the depot in Frankfurt, see? And 
	there was an ammunition train coming 
	through, the longest ammunition train 
	you ever saw, see? So Dunbar gets 
	himself in the men's room, see? Fixes 
	himself a time bomb, busts open the 
	window and just as the train moves 
	out, lays the thing in there, see? 
	So then, he comes out like nothing's 
	happened and three minutes later you 
	can hear it -- boom! Broke every 
	window in Frankfurt. It was gorgeous!

		HOFFY
	I wouldn't talk about things like 
	that.

		BAGRADIAN
		(himself again)
	They never caught on.

		HOFFY
	They may. That's why I would keep my 
	mouth shut.

		DUNBAR
	We're all Americans here!

		PRICE
	The Krauts have a way of getting 
	information.

		DUKE
	Especially in this barrack.

		DUNBAR
	How?

		PRICE
	That's what we'd like to know.

Sefton is just putting on his leather jacket. He has been 
listening to what has been going on. Cookie hands him out of 
the footlocker a bottle of Rhine wine and a carton of 
cigarettes. Sefton tucks them inside his leather jacket. 
Cookie now hands him a pair of silk stockings.

		COOKIE
		(in a low voice)
	There's only one pair left.

		SEFTON
		(putting the stockings 
		in his pocket)
	We'll get some more.

He puts his cap on and walks toward the door. As he passes 
the others:

		DUNBAR
	Where does a guy take a hot shower 
	around here?

		STOSH
	Hot showers? Dig him!

		PRICE
	Sorry. No hot showers. You wash in 
	the latrine.

		DUNBAR
	Latrine?

		SEFTON
		(stopping in his tracks)
	What did you expect, glamor boy? The 
	Officers' Club with a steam room and 
	a massage maybe?

		DUNBAR
		(going after him)
	Just a minute. You made a couple of 
	cracks before and I let them slide. 
	But I don't intend to take any more. 
	If you resent my having money, start 
	a revolution, but get off my back.

		SEFTON
	Look, Lieutenant. All your dough 
	won't help you here. Because here 
	you're on your own. And no mother to 
	throw you a lifebelt. Now let's see 
	how good you can swim.

He has picked a little twig off the Christmas tree. He puts 
it in his buttonhole.

		SEFTON
	Sorry, boys, but my taxi's waiting.

He goes out.

		BAGRADIAN
	What's wrong with him?

		HOFFY
	Plenty.

		STOSH
	Number one on the rat parade!

Hoffy nods to Duke. Duke leaves the barrack, after Sefton.

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

On the muddy compound there is a tag football game going on 
with some forty G.I.s watching.

Sefton is walking along. Behind him, Duke has come out of 
the barrack and is following him. Sefton becomes aware of 
it. Nonchalantly, he walks into a wash latrine.

INT. WASH LATRINE

Sefton comes in. There is another P.O.W. there, a colored 
guy, just finishing washing his hands. Sefton quickly climbs 
up a couple of rungs of the ladder leading to the water tank 
and stops there. The colored P.O.W. doesn't notice it.

EXT. WASH LATRINE

Duke stands some distance away, watching the only pair of 
legs visible under the raised partition. The legs move now 
down the length of the latrine and out the other end. The 
colored P.O.W. emerges and walks off with his back toward 
Duke. Duke follows him.

INT. WASH LATRINE

Sefton jumps off the ladder and exits the way he came in.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	It was a funny thing about Sefton 
	and me. I guess I knew him as well 
	as anybody else in the camp because 
	I had worked for him for two years. 
	But there were lots of things I didn't 
	know about him. Take for instance, 
	where he would disappear to once in 
	a while. Of course, I had a hunch, 
	but it seemed so crazy I couldn't 
	quite believe it -- Just as I would 
	never have believed that Sefton was 
	the guy that would give away 
	Lieutenant Dunbar for blowing up 
	that ammunition train.

EXT. COMPOUND

Duke is still following the wrong guy. Now the P.O.W. stops 
to talk to a pal. Duke realizes his mistake. He dashes back 
into the wash latrine and comes out again. He stands there 
frustrated. With the football players rushing about, passes 
being thrown and G.I.s milling around, he has lost Sefton.

							DISSOLVE:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

START on the electric light -- the cord is again tied up 
into a noose.

CAMERA PANS to Harry. He is made up a la Hitler; his hair is 
combed across his forehead and a charcoal mustache on his 
lip. He is now making up Joey as Hitler, with two fingers 
blackened in charcoal. Joey just sits in his bunk, dumbly.

At the table, Hoffy is playing gin with Dunbar. Price 
kibitzing.

		HOFFY
		(to Harry)
	Cut the horseplay, Harry. What's the 
	matter with you guys?

		PRICE
	And don't blame me if you all wind 
	up in the cooler.

		DUNBAR
	How's two?

He lays down his hand.

Stosh, at the door, holds it slightly ajar and peeks out 
into the compound. He too is made up as Hitler.

		STOSH
	Get ready! Here he comes!

He SLAMS the door, snaps wash line.

EXT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

A German truck draws up, loaded with blankets. Schulz, sitting 
next to the driver, gets out and starts into the barrack. 
Two German guards stay behind.

INT. BARRACK

Schulz enters, closes the door behind him. From OFF comes 
Bagradian's voice: A double-talk German gibberish in the 
characteristic guttural sounds of der Fuehrer.

Schulz stops, mystified.

Bagradian stands on a stool giving a lecture to some thirty 
P.O.W.s, all of them with their backs towards Schulz. 
Bagradian's face cannot be seen as he holds the Mein Kampf 
book in front of it. Schulz listens for a little while to 
Bagradian's ranting and raving. Then he stamps his foot.

		SCHULTZ
	Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Attention!

Bagradian lowers the book. He too is made up as Hitler. He 
raises his arm in the Nazi salute.

		BAGRADIAN
	Heil, Hitler!

		SCHULTZ
		(responding 
		automatically)
	Heil, Hitler!

He catches himself, lowers the arm.

		SCHULTZ
		(jovially)
	Droppen Sie dead.

		BAGRADIAN
		(a la Hitler)
	Quiet! We are indoctrinating!
		(to the others)
	Is you all indoctrinated?

		P.O.W.S
		(in unison)
	Jawohl.

		BAGRADIAN
	Is you all good Nazis?

		P.O.W.S
	Jawohl.

		BAGRADIAN
	Is you all little Adolfs?

		P.O.W.S
	Jawohl!

		BAGRADIAN
	Then we shall all zalute Feldwebel 
	von und zu Schulz! About face!

The P.O.W.s wheel around and face Schulz. They are all made 
up as Hitler.

		P.O.W.S
	Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg Heil!

After each 'Sieg heil' they raise their arms in salute.

		SCHULTZ
	Ach! One Fuehrer is enough! Now 
	please, gentlemen! Take off the 
	mustaches immediately. Or do you 
	want me arrested by the Gestapo?

		P.O.W.S
	Jawohl!

		SCHULTZ
	You would be very sorry to get a new 
	Feldwebel. Somebody without a sense 
	of humor.

		HOFFY
	Okay, boys. Wipe off the mustaches. 
	Now what is it, Schulz?

The men start wiping off the mustaches and straightening 
their hair.

		SCHULTZ
	Gentlemen, tomorrow morning the Geneva 
	Man is coming to inspect the camp 
	whether we are living up to the 
	International Convention. I am sure 
	he will find we are treating you 
	very well. You must not run around 
	in your underwear. And take off the 
	wash. The Kommandant wants all the 
	barracks to be spic and also span.

		STOSH
	We'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs.

		SCHULTZ
	The Kommandant also sends you clean 
	blankets. He wants every man to have 
	a new, clean blanket.

		HOFFY
	We know! We got them last year. Five 
	minutes after the Geneva Man was 
	gone, the blankets were gone.

		SCHULTZ
	One more thing, gentlemen. The 
	Kommandant told me to pick up the 
	radio.

		HOFFY
	What radio?

		SCHULTZ
	The one you are hiding in the barrack, 
	don't you know? The one your friend 
	without the leg is smuggling all 
	over the compound.

		PRICE
	Schulz, you're off your nut!

		SCHULTZ
	Give me the radio.

		PRICE
	We have no radio.

		SCHULTZ
	All right, gentlemen, I will find it 
	myself. Now let's see.

He starts wandering around the barrack, drawing closer and 
closer to the trick bucket.

		SCHULTZ
	Am I cold? Am I getting warmer? Hot, 
	maybe? Very hot?

He has reached the bucket. With his boot he kicks it over on 
the floor. The water spills on Cookie's shoes. The radio and 
the earphones lie on the floor.

		SCHULTZ
		(picking up radio)
	What is this? This is water?

		HARRY
	It's a mouse trap.

		SCHULTZ
		(holding up earphones)
	And this?

		STOSH
	My grandmother's ear-muffs.

		SCHULTZ
		(to Dunbar)
	Look at them, Lieutenant. Everybody 
	is a clown! How do you expect to win 
	the war with an army of clowns?

		DUNBAR
	We sort of hope you'll laugh 
	yourselves to death.

Schulz gives out with a big phony laugh. As he laughs his 
eyes fall on:

The light bulb and the cord tied up in a noose.

Schulz stops laughing.

		SCHULTZ
	Now, outside everybody, for the 
	blankets! Everybody out!

He herds them out. Joey is in his bunk, still wearing the 
Hitler mustache.

		SCHULTZ
	Outside! You, too!

He pushes Joey out. Alone in the barrack again, Schulz quickly 
walks to the table, exchanges the black queens and straightens 
out the light cord.

EXT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

The men, standing in line are being issued new blankets by 
the two German guards.

		HARRY
	That Schulz pig. I'll get him yet.

		STOSH
	You hold him. I'll slug him.

		HOFFY
	It's not Schulz. It's that stoolie. 
	Whoever he is, he's sure batting a 
	thousand.

		PRICE
	The guy I want to talk to is Sefton. 
	Where's Sefton?
		(turns to Cookie, who 
		is coming up in the 
		line)
	You haven't seen Sefton, have you?

		COOKIE
		(frightened)
	No, I haven't.

		GERMAN GUARD
		(hurrying them along)
	Der Naechste!

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

The P.O.W.s are coming back with the blankets. Schulz is 
standing at the door with radio and earphones.

		SCHULTZ
		(calling out to the 
		guards)
	Henkel! Krause!
		(to Hoffy)
	I'm very sorry about the mouse trap, 
	but the war news are very depressing 
	anyway.

The two German guards have entered. Schulz points at the 
rolled-up volley ball net under one of the bunks.

		SCHULTZ
	I might as well also confiscate the 
	antenna.

The guards carry out the wire-roll.

		SCHULTZ
	American know-how!

Simultaneously, he snaps the wash line. Shaking with laughter, 
he exits. As he goes out, Cookie squeezes himself into the 
barrack, carrying his blanket. He starts edging towards his 
bunk, but Hoffy grabs him.

		HOFFY
	All right, Cookie, let's hear it: 
	where is Sefton?

		COOKIE
	I don't know. I told you.

		PRICE
	He wouldn't be at the Kommandant's, 
	would he?

		COOKIE
	I don't know.

		HOFFY
	What did they trade him for the radio?

		COOKIE
	I don't know.

During this, they have backed him up towards his bunk.

		HARRY
	Why don't we just look in those 
	footlockers?

		STOSH
	Come on, you little stooge. Hand 
	over them keys.

		COOKIE
	I haven't got any keys.

		STOSH
	Okay. Then I'll get me a key.

He grabs off a piece of iron holding up a corner of the 
distillery. Meanwhile, Harry has pulled out Sefton's 
footlockers. Stosh shoves the iron bar into one of the locks. 
Stops. Looks up at Hoffy.

		STOSH
	Okay, Hoffy?

		HOFFY
	Okay.

Stosh starts ripping off the lock.

Cookie has shrunk back into the corner of his bunk.

The first footlocker is cracked open. It is brimful of 
cigarettes, chocolate bars, coffee, tea and sugar. Stosh now 
pries open the second footlocker. He throws back the top: 
there is a dazzling assortment of cameras, binoculars, 
wristwatches, beer steins, bottles of Rhine wine and a cuckoo 
clock.

		STOSH
	Of all the hoarding cruds!

		BAGRADIAN
	Looks like Macey's basement, don't 
	it?

		DUNBAR
	That kid's richer than my mother.

Harry has picked up the cuckoo clock. It opens, the birdie 
emerges and cuckoos.

		HARRY
	Shut up!

He slaps the door shut on it. Stosh pulls from under the 
binoculars a pair of silk stockings. He holds them up.

		STOSH
	For cryin' out loud! What would he 
	be doing with these?

		DUKE'S VOICE
	Suppose you ask me.

They turn. In the door stands Duke, breathless. He had just 
come in from the Compound.

		DUKE
	Go on, ask me! Because I got the 
	goods on Mister Sefton. Because this 
	time he didn't shake me.

He moves toward the telescope at the window.

		DUKE
	Take a look for yourself. It'll curdle 
	your guts.

He swings the telescope around so it faces the Russian 
Compound.

		STOSH
	The Russian women!

They all dash towards the window and the telescope. Hoffy 
pushes through and looks himself, focusing the telescope.

		DUKE
	Try the end barrack. Where the goodies 
	are.

Hoffy looks.

		HARRY
		(impatiently)
	Come on, Hoffy! We all want to see!

Hoffy straightens up. Stosh pushes Harry away and looks 
through the telescope.

		HOFFY
		(to Duke)
	How did he get over there?

		DUKE
	Easy! Walked right through the gate, 
	past the guard. Like he was some 
	Kraut Field Marshal.

Stosh, looking through the telescope, has let go with a long 
whistle.

		STOSH
	This is murder!

RUSSIAN BARRACK - (DAY)

The telescope is focused on the window, revealing:

A party is in progress. Sefton is the only man among some 
eight Russian women. He lies on a bunk, reclining like a 
Sultan. The Russian women around him vie for his favor. One 
plays the balalaika. Another is dancing the Kazatski on the 
table.

INT. BARRACK

The men struggle to get at the telescope. Harry jerks Stosh 
away. Meanwhile, Blondie moves in.

		HARRY
		(pulling Blondie off)
	Go play with your marbles!

Harry looks.

		STOSH
	The stinkin' miser! Keeping all that 
	to himself!

		TRIZ
	Would I like to lay my hands on him!

		HARRY
		(from the telescope)
	Who wants to lay their hands on him?

Blondie, Bagradian and a couple others have dashed to the 
footlocker, grabbed themselves some binoculars, and dash 
back to the window to look.

		DUKE
		(to Hoffy and Price)
	So I'm a vigilante, huh? So what are 
	the Barrack Officers going to do 
	now?

		PRICE
	Don't worry Duke. We'll handle it 
	from here on in.

		DUKE
	You better handle it fast. Before a 
	few more of us get knocked off.

Hoffy, boiling mad, grabs the telescope from the guys and 
flings it across the room.

The telescope smashes against Sefton's bunk. It almost hits 
Cookie. He cringes back.

							DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. COMPOUND - (DUSK)

Sefton is coming back from the Russian compound. There are 
about a dozen P.O.W.s about. He pauses at the gate until a 
couple of P.O.W.s have moved on. Then he walks through the 
gate, giving the German guard a little high sign. Whistling 
a Russian tune, Sefton crosses toward Barrack 4.

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DUSK)

The electric lights are burning. Sefton enters, whistling. 
Duke slips behind him, slams the door shut, and stands there 
blocking the exit.

Sefton stops whistling. He surveys the situation. About twenty-
five P.O.W.s stand around silently, looking at him. Hoffy, 
Price, Harry and Stosh in the foreground.

		SEFTON
		(casually)
	Hi.

No answer.

		SEFTON
	Too late for chow?

No answer.

		SEFTON
	What's the matter, boys? Is my slip 
	showing?

		HOFFY
	I'll say it is. You spilled a little 
	borscht on it.

		SEFTON
	Borscht?

		STOSH
	Have a nice time over there?

		SEFTON
	Oh! Somebody was peeking!

He nonchalantly starts peeling off his coat.

		SEFTON
	Yeah! Had a dreamy time! Those dames, 
	they really know how to throw a party. 
	I've handled some pretty interesting 
	material in my day, but between you 
	and me, there's just nothing like 
	the hot breath of the Cossacks. 
	There's a couple of blonde snipers 
	over there, real man-killers...

He breaks off as his eyes fall on his footlockers. He sees 
that they have been broken open.

		SEFTON
	What's this?

They just look at him. He turns to Cookie, who is curled up 
in his bunk, petrified.

		SEFTON
	What happened, Cookie? Who did it?

		HOFFY
	We did it.

		SEFTON
	There better not be anything missing. 
	This is private property.

		PRICE
	So was the radio private property. 
	So was Manfredi and Johnson.

		SEFTON
	What about the radio?

		DUKE
		(moving in on Sefton)
	Yeah, what about it?
		(to Hoffy and Price)
	Cut the horsing around. We know he's 
	the stoolie and we know what the pay-
	off is. Let's get on with it.

		SEFTON
	Let's get on with what? What is this 
	anyway? A Kangaroo Court? Why don't 
	you get a rope and do it right?

		DUKE
	You make my mouth water.

		SEFTON
	You're all wire happy, boys. You've 
	been in this camp too long. You put 
	two and two together and it comes 
	out four. Only it ain't four.

		HOFFY
	What's it add up to you, Sefton?

		SEFTON
	It adds up that you got yourselves 
	the wrong guy. Because I'm telling 
	you. The Krauts wouldn't plant two 
	stoolies in one barrack. And whatever 
	you do to me you're going to have to 
	do all over again when you find the 
	right guy.

		BLONDIE
		(from the window)
	Watch it!

He snaps the wash.

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT BY NOW)

Planks have been laid from the Administration Building to 
Barrack 4. Two German guards are just putting down the last 
plank right against the barrack. Von Scherbach strides down 
the planks. He is accompanied by his aide and two German 
soldiers. They, of course, are marching through the mud. The 
aide hurries ahead to open the door to the barrack.

INT. BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

Von Scherbach enters, followed by his aide. All the P.O.W.s 
look on tensely.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Good evening, Sergeants.
		(looking around)
	A bit dank in here, isn't it?... 
	Where is the Baracken-Fuehrer?

		HOFFY
		(stepping up)
	Yes, sir.

		VON SCHERBACH
	You have a Lieutenant here...

He holds out his hand. His aide hands him a slip of paper.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(reading)
	...a Lieutenant James Dunbar?

		HOFFY
	Yes, sir.

		DUNBAR
	I am Lieutenant Dunbar.

		VON SCHERBACH
	What is your number?

		DUNBAR
		(reading off his dog-
		tags)
	105-353.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(checking with paper)
	That is correct.
		(he salutes)
	Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize 
	for the accommodations. Ordinarily, 
	of course, we never put officers up 
	with enlisted men.

		DUNBAR
	I'll live.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Quite a transportation jam we are 
	having outside of Frankfurt! They 
	are very angry in Berlin. They will 
	be even angrier on the East Front, 
	waiting for that ammunition train. 
	Don't you think so, Lieutenant?

		DUNBAR
	I don't know what you're talking 
	about, Colonel.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Of course you don't. Now, Lieutenant, 
	how would you like to join me in my 
	quarters? I have a nice fire going.

		DUNBAR
	I'm okay here. Why bother?

		VON SCHERBACH
	No bother. I'm very grateful for a 
	little company. You see, I suffer 
	from insomnia.

		DUNBAR
	Ever try forty sleeping pills?

		VON SCHERBACH
		(to his aide, sharply)
	Abfuehren!

The aide takes Dunbar by the arm.

		HOFFY
		(to the aide)
	Wait a minute. We have some rights 
	here.
		(to von Scherbach)
	Why is this man being taken out?

		VON SCHERBACH
		(looking around the 
		room)
	Curtains would do wonders for this 
	barrack.
		(on second thought)
	You will not get them.

He snaps his fingers. The aide marches Dunbar out. Von 
Scherbach follows, slamming the door after him.

For a moment, there is a stunned silence. Then:

		BAGRADIAN
	How did he ever find out about that 
	ammunition train?

		HOFFY
	You must have shot off your mouth 
	all the way from Frankfurt to here.

		BAGRADIAN
	We did not.

		PRICE
	Maybe just a hint or so. Think hard.

		BAGRADIAN
	I don't have to think. We didn't 
	tell anything to anybody. Not a word. 
	Not until we hit this barrack.

The men stand struck.

Then all eyes go to Sefton. He is closing his footlockers. 
He senses their look. Straightens up.

		SEFTON
	What are you looking at me for?

No answer. He shoves the footlockers under his bunk. From 
OFF come whistles and shouts: 'Lights Out!'

The lights go out. The barrack is in semi-darkness.

		SEFTON
	I suppose some jerk's going to say I 
	did it.

He crawls into his bunk. He lies there, his eyes wide open. 
The air is charged.

After a long moment, the men move in on him, led by Duke and 
Stosh. Sefton sits up to meet them. A couple of guys grab 
him from behind, hold him down.

		SEFTON
	Why don't you try it one at a time?

The first blows are falling.

Joey lies in his bunk, his head propped against the bedpost, 
his face still in idiotic Hitler make-up. He does not 
comprehend the SOUNDS from Sefton's bunk, the beating and 
muffled cries. In the foreground, the electric bulb, hanging 
straight, sways gently.

							FADE OUT:

						END OF SEQUENCE "D"

			SEQUENCE "E"

FADE IN:

EXT. COMPOUND

Wintry day. Cold sun shining. Through the big gate two 
vehicles are driving into the compound: a 1939 Buick sedan 
and a tarpaulin-covered truck. The vehicles are muddy, 
battered, and carry the insignia of the Red Cross. They stop 
in front of the Administration Building. P.O.W.s converge 
from all sides. Out of the Buick steps the Geneva Man: a 
friendly type, about fifty-five, dressed in civilian clothes 
and carrying a brief case. He tips his Homburg to the P.O.W.s, 
but they are more interested in the truck. While a couple of 
German lieutenants exchange credentials with the Geneva Man, 
the Red Cross drivers roll back the tarpaulin of the truck, 
and the P.O.W.s (including all the men from Barrack 4, except 
Sefton) crowd around the goodies.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	Now, there's a lot of folks around 
	these days that don't believe in 
	Santa Claus. I always did and I always 
	will. For a while there, I thought 
	the German Luftwaffe had shot him 
	down, reindeer, sleigh and all. But, 
	no sir! Come the day before Christmas, 
	he showed up with some presents for 
	us, the Geneva Man did. He had started 
	out with seven truckloads. He was 
	lucky to get one of them through -- 
	with all the bombing and booby traps 
	and pilfering. Still, they were 
	presents and made you feel good: 
	coffee, a little sugar and some candy 
	and toothbrushes and about a thousand 
	rolls of that sanitary paper. Brother, 
	they sure kept sending us reams of 
	that stuff. I'll bet you if they had 
	dropped all that paper on Berlin the 
	first day, the war would have been 
	over right then and there.

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

It is quite changed now. The wash is gone. Everything is put 
away. The barrack is apparently empty, except for a German 
guard and Schulz, who gives the place a last once-over. The 
German guard is sweeping dust under the bunks.

		SCHULTZ
	Schnell! Schnell! Bevor der Mann vom 
	Roten Kreuz inspizieren kommt!

At one of the bunks he sees a miserable plant, potted in a 
smelly old shoe. He picks it up and gives it to the guard.

		SCHULTZ
	Nehmen Sie das hinaus!

The guard takes the shoe out. Schulz, about to leave himself, 
sees a pair of socks hanging from the line above. He rips 
them down and tucks them disgustedly under a blanket. From 
OFF comes:

		SEFTON'S VOICE
	Hey, Schulz!

Schulz turns.

At the other end of the barrack, Sefton is lying in his bunk. 
He has propped himself up on his elbow. His face is battered. 
One eye is swollen, one ear gashed. His body is aching.

		SCHULTZ
		(crossing)
	What is this? You must get out of 
	the bunk. The Geneva Man is coming 
	to inspect the barrack!

He sees Sefton's condition.

		SCHULTZ
	Du lieber Gott! How do you look? You 
	had a fight?

		SEFTON
		(holding out a pair 
		of silk stockings)
	How would you like to give Frau Schulz 
	a pair of silk stockings for 
	Christmas?

		SCHULTZ
	You should go and see the doctor. 
	Maybe I can --
		(breaking off)
	Silk stockings?

		SEFTON
	Here. Take them.

He presses the stockings upon Schulz.

		SCHULTZ
	Wunderbar! Maybe they are too 
	wunderbar for my wife. But there is 
	a piano teacher in the village --

		SEFTON
	And how about three hundred cigarettes 
	for yourself?

He has dragged himself out of his bunk and is taking cartons 
of cigarettes out of the footlocker.

		SCHULTZ
	Three hundred cigarettes! What is it 
	you want from me?

		SEFTON
	Who's the guy, Schulz?

		SCHULTZ
	What guy?

		SEFTON
	The one you work with. Who is he? 
	How do you do it?

		SCHULTZ
	I do not want those cigarettes.

		SEFTON
	Yes, you do!

He pulls himself up with an armful of cartons.

		SEFTON
	I'll make it five hundred!

		SCHULTZ
	No! No!

Sefton grabs him.

		SEFTON
	You'd better talk, Schulz, because 
	I'm going to find out with you or 
	without you. Because I won't let go 
	for a second. Because they'll have 
	to kill me to stop me. So talk!

		SCHULTZ
	Talk what? I do not know anything!

		SEFTON
	How many do you want? A thousand?

He bends over the footlocker, fighting his pain, comes up 
with more cartons. He thrusts them upon Schulz.

		SEFTON
	Take it! Take it!

There is a SOUND of P.O.W.s entering. Schulz looks off.

The P.O.W.s are coming back from the compound with the 
Christmas presents. Hoffy, Price, Duke, Harry and Stosh stand 
in the door, looking at Sefton and Schulz.

Schulz quickly drops the cartons on Sefton's bunk. Stands 
embarrassed for a moment, then retrieves his poise.

		SCHULTZ
	Gentlemen! When the Geneva Man comes 
	through the barrack, I don't want 
	any funny business. No mustaches. We 
	will all behave ourselves.

He goes toward the other end of the barrack, which is by now 
filled with all the other P.O.W.s. Schulz stops.

		SCHULTZ
	And gentlemen! You will not complain 
	to the Geneva Man. Because I have 
	orders from the Kommandant to report 
	everyone who complains.

The men move toward Sefton.

		STOSH
	Look at him! Dunbar's being crucified 
	and he's trading again!

		DUKE
	Didn't you get enough last night? 
	You itching for more?

		HARRY
	Some guys never learn!

		HOFFY
	I called a meeting of the barrack 
	chiefs this morning, Sefton. I thought 
	maybe I could get you transferred 
	into another barrack. It turns out 
	nobody likes you any more than we 
	do.

		SEFTON
	So you're stuck with me, eh?

		STOSH
	Maybe those Russian dames would take 
	him.

		HARRY
	Not with that kisser -- not any more!

Cookie has come through the door with some ice in a towel.

		COOKIE
		(to Sefton)
	Here... put some ice on it.

Duke grabs the ice-bag from him.

		DUKE
	Beat it, stooge!
		(to Hoffy and Price)
	Go on -- tell the crumb where he 
	stands.

		PRICE
	All right, Sefton. You got away lucky 
	last night. One more move, no matter 
	how small, and you'll wake up with 
	your throat slit!

		HOFFY
	You heard that, Sefton?

		SEFTON
	Sure I heard it. I still got one 
	good ear.

From OFF comes Schulz' WHISTLE. They look.

Schulz stands at the far door, blowing his whistle.

		SCHULTZ
	Achtung! Achtung! Everybody at 
	attention for the Geneva Man!

The men all come to attention before their bunks. The German 
lieutenant enters, ushering in the Geneva Man. Schulz stiffens 
and clicks his heels.

		GENEVA MAN
	As you were, gentlemen. Please.

He takes off his hat, looks around, and as the scene 
progresses, moves through the barrack.

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	Here we have a typical barrack. It 
	houses seventy-five men. Every one 
	of them has his own bunk, naturally.

		GENEVA MAN
	Naturally. It would be rather awkward 
	to have three men in one bunk.

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	As for the blankets, you will notice 
	they are very warm. Fifty percent 
	wool.

		GENEVA MAN
	They also smell of moth balls.
		(to a P.O.W. at that 
		particular bunk)
	When were they issued? This morning?

The P.O.W. looks noncommittally.

		GENEVA MAN
		(to the Lieutenant)
	What do you do for heat in this 
	barrack? No stove?

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	The men here used it for a trap door, 
	so we had to remove it temporarily.

		GENEVA MAN
	How long is temporarily? I trust not 
	until July.

Through the other door a couple of P.O.W.s have brought in 
the chow-tub, steaming with some brew. They put it on the 
table in the middle of the barrack.

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	Here you see a typical meal the 
	prisoners are getting. What are we 
	having today, Schulz?

		SCHULTZ
	Bean soup with ham hocks. Would you 
	like to taste it?
		(fishing with the 
		ladle)
	Where's the ham hock? There should 
	be a ham hock.

		STOSH
	When he finds it, we'll send it to 
	Geneva.

The Geneva Man continues down the barrack.

		GENEVA MAN
	Are there any complaints? Please 
	speak up.

He looks around. A pause.

		GENEVA MAN
	Don't be afraid to talk. That's what 
	the Geneva Convention is for: to 
	protect the rights of prisoners of 
	war. Whether they are Americans or 
	Germans.

Nobody answers.

		GENEVA MAN
		(to Harry)
	What have you got to say?

		HARRY
	I like it here.
		(then with a shrug)
	Aeh!

		GENEVA MAN
		(to Price)
	What about you?

		PRICE
	It's all right. Considering.

The Geneva Man walks on. Stops at Sefton's bunk. Sees his 
battered face.

		GENEVA MAN
	What happened to you? Were you beaten? 
	Why don't you answer?
		(to the German 
		Lieutenant)
	What did you do to this man?

		SEFTON
	They didn't do nothing.

		GENEVA MAN
	Who beat you?

		SEFTON
	Nobody beat me. We were playing 
	pinochle. It's a rough game.

		HOFFY
		(stepping up)
	Pardon me, sir. Since you want us to 
	speak up, there was a man removed 
	from this barrack last night. A 
	Lieutenant Dunbar. We sure would 
	appreciate your looking into it. 
	That's if they haven't shot him yet.

		GENEVA MAN
		(to the German 
		Lieutenant)
	Why was the man arrested?

		GERMAN LIEUTENANT
	Sabotage. He blew up a train.

		HOFFY
	They'd have to prove that first, 
	wouldn't they? Isn't that what the 
	Geneva Convention says? You can't 
	just take a man out and shoot him!

							QUICK DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VON SCHERBACH'S OFFICE - (DAY)

The office is in the Administration Building. It is primitive, 
sparsely furnished. A desk with a couple of phones on it. 
Iron stove. A black leather sofa. Maps.

In the room are von Scherbach, Dunbar and the Colonel's 
ORDERLY. The Colonel's boots, shining gloriously, stand near 
the desk. He is pacing up and down in his stocking feet 
talking to Dunbar. In his hand is the black queen from the 
chess game. He tosses it into the air once in a while and 
catches it. Dunbar stands close to a wall. He is completely 
exhausted, fighting sleep.

START the SCENE on the chess piece in von Scherbach's hand 
and PAN with it as von Scherbach walks to reveal the room.

		VON SCHERBACH
	You have no idea how boring my life 
	here is. If it weren't for an 
	occasional air raid or some foolish 
	prisoners trying to escape, I wouldn't 
	know what to do. I want to thank you 
	for keeping me company. I don't drink, 
	I don't smoke, I don't read. I hate 
	music. That only leaves good 
	conversation. It will be a shame to 
	lose you.

		DUNBAR
		(fighting sleep)
	I didn't do it -- I didn't do it.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Of course you did! Twenty-six carloads 
	of munitions gone off like a trick 
	cigar! The S.S. is running around in 
	circles. The Gestapo is arresting 
	the wrong people. And von Scherbach 
	has caught the fish. Most amusing, 
	isn't it?

Dunbar falls back against the wall, yawning.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(straightening him up)
	You are being rude again.

		DUNBAR
	I want to sleep. Give me five minutes 
	on that couch.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(looking at his 
		wristwatch)
	Nine-thirty. General von Pfeffinger 
	should be at his desk by now. Shall 
	we call Berlin and tell him the good 
	news?

		DUNBAR
		(wearily)
	I didn't do it. I didn't do it.

Von Scherbach has gone to the desk, picks up the phone and 
cranks it.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(into phone)
	Hauptkommando Berlin. General von 
	Pfeffinger. Dringend.

He hangs up, sits on the edge of the desk holding up his 
stocking feet. During his subsequent spiel, the orderly steps 
up and pulls von Scherbach's boots on.

		VON SCHERBACH
	I hope you appreciate this moment, 
	Lieutenant. You see, I am a cavalry 
	man. All the von Scherbachs were 
	cavalry men. Well, you know what 
	happened to the cavalry. The young 
	ones they put into panzer divisions. 
	The older ones they put in the 
	quartermaster's corps. Or they made 
	them recruiting officers or wardens. 
	Like me. Wet nurses to putrid 
	prisoners. In Berlin they have 
	forgotten that Colonel von Scherbach 
	even exists. They will remember now!

The boots are on. The telephone RINGS. He jumps to his feet, 
picks up the receiver, automatically clicks his heels.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(into phone)
	Berlin? Hier Oberst von Scherbach. 
	General von Pfeffinger?
		(clicks his heels)
	Oberst von Scherbach. Stalag 17. 
	Melde gehorchsamst haben als 
	Gefangenen den Mann, der Munitionszug 
	in Frankfurt in die Luft gesprengt 
	hat. Jawohl, Herr General --
		(clicks the heels)
	-- Name Leutenant Dunbar. Sabotage. 
	Jawohl, Herr General.

He clicks his heels again, hangs up. Sits again on the desk 
and the orderly automatically starts to pull off his boots.

		VON SCHERBACH
	There will be two S.S. men here 
	tomorrow to take you to Berlin. You 
	will be interrogated by the General 
	Staff. When you come to the part 
	about your arrest, I'm sure you won't 
	forget to give me the proper credit.

		DUNBAR
		(sinking back)
	I want to sleep... I haven't slept 
	for three days.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(pulling him up)
	You will remember the name? Von 
	Scherbach? VON SCHER-BACH!

There's a KNOCK on the door.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Herein!

Schulz opens the door, clicks his heels, salutes.

		SCHULTZ
	Der Mann vom Roten Kreuz moechte den 
	Herrn Oberst sprechen!

		VON SCHERBACH
	Ich bitte!

Schulz ushers in the Geneva Man, steps out himself.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Well, Herr Inspector! How did you 
	find the camp? Crowded but gemuetlich, 
	shall we say?

		GENEVA MAN
	I want to talk about Lieutenant 
	Dunbar. Is this Lieutenant Dunbar?

		VON SCHERBACH
	It is.

		GENEVA MAN
	What exactly is he charged with?

		VON SCHERBACH
	Whatever it is, it's out of your 
	jurisdiction. This man is not a 
	prisoner of war. Not any more. He is 
	a saboteur.

		GENEVA MAN
	He is a prisoner of war until you 
	can prove sabotage.

		DUNBAR
	I didn't do it. I was in the Frankfurt 
	station and the train was three miles 
	away when it blew up.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Oh, come now! You threw a time bomb.

		DUNBAR
	How could I have had a time bomb? 
	They searched me when they took me 
	prisoner.

		GENEVA MAN
	And the way you search your prisoners, 
	it does sound rather unlikely.

		VON SCHERBACH
	All I know is he did it. I am 
	satisfied.

		GENEVA MAN
	I am not. According to the Geneva 
	Convention --

		DUNBAR
	Is there anything about letting a 
	guy sleep in the Geneva Convention?

He has shuffled over to the sofa, and plunks himself down -- 
instantly asleep.

		VON SCHERBACH
		(to the Geneva Man)
	You were saying --?

		GENEVA MAN
	Simply this. After the hostilities 
	are ended, there will be such a thing 
	as a War Crimes Commission. If this 
	man should be convicted without proper 
	proof, you will be held responsible, 
	Colonel von Scherbach.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Interesting.

		GENEVA MAN
	Isn't it?

The Geneva Man looks straight into von Scherbach's eyes. Von 
Scherbach doesn't like the look. He picks up the black queen 
and tosses it again.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Very well. If you insist on details. 
	I have ways of finding out about 
	that blasted time bomb. Good day, 
	sir.
		(indicating stocking 
		feet)
	You will forgive me for receiving 
	you like this?

		GENEVA MAN
	Perfectly all right. I do not like 
	boots.

As the Geneva Man exits --

		VON SCHERBACH
	Schulz!

Schulz enters.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Wie ist es moeglich dass dieser 
	Amerikaner eine Bombe bei sich hatte? 
	Er wurde doch bei der Gefangennahme 
	untersucht.

		SCHULTZ
	Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

		VON SCHERBACH
	Finden Sie es heraus -- und zwar 
	sofort!

		SCHULTZ
	Zu Befehl, Herr Kommandant.

Von Scherbach tosses him the black queen.

							QUICK DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

START ON black queen now with the other chess pieces on the 
table. PAN UP to disclose the barrack and the electric light, 
its cord now looped.

Sefton is lying in his bunk, dressed. Cookie above him in 
his bunk. At the center table, Harry, Stosh, Blondie and 
Bagradian are decorating the Christmas tree with their dogtags 
and hand-made candles. Joey sits there watching them. Blondie 
takes off Joey's dogtags and puts them on the tree. One of 
the P.O.W.s is WHISTLING Silent Night.

Sitting on a stool is Triz. He is knitting a little baby's 
garment. He pauses as a thought disturbs him, then:

		TRIZ
	I believe it. I believe it.

He goes on with the knitting.

Through the door come Duke and Price, followed by two P.O.W.s 
from another barrack. One P.O.W. is carrying an old-fashioned 
phonograph, the other some records.

		DUKE
		(indicating center 
		table)
	Put it down, boys.

		HARRY
	Hey, -- music!

		PRICE
	We made a deal with Barrack One.

		BAGRADIAN
		(to Price)
	Any news on Dunbar?

		PRICE
	He's still in the Kommandant's office. 
	That's all I know.

The P.O.W.s from Barrack One have deposited the phonograph 
and the records on the table.

		DUKE
	Over here.

They follow him to Sefton's bunk.

		DUKE
		(to Cookie)
	Let's have that distillery. Come on.

Cookie looks down at Sefton for permission.

		DUKE
	What are you looking at him for?
		(to Sefton)
	Any objections, Sefton?

		SEFTON
	Take it.

The P.O.W.s climb on Sefton's bunk and start taking down the 
distillery, which is piled up in Cookie's bunk.

		DUKE
		(to Sefton)
	Next we're going to auction off your 
	department store -- and your stable.

		SEFTON
	Why not?

At the table, Price finishes cranking the machine. Harry 
puts on a record and Price starts it playing. The tune is: 
When Johnny Comes Marching Home. The guys start crowding 
around.

Meanwhile, Stosh has been watching the P.O.W.s from Barrack 
One take down the distillery. As they start out, he grabs up 
an empty glass jar, follows them surreptitiously and, in 
moving, siphons off a stream of booze into the glass jar. 
One of the P.O.W.s catches him.

		P.O.W.
		(slapping his hand)
	Hey! That goes with it!

They pull the hose out of the glass jar and leave. Stosh, 
however, has gotten himself a pint of Schnapps.

At the table Harry and a few others start singing with the 
record. Everybody has gathered around except Sefton and 
Cookie. Price moves over to his bunk, (PAN with him). As he 
takes off his jacket his eyes fall on --

The loop in the electric cord.

Price. His eyes narrow for a split second. Then he takes his 
cap off, cases the situation. The P.O.W.s are at the 
phonograph. Sefton lies in his bunk, his eyes toward the 
wall. Cookie climbs down to join the others. Nonchalantly, 
Price crosses toward the lamp. He stands at the table with 
his back towards the barrack. Picks up the black queen, pulls 
the top off, palms a small piece of paper, puts the top back 
and places the chess piece back on the chess board. He is 
about to read, but -- Some of the P.O.W.s come marching down 
the barrack toward Price in a take-off of a homecoming parade, 
led by Harry and Stosh.

Price stands there, the note in his fist. After they have 
passed, he opens his hand, reads the palmed note, puts it in 
his pocket. He looks after the others who are now marching 
down at the other end of the barrack. Casually, he pulls the 
slip noose out of the light cord, and walks toward the center 
table.

Sefton, lying in his bunk, sees the shadow of the bulb and 
the light cord on the wall, swinging gently back and forth. 
It doesn't make too much of an impression on him. However, 
he definitely notices it and looks around for the cause. He 
dismisses it and lies back in his bunk.

The Johnny Comes Marching Home number is over and Bagradian 
now goes into an impersonation of Lionel Barrymore, as the 
mayor of a small town, welcoming home the returning warriors -- 
and Jimmy Stewart answering for the soldiers. (To be worked 
out later). During this, Price has joined them.

		P.O.W.S
	Do Bogart.
	Do Cary Grant.

		PRICE
	Do Cagney.

		STOSH
	Naw! Do Grable!

		BAGRADIAN
	Okay.

He goes into a short impersonation of Clark Gable.

		STOSH
	Grable, not Gable!

		HARRY
	Do Jimmy Durante!

		PRICE
	Do Cagney. Like you did yesterday.

		BAGRADIAN
		(a la Cagney)
	There was that ammunition train in 
	the depot at Frankfurt, see? So Dunbar 
	gets himself in the men's room and 
	fixes a time bomb, see? Then he waits 
	until the train starts moving out, 
	see? And one of the cars got the 
	door open with some straw on the 
	floor, see? So he throws it, see, 
	and three minutes later -- voom! 
	See?

		PRICE
	Throws what? How could he have a 
	time bomb?

		BAGRADIAN
	Just pulled the old match gag, see!

		PRICE
	What's the match gag?

		BAGRADIAN
	Take some matches, see?
		(takes a book of 
		matches from his 
		pocket)
	And a cigarette, see?
		(takes a burning 
		cigarette from Triz' 
		mouth)
	Tuck the cigarette in like this, 
	see?
		(tucks the cigarette 
		inside cover of match-
		book with the lit 
		end sticking out)
	Now the cigarette keeps burning like 
	a fuse, see?

		DUKE
	Say, that's a dandy!

		PRICE
		(as it sinks in)
	Yeah. Pretty clever.

		STOSH
	Do Grable.

		HARRY
	Hey, here's Esther Williams.

He bends his head over and taps his ear, as if to shake out 
water. No laugh.

		HARRY
	Nothing, eh?

		P.O.W.
	Do Cary Grant.

Bagradian goes into a take-off on Cary Grant. Price leans 
his head against a bunk-post, completely relaxed.

							DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BARRACK 4 - (EVENING)

The lights are on. In the foreground, our bulb, with a loop 
in the cord again. A Christmas party is in progress. On the 
center table, the pitiful little tree is lit. All the P.O.W.s 
in the barrack are huddled around the table, most of them 
sitting on the bunks. They are singing Adeste Fideles. It is 
bitter cold. Outside the wind is howling. They are wrapped 
in blankets and most of them wear gloves.

As for Sefton, he is lying in his bunk, a pariah. Duke comes 
over from the group, pulls Sefton's foot-locker out and starts 
taking out the bottles of Rhine wine.

		DUKE
	Where's the corkscrew?

He finds it, puts it in his pocket.

		SEFTON
	Have a cigar.

		DUKE
	Thanks.

He takes a cigar, puts it in his mouth and goes off with the 
wine. As Sefton looks after him, his eyes are caught by the 
light cord and the noose in it. He stares at it.

The P.O.W.s around the tree are SINGING, Price prominently 
in the foreground. Duke has come with the wine and starts 
opening it. Stosh nudges Joey who sits next to him and points 
to a lone little package under the tree.

		STOSH
	Hey, Joey -- there's a present for 
	you.

Joey doesn't move. Stosh picks it up.

		STOSH
	Want me to open it for you?

He opens it. It's the crude ocarina he carved out of wood. 
Joey's eyes flicker. He takes the ocarina and starts playing 
weird SOUNDS on it. The boys look at him, delighted.

		STOSH
	There, Joey -- ain't that better 
	than being a lawyer?

		HARRY
		(nudging Stosh)
	Animal! Got a little something for 
	you!

He produces from behind his back a package, wrapped with 
ersatz ribbon.

		STOSH
	Got a little something for you, too!

He takes out a package from inside his blanket.

		HARRY
	I'll open mine now.

		STOSH
	I'll open mine, too.

They start opening their presents. It becomes apparent that 
each has given the other a roll of sanitary paper.

		HARRY AND STOSH
		(throwing their arms 
		around each other)
	You're a doll! Just what I wanted! 
	How did you know!

From the compound, a SIREN is heard. And shouts, Lights Out! 
The singing stops.

		PRICE
	Air raid warning.

		BLONDIE
	Not Christmas Eve!

		HOFFY
		(wearily)
	Come on, everybody. Let's get out. 
	Let's hit those slit trenches.

		TRIZ
		(getting up)
	I'm not really built for war.

They blow out the candles. Simultaneously, the lights are 
turned off. The men start rushing out. Outside, through the 
door, men from other barracks can be seen hurrying by.

Sefton sits up in his bunk, looking at the electric cord. 
The bulb is dark now.

		SCHULZ' VOICE
	Out, out everybody!

Sefton looks off.

Schulz has come through the door and is herding them out.

		SCHULTZ
	You must get out. For your own good, 
	you must get out.

		HOFFY
	Come on, everybody!
		(pushing Joey)
	Let's go!

Schulz has come up to Sefton.

		SCHULTZ
	What's the matter with you? You want 
	to be killed?

		SEFTON
	Not particularly.

He picks up his leather jacket and moves toward the door 
where the other P.O.W.s are crowding out.

		PRICE
		(to Stosh and Harry 
		who are lingering 
		behind)
	Must you always be the last?

		STOSH
	Oh, yeah? You jump in those trenches 
	first and everybody jumps on top of 
	you!

		HARRY
	How do you think I got my hernia?

Price pushes them out. Dawdles at the door, closes it from 
inside. He is alone with Schulz in the dark barrack.

Schulz has gone over to the chess board, has picked up the 
black queen, opened it. There is no message. Price comes up 
to him.

		SCHULTZ
	Nun? Was ist? Haben Sie's 
	herausgefunden?

		PRICE
	Ich weiss alles.

		SCHULTZ
	Wie hat er's gemacht?

		PRICE
	Ganz einfach... Streichhoelzer... 
	und eine Zigarette...

He takes a book of matches and puts a lighted cigarette in 
it.

		PRICE
	Passen Sie auf!

The "time bomb" goes off, lighting up their faces.

		SCHULTZ
	Ach so!... ACH SO!

There is a broad grin on his face. Then he and Price move 
out of the barrack, quickly. As they go out the door --

		SCHULTZ
		(calling off, with 
		phony efficiency)
	Air raid! Air raid! Everybody in the 
	trenches!

Now the barrack is empty. Except for one thing: from behind 
one of the rear bunks, Sefton steps out. He puts a cigar in 
his mouth, lights it. There is a gleam in his eye.

		SEFTON
	Ach so-o-o-o!

							FADE OUT:

						END OF SEQUENCE "E"

			SEQUENCE "F"

FADE IN:

INT. BARRACKS 4 - (DAY)

The phonograph, on the center table, is playing: I Love You. 
About a dozen P.O.W.s are dancing with each other, among 
them, Triz, leading Harry, Blondie, leading a bearded P.O.W. 
The whole thing is very elegant, with new guys cutting in, 
politely. One of the P.O.W.s sings into a mike, consisting 
of a stick stuck into a knothole in the table with a tin can 
on top.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	So it got to be Christmas Day in 
	Stalag 17. As it turned out, it was 
	more like the Fourth of July -- with 
	all the fireworks that were to go 
	off all at once and bust the camp 
	wide open. It sure started off 
	innocently enough, with a party going 
	on in every barracks...

Sefton, propped up in his bunk, is watching the proceedings. 
In back of him, against the window, sits Cookie. Sefton's 
eyes never leave --

Price, who is near the phonograph with Pirelli and another 
P.O.W. They are supplying a makeshift jazz accompaniment, 
playing on a washboard, drumming on the table and strumming 
a bass fiddle string attached to a bucket.

Sefton. There is a look of cynical amusement on his face as 
he takes this in.

A P.O.W. tags Triz to cut in. Harry holds out his arms. He 
is ready. But the P.O.W. dances off with Triz, leaving Harry 
flat. Harry looks over to Stosh.

Stosh lies in his bunk, drinking what's left of the booze he 
swiped from the distillery. He is staring at the pin-ups of 
Grable pasted on the ceiling of his bunk.

		HARRY
	Come on, Animal -- let's trip the 
	light fantastic!

		STOSH
	Let me alone.

		HARRY
	You're crying, Animal.

		STOSH
	It's that song, Harry!

		HARRY
		(seeing the pin-up)
	You don't want to cry over a dame 
	that doesn't even know you're alive! 
	Snap out of it!

		STOSH
	There's a time in every man's life 
	when he wants to be alone! So go 
	away!

He takes another swig and lets down the big pin-up so it 
hangs a few inches in front of his eyes.

Harry turns away from Stosh, picks up a pilot cap, turns it 
inside out so the yellow fur shows on top, puts it on. He 
gets some straw out of a hole in a mattress and tucks it 
under the cap like curls.

		HARRY
	All right, boys, who wants the Queen 
	of the May?

A P.O.W. drops his partner and dances Harry off.

Sefton, in his bunk, watching Price all the time.

		SEFTON
	Any cigars left, Cookie?

No answer from Cookie.

		SEFTON
	Come on, Cookie. Get me a cigar.

Cookie doesn't move.

		SEFTON
	What's the matter? You on their team 
	now? You think I'm the guy?

		COOKIE
	I don't know anymore.

Sefton goes to the raided footlocker for a last tattered 
cigar.

		SEFTON
	I understand how you feel, Cookie. 
	It's sort of rough -- one American 
	squealing on other Americans. Then 
	again, Cookie -- maybe that stoolie's 
	not an American at all. Maybe he's a 
	German the Krauts planted in this 
	barracks. They do this type of thing. 
	Just put an agent in with us -- a 
	trained specialist. Lots of loose 
	information floating around a prison 
	camp. Not just whether somebody wants 
	to escape, but what outfits we were 
	with and where we were stationed, 
	and how our radar operates. Could 
	be, couldn't it?

		COOKIE
	In this barracks?

		SEFTON
	Why not? Just one of the boys. Sharing 
	our bunks. Eating our chow. Right in 
	amongst the ones that beat me up. 
	Except that he beat hardest.

		COOKIE
	Who is it?

		SEFTON
	That's not the point, Cookie. The 
	point is what do you do with him? 
	You tip your mitt and the Jerries 
	pull him out of here and plant him 
	someplace else, like Stalag Sixteen 
	or Fifteen. Or you kill him off and 
	the Krauts turn around and kill off 
	the whole barracks. Every one of us. 
	So what do you do?

		COOKIE
	Who is it?

Sefton doesn't answer.

		COOKIE
	If you don't want to tell me, why 
	don't you tell Hoffy? Or Security?

		SEFTON
	Yeah. Security.

He just sits there, smoking and looking in the direction of --

Price at the middle table. Bagradian steps up to Price, who 
is busy beating out the rhythm. The P.O.W. is no longer 
singing.

		BAGRADIAN
	Where's Hoffy? Why don't we get any 
	news about Dunbar?

		PRICE
	Don't worry. He'll be all right.

		BAGRADIAN
	I had to be the ham! I had to shoot 
	off my mouth!

		PRICE
	Forget it. He'll be back here. They've 
	got no proof.

Harry seats himself on the table, tossing his curls.

		HARRY
		(to the rhythm boys)
	Sweet and soft, boys. Beguile me.

Stosh in his bunk. He drains the booze from the jar, looks 
out at the room through tear blurred eyes. He sees:

Harry sitting on the table, listening to the music. He is in 
the identical pose Betty Grable has struck in the big pin-up 
photo.

Stosh's eyes go back to the big pin-up photo. He looks back 
at:

Harry. By now it is not Harry who is sitting there. It is 
Betty Grable, or rather the pin-up photo superimposed in the 
same size as Harry.

Stosh blinks his eyes. He stares some more. Delirious 
happiness dawns on his face. He climbs out of his bunk and 
walks toward Harry, in a trance.

		STOSH
		(to himself)
	Betty!... Betty!

He has reached the table, bows politely to Harry.

		STOSH
	May I have this dance, Miss?

		HARRY
	Why, sure!

He climbs off the table. Stosh puts his arm around very 
elegantly and dances him off.

		STOSH
	Who would've ever thought I'd be 
	holding you in my arms?

A peculiar expression comes over Harry's face.

		STOSH
	Pinch me, will you? Pinch me so I'll 
	know I'm not dreaming.

Harry reaches up and pinches him heartily on the cheek.

		STOSH
	Thank you, darling!

Again, a reaction from Harry as they dance on. Stosh sings a 
few bars of I Love You with the record. His cheek is very 
close to Harry. He is lost in blissful romance.

		STOSH
	Did anybody ever tell you you have 
	the most beautiful legs in the world?

Harry does a big take.

		STOSH
	But it's not just those legs. It's 
	that nose of yours I'm crazy about. 
	That cute little button of a nose!

		HARRY
		(the situation begins 
		to seep through)
	Hey, Animal! Animal!

		STOSH
		(sweeping on madly)
	I've been crazy about you for years. 
	I've seen every picture you've ever 
	made six times. I'd just sit there 
	and never even open that popcorn 
	bag.

		HARRY
		(breaking from him)
	Animal! Animal! Wake up!

He starts slapping his face.

		STOSH
	Betty! Betty!

		HARRY
		(taking off his wig)
	This is me, Animal! It's Harry 
	Shapiro!

Stosh stares at him. The truth dawns on him. He starts bawling 
like a child.

Hoffy hurries in from the compound. He is followed by Duke, 
Marko and The Crutch.

		HOFFY
	Cut that music! Cut it! Listen!

All turn.

		HOFFY
	The S.S. Men are here to pick up 
	Dunbar. They're taking him to Berlin. 
	Looks like he's finished.

		DUKE
	Only he ain't quite finished yet. 
	Blondie -- get that smudge pot. Tie 
	it to Steve's leg.

Blondie gets the can of smoke-powder and, as the scene 
progresses, fastens it in The Crutch's empty pants' leg.

		PRICE
	What are you going to do?

		HOFFY
	I want everybody out of here. We'll 
	need a lot of commotion on the 
	compound.

		MARKO
	I'll get the men from the other 
	barracks.

		PRICE
		(to Hoffy)
	You don't think you can snatch Dunbar? 
	Not from the S.S.?

		HOFFY
	We're sure going to make a stab at 
	it. You, Price and Stosh and Harry 
	and Blondie -- be at the north 
	latrine. You'll all get your posts. 
	Now everybody start drifting out 
	with Marko.

		MARKO
	Easy, boys, easy. Disperse out there 
	nicely and always remember just 
	because the Krauts are dumb that 
	doesn't make them stupid.

The men start filing out through both doors quietly.

		HOFFY
		(to Blondie)
	Ready?

		BLONDIE
	Roger.

		HOFFY
		(to Price, Stosh, 
		Harry and Duke)
	Okay. Move on.

The Crutch, Blondie, Harry and Stosh leave.

		PRICE
	I don't know what your scheme is, 
	but it sounds crazy.

		HOFFY
	Maybe it's crazy, but it's better 
	than having Dunbar dead.

		PRICE
	Just as you say, Hoffy. But wouldn't 
	it be smarter if I went out and kept 
	Schulz tied up?

		HOFFY
	Good.

		SEFTON
		(moving in)
	I wouldn't worry about Schulz. I'd 
	worry about Sefton. Remember me? I'm 
	the stoolie.

		DUKE
	You ain't going to squeal this one, 
	brother.

		SEFTON
	No? Aren't you a little afraid to 
	turn the stoolie loose on that 
	compound? For a tip-off like this, 
	you know what the Krauts would pay?

		HOFFY
	You'll stay in this barracks and not 
	a peep out of you.

		SEFTON
	Okay, then. Put a guard on me. I 
	want you to put a guard on me. Because 
	if anything goes wrong out there, 
	this time you won't have a patsy. 
	Right?

		HOFFY
	Right.

		SEFTON
	So who stays with me? Maybe Joey? No -- 
	not Joey. Wouldn't you feel safer 
	with Security on the job?

		HOFFY
	Okay, Price. You stay.

		PRICE
	What about Schulz?

		HOFFY
	We'll take care of Schulz.
		(to the others)
	Come on.

They all follow Hoffy out, leaving Price and Sefton.

They stand for a while looking at each other. From OFF come 
some WEIRD NOTES on the ocarina.

Joey sits in his bunk, playing on his new sweet potato.

		SEFTON
	That's the boy, Joey. Play us a little 
	something. What do you want to hear, 
	Price? Home On The Range? Or maybe a 
	little Wagner?

No answer from Price.

		SEFTON
	Or how about a game of pinochle? No, 
	you're not a pinochle man. You're a 
	chess player.
		(moves to chess board)
	I haven't played since I was a kid. 
	Let's see --
		(maneuvers the white 
		pieces)
	-- a pawn moves this way, doesn't 
	it? And a bishop this way? And the 
	queen -- every which way, doesn't 
	it?

		PRICE
	Suppose you just sit down and keep 
	your mouth shut.

		SEFTON
		(moving about)
	I went to school with a guy named 
	Price. But that was in Boston. You're 
	from Cleveland, aren't you.

		PRICE
	Yes, I'm from Cleveland.

		SEFTON
	I thought that's what you said. You're 
	from Cleveland. And you were with 
	the Thirty-sixth Bomb Group?

		PRICE
	Thirty-fifth.

		SEFTON
	Three hundred and sixty-fifth Bomb 
	Squadron? Out of Chelveston?

		PRICE
	Are you questioning me?

		SEFTON
	Just getting acquainted. Trying to 
	make one friend in this barracks.

		PRICE
	Don't bother, Sefton. I don't like 
	you. I never did and I never will.

		SEFTON
	A lot of people say that and the 
	first thing you know is they get 
	married and live happily ever after.
		(goes to window)
	I wonder what they're trying to pull 
	out there?

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

Several hundred P.O.W.s are casually strolling about the 
compound. The CAMERA MOVES TOWARDS the Administration Building 
PAST an S.S. car parked on the roadway, with the motor 
running. An S.S. driver stands at the car door. Harry and 
Stosh stand by the car, inspecting it. CAMERA MOVES ON PAST 
the flagpole, against which leans Duke, and ON TO the porch 
of the Administration Building: there stands Hoffy, reading 
the bulletin board. Only he isn't reading it. From one corner 
of his eye he is peeking through the window into the 
Kommandant's office. Suddenly he reacts to a movement inside. 
Without turning, he gives the signal: he throws one end of 
his muffler around his neck.

Duke, at the flagpole, gets it and throws his muffler around 
his neck, thusly relaying the signal.

At the car, Harry follows suit.

Marko, leaning against the north latrine, catches the signal 
and, still facing the compound, RAPS with his knuckles on 
the wooden boards.

INT. NORTH LATRINE - (DAY)

The Crutch is sitting on the wash trough. On hearing the 
RAPS, Bagradian pulls up The Crutch's loose pants' leg. 
Blondie strikes a match and lights the fuse on the smudge 
pot. Bagradian pulls down the pants' leg. They help The Crutch 
off the wash trough and he hobbles out.

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

The Crutch is slowly hobbling toward the car, a thin wisp of 
smoke curling up from his pants' leg.

Out of the Administration Building emerge two S.S. Men, 
leading Dunbar between them. Hoffy, standing at the bulletin 
board, WHISTLES a few bars of the Air Force song. Dunbar 
turns, sees Hoffy whistling. Hoffy doesn't look at him, but 
Dunbar senses that something is in the wind. He walks on 
between the S.S. Men. As he is being led toward the car, 
still some thirty feet away, P.O.W.s crowd in to watch him.

The Crutch, hobbling on from the direction of the latrine, 
is some twenty feet from the car.

Duke straightens up from the flagpole casually, and starts 
sauntering toward the car.

The latrine. Blondie and Bagradian have moved out of the 
latrine and stand there with Marko, watching the car.

Harry and Stosh at the car. Stosh tightening the belt of his 
coat, Harry pulling the barracks cap tight on his head.

The driver of the car opens the door. The S.S. Men and Dunbar 
are some eight feet away now.

The Crutch, hobbling past the car, releases a string and the 
smudge pot drops as he moves on. He barely makes it. Almost 
instantly, there is a belch of fire and smoke starts pouring 
out of the smoke bomb.

The wind billows the smoke across the car, rapidly enveloping 
the S.S. Men and Dunbar. There are German SHOUTS from within 
the smoke cloud.

Duke, Harry, Stosh, Blondie, Bagradian, Marko and Hoffy move 
into the smoke from all sides. All now is lost in smoke. 
Just silhouettes of men rushing about. SHOUTS, German 
commands, SOUNDS of scuffling. From OFF a siren starts to 
sound. German guards come running from all corners of the 
compound into the cloud.

In the goon towers, the guards wheel around their machine 
guns, but don't dare to shoot into the smoke.

From the Administration Building storms von Scherbach, 
followed by the two Lieutenants, Schulz and other guards. 
They dash into the smoke cloud, which starts lifting.

THE COMPOUND - THROUGH THE WINDOW OF BARRACKS 4

The smoke cloud starts to clear. At the car, the two S.S. 
Men and the driver stand with guns in their hands. Dunbar is 
gone. The other P.O.W.s stand around innocently. Von Scherbach 
is screaming his head off, but his words are not heard. CAMERA 
PULLS BACK INTO Barracks 4, revealing Sefton and Price at 
the window. Sefton turns from the window, a little smile on 
his face.

		SEFTON
	Ach so!

		PRICE
	What did you say?

		SEFTON
	Amazing, what you can do with five 
	thousand ping-pong balls, isn't it?

Price is pacing. Joey starts tootling again.

		PRICE
		(to Joey)
	Stop that, will you!
		(to Sefton)
	Those idiots! So they sprang Dunbar! 
	So what good is it? He's still in 
	the compound, isn't he? How long can 
	he last? Where can they hide him?

		SEFTON
	Where. Up Joey's ocarina. Didn't you 
	know?

Price looks at him.

							DISSOLVE:

EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

All the P.O.W.s are formed into a line that serpentines toward 
a desk set up on the porch of the Administration Building. 
Light machine guns have been set up around them, the guards 
watching carefully. Behind the desk sit the two German 
Lieutenants, and in back of them stands Schulz. Every P.O.W., 
as he passes, is screened by the Lieutenants, then dogtags 
and faces being checked against an index of cards and 
photographs on the desk.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	Yeah? Where did we hide him? Nobody 
	knew that except Hoffy -- not one of 
	us -- and he wouldn't talk. It sure 
	drove the Krauts crazy looking for 
	Dunbar. They herded us all out into 
	the compound and put some extra 
	machine guns on us and gave us the 
	old picture check. You know, checking 
	our dogtags and our pans...

Pirelli, Blondie, Hoffy and Duke file by. The next in line 
is Price, followed by Sefton. As Price is being checked, his 
eyes meet Schulz's. Schulz looks at him inquisitively. The 
only answer on Price's face for a split second is: "I don't 
know". But he's got to watch himself as he is followed by 
Sefton.

A barracks: Guards with dogs are searching under it.

Another barracks: German guards throw tear gas bombs into it 
and close the doors.

The compound. All the P.O.W.s are now lined up in long lines 
facing the Administration Building. Von Scherbach, standing 
on the porch flanked by the S.S. Men, his Lieutenants and 
Schulz, lets go with a tirade. THE CAMERA SWOOPS BACK from 
his face over the lined-up P.O.W.s all the way to the south 
latrine and UP AND OVER the water tank. As it now PANS INTO 
the water tank, we see Dunbar. He is hiding in the water 
tank, up to his knees in icy water. He is weak and drawn and 
he has to hold on not to collapse.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	...against their index file. They 
	searched under the barracks. They 
	searched the roofs. They even searched 
	the bathroom in the Kommandant's 
	office, but no Dunbar. Then they 
	tried to smoke him out, throwing 
	tear gas bombs into every barracks, 
	just in case he was hiding up in the 
	rafters. Then they made us stand for 
	six hours out there until finally 
	von Scherbach came out and gave us 
	his ultimatum: if Dunbar didn't come 
	out by next morning he'd raze the 
	whole lous; compound, stick by stick 
	and if we'd sleep in the mud for the 
	rest of our lives, that was okay by 
	him. I thought he'd bust his gut the 
	way he was screaming. He just couldn't 
	figure how a guy could disappear 
	from the compound and still be there, 
	but Dunbar was there all right. He 
	sure was there.

							DISSOLVE:

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT)

From the goon towers lights are sweeping over the compound, 
the dark barracks and the barbed wire fences.

		COOKIE'S VOICE
	He was there for half the night, his 
	feet right in the icy water. That's 
	tough to take, especially when you 
	got three heated pools at home. It 
	took a lot of guts, the kind you'd 
	expect from a sergeant -- but a 
	lieutenant --!

WATER TANK - ABOVE THE LATRINE - (NIGHT)

Dunbar, exhausted, is clinging desperately to the ladder 
inside the tank, his feet in the icy water. Over the tank 
sweeps the light from a goon tower.

EXT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

The Hundefuehrer is leading his dogs past the dark barracks. 
Not a sound from within.

INT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

Blankets are hanging over the windows. On the center table 
burns a margarine lamp. All the men from Barracks 4 are 
gathered around the table. All except Joey and Sefton. In 
the center of the table is one of the P.O.W.s' cap. The men, 
one by one, are dropping their dogtags into it.

		HOFFY
		(putting in his own 
		dogtag)
	Let's have it understood men -- this 
	is going to be a rough deal. But we 
	have no choice. One of us must take 
	Dunbar out of the camp tonight. Right 
	away. We'll draw one dogtag and the 
	guy who goes with it does the job. 
	It's going to be rough because the 
	Krauts have put on extra guards and 
	they are expecting a move like this. 
	So if anyone wants to withdraw, he 
	better speak up now.

He looks around. Nobody moves.

		HOFFY
	Then we're all in on it?

		DUKE
	Everybody but Joey, and you know 
	who.

They shoot a look towards Sefton. Sefton stands leaning 
against his bunk. He looks right back at them.

Back at the table.

		HOFFY
	Okay.
		(with irony)
	Who's the lucky one?

He shakes the dogtags in the cap. Everyone crowds around, 
tensely.

		HARRY
	Let me do it, Hoffy.

		STOSH
	You want to go?

		HARRY
	No. I want to draw.

		HOFFY
	All right.
		(holding out cap)
	Draw.

Harry closes his eyes, puts his hand deep into the cap and 
picks out a tag. But before anybody can look at it, Price 
closes his fist over it.

		PRICE
	Suppose we call this my tag. I'll 
	take him out.

The men turn toward Price.

		HOFFY
	No volunteers, Price. I said we're 
	all in on it.

		PRICE
	You have elected me Security. The 
	way things have been going in this 
	Barracks, I guess I've done a poor 
	job and I want to make up for it. Is 
	that asking too much?

Sefton, standing against the bunk, takes it in with a grim 
smile.

		HOFFY
	We've all done a poor job of it.

		PRICE
	I still say this is my tag. Any 
	objections, Hoffy?

		HOFFY
	Any objections, men?

		PIRELLI
	Not from me.

		TRIZ
	He can have it.

		HARRY
		(to Stosh)
	Who are we to argue with a hero?

		DUKE
	How about me latching on, Price?

		HOFFY
	Three's a crowd, especially if you've 
	got to cut your way through barbed 
	wire.
		(hands Price wire 
		cutters)
	Here's the wire cutters.
		(to Blondie)
	Are the civilian clothes ready?

		BLONDIE
		(stuffing clothes 
		into duffel bag)
	Coming up.

		HOFFY
		(to Harry and Stosh)
	Get going on the trap door.

They move to the old trap door and start unscrewing it. Price 
goes to his bunk, Hoffy with him. Price starts putting on 
his jacket.

		PRICE
	What do you say, Hoffy. We'll hit 
	the air raid trenches and cut out in 
	back of Barracks nine.

		HOFFY
	You'd better cut out in back of the 
	south latrine.

		PRICE
	Why the south latrine?

		HOFFY
	Because that's where he is. In the 
	water tank.

Price takes it smoothly.

		PRICE
	Good spot. With any luck we'll make 
	Krems by morning, or maybe even catch 
	a barge to Linz.

Sefton, who has been watching closely, tosses two packs of 
cigarettes on the table.

		SEFTON
	Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar 
	never gets out of the compound.

		HOFFY
	You starting that again?

		SEFTON
	Anybody cover?

They all look at him.

		STOSH
		(from the trap door)
	Somebody step on that crumb!

		DUKE
	We warned you, Sefton!

		SEFTON
	Sure you warned me. You were going 
	to slit the throat of that stoolie.

He throws an open jack-knife onto the table. The blade sticks. 
The knife quivers.

		SEFTON
	Here's the knife to do it with. Only 
	make sure you got the right throat.

		DUKE
	We're looking at it.

		HOFFY
		(to Harry and Stosh)
	Hurry up on that trap.
		(to Sefton)
	What are you trying to do, Sefton? 
	Gum up the works?

		SEFTON
	That's right. Or would you rather 
	see Dunbar lying out there in the 
	mud tomorrow morning like Manfredi 
	and Johnson?

		HOFFY
	Look, Sefton, I had my hands full so 
	they wouldn't tear you apart --

		SEFTON
	I called it the last time, didn't I?

		PRICE
	Are we going to stand around here 
	and listen to him until the Germans 
	find out where Dunbar is?

		SEFTON
	The Germans know where Dunbar is.

		HOFFY
	How do they know?

		SEFTON
	You told them, Hoffy.

		HOFFY
	Who did?

		SEFTON
	You did!

		HOFFY
	You off your rocker?

		SEFTON
	Uh-huh. Fell right on my head.
		(confronting Price)
	Sprechen sie deutsch?

		PRICE
	No. I don't sprechen sie deutsch.

		SEFTON
	Maybe just one word? Kaput? Because 
	you're kaput, Price.

		PRICE
	Will you get this guy out of my hair 
	so I can go?

		SEFTON
	Go where? To the Kommandant's office 
	and tell him where Dunbar is?

		PRICE
		(starting for him)
	I'll kill you for that!

		SEFTON
	Shut up!
		(slaps his face)
	Security Officer, eh? Screening 
	everybody, only who screened you? 
	Great American hero. From Cleveland, 
	Ohio! Enlisted right after Pearl 
	Harbor! When was Pearl Harbor, Price? 
	Or, don't you know?

		PRICE
	December seventh, forty-one.

		SEFTON
	What time?

		PRICE
	Six o'clock. I was having dinner.

		SEFTON
	Six o'clock in Berlin. They were 
	having lunch in Cleveland.
		(to the others)
	Am I boring you, boys?

		HOFFY
	Go on.

		SEFTON
	He's a Nazi, Price is. For all I 
	know, his name is Preismaier or 
	Preissinger. Sure, he lived in 
	Cleveland, but when the war broke 
	out he came back to the Fatherland 
	like a good little Bundist. He spoke 
	our lingo so they put him through 
	spy school, gave him phony dogtags --

		PRICE
	He's lying! He's just trying to get 
	himself off the hook!

		HARRY
		(jabbing him)
	Shut up, he said.

		STOSH
	You heard him.

		SEFTON
	Okay, Herr Preismaier, let's have 
	the mail box.

		PRICE
	The what?

		SEFTON
	The one you took out of the corner 
	of your bunk and put in this pocket.

He snatches a black queen out of Price's coat pocket.

		SEFTON
	Now let me show you how they did it. 
	They did it by mail. That's right. 
	Little love notes between our Security 
	Officer and von Scherbach with Schulz 
	the mail man.
		(ties up a loop in 
		the light cord)
	Here's the flag.
		(opening a black queen)
	And here's the mail box.
		(grins at Price, who 
		is sweating)
	Cute, isn't it? They delivered the 
	mail or picked it up when we were 
	out of the barracks, like for Appell. 
	When there was a special delivery, 
	they'd pull a phony air raid to get 
	us out of here, like for instance, 
	last night.
		(to Price again)
	There wasn't a plane in the sky -- 
	or was there, Price?

Price dives for the open trap door. He is caught by Duke. He 
breaks away and flings himself at the window, tearing down 
the blanket.

		PRICE
		(screaming)
	Hilfe!

He never gets the whole word out. Stosh and Harry jump him, 
Stosh clamping his hand over his mouth. They throw him to 
the floor and all duck as the light from the goon tower swoops 
through the barracks.

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT)

The Hundefuehrer, leading the dogs past Barracks Nine. The 
dogs sense something, and bark. The Hundefuehrer looks around. 
The dogs calm down and the Hundefuehrer goes on.

INT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

Everybody is petrified. The barking dies down. Blondie and 
Triz hang the blanket again.

		HOFFY
		(indicating Price)
	Gag him.

Two P.O.W.s move in and take over.

Duke moves up to Sefton.

		DUKE
	Brother, were we all wet about you!

		SEFTON
		(putting a cigar butt 
		into his mouth)
	Forget it.

He strikes a match on Duke's stubbled cheek and lights the 
cigar. It doesn't hurt Duke a bit. He just stands there with 
a broad grin.

		HOFFY
		(indicating Price)
	What are we going to do with him?

		SEFTON
	Don't you know? Because I got my own 
	ideas.
		(to Blondie)
	Let's have that civilian stuff.

Blondie gives him the barracks bag. Sefton opens it, takes 
out a Tyrolean hat, puts it on. It is too small.

		SEFTON
	I'll look pretty stupid in this, 
	yodelling my way over those Alps. 
	Now let's have the wire cutters.

Pirelli takes them out of Price's belt and gives them to 
him.

		HOFFY
	You taking Dunbar?

		SEFTON
	You betcha. There ought to be some 
	reward money from Mama. Say ten 
	thousand bucks worth.

He starts putting on his jacket and his cap, the eyes of 
every P.O.W. in the barracks on him.

		SEFTON
	I told you boys I'm no escape artist, 
	but for the first time, I like the 
	odds. Because now I got me a decoy.

		HOFFY
	What's the decoy?

		SEFTON
	Price. When I go I want you to give 
	me five minutes. Exactly five minutes 
	to get Dunbar out of that water tank. 
	Then you throw Price out into the 
	compound, nice and loud. He'll draw 
	every light from every goon tower. 
	It's our only chance to cut through. 
	What do you say, Barracks' Chief?

		HOFFY
	Shoot!

Price squirms.

		DUKE
	What's the matter, Price? You said 
	you were going to save Dunbar, didn't 
	you? So now, you're getting your 
	chance.

Sefton has picked up the barracks bag and the wire cutters 
and moves toward the trap door.

		SEFTON
	So long, Cookie. The department store 
	is all yours. What's left of it.

		COOKIE
	So long, Sefton.

		STOSH
	You're not disposing of those Russian 
	broads?

		SEFTON
	Tell you what to do. First, get 
	yourself a hundred cigarettes for 
	the Kraut guards. Then get yourself 
	another face.

Harry laughs.

		SEFTON
	You could use a new one yourself.

		HOFFY
	Let's synchronize the watches. Eleven 
	forty-two, sharp.

		SEFTON
		(adjusting his)
	Check.

He climbs down into the open trap. All the men crowd around 
to say goodbye.

		SEFTON
	One more word. If I ever run into 
	any of you bums on a street corner, 
	just let's pretend we never met 
	before. Understand?

He takes the cigar butt out of his mouth, puts it into Duke's 
half-open mouth -- and goes. There is a moment of silence.

		HOFFY
	This barracks will never be the same.

UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

Sefton is crawling cautiously in the direction of the latrine. 
Behind him, the trap door is being fitted into the floor 
again.

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT)

Sefton has crawled to the edge of the barracks, waits for a 
light to swoop by. Then he dashes into the latrine just in 
time to evade another searchlight from a goon tower.

INT. LATRINE - (NIGHT)

Sefton recovers his breath, listens for a second, then climbs 
up on the wash trough. He raps on the bottom of the water 
tank.

INT. WATER TANK - (NIGHT)

Dunbar, utterly exhausted, is clinging to the ladder, his 
legs submerged in the icy water. He hears the signal. There 
is a flicker in his eyes. He hears another signal. With his 
last strength, he climbs the ladder, waits for a light to 
swoop by, then works himself over the top.

INT. LATRINE - (NIGHT)

Sefton has climbed on a beam above the wash trough. Dunbar's 
legs come down, dripping wet. Sefton gets hold of them, then 
as Dunbar lets go above, he takes his full weight and lowers 
him to the wash trough. Dunbar lies there, gasping.

		SEFTON
	Shut off the moaning, or we'll have 
	the dogs on us. Shut it off, 
	Lieutenant. This is orders!

		DUNBAR
	My legs are frozen.

		SEFTON
		(rubbing his legs 
		down)
	You'd better get that blue blood 
	circulating, because we're busting 
	out of this stink-hole in exactly --
		(looks at watch)
	-- one minute and twenty seconds.

		DUNBAR
		(looking up)
	Sefton!

		SEFTON
	What did you expect, a St. Bernard 
	dog?

		DUNBAR
	Not you.

		SEFTON
	What some brandy?

		DUNBAR
	Yeah.

		SEFTON
	Who doesn't! Suppose we wait until 
	we hit the Waldorf Astoria.

		DUNBAR
	It's on me.

		SEFTON
	You won't get off that cheap.

		DUNBAR
	What are the chances busting out of 
	here?

		SEFTON
		(looking at his watch)
	We'll know in forty seconds.
		(then with a grin)
	Only in a democracy can a poor guy 
	get his keister shot off with a rich 
	guy.

INT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

Hoffy stands looking at his watch. Blondie is crossing with 
the breadknife in his hand towards the door. Stosh and Duke 
hold the gagged Price down on the bunk. Harry has strung 
together some five old cans.

		HARRY
		(to the bearded P.O.W.)
	Hold his leg.

The P.O.W. sits on Price's leg. Harry starts tying the tin 
cans to his ankle.

		HARRY
		(to Price)
	Just in case your Kameraden are hard 
	of hearing.

		HOFFY
	Fifteen seconds. Get him up.

Stosh and Duke pull Price up off the bunk and move him to 
the door. He struggles and squirms.

		STOSH
	Stop shaking, Price. There'll be no 
	pardon from no governor.

		DUKE
		(to Price)
	Funny, ain't it? In your own Vaterland -- 
	by your own Soldaten!
		(to Stosh)
	The kid's got no sense of humor.

		HOFFY
	What's the matter with you, Security? 
	You were always so calm. Especially 
	when you let Manfredi and Johnson go 
	out there.
		(to Blondie)
	Open the hatch.

Blondie has inserted the breadknife in the crack of the door. 
He now whips up the knife with a sharp movement.

EXT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

The bar across the door swivels up. The door is flung open 
from inside. Duke and Stosh hold Price. Hoffy tears the gag 
off his mouth.

		HOFFY
	Let 'er go!

Duke and Stosh have lifted Price with all their might, and 
give him a terrific heave. As Price comes flying out into 
the compound, the tin cans clattering, the door is slammed 
shut.

A light from a goon tower swings sharply to Price and holds 
him in its beam. A burst of machine gun fire splatters around 
him. He scrambles to his feet, screaming.

		PRICE
	Schiesst nicht! Schiesst nicht! Ich 
	bin ein Deutscher!

His words are drowned out by more machine gun fire. He tries 
to run back towards his barracks, but is cut off by another 
beam and more machine gun fire from another goon tower. He 
runs madly into the dark compound, the tin cans clattering 
behind him -- lights from all the goon towers searching for 
him.

INT. LATRINE - (NIGHT)

Sefton and Dunbar stand at the door of the latrine, 
searchlights swinging in arcs toward the compound. Sefton 
holds the wire-cutters in his hand. There is the clatter of 
the tin cans and machine gun fire, and Price's desperate 
screams, "Nicht schiessen! Nicht schiessen!".

		SEFTON
	Now!

They duck out.

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT)

Sefton and Dunbar dash across the short stretch to the barbed 
wire. They fall on their faces at the wire and Sefton starts 
cutting.

Price. A machine gun bullet has struck him in the shoulder. 
He desperately tries to evade the relentless light beams. He 
manages to tear off the tin cans, runs on towards the 
Administration Building. A couple of more bullets hit him. 
He falls face down into the mud. All the lights converge on 
him and the machine guns sputter away.

BARBED WIRE - (NIGHT)

Sefton is just cutting through the outer fence. In back of 
him, Dunbar patches the cut wire of the inner fence. Beyond 
them, all the lights play on the body of Price. The machine 
guns are no longer shooting, but there are whistles and a 
siren. The barking dogs tear into Price's body.

Sefton and Dunbar crawl through the outer wire and pause to 
patch it up hastily.

		SEFTON
	Let's blow, Chauncey.

		DUNBAR
	Let's!

They get to their feet and scramble off into the forest.

EXT. COMPOUND - (NIGHT)

Von Scherbach comes striding out of the Administration 
Building followed by a Lieutenant, the two S.S. Men and 
Schulz. He wades cockily through the mud with his beautiful 
boots towards the body on the ground. The Hundefueher calls 
off his dogs. The other guards step back. With his boot, von 
Scherbach flips the body over. The lights from the goon towers 
play on the muddy face of Price. They all stand there stunned.

INT. BARRACKS 4 - (NIGHT)

The lamps are being put out; the blankets being pulled down 
by the P.O.W.s.

		HOFFY
	All right, men. Everybody back in 
	their bunks like nothing happened.

They climb into their bunks. All is still.

		DUKE
		(puffing Sefton's 
		cigar)
	What do you know? The crud did it.

		HARRY
	I'd like to know what made him do 
	it.

		STOSH
	Maybe he just wanted to steal our 
	wire cutters. Ever think of that?

Cookie, in his bunk, a broad smile on his face, starts 
whistling softly: When Johnny Comes Marching Home. Beyond 
him lie all the P.O.W.s in the barracks, their hearts beating, 
their eyes wide open.

EXT. FOREST - (NIGHT)

Sefton and Dunbar climb swiftly up a hill through the trees. 
Dunbar's arm is over Sefton's shoulder as they march. OVER 
THIS, Cookie's whistling of Johnny Comes Marching Home -- 
gradually augmented by drums and then an orchestra. Sefton 
and Dunbar march on, in time to the music.

SUPERIMPOSED BEYOND THEM appear the other P.O.W.s from Stalag 
17, their spirits marching with them through the forest. Way 
in front, Stosh in his underwear, waving a makeshift flag. 
Then comes Harry. Then Cookie. Then Triz and Blondie. Then 
Joey, playing his ocarina in tune with the march, a smile on 
his face. And Marko and The Crutch. Then Hoffy and Duke, and 
all the others we have grown to know. All waving their 
pathetic flags: towels, blankets and torn shirts. All marching 
to freedom and home, marching with Sefton and Dunbar. As the 
MUSIC SWELLS to a crescendo --

							FADE OUT:

				THE END


All movie scripts and screenplays on "Screenplays for You" site are intended for fair use only.