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FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
EXT. VARIOUS DAYS
'She' plays through the credits.
Exquisite footage of Anna Scott -- the great movie star of our
time -- an ideal -- the perfect star and woman -- her life full of
glamour and sophistication and mystery.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Mix through to William, 35, relaxed, pleasant, informal. We
follow him as he walks down Portobello Road, carrying a load of
bread. It is spring.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
Of course, I've seen her films and
always thought she was, well,
fabulous -- but, you know,
million miles from the world I live
in. Which is here -- Notting Hill
-- not a bad place to be...
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
It's a full fruit market day.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
There's the market on weekdays,
selling every fruit and vegetable
known to man...
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
A man in denims exits the tattoo studio.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
The tattoo parlour -- with a guy
outside who got drunk and now can't
remember why he chose 'I Love Ken'...
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
WILLIAM (V.O.)
The racial hair-dressers where
everyone comes out looking like the
Cookie Monster, whether they like
it or not...
Sure enough, a girl exits with a huge threaded blue bouffant.
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - SATURDAY
WILLIAM (V.O.)
Then suddenly it's the weekend, and
from break of day, hundreds of stalls
appears out of nowhere, filling
Portobello Road right up to Notting
Hill Gate...
A frantic crowded Portobello market.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and thousands of people buy
millions of antiques, some genuine...
The camera finally settles on a stall selling beautiful stained
glass windows of various sizes, some featuring biblical scenes
and saints.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and some not so genuine.
EXT. GOLBORNE ROAD - DAY
WILLIAM (V.O.)
And what's great is that lots of
friends have ended up in this part of
London -- that's Tony, architect
turned chef, who recently invested
all the money he ever earned in a new
restaurant...
Shot of Tony proudly setting out a board outside his restaurant,
the sign still being painted. He receives and approves a huge
fresh salmon.
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
WILLIAM (V.O.)
So this is where I spend my days
and years -- in this small village in
the middle of a city -- in a house
with a blue door that my wife and I
bought together... before she left
me for a man who looked like Harrison
Ford, only even handsomer...
We arrive outside his blue-doored house just off Portobello.
WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and where I now lead a strange
half-life with a lodger called...
INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - DAY
WILLIAM
Spike!
The house has far too many things in it. Definitely two-
bachelor flat.
Spike appears. An unusual looking fellow. He has unusual
hair, unusual facial hair and an unusual Welsh accent: very
white, as though his flesh has never seen the sun. He wears
only shorts.
SPIKE
Even he. Hey, you couldn't help me
with an incredibly important
decision, could you?
WILLIAM
This is important in comparison to,
let's say, whether they should
cancel third world debt?
SPIKE
That's right -- I'm at last going out
on a date with the great Janine and I
just want to be sure I've picked the
right t-shirt.
WILLIAM
What are the choices?
SPIKE
Well... wait for it...
(He pulls on a t-shirt)
First there's this one...
The t-shirt is white with a horrible looking plastic alien
coming out of it, jaws open, blood everywhere. It says 'I Love
Blood.'
WILLIAM
Yes -- might make it hard to strike a
really romantic note.
SPIKE
Point taken.
He heads back up the stairs... talks as he changes...
SPIKE
I suspect you'll prefer the next one.
And he re-enters in a white t-shirt, with a large arrow,
pointing down to his flies, saying, 'Get It Here.'
SPIKE
Cool, huh?
WILLIAM
Yes -- she might think you don't have
true love on your mind.
SPIKE
Wouldn't want that...
(and back up he goes)
Okay -- just one more.
He comes down wearing it. Lots of hearts, saying, 'You're the
most beautiful woman in the world.'
WILLIAM
Well, yes, that's perfect. Well
done.
SPIKE
Thanks. Great. Wish me luck.
WILLIAM
Good luck.
Spike turns and walks upstairs proudly. Revealing that on the
back of the t-shirt, also printed in big letters, is written
'Fancy a fuck?'
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
WILLIAM (V.O.)
And so it was just another hopeless
Wednesday, as I set off through the
market to work, little suspecting
that this was the day which would
change my life forever. This is
work, by the way, my little travel
book shop...
A small unpretentious store... named 'The Travel Book Co.'
WILLIAM (V.O.)
... which, well, sells travel books
-- and, to be frank with you, doesn't
always sell many of those.
William enters.
INT. THE BOOKSHOP - DAY
It is a small shop, slightly chaotic, bookshelves everywhere,
with little secret bits round corners with even more books.
Martin, William's sole employee, is waiting enthusiastically.
He is very keen, an uncrushable optimist. Perhaps without
cause. A few seconds later, William stands gloomily behind the
desk.
WILLIAM
Classic. Absolutely classic.
Profit from major sales push -- minus
.$B!r.(J347.
MARTIN
Shall I go get a cappuccino? Ease the
pain.
WILLIAM
Yes, better get me a half. All I can
afford.
MARIN
I get your logic. Demi-capu coming up.
He salutes and bolts out the door -- as he does, a woman walks in.
We only just glimpse her.
Cut to William working. He looks up casually. And sees
something. His reaction is hard to read. After a pause...
WILLIAM
Can I help you?
It is Anna Scott, the biggest movie star in the world -- here --
in his shop. The most divine, subtle, beautiful woman on earth.
When she speaks she is very self-assured and self-contained.
ANNA
No, thanks. I'll just look around.
WILLIAM
Fine.
She wanders over to a shelf as he watches her -- and picks out a
quite smart coffee table book.
WILLIAM
That book's really not good -- just
in case, you know, browsing turned to
buying. You'd be wasting your money.
ANNA
Really?
WILLIAM
Yes. This one though is... very
good.
He picks up a book on the counter.
WILLIAM
I think the man who wrote it has
actually been to Turkey, which helps.
There's also a very amusing incident
with a kebab.
ANNA
Thanks. I'll think about it.
William suddenly spies something odd on the small TV monitor
beside him.
WILLIAM
If you could just give me a second.
Her eyes follow him as he moves toward the back of the shop and
approaches a man in slightly ill-fitting clothes.
WILLIAM
Excuse me.
THIEF
Yes.
WILLIAM
Bad news.
THIEF
What?
WILLIAM
We've got a security camera in this
bit of the shop.
THIEF
So?
WILLIAM
So, I saw you put that book down your
trousers.
THIEF
What book?
WILLIAM
The one down your trousers.
THIEF
I haven't got a book down my trousers.
WILLIAM
Right -- well, then we have something
of an impasse. I tell you what --
I'll call the police -- and, what can
I say? -- If I'm wrong about the whole
book-down-the-trousers scenario, I
really apologize.
THIEF
Okay -- what if I did have a book down
my trousers?
WILLIAM
Well, ideally, when I went back to
the desk, you'd remove the Cadogan
guide to Bali from your trousers, and
either wipe it and put it back, or
buy it. See you in a sec.
He returns to his desk. In the monitor we just glimpse, as does
William, the book coming out of the trousers and put back on the
shelves. The thief drifts out towards the door. Anna, who has
observed all this, is looking at a blue book on the counter.
WILLIAM
Sorry about that...
ANNA
No, that's fine. I was going to
steal one myself but now I've changed
my mind. Signed by the author, I see.
WILLIAM
Yes, we couldn't stop him. If you
can find an unsigned copy, it's
worth an absolute fortune.
She smiles. Suddenly the thief is there.
THIEF
Excuse me.
ANNA
Yes.
THIEF
Can I have your autograph?
ANNA
What's your name?
THIEF
Rufus.
She signs his scruffy piece of paper. He tries to read it.
THIEF
What does it say?
ANNA
Well, that's the signature -- and
above, it says 'Dear Rufus -- you
belong in jail.'
THIEF
Nice one. Would you like my phone
number?
ANNA
Tempting but... no, thank you.
Thief leaves.
ANNA
I think I will try this one.
She hands William a .$B!r.(J20 note and the book he said was rubbish.
He talks as he handles the transaction.
WILLIAM
Oh -- right -- on second thoughts
maybe it wasn't that bad. Actually
-- it's a sort of masterpiece really.
None of those childish kebab
stories you get in so many travel
books these days. And I'll throw in
one of these for free.
He drops in one of the signed books.
WILLIAM
Very useful for lighting fires,
wrapping fish, that sort of things.
She looks at him with a slight smile.
ANNA
Thanks.
And leaves. She's out of his life forever. William is a little
dazed. Seconds later Martin comes back in.
MARTIN
Cappuccino as ordered.
WILLIAM
Thanks. I don't think you'll believe
who was just in here.
MARTIN
Who? Someone famous?
But William's innate natural English discretion takes over.
WILLIAM
No. No-one -- no-one.
They set about drinking their coffees.
MARTIN
Would be exciting if someone famous
did come into the shop though,
wouldn't it? Do you know -- this is
pretty incredible actually -- I once
saw Ringo Starr. Or at least I think
it was Ringo. It might have been
that broke from 'Fiddler On The Roof,'
Toppy.
WILLIAM
Topol.
MARTIN
That's right -- Topol.
WILLIAM
But Ringo Starr doesn't look
anything like Topol.
MARTIN
No, well... he was quite a long way
away.
WILLIAM
So it could have been neither of them?
MARTIN
I suppose so.
WILLIAM
Right. It's not a classic anecdotes,
is it?
MARTIN
Not classic, no.
Martin shakes his head. William drains his cappuccino.
WILLIAM
Right -- want another one?
MARTIN
Yes. No, wait -- let's go crazy --
I'll have an orange juice.
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
William sets off.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
William collects his juice in a coffee shop on Westbourne Park
Road.
EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY
William swings out of the little shop -- he turns the corner of
Portobello Road and bumps straight into Anna. The orange
juice, in its foam cup, flies. It soaks Anna.
ANNA
Oh Jesus.
WILLIAM
Here, let me help.
He grabs some paper napkins and starts to clean it off -- getting
far too near her breasts in the panic of it...
ANNA
What are you doing?!
He jumps back.
WILLIAM
Nothing, nothing... Look, I live just
over the street -- you could get
cleaned up.
ANNA
No thank you. I need to get my car
back.
WILLIAM
I also have a phone. I'm confident
that in five minutes we can have you
spick and span and back on the street
again... in the non-prostitute sense
obviously.
In his diffident way, he is confident, despite her being
genuinely annoyed. She turns and looks at him.
ANNA
Okay. So what does 'just over the
street' mean -- give it to me in yards.
WILLIAM
Eighteen yards. That's my house
there.
He doesn't lie -- it is eighteen yards away. She looks down.
She looks up at him.
INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CORRIDOR - DAY
They enter. She carries a few stylish bags.
WILLIAM
Come on in. I'll just...
William runs in further -- it's a mess. He kicks some old shoes
under the stairs, bins an unfinished pizza and hides a plate of
breakfast in a cupboard. She enters the kitchen.
WILLIAM
It's not that tidy, I fear.
And he guides her up the stairs, after taking the bag of books
from her...
WILLIAM
The bathroom is right at the top of
the stairs and there's a phone on the
desk up there.
She heads upstairs.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
William is tidying up frantically. Then he hears Anna's feet on
the stairs. She walks down, wearing a short, sparkling black
top beneath her leather jacket. With her trainers still on. He
is dazzled by the sight of her.
WILLIAM
Would you like a cup of tea before
you go?
ANNA
No thanks.
WILLIAM
Coffee?
ANNA
No.
WILLIAM
Orange juice -- probably not.
He moves to his very empty fridge -- and offers its only contents.
WILLIAM
Something else cold -- coke, water,
some disgusting sugary drink
pretending to have something to do
with fruits of the forest?
ANNA
Really, no.
WILLIAM
Would you like something to nibble --
apricots, soaked in honey -- quite
why, no one knows -- because it stops
them tasting of apricots, and makes
them taste like honey, and if you
wanted honey, you'd just buy honey,
instead of apricots, but nevertheless
-- there we go -- yours if you want
them.
ANNA
No.
WILLIAM
Do you always say 'no' to everything?
Pause. She looks at him deep.
ANNA
No.
(pause)
I better be going. Thanks for your
help.
WILLIAM
You're welcome and, may I also say...
heavenly.
It has taken a lot to get this out loud. He is not a smooth-
talking man.
WILLIAM
Take my one chance to say it. After
you've read that terrible book,
you're certainly not going to be
coming back to the shop.
She smiles. She's cool.
ANNA
Thank you.
WILLIAM
Yes. Well. My pleasure.
He guides her towards the door.
WILLIAM
Nice to meet you. Surreal but nice.
In a slightly awkward moment, he shows her out the door. He
closes the door and shakes his head in wonder. Then...
WILLIAM
'Surreal but nice.' What was I
thinking?
... He shakes his head again in horror and wanders back along
the corridor in silence. There's a knock on the door. He moves
back, casually...
WILLIAM
Coming.
He opens the door. It's her.
WILLIAM
Oh hi. Forget something?
ANNA
I forgot my bag.
WILLIAM
Oh right.
He shoots into the kitchen and picks up the forgotten shopping
bag. Then returns and hands it to her.
WILLIAM
Here we go.
ANNA
Thanks. Well...
They stand in that corridor -- in that small space. Second time
saying goodbye. A strange feeling of intimacy. She leans
forward and she kisses him. Total silence. A real sense of the
strangeness of those lips, those famous lips on his. They part.
WILLIAM
I apologize for the 'surreal but nice'
comment. Disaster...
ANNA
Don't worry about it. I thought the
apricot and honey business was the
real lowpoint.
Suddenly there is a clicking of a key in the lock.
WILLIAM
Oh my God. My flatmate. I'm sorry --
there's no excuse for him.
Spike walks in.
SPIKE
Hi.
ANNA
Hi.
WILLIAM
Hi.
Spike walks past unsuspiciously and heads into the kitchen.
SPIKE
I'm just going to go into the kitchen
to get some food -- and then I'm going
to tell you a story that will make your
balls shrink to the size of raisins.
And leaves them in the corridor.
ANNA
Probably best not tell anyone about
this.
WILLIAM
Right. No one. I mean, I'll tell
myself sometimes but... don't worry
-- I won't believe it.
ANNA
Bye.
And she leaves, with just a touch of William's hand. Spike
comes out of the kitchen, eating something white out of a
styrofoam container with a spoon.
SPIKE
There's something wrong with this
yogurt.
WILLIAM
It's not yogurt -- it's mayonnaise.
SPIKE
Well, there you go.
(takes another big spoonful)
On for a video fest tonight? I've
got some absolute classic.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The lights are off. William and Spike on the couch, just the
light from the TV playing on their faces. Cut to the TV full
screen. There is Anna. She is in a stylish Woody Allen type
modern romantic comedy, 'Gramercy Park,' in black and white.
INT. MANHATTAN ART GALLERY - DAY
Anna's character -- Woody Anna -- is walking around the gallery
with her famous co-star, Michael. They should be the perfect
couple, but there is tension. Anna is not happy.
MICHAEL
Smile.
ANNA
No.
MICHAEL
Smile.
ANNA
I've got nothing to smile about.
MICHAEL
Okay in about 7 seconds, I'm going to
ask you to marry me.
And after a couple of seconds -- wow -- she smiles.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
SPIKE
Imagine -- somewhere in the world
there's a man who's allowed to kiss
her.
WILLIAM
Yes, she is fairly fabulous.
INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY
The next day. William and Martin quietly co-existing. An annoy-
ing customer enters. Mr. Smith.
MR. SMITH
Do you have any books by Dickens?
WILLIAM
No, we're a travel bookshop. We only
sell travel books.
MR. SMITH
Oh right. How about that new John
Grisham thriller?
WILLIAM
No, that's a novel too.
MR. SMITH
Oh right. Have you got a copy of
'Winnie the Pooh'?
Pause.
WILLIAM
Martin -- your customer.
MARTIN
Can I help you?
William looks up. At that moment the entire window is suddenly
taken up by the huge side of a bus, obscuring the light -- and
entirely covered with a portrait of Anna -- from her new film,
'Helix.'
INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CONDOR/LIVING ROOM - DAY
William heads upstairs and pauses. Spike coming down, wearing
full body scuba diving gear.
SPIKE
Hey.
WILLIAM
Hi...
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY
The two of them fixing a cup of tea in the kitchen.
WILLIAM
Just incidentally -- why are you
wearing that?
SPIKE
Ahm -- combination of factors really.
No clean clothes...
WILLIAM
There never will be, you know, unless
you actually clean your clothes.
SPIKE
Right. Vicious circle. And then I was
like rooting around in your things,
and found this, and I thought -- cool.
Kind of spacey.
EXT. WILLIAM'S TERRACE - DAY
The two of them on the rooftop terrace, passing the day.
William is reading 'The bookseller.' The terrace is small and
the plants aren't great -- but it overlooks London in a rather
wonderful way. Spike still in scuba gear, goggles on.
SPIKE
There's something wrong with the
goggles though...
WILLIAM
No, they were prescription, so I could
see all the fishes properly.
SPIKE
Groovy. You should do more of this
stuff.
WILLIAM
So -- any messages?
SPIKE
Yeh, I wrote a couple down.
WILLIAM
Two? That's it?
SPIKE
You want me to write down all your
messages?
William closes his eyes in exasperation.
WILLIAM
Who were the ones you didn't write
down from?
SPIKE
Ahm let's see -- ahm. No. Gone
completely. Oh no, wait. There was --
one from your mum: she said don't
forget lunch and her leg's hurting
again.
WILLIAM
Right. No one else?
SPIKE
Absolutely not.
Spike leans back and relaxes.
SPIKE
Though if we're going for this
obsessive writing-down-all-messages
thing -- some American girl called
Anna called a few days ago.
William freezes -- then looks at Spike.
WILLIAM
What did she say?
SPIKE
Well, it was genuinely bizarre...
she said, hi -- it's Anna -- and then
she said, call me at the Ritz -- and
then gave herself a completely
different name.
WILLIAM
Which was?
SPIKE
Absolutely no idea. Remembering one
name's bad enough...
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
William on the phone. We hear the formal man at the other end of
the phone. And then intercut with him.
WILLIAM
Hello.
RITZ MAN (V.O.)
May I help you, sir?
WILLIAM
Ahm, look this is a very odd
situation. I'm a friend of Anna
Scott's -- and she rang me at home the
day before yesterday -- and left a
message saying she's staying with
you...
INT. RITZ RECEPTION - DAY
RITZ MAN
I'm sorry, we don't have anyone of
that name here, sir.
WILLIAM
No, that's right -- I know that. She
said she's using another name -- but
the problem is she left the message
with my flatmate, which was a serious
mistake.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM
WILLIAM (cont'd)
Imagine if you will the stupidest
person you've ever met -- are you
doing that...?
Spike happens to be in the foreground of this shot. He's read-
ing a newspaper.
RITZ MAN
Yes, sir. I have him in my mind.
WILLIAM
And then double it -- and that is the
-- what can I say -- git I'm living
with and he cannot remember...
SPIKE
Try 'Flintstone.'
WILLIAM
(to Spike)
What?
SPIKE
I think she said her name was
'Flintstone.'
WILLIAM
Does 'Flintstone' mean anything to
you?
RITZ MAN
I'll put you right through, sir.
Flintstone is indeed the magic word.
WILLIAM
Oh my God.
He practices how to sound.
WILLIAM
Hello. Hi. Hi.
ANNA (V.O.)
Hi.
We hear her voice -- don't see her.
WILLIAM
(caught out)
Oh hi. It's William Thacker. We,
ahm I work in a bookshop.
ANNA (V.O.)
You played it pretty cool here,
waiting for three days to call.
WILLIAM
No, I've never played anything cool
in my entire life. Spike, who I'll
stab to death later, never gave me the
message.
ANNA (V.O.)
Oh -- Okay.
WILLIAM
Perhaps I could drop round for tea or
something?
ANNA (V.O.)
Yeh -- unfortunately, things are
going to be pretty busy, but... okay,
let's give it a try. Four o'clock
could be good.
WILLIAM
Right. Great.
(he hangs up)
Classic. Classic.
EXT. RITZ - DAY
William jumps off a bus and walks toward the Ritz. He carries a
small bunch of roses.
INT. RITZ HOTEL - DAY
He approaches the lifts. At the lift, he pushes the button and
the doors open. As he is getting in, William is joined by a young
man. His name is Tarquin.
WILLIAM
Which floor?
TARQUIN
Three.
William pushes the button. They wait for the doors to close.
INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAY
The lift lands. William gets out. So does Tarquin. Rooms
30-35 are to the left. 35-39 to the right. William heads right.
So does Tarquin.
William is puzzled. He slows down as he approaches room 38. So
does Tarquin. William spots, so does Tarquin. William points
at the number.
WILLIAM
Are you sure you...?
TARQUIN
Yes.
WILLIAM
Oh. Right.
He knocks. A bright, well-tailored American girl opens the door.
KAREN
Hello, I'm Karen. Sorry -- things
are running a bit late. Here's the
thing...
She hands them a very slick, expensively produced press kits,
with the poster picture of Anna, for the film 'Helix.'
INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE ANTE-ROOM - DAY
A few seconds later -- they enter the main waiting room. There
are a number of journalists waiting for their audience.
KAREN
What did you think of the film?
TARQUIN
Marvellous. 'Close Encounters'
meets 'Jean De Florette.' Oscar-
winning stuff.
They both turn to William for his opinion.
WILLIAM
I agree.
KAREN
I'm sorry. I didn't get down what
magazines you're from.
TARQUIN
'Time Out.'
KAREN
Great. And you...
WILLIAM
(seeing it on a coffee
table)
'Horse and Hound.' The name's
William Whacker. I think she might
be expecting me.
KAREN
Okay -- take a seat. I'll check.
They sit down as Karen goes off.
TARQUIN
You've brought her flowers?
William goes for the cover-up.
WILLIAM
No -- they're... for my grandmother.
She's in a hospital nearby. Thought
I'd kill two birds with one stone.
TARQUIN
I'm sorry. Which hospital?
Pause. He's in trouble.
WILLIAM
Do you mind me not saying -- it's a
rather distressing disease and the
name of the hospital rather gives it
away.
TARQUIN
Oh sure. Of course.
KAREN
Mr. Thacker.
Saved by the bell.
INT. TRAFALGAR SUIT CORRIDOR - DAY
KAREN
You've got five minutes.
He is shown in through big golden doors. Karen stays outside.
INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY
There Anna is, framed in the window. Glorious.
WILLIAM
Hi.
ANNA
Hello.
WILLIAM
I brought these, but clearly...
There are lots of other flowers in the room.
ANNA
Oh no, ho -- these are great.
A fair amount of tension. These two people hardly know each
other -- and the first and last time they met, they kissed.
WILLIAM
Sorry about not ringing back. The
whole two-names concept was totally too
much for my flatman's pea-sized
intellect.
ANNA
No, it's a stupid privacy thing. I
always choose a cartoon character --
last time out, I was Mrs. Bambi.
At which moment Jeremy, Karen's boss, comes in. A fairly grave,
authoritative fifty-year-old PR man consulting a list.
JEREMY
Everything okay?
ANNA
Yes, thanks.
JEREMY
And you are from 'Horse and Hound'
magazine?
William nods.
ANNA
Is that so?
William shrugs his shoulders. Jeremy settles at a little desk
in the corner and makes notes. A pause. William feels he has to
act the part. They sit in chairs opposite each other.
WILLIAM
So I'll just fire away, shall I?
Anna nods.
WILLIAM
Right. Ahm... the film's great...
and I just wondered -- whether you
ever thought of having more...
horses in it?
ANNA
Ahm -- well -- we would have liked to
-- but it was difficult, obviously,
being set in space.
WILLIAM
Obviously. Very difficult.
Jeremy leaves.
William puts his head in his hands. He was panic.
WILLIAM
I'm sorry -- I arrived outside -- they
thrust this thing into my hand -- I
didn't know what to do.
ANNA
No, it's my fault, I thought this
would all be over by now. I just
wanted to sort of apologize for the
kissing thing. I seriously don't
know what got in to me. I just wanted
to make sure you were fine about it.
WILLIAM
Absolutely fine about it.
Re-enter Jeremy.
JEREMY
Do remember that Miss Scott is also
keen to talk about her next project,
which is shooting later in the summer.
WILLIAM
Oh yes -- excellent. Ahm -- any horses
in that one? Or hounds, of course. Our
readers are equally intrigued by both
species.
ANNA
It takes place on a submarine.
WILLIAM
Yes. Right... But if there were horses,
would you be riding them yourself or
would you be getting a stunt horse person
double sort of thing?
Jeremy exits.
WILLIAM
I'm just a complete moron. Sorry.
This is the sort of thing that happens
in dreams -- not in real life. Good
dreams, obviously -- it's a dream to
see you.
ANNA
And what happens next in the dream?
It's a challenge.
WILLIAM
Well, I suppose in the dream dream
scenario. I just... ahm, change my
personality, because you can do that
in dreams, and walk across and kiss the
girl but you know it'll never happen.
Pause. Then they move towards each other when... Jeremy
enters.
JEREMY
Time's up, I'm afraid. Sorry it was
so short. Did you get what you wanted?
WILLIAM
Very nearly.
JEREMY
Maybe time for one last question?
WILLIAM
Right.
Jeremy goes out -- it's their last seconds.
WILLIAM
Are you busy tonight?
ANNA
Yes.
They look at each other. Jeremy enters, with another journalists
in tow. Anna and William stand and shake hands formally.
ANNA
Well, it was nice to meet you.
Surreal but nice.
WILLIAM
Thank you. You are 'Horse and Hound's'
favorite actress. You and Black
Beauty. Tied.
INT. TRAFALGAR SUITE CORRIDOR - DAY
William exits fairly despondent and heads for the door. Tarquin
is in the corridor calling on his mobile phone.
TARQUIN
How was she?
WILLIAM
Fabulous.
TARQUIN
Wait a minute -- she took your
grandmother's flowers?
William can't think his way out of this.
WILLIAM
Yes. That's right. Bitch.
He turns to go, but is accosted by Karen.
KAREN
If you'd like to come with me we can
rush you through the others.
WILLIAM
The others?
INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY
KAREN
Mr. Thacker's from 'Horse and Hound.'
A forty-year-old actor with great presence warmly shakes
William's hand.
MALE LEAD
Pleased to meet you. Did you like the
film?
WILLIAM
Ah... yes, enormously.
MALE LEAD
Well, fire away.
WILLIAM
Right, right. Ahm -- did you enjoy
making the film?
MALE LEAD
I did.
WILLIAM
Any bit in particular?
MALE LEAD
Well, you tell me which bit you liked
most -- and I'll tell you if I enjoyed
making it.
WILLIAM
Ahm right, right, I liked the bit in
space very much. Did you enjoy
making that bit?
INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY
Same room same seat, minutes later, with a monolingual foreign
actor and an interpreter.
WILLIAM
Did you identify with the character
you were playing?
INTERPRETER
Te identicaste con el personaje que
interpretabas?
FOREIGN ACTOR
No.
INTERPRETER
No.
WILLIAM
Ah. Why not?
INTERPRETER
Por que no?
FOREIGN ACTOR
Porque es un robot carnivoro
psicopata.
INTERPRETER
Because he is playing a psychopathic
flesh-eating robot.
WILLIAM
Classic.
INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY
And now William is sitting opposite an eleven-year-old American
girl.
WILLIAM
Is this your first film?
GIRL
No -- it's my 22nd.
WILLIAM
Of course it is. Any favourite among
the 22?
GIRL
Working with Leonardo.
WILLIAM
Da Vinci?
GIRL
Di Caprio.
WILLIAM
Of course. And is he your favourite
Italian film director?
INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAY
William emerges traumatized into the corridor. It is full of
camera crews. And there is Karen.
KAREN
Mr. Thacker?
WILLIAM
(so weary)
Yes?
KAREN
Have you got a moment?
INT. ANNA'S SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY
They knock on her door.
ANNA (V.O.)
Come in.
William enters. A certain nervousness. They are alone again.
ANNA
Ahm. That thing I was doing tonight
-- I'm not doing it any more. I told
them I had to spend the evening with
Britain's premier equestrian
journalist.
WILLIAM
Oh well, great. Perfect. Oh no --
shittity brickitty -- it's my sister's
birthday -- shit -- we're meant to be
having dinner.
ANNA
Okay -- fine.
WILLIAM
But no, I'm sure I can get out of it.
ANNA
No, I mean, if it's fine with you,
I'll, you know, be your date.
WILLIAM
You'll be my date at my little sister's
birthday party?
ANNA
If that's all right.
WILLIAM
I'm sure it's all right. My friend
Max is cooking and he's acknowledged
to be the worst cook in the world, but
you know, you could hide the food in
your handbag or something.
ANNA
Okay.
WILLIAM
Okay.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Bella and Max are in the kitchen.
MAX
He's bringing a girl?
BELLA
Miracles do happen.
MAX
Does the girl have a name?
BELLA
He wouldn't say.
MAX
Christ, what is going on in there?
The oven seems to be smoking a little. Then the bell rings.
MAX (cont'd)
Oh God.
It's bad timing. Max shoots out of the kitchen.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Max heads for the door impatiently. He opens it and turns back
without looking at William and Anna standing there.
MAX
Come on in. Vague food crisis.
William and Anna move along the corridor to the kitchen.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Bella is there.
BELLA
Hiya -- sorry -- the guinea fowl is
proving more complicated than
expected.
WILLIAM
He's cooking guinea fowl?
BELLA
Don't even ask.
ANNA
Hi.
BELLA
Hi. Good Lord -- you're the spitting
image of...
WILLIAM
Bella -- this is Anna.
BELLA
Right.
(pause)
MAX
Okay. Crisis over.
He rises from his stove position.
WILLIAM
Max. This is Anna.
MAX
Hello, Anna ahm...
(He recognizes her -- the
word just falls out)
Scott -- have some wine.
ANNA
Thank you.
Door bell goes.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Max opens the door -- it is Honey.
MAX
Hi.
She does a little pose, having worn a real party dress.
MAX
Yes, Happy Birthday.
They head back along the corridor.
MAX
Look, your brother has brought this
girl, and ahm...
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
They enter the kitchen.
HONEY
Hi guys.
(sees Anna)
Oh holy fuck.
WILLIAM
Hun -- this is Anna. Anna -- this is
Honey -- she's my baby sitter.
ANNA
Hiya.
HONEY
Oh God this is one of those key moments
in life, when it's possible you can be
really, genuinely cool -- and I'm going
to fail a hundred percent. I absolutely
and totally and utterly adore you and I
think you're the most beautiful woman
in the world and more importantly I
genuinely believe and have believed for
some time now that we can be best
friends. What do you think?
ANNA
Ahm... I think that sounds -- you know
-- lucky me. Happy Birthday.
She hands her a present.
HONEY
Oh my God. You gave me a present.
We're best friends already. Marry
Will -- he's a really nice guy and
then we can be sisters.
ANNA
I'll think about it.
The front door bell goes.
MAX
That'll be Bernie.
He heads out into the corridor to the front door.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Max opens the door.
MAX
Hello, Bernie.
BERNIE
I'm sorry I'm so late. Bollocksed up
at work again, I fear. Millions down
the drain.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
They enter the room.
MAX
Bernie -- this is Anna.
BERNIE
Hello, Anna. Delighted to meet you.
Doesn't recognize her -- turns to Honey.
BERNIE
Honey Bunny -- happy birthday to you.
(hands her a present)
It's a hat. You don't have to wear
it or anything.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A minute or two later -- they are standing, drinking wine before
dinner. Bernie with Anna on their own -- William helping Max in
the kitchen.
MAX
You haven't slept with her, have you?
WILLIAM
That is a cheap question and the answer
is, of course, no comment.
MAX
'No comment' means 'yes.'
WILLIAM
No, it doesn't.
MAX
Do you ever masturbate?
WILLIAM
Definitely no comment.
MAX
You see -- it means 'yes.'
Then on to Bernie's conversation.
BERNIE
So tell me Anna -- what do you do?
ANNA
I'm an actress.
BERNIE
Splendid. I'm actually in the stock-
market, so not really similar fields,
though I have done some amateur stuff
-- P.G. Wodehouse, you know -- farce,
all that. 'Ooh -- careful there,
vicar.' Always imagined it's a
pretty tough job, though, acting.
I mean the wages are a scandal,
aren't they?
ANNA
Well, they can be.
BERNIE
I see friends from university --
clever chaps -- been in the business
longer than you -- they're scraping
by on seven, eight thousand a year.
It's no life. What sort of acting
do you do?
ANNA
Films mainly.
BERNIE
Oh splendid. Well done. How's the
pay in movies? I mean, last film you
did, what did you get paid?
ANNA
Fifteen million dollars.
BERNIE
Right. Right. So that's... fairly
good. On the high side... have you
tried the nuts?
MAX
Right -- I think we're ready.
They all move towards the kitchen.
ANNA
(to Bella)
I wonder if you could tell me where
the...?
BELLA
Oh, it's just down the corridor on
the right.
HONEY
I'll show you.
A moment's silence as they leave -- then in a split second the
others all turn to William.
BELLA
Quickly, quickly -- talk very quickly
what are you doing here with Anna
Scott?
BERNIE
Anna Scott?
BELLA
Yes.
BERNIE
The movie star?
BELLA
Yup.
BERNIE
Oh God. Oh God. Oh Goddy God.
The horror of his remembered conversation slowly unfolds.
Honey re-enters.
HONEY
I don't believe it. I walked into the
loo with her. I was still talking when
she started unbuttoning her jeans...
She had to ask me to leave.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
A little later. They are sat at dinner. Bella next to Anna.
BELLA
What do you think of the guinea fowl?
ANNA
(whispering)
I'm a vegetarian.
BELLA
Oh God.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
Moving on through the evening -- they are very relaxed, as they
eat dinner. A few seconds watching the evening going well -- Anna
is taking this in -- real friends -- relaxed -- easy, teasing.
And there's a cake. Honey wears Bernie's unsuitable hat. Anna
watches William laughing at something and then putting his head
in his hands with mock shame.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
Coffee time.
MAX
Having you here, Anna, firmly
establishes what I've long suspected,
that we really are the most desperate
hot of under-achievers.
BERNIE
Shame!
MAX
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, in
fact, I think it's something we should
take pride in. I'm going to give the
last brownie as a prize to the saddest
act here.
A little pause. Then William turns to Bernie.
WILLIAM
Bernie.
BERNIE
Well, obviously it's me, isn't it --
I work in the City in a job I don't
understand and everyone keeps getting
promoted above me. I haven't had a
girlfriends since... puberty and,
well, the long and short of it is,
nobody fancies me, and if these cheeks
get any chubbier, they never will.
HONEY
Nonsense. I fancy you. Or I did
before you got so far.
MAX
You see -- and unless I'm much mistaken,
your job still pays you rather a lot of
money, while Honey here, she earns
nothing flogging her guts out at
London's seediest record store.
HONEY
Yes. And I don't have hair -- I've got
feathers, and I've got funny goggly
eyes, and I'm attracted to cruel men and
... no one'll ever marry me because my
boosies have actually started
shrinking.
MAX
You see -- incredibly sad.
BELLA
On the other hand, her best friend is
Anna Scott.
HONEY
That's true, I can't deny it. She
needs me, what can I say?
BELLA
And most of her limbs work. Whereas
I'm stuck in its thing day and night,
in a house full of ramps. And to add
insult to serious injury -- I've
totally given up smoking, my favourite
thing, and the truth is... we can't
have a baby.
Dead silence.
WILLIAM
Bella.
Bella shrugs her shoulders. Bernie is totally grief-struck.
BERNIE
No. Not true...
BELLA
C'est la vie... We're lucky in lots
of ways, but... Surely it's worth a
brownie.
William reaches for her hand. Max breaks the sombre mood.
MAX
Well, I don't know. Look at
William. Very unsuccessful
professionally. Divorced. Used to
be handsome, now kind of squidgy
around the edges -- and absolutely
certain never to hear from Anna again
after she's heard that his nickname
at school was Floppy.
They all laugh. Anna smiles across at William.
WILLIAM
So I get the brownie?
MAX
I think you do, yes.
ANNA
Wait a minute. What about me?
MAX
I'm sorry? You think you deserve the
brownie?
ANNA
Well... a shot at it.
WILLIAM
You'll have to prove it. This is a
great brownie and I'm going to fight
for it. State your claim.
ANNA
Well, I've been on a diet since I was
nineteen, which means basically I've
been hungry for a decade. I've had a
sequence of not nice boyfriends -- one
of whom hit me: and every time my heart
gets broken it gets splashed across
the newspapers as entertainment.
Meantime, it cost millions to get me
looking like this...
HONEY
Really?
ANNA
Really -- and one day, not long from
now...
While she says this, quiet settles around the table. The thing
is -- she sort of means it and is opening up to them.
ANNA
... my looks will go, they'll find out
I can't act and I'll become a sad
middle-aged woman who looks a bit like
someone who was famous for a while.
Silence... they all look at her... then.
MAX
Nah!!! Nice try, gorgeous -- but you
don't fool anyone.
The mood is instantly broken. They all laugh.
WILLIAM
Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Anna and William are leaving.
ANNA
That was such a great evening.
MAX
I'm delighted.
He holds out his hand to shake. She kisses him on the cheek.
He stumbles back with joy.
ANNA
And may I say that's a gorgeous tie.
MAX
Now you're lying.
ANNA
You're right. I told you I was bad
at acting.
Max loves this.
ANNA
(to Bella)
Lovely to meet you.
BELLA
And you. I'll wait till you've gone
before I tell him you're a
vegetarian.
MAX
No!
ANNA
Night, night, Honey.
HONEY
I'm so sorry about the loo thing.
I meant to leave but I just...
look, ring me if you need someone to
go shopping with. I know lots of
nice, cheap places... not that money
necessarily...
(gives up)
nice to meet you.
And Honey gives her a huge hug.
ANNA
You too -- from now on you are my
style guru.
Anna and William head out... Bernie tries to save some dignity.
BERNIE
Love your work.
They move to the door and wave goodbye.
EXT. MAX AND BELLA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
William and Anna step outside. From inside they hear a massive
and hysterical scream of the friends letting out their true
feelings. William is a little embarrassed.
WILLIAM
Sorry -- they always do that when I
leave the house.
The house is in Lansdowne Road, on the edge of Notting Hill.
They walk for a moment. A bit of silence.
ANNA
Floppy, huh?
WILLIAM
It's the hair! It's to do with the
hair.
ANNA
Why is she in a wheelchair?
WILLIAM
It was an accident -- about eighteen
months ago.
ANNA
And the pregnancy thing -- is that to
do with the accident?
WILLIAM
You know, I'm not sure. I don't
think they'd tried for kids before,
as fate would have it.
They walk in silence for a moment. Then...
WILLIAM
Would you like to come... my house is
just...?
She smiles and shakes her head.
ANNA
Too complicated.
WILLIAM
That's fine.
ANNA
Busy tomorrow?
WILLIAM
I thought you were leaving.
ANNA
I was.
EXT. NOTTING HILL GARDEN - NIGHT
A little later in the walk.
ANNA
What's in there?
They are now walking by a five foot railing, with foliage
behind it.
WILLIAM
Gardens. All these streets round
here have these mysterious communal
gardens in the middle of them.
They're like little villages.
ANNA
Let's go in.
WILLIAM
Ah no -- that's the point -- they're
private villages -- only the people
who live round the edges are allowed
in.
ANNA
You abide by rules like that?
WILLIAM
Ahm...
Her look makes it clear that she is waiting with interest on
the answer to this.
WILLIAM
Heck no -- other people do -- but not
me -- I just do what I want.
He rattles the gate, then starts his climb -- but doesn't quite
make it, and falls back onto the pavement...
WILLIAM
(casually)
Whoopsidaisies.
ANNA
What did you say?
WILLIAM
Nothing.
ANNA
Yes, you did.
WILLIAM
No, I didn't.
ANNA
You said 'whoopsidaisies.'
Tiny pause.
WILLIAM
I don't think so. No one has said
'whoopsidaisies,' do they -- I mean
unless they're...
ANNA
There's no 'unless.' No one has said
"whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and
even then it was only little girls
with blonde ringlets.
WILLIAM
Exactly. Here we go again.
He fails, and unfortunately, spontaneously...
WILLIAM
Whoopsidaisies.
They look at each other.
WILLIAM
It's a disease I've got -- it's a
clinical thing. I'm taking pills and
having injections -- it won't last
long.
ANNA
Step aside.
She starts to climb.
WILLIAM
Actually be careful Anna -- it's
harder than it looks...
But she's already almost over.
WILLIAM
Oh no it's not -- it's easy.
A few seconds later. Anna jumps down into the garden.
ANNA
Come on, Flops.
William clambers over with terrible difficulty, dusts himself
off, and heads towards where she stands.
WILLIAM
Now seriously -- what in the world
in this garden could make that
ordeal worthwhile?
She leans forward -- and, for the firs time since the first
time -- she kisses him. This time a proper kiss. A tiny pause.
WILLIAM
Nice garden.
EXT. MAGIC GARDEN - NIGHT
They walk around the garden. It's a moonlit dream. We see
the lights of the houses that surround the garden. They come
across a single, simple wooden bench.
ANNA
'For June, who loved this garden --
from Joseph who always sat beside
her.'
We cut in and see an inscription carved into the wood. She
doesn't read the dates, carved below -- 'June Wetherby, 1917
- 1992.' She is slightly chocked by it.
ANNA
Some people do spend their whole
lives together.
He nods. They are standing on either side of the bench,
looking at each other. The camera glides away from them, up
into the night sky, leaving them alone in the garden. Music
plays.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
William in a towel rushes downstairs, having just had a shower.
He shoots past Spike.
WILLIAM
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. Have
you seen my glasses?
SPIKE
No, 'fraid not.
WILLIAM
Bollocks.
(still searching --
with no help from
Spike)
This happens every time I go to the
cinema. Average day, my glasses are
everywhere -- everywhere I look,
glasses. But the moment I need them
they disappear. It's one of life's
real cruelties.
SPIKE
That's compared to, like,
earthquakes in the Far East or
testicular cancer?
WILLIAM
Oh shit, is that the time? I have to
go.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - EVENING
He sprints downstairs, now fully dressed.
WILLIAM
(not meaning it)
Thanks for your help on the glasses
thing.
SPIKE
(sincerely)
You're welcome. Did you find them?
WILLIAM
Sort of.
INT. CINEMA - NIGHT
Mid-film. We move across the audience. And there is in the
middle of it, we see Anna, watching the screen, and next to
her, William, watching the film keenly, through his scuba-
diving goggles.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
A very smart Japanese restaurant. We see Anna and William
sitting, near the end of their meal.
ANNA
So who left who?
WILLIAM
She left me.
ANNA
Why?
WILLIAM
She saw through me.
ANNA
Uh-oh. That's not good.
We've been aware of the conversation at a nearby table --
now we can hear it. Two slightly rowdy men.
LAWRENCE
No - No- No! Give me Anna Scott any
day.
William and Anna look at each other.
GERALD
I didn't like that last film of hers.
Fast asleep from the moment the
lights went down.
Again -- Anna reacts.
LAWRENCE
Don't really care what the films are
like. Any film with her in it --
fine by me.
GERALD
No -- not my type at all really. I
prefer that other one -- blonde --
sweet looking -- has an orgasm every
time you take her out for a cup of
coffee.
Anna mouths 'Meg Ryan.'
LAWRENCE
Meg Ryan.
William and Anna smile -- they're enjoying it.
GERALD
Drug-induced, I hear -- I believe
she's actually in rehab as we speak.
LAWRENCE
Whatever, she's so clearly up for it.
Anna's twinkle fades.
LAWRENCE
You know -- some girls, they're all
'stay away chum' but Anna, she's
absolutely gagging for it. Do you
know that in over fifty percent of
languages the word for "actress" is
the same as the word for "prostitute."
This is horrible.
LAWRENCE
And Anna is your definitive actress
-- someone really filthy you can just
flip over...
WILLIAM
Right, that's it.
He gets up and goes round the corner to the men. There are in
fact four of them, the two meeker men, Gavin and Harry, hanging
on the other guys' witty words.
WILLIAM
I'm sorry to disturb you guys but --
LAWRENCE
Can I help you?
WILLIAM
Well, yes, I wish I hadn't overheard
your conversation -- but I did and I
just think, you know...
He's not a very convincing or frightening figure.
WILLIAM
...the person you're talking about
is a real person and I think she
probably deserves a little bit more
consideration, rather than having
jerks like you drooling over her...
LAWRENCE
Oh sod off, mate. What are you, her
dad?
Anna suddenly appears at his side and whips him away without
being recognized.
WILLIAM
I'm sorry.
ANNA
No, that's fine. I love that you
tried... time was I'd have done the
same.
They walk on and then...
ANNA
In fact -- give me a second.
And she walks straight back to their table.
ANNA
Hi.
LAWRENCE
Oh my God...
ANNA
I'm sorry about my friend -- he's
very sensitive.
LAWRENCE
No, look, I'm sorry...
ANNA
Please, please -- let's just leave
it there. I'm sure you meant no harm,
and I'm sure it was just friendly
banter and I'm sure you dicks are all
the size of peanuts. A perfect match
for the size of your brains. Enjoy
your meal. The tuna's really good.
And she walks away. Gerald turns to Lawrence.
GERALD
You prick.
EXT. RITZ ARCADE - NIGHT
They are walking.
ANNA
I shouldn't have done that. I
shouldn't have done that.
WILLIAM
No, you were brilliant
ANNA
I'm rash and I'm stupid and what
am I doing with you?
WILLIAM
I don't know, I'm afraid.
ANNA
I don't know either.
They have arrived at the end of the arcade.
ANNA
Here we are.
(pause)
Do you want to come up?
WILLIAM
(he hoes)
There seem to be lots of reasons
why I shouldn't.
ANNA
There are lots of reasons. Do you
want to come up?
His look says yes.
ANNA
Give me five minutes.
He watches her go -- and stands in the street. Music plays.
INT. RITZ CORRIDOR/ANNA'S SUITE - NIGHT
William coming along the hotel corridor. He knocks on the
door.
ANNA
Hiya.
There's something slightly awry. He doesn't notice.
WILLIAM
Hi.
He kisses her gently on the cheek.
WILLIAM
To be able to do that is such a
wonderful thing.
ANNA
(pause)
You've got to go.
WILLIAM
Why?
ANNA
Because my boyfriend, who I thought
was in America, is in fact in the
next room.
WILLIAM
Your boyfriend?
He is duly shocked. She's trying to be calm.
ANNA
Yes...
JEFF (V.O.)
Who is it?
Jeff drifts into view behind. He is a very famous film star and
looks the part -- well built, very handsome. Unshaven, he has
magic charm, whatever he says. Over a t-shirt, he wears a
shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.
WILLIAM
Ahm... room service.
JEFF
How you doing? I thought you guys
all wore those penguin coats.
WILLIAM
Well, yes -- usually -- I'd just
changed to go home -- but I thought
I'd just deal with this final call.
JEFF
Oh great. Could you do me a favour
and try to get us some really cold
water up here?
WILLIAM
I'll see what I can do.
JEFF
Still, not sparkling.
WILLIAM
Absolutely. Ice cold still water.
JEFF
Unless it's illegal in the UK to
serve liquids below room temperature:
I don't want you going to jail just
to satisfy my whims...
WILLIAM
No, I'm sure it'll be fine.
JEFF
And maybe you could just adios the
dishes and empty the trash.
WILLIAM
Right.
And he does just that. Scoops up the two used plates and heads
to the bin.
ANNA
Really -- don't do that -- I'm sure
this is not his job.
JEFF
I'm sorry. Is this a problem?
WILLIAM
Ah -- no. It's fine.
JEFF
What's your name?
WILLIAM
Ahm... Bernie.
Jeff slips him a fiver.
JEFF
Thank you, Bernie.
(to Anna)
Hey -- nice surprise, or nasty
surprise?
ANNA
Nice surprise.
He kisses her.
JEFF
Liar.
(to William)
She hates surprises. What are you
ordering?
ANNA
I haven't decided.
JEFF
Well, don't over-do it. I don't want
people saying, 'There goes that
famous actor with the big, fat
girlfriend."
He wanders off taking off his t-shirt.
WILLIAM
I better leave.
Anna just nods.
WILLIAM
-- this is a fairly strange reality
to be faced with. To be honest, I
don't realize...
ANNA
I'm sorry... I don't know what to
say.
WILLIAM
I think goodbye is traditional.
INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - NIGHT
William walks away.
EXT. RITZ - NIGHT
William walks down the arcade outside the hotel. He is
stunned.
EXT. LONDON BUS - NIGHT
William sits alone on a bus. We see him through the side
window. As it drives away, we see that the whole back of the
bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
He gets into his room and sits on the bed.
INT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT
Space Anna, in the very hi-tech environment and a serious
moods, fastens the last clasps on her uniform. She takes a
helmet type thing, and places it on her head.
INT. CONNECT CINEMA - NIGHT
Cut round to the Coronet cinema where this film is showing.
It's not full. The camera moves and finds, sitting on his
own...William. Just watching. We see a momentous flash of
light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
William is looking out the window, lost in thought. Spike
enters.
SPIKE
Come on -- open up -- this is me --
Spikey -- I'm in contact with some
quite important spiritual vibrations.
What's wrong?
Spike settles on the arm of a chair. William decides to open
up a bit...
WILLIAM
Well, okay. There's this girl...
SPIKE
Aha! I'd been getting a female vibe.
Good. Speak on, dear friend.
WILLIAM
She's someone I just can't -- someone
who... self-evidently can't be mine --
and it's as if I've taken love-heroin
-- and now I can't even have it again.
I've opened Pandora's box. And there's
trouble inside.
Spike nods thoughtfully.
SPIKE
Yeh. Yeh... tricky... tricky... I
knew a girl at school called Pandora
... never got to see her box though.
He roars with laughter. William smiles.
WILLIAM
Thanks. Yes -- very helpful.
INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Only two tables are being used. William and his friends are
on their first course. Bernie reads an "Evening Standard,"
with a picture of Anna and Jeff at Heathrow Airport.
MAX
You didn't know she had a boyfriend?
WILLIAM
No -- did you?
Their looks make it obvious that everyone did.
WILLIAM
Bloody hell, I can't believe it --
my whole life ruined because I don't
read 'Hello' magazine.
MAX
Let's face facts. This was always a
no-go situation. Anna's a goddess
and you know what happens to mortals
who get involved with the gods.
WILLIAM
Buggered?
MAX
Every time. But don't despair -- I
think I have the solution to your
problems.
WILLIAM
Really?
They all look to him for wise words.
MAX
Her name is Tessa and she works in
the contracts department. The hair,
I admit, is unfashionable frizzy --
but she's as bright as a button and
kisses like a nymphomaniac on death
row. Apparently.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The kitchen. William is looking uneasy. A doorbell rings.
MAX
Now -- try.
William nods. Max heads off to the door. We stay with William
-- and just hear the door open and a voice come down the
corridor.
TESSA (V.O.)
I got completely lost -- it's real
difficult, isn't it? Everything's
got the word 'Kensington' in it --
Kensington Park Road, Kensington
Gardens, Kensington bloody Park
Gardens...
They reach the kitchen. Tessa is a lush girl with huge hair.
MAX
Tessa -- this is Bella my wife.
TESSA
Oh hello, you're in a wheelchair.
BELLA
That's right.
MAX
And this is William.
TESSA
Hello William. Max has told me
everything about you.
WILLIAM
(frightened)
Has he?
MAX
Wine?
TESSA
Oh yes please. Come on, Willie, let's
get sloshed.
She turns to take the wine and William has a split second to send
a message of panic to Bella. She agrees -- it's bad.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
Max walks over to the table. Honey, Bella, William and another
girl.
MAX
Keziah -- some woodcock?
KEZIAH
No, thank you -- I'm a fruitarian.
MAX
I don't realize that.
It is left to William, who has been set up here, to fill the
pause.
WILLIAM
And ahm -- what's a fruitarian exactly?
KEZIAH
We believe that fruits and vegetables
have feelings so we think cooking is
cruel. We only eat things that have
actually fallen from the tree or bush
-- that are, in fact, dead already.
WILLIAM
Right. Right. Interesting stuff.
(pause)
So these carrots...
KEZIAH
Have been murdered, yes.
WILLIAM
Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
Time for coffee and chocolates. Beside William sits the final,
perfect girl. She is Rosie, quite young, smartly dressed,
open-hearted. It is just Max and William and Bella and her.
ROSIE
Delicious coffee.
MAX
Thank you. I'm sorry about the lamb.
ROSIE
No -- I thought it was really, you know,
interesting.
WILLIAM
Interesting means inedible.
ROSIE
Really inedible -- yes that's right.
They all laugh. It's going very well.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT
William is with Rosie by the door -- just about to say goodbye.
ROSIE
Maybe we'll meet again some time.
WILLIAM
Yes. That would be... great.
She kisses him gently on the cheek. He opens the door -- she
walks out. He shuts the door quietly and heads back into the
living room...
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Max and Bella wait excitedly.
MAX
Well?
WILLIAM
She's perfect, perfect.
BELLA
And?
William makes a gentle, exasperated gesture, then...
WILLIAM
I think you have forgotten...
(he looks at them)
what an unusual situation you have
here -- to find someone you actually
love, who'll love you -- the chances
are... always miniscule. Look at me
-- not counting the American -- I've
only loved two girls in my whole life,
both total disasters.
MAX
That's not fair.
WILLIAM
No really, one of them marries me and
then leaves me quicker than you can
say Indiana Jones -- and the other,
who seriously ought to have known
better, casually marries my best
friend.
BELLA
(pause)
Still loves you though.
WILLIAM
In a depressingly asexual way.
BELLA
(pause)
I never fancied you much actually...
They all roar with laughter.
BELLA
I mean I loved you -- you were terribly
funny. But all that kissing my ears...
WILLIAM
Oh no -- this is just getting worse.
I am going to find myself, 30 years
from now, still on this couch.
BELLA
Do you want to stay?
WILLIAM
Why not -- all that awaits me at home
is a masturbating Welshman.
Music starts to play to take us through these silent scenes.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Max lifts Bella off her couch and carries her upstairs.
Mix through -- William sits on the couch downstairs -- eyes wide
open -- thinking.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - DAY
Morning. Max, all in his suit for the city... Bella kisses him
goodbye. William sees this from the kitchen. She is also
dressed for work -- and moves back into the kitchen to pack her
briefcase with law books from the kitchen table.
EXT. MAX AND BELLA'S HOUSE - DAY
William emerges from the house, a little ruffled from a night
away from home, a heads off.
EXT. NEWSAGENT - DAY
William walks past the newsagent, heading for home. We see,
though he doesn't, a rack of tabloid papers, all of which seem
to have very grainy, grabbed pictures of Anna on their front
page. Headlines --'Anna Stunna'-- 'It's Definitely Her!'
and 'Scott of Pantartica.'
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
William is shaving. The bell goes. He heads out to answer it.
EXT./INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE -DAY
William arrives at the door and opens it. There stands a dark-
glassed Anna.
ANNA
Hi. Can I come in?
WILLIAM
Come in.
She moves inside. Her hair is a mess -- her eyes are tired.
Nothing idealized.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
The two of them.
ANNA
They were taken years ago -- I know
it was... well, I was poor and it
happens a lot -- that's not an excuse
-- but to make things worse, it now
appears someone was filming me as
well. So what was a stupid photo-
shoot now looks like a porno film.
And well... the pictures have been
solid and they're everywhere.
William shakes his head.
ANNA
I don't know where to go. The hotel
is surrounded.
WILLIAM
This is the place.
ANNA
Thank you. I'm just in London for two
days -- but, with your papers, it's the
worse place to be.
She's very shaken.
ANNA
These are such horrible pictures.
They're so grainy... they make me
look like...
WILLIAM
Don't think about it. We'll sort it
out. Now what would you like -- tea
... bath...?
ANNA
A bath would be great.
INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike enters through the front door. William doesn't hear him.
Spike is reading newspapers with the Anna pictures in it.
SPIKE
Christ alive... brilliant... fantastic
.... magnificent...
He heads up the stairs. Opens the bathroom door, walks in.
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
Spike heads for the toilet -- undoes his zip...
ANNA
You must be Spike.
She's in the bath. Spike turns in shock -- and sidles out of the
bathroom.
INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike calms himself down. He then opens the bathroom door
again -- and looks in.
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
Anna is still lying low in the bath.
ANNA
Hi.
SPIKE
Just checking.
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike comes back out into the corridor. Looks to heaven.
SPIKE
Thank you, God.
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY
William and Anna at the kitchen table, eating toast, dringking
tea.
ANNA
I'm really sorry about last time. He
just flew in -- I had no idea -- in fact,
I had no idea if he'd ever fly in again.
WILLIAM
No, that's fine. It's not often one
has the opportunity to adios the plates
of a major Hollywood star. It was a
thrill for me.
(she smiles. Pause)
How is he?
ANNA
I don't know. It got to the point where
I couldn't remember any of the reasons
I loved him. And you... and love?
WILLIAM
Well, there's a question -- without
an interesting answer.
ANNA
I have thought about you.
WILLIAM
Oh no no -- no.
He doesn't think she has to talk about this.
ANNA
Just anytime I've tried to keep
things normal with anyone normal --
it's been a disaster.
WILLIAM
I appreciate that absolutely.
(changing subject
tactfully)
Is that the film you're doing?
ANNA
Yes -- start in L.A. on Tuesday.
WILLIAM
Would you like me to take you through
your lines?
ANNA
Would you? It's all talk, talk, talk.
WILLIAM
Hand it over. Basic plot?
ANNA
I'm a difficult but brilliant junior
officer who in about twenty minutes
will save the world from nuclear
disaster.
WILLIAM
Well done you.
EXT. TERRACE - DAY
A little later. They're in the thick of the script.
WILLIAM
'Message from command. Would you like
them to send in the HKs?'
ANNA
'No, turn over 4 TRS's and tell them we
need radar feedback before the KFT's
return at 19 hundred -- then inform the
Pentagon that we'll be needing black
star cover from ten hundred through
12.15' -- and don't you dare say one
word about how many mistakes I made in
that speech or I'll pelt you with
olives.
WILLIAM
'Very well, captain -- I'll pass that
on straightaway.'
ANNA
'Thank you.' How many mistake did I
make?
WILLIAM
Eleven.
ANNA
Damn. 'And Wainwright...'
WILLIAM
Cartwright.
ANNA
'Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever
your name is, I promised little Jimmy
I'd be home for his birthday -- could
you get a message through that I may
be a little late.'
WILLIAM
'Certainly. And little Johnny?'
ANNA
My son's name is Johnny?
WILLIAM
Yup.
ANNA
Well, get a message through to him
too.
WILLIAM
Brilliant.
(the scene's over)
Word perfect I'd say.
ANNA
What do you think?
WILLIAM
Gripping. It's not Jane Austen, it's
not Henry James, but it's gripping.
ANNA
You think I should do Henry James
instead?
WILLIAM
I'm sure you'd be great in Henry James.
But, you know -- this writer's pretty
damn good too.
ANNA
Yes -- I mean -- you never get anyone
in 'Wings of a Dove' having the nerve
to say 'inform the Pentagon that we
need black star cover.'
WILLIAM
And I think the book is the poorer for
it.
Anna smiles her biggest smile of the day. He is helping.
INT. WILLIAM'S DINING ROOM
Anna and William. Sat down at table. There's a picture
hanging on the wall behind.
ANNA
I can't believe you have that picture
on your wall.
It is a poster of a Chagall painting of a floating wedding couple,
with a goat as company.
WILLIAM
You like Chagall?
ANNA
I do. It feels like how being in love
should be. Floating through a dark
blue sky.
WILLIAM
With a goat playing a violin.
ANNA
Yes -- happiness wouldn't be happiness
without a violin-playing goat.
Spike enters with three pizzas.
SPIKE
Voila. Carnival Calypso, for the
Queen of Notting Hill -- pepperoni,
pineapple and a little more
pepperoni.
ANNA
Fantastic.
WILLIAM
I don't mention that Anna's a
vegetarian, did I?
SPIKE
(pause)
I have some parsnip stew from last week.
If I just peel the skin off, it'll be
perfect.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Later in the evening. William and Anna on their own. They're
sipping coffee. A few seconds of just co-existing. Anna looks
up.
ANNA
You've got big feet.
WILLIAM
Yes. Always have had.
ANNA
You know what they say about men with
big feet?
WILLIAM
No. What's that?
ANNA
Big feet -- large shoes.
He laughs.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A few hours later -- eating ice-cream out of the tub.
ANNA
The thing that's so irritating is that
now I'm so totally fierce when it comes
to nudity clauses.
WILLIAM
You actually have clauses in your
contact about nudity?
ANNA
Definitely. 'You may show the dent at
the top of the artist's buttocks -- but
neither cheek. In the event of a stunt
person being used, the artist must have
full consultation.'
WILLIAM
You have a stunt bottom?
ANNA
I could have a stunt bottom, yes.
WILLIAM
Would you be tempted to go for a
slightly better bottom than your own?
ANNA
Definitely. Ths is important stuff.
WILLIAM
It's one hell of a job. What do you put
on your passport? Profession -- Mel
Gibson's bottom.
ANNA
Actually, Mel does his own ass work.
Why wouldn't he? It's delicious.
WILLIAM
The ice cream or Mel Gibson's bottom?
ANNA
Both.
INT. WILLIAM'S UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - NIGHT
They are walking up the stairs -- and stop at the top.
ANNA
Today has ben a good day. Which under
the circumstances is... unexpected.
WILLIAM
Well, thank you.
(awkward pause)
Anyway -- time for bed. Or...
sofa-bed.
ANNA
Right.
Pause. She leans forward, kisses him gently, then steps into
the bedroom and closes the door.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
William downstairs -- on a sofa -- under a duvet. Eyes open.
Thinking. Pause and pause.
He waits and waits -- the ultimate 'yearn.' But nothing
happens. William gets off the sofa decisively. Sits on the
side of it. Then gets back in again.
Pause, pause, then... in the darkness, a stair creaks. There's
someone there.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Oh my God...
(then...)
Hello.
SPIKE
Hello. I wonder if I could have a
little word.
He drifts round the corner, half-naked.
WILLIAM
Spike.
SPIKE
I don't want to interfere, or anything
... but she's split up from her boy-
friend, that's right isn't it?
WILLIAM
Maybe.
SPIKE
And she's in your house.
WILLIAM
Yes.
SPIKE
And you get on very well.
WILLIAM
Yes.
SPIKE
Well, isn't this perhaps a good
opportunity to... slip her one?
WILLIAM
Spike. For God's sake -- she's in
trouble -- get a grip.
SPIKE
Right. Right. You think it's the
wrong moment. Fair enough.
(pause)
Do you mind if I have a go?
WILLIAM
Spike!
SPIKE
No -- you're right.
WILLIAM
I'll talk to you in the morning.
SPIKE
Okay -- okay. Might be too late, but
okay.
Back to William thinking again. Dreamy atmosphere. And then...
more footsteps on the stairs.
WILLIAM
Oh please sod off.
ANNA
Okay.
WILLIAM
No! No. Wait. I... thought you were
someone else. I thought you were Spike.
I'm delighted you're not.
The darkness of the living room. We see Anna in the shadow.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A few moments later. William and Anna stand in the middle of
the room. He kisses her neck. Then her shoulder. What a
miracle it is just to be able to touch this girl's skin. Then
he looks at her face. That face. He is suddenly struck by who
it is.
WILLIAM
Wow.
ANNA
What?
And then gets over it straight away.
WILLIAM
Nothing.
And kisses her.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The middle of the night. They are both asleep -- a yard apart.
In sleep, her arm reaches out, touches his shoulder and then
she wriggles across and re-settles herself, tenderly, right
next to him. He is not asleep and knows how extraordinary this
all is.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY
The morning.
WILLIAM
It still strikes me as, well, surreal,
that I'm allowed to see you naked.
ANNA
You and every person in this country.
WILLIAM
Oh God yes -- I'm sorry.
ANNA
What is it about men and nudity?
Particularly breasts -- how can you be so
interested in them?
WILLIAM
Well...
ANNA
No seriously. I mean, they're just
breasts. Every second person in the
world has got them...
WILLIAM
More than that actually, when you think
about it. You know, Meatloaf has a very
nice pair...
ANNA
But... they're odd-looking. They're
for milk. Your mum's got them. You
must have seen a thousand of them --
what's the fuss about?
WILLIAM
(pause)
Actually, I can't think really -- let
me just have a quick look...
He looks under the sheet at her breasts.
WILLIAM
No, beats me.
She laughs...
ANNA
Rita Hayworth used to say -- 'they go to
bed with Gilda -- they wake up with me.'
Do you feel that?
WILLIAM
Who was Gilda?
ANNA
Her most famous part -- men went to bed
with the dream -- and they didn't like
it when they woke up with the reality --
do you feel that way with me?
WILLIAM
(pause)
You're lovelier this morning than you
have ever been.
ANNA
(very touched)
Oh.
She looks at him carefully. Then leaps out of bed.
ANNA
I'll be back.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - MORNING
William on the bed. The door opens. It is Anna with a tray of
toast and tea.
ANNA
Breakfast in bed. Or lunch, or brunch.
She heads across. She smiles and sits on the bed.
ANNA
Can I stay a bit longer?
WILLIAM
Stay forever.
ANNA
Damn, I forgot the jam.
The doorbell goes.
ANNA
You get the door, I'll get the jam.
INT./EXT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
William heads down the corridor and opens the door. Outside
are hundreds of paparazzi -- an explosion of cameras and
questions, of noise and light. The press seem to fill the
entire street.
WILLIAM
Jesus Christ.
He comes back inside, snapping the door behind him. Anna is in
the kitchen.
ANNA
What?
WILLIAM
Don't ask.
She heads back the corridor, with no suspicion.
ANNA
You're up to something...
She thinks he's fooling around. She opens the door, the same
explosion. In a split second she's inside.
ANNA
Oh my God. And they got a photo of you
dressed like that?
WILLIAM
Undressed like this, yes.
ANNA
Jesus.
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY
Anna is on the phone. Spike is blithely heading downstairs to
the kitchen in just his underpants.
SPIKE
Morning, daring ones.
He does a thumbs up to William -- very excited about what he knows
was a 'result.'
ANNA
(on the phone)
It's Anna. The press are here. No,
there are hundreds of them. My
brilliant plan was not so brilliant
after all. Yeh, I know, I know. Just
get me out then.
(she hangs up)
Damnit.
She heads upstairs.
WILLIAM
I wouldn't go outside.
SPIKE
Why not?
WILLIAM
Just take my work for it.
The moment William goes upstairs, Spike heads for the front
door.
EXT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - DAY
From outside -- we see this scrawny bloke in the frame of the
doorway, in his grey underpants. A thousand photos. Spike
poses athletically.
INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike closes the door and wanders along to a mirror in the hall-
way, muttering.
SPIKE
How did I look?
Inspects himself.
SPIKE
Not bad. No bad at all. Well-chosen
briefs, I'd say. Chicks love grey.
Mmmmm. Nice firm buttocks.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY
William enters. He's unhappy for her. She's almost dressed.
WILLIAM
How are you doing?
ANNA
How do you think I'm doing?
WILLIAM
I don't know what happened.
ANNA
I do. Your furry friend thought he'd
make a buck or two telling the papers
where I was.
She's packing.
WILLIAM
That's not true.
ANNA
Really? The entire British press just
woke up this morning and thought 'Hey --
I know where Anna Scott is. She's in
that house with the blue door in Notting
Hill.' And then you go out in your
goddamn underwear.
SPIKE
(dropping in)
I went out in my goddamn underwear too.
WILLIAM
Get out, Spike.
(he does)
I'm so sorry.
ANNA
This is such a mess. I come to you to
protect myself against more crappy
gossip and now I'm landed in it all
over again. For God's sake, I've got
a boyfriend.
WILLIAM
You do?
It's a difficult moment -- defining where they stand.
ANNA
As far as they're concerned I do. And
now tomorrow there'll be pictures of
you in every newspapers from here to
Timbuktu.
WILLIAM
I know, I know -- but... just -- let's
stay calm...
ANNA
You can stay calm -- it's the perfect
situation for you -- minimum input,
maximum publicity. Everyone you ever
bump into will know. 'Well done you --
you slept with that actress -- we've
seen the pictures.'
WILLIAM
That's spectacularly unfair.
ANNA
Who knows, it may even help business.
Buy a boring book about Egypt from the
guy who screwed Anna Scott.
She heads out.
INT. STAIRS/LIVING ROOM - DAY
WILLIAM
Now stop. Stop. I beg you -- calm down.
Have a cup of tea.
ANNA
I don't want a goddamn cup of tea. I
want to go home.
The doorbell goes.
WILLIAM
Spike, check who that is... and for
God's sake put some clothes on.
Spike leans merrily out of the window.
SPIKE
Looks like a chauffeur to me.
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN/CORRIDOR - DAY
They move from the kitchen into the corridor.
ANNA
And remember -- Spike owes you an
expensive dinner. Or holiday --
depending if he's got the brains to get
the going rate on betrayal.
WILLIAM
That's not true. And wait a minute...
this is crazy behavior. Can't we just
laugh about this? Seriously -- in the
huge sweep of things, this stuff
doesn't matter.
SPIKE
What he's going to say next is -- there
are people starving in the Sudan.
WILLIAM
Well, there are. And we don't need to
go anywhere near that far. My best
friend slipped -- she slipped down-
stairs, cracked her back and she's in a
wheelchair for the rest of her life.
All I'm asking for is a normal amount
of perspective.
ANNA
You're right: of course, you're right.
It's just that I've dealt with this
garbage for ten years now -- you've had
it for ten minutes. Our perspectives
are different.
WILLIAM
I mean -- today's newspapers will be
lining tomorrow's waste paper bins.
ANNA
Excuse me?
WILLIAM
Well, you know -- it's just one day.
Today's papers will all have been
thrown away tomorrow.
ANNA
You really don't get it. This story
gets filed. Every time anyone writes
anything about me -- they'll dig up
these photos. Newspapers last forever.
I'll regret this forever.
He takes this in. That's the end.
WILLIAM
Right. Fine. I will do the opposite,
if it's all right by you -- and always be
glad you came. But you're right -- you
probably better go.
She looks at him. The doorbell goes again. She opens the door.
Massive noise and photos. Outside are her people, including
Karen, a chauffeur, two bodyguards. And then the door is shut
and they're all gone. Silence.
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN/CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike and William sitting there. Pause.
WILLIAM
Was it you?
SPIKE
I suppose I might have told one or two
people down the pub.
WILLIAM
Right.
He puts his head in his hands. It's over now.
EXT. LONDON - DAY
As full, sad music plays -- William begins to walk through
Notting Hill.
This walk takes six months... as he walks, the seasons actually
and magically change, from summer, through autumn and winter,
back into spring...
First it is summer -- summer fruits and flowers -- a six-month
pregnant woman -- Honey with another leather-jacket boyfriend.
As he walks on the rain starts to fall -- he turns up his coat
collar -- umbrellas appear. Followed by winter coats --
chestnuts roasting -- Christmas trees on sale and the first hint
of snow.
Then he comes to Blenheim Crescent, which is startling snowscape,
for the hundred yard, right across Ladbroke Grove.
By the time he reaches the purple cafe, the snow is melting and
in a few yards, it is spring again. He passes Honey again --
arguing with her boyfriend, walking away tearful. Then turns
past 'the pregnant woman' -- now holding her three-month baby.
The camera holds on her.
INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY
A grey day in the bookshop. Martin and William. As ever. A
feeling that things in there ever change.
Ten seconds pass. Honey rushes in. Spike, still feeling in
disgrace, comes in with her but lingers in the doorway.
HONEY
Have we got something for you.
Something which will make you love me so
much you'll want to hug me every single
day for the rest of my life.
WILLIAM
Blimey. What's that?
HONEY
The phone number of Anna Scott's agent
in London and her agent in New York.
You can ring her. You think about her
all the time -- now you can ring her!
WILLIAM
Well, thanks, that's great.
HONEY
It is great, isn't it. See you tonight.
Hey, Marty-- sexy cardy.
And she rushes out. William looks at the piece of paper, folds
it and then places it gently in the garbage bin.
INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Bella bangs a spoon on a wine bottle. All the friends are
gathered in the restaurant.
BELLA
I have a little speech to make -- I won't
stand up because I can't... be bothered.
Exactly a year ago today, this man here
started the finest restaurant in London.
TONY
Thank you very much.
BELLA
Unfortunately -- no one ever came to eat
here.
TONY
A tiny hiccough.
BELLA
And so we must face the fact that from
next week, we have to find somewhere
near to eat.
Tony's brave face breaks. The dream is over.
BELLA
I just want to say to Tony -- don't take
it personally. The more I think about
things, the more I see no rhyme or reason
in life -- no one knows why some things
work out, and some things don't -- why
some of us get lucky -- and some of us...
BERNIE
... get fired.
BELLA
No!
BERNIE
Yes, they're shifting the whole outfit
much more towards the trading side --
and of course...
(he owns up)
I was total crap.
They're all rather stunned.
TONY
So we go down together! A toast to
Bernie -- the worst stockbroker in the
whole world!
They toast him.
HONEY
Since it's an evening of announcements
... I've also got one, Ahm... I've
decided to get engaged.
Total bewilderment from the others.
HONEY
I've found myself a nice, slightly odd
looking bloke who I know is going to
make me happy for the rest of my life.
Special cut to Bernie -- the shot shows he had special feelings
for Honey.
WILLIAM
Wait a minute -- I'm your brother and I
don't know anything about this.
MAX
Is it someone we know?
HONEY
Yes. I will keep you informed.
As she sits down, Honey leans towards Spike and whispers.
HONEY
By the way -- it's you.
SPIKE
Me?
HONEY
Yes. What do you think?
SPIKE
Well, yes. Groovy.
MAX
Any more announcements?
WILLIAM
Yes -- I feel I must apologize to
everyone for my behavior for the last
six months. I have, as you know, been
slightly down in the mouth.
MAX
There's an understatement. There are
dead people on better form.
WILLIAM
But I wish to make it clear I've turned
a corner and henceforward intend to be
impressively happy.
INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Two hours later. They've had a very good time. There's been a
chocolate cake. Lots of alcohol. Tony is playing 'Blue Moon'
on the piano, and Bernie joins him, singing.
At one table Bella and Honey sit -- beer and wine on the table.
BELLA
I'm really horribly drunk.
Elsewhere, Max an William are relaxed together.
MAX
So -- you've laid the ghost.
WILLIAM
I believe I have.
MAX
Don't give a damn about the famous girl.
WILLIAM
No, don't think I do.
MAX
Which means you won't be distracted by
the fact that she's back in London,
grasping her Oscar, and to be found
filming most days on Hampstead Heath.
He puts down a copy of the 'Evening Standard' with a picture of
Anna on its cover.
WILLIAM
(immediate gloom)
Oh God no.
MAX
So not over her, in fact.
EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAY
Cut to the wide sweep of Hampstead Heath. William entirely
alone. He marches up a hill... goes over the crest of it -- and
sees a huge film crew and hundreds of extras in front of the
radiant white of Kenwood House, with its lawn and its lakes.
EXT. KENWOOD HOUSE - DAY
Now closer to the house, William approaches a barrier -- where
he is himself approached.
SECURITY
Can I help you?
WILLIAM
Yes -- I was looking for Anna Scott...
SECURITY
Does she know you're coming?
WILLIAM
No, no. She doesn't.
SECURITY
I'm afraid I can't really let you
through then, sir.
WILLIAM
Oh right. I mean, I am a friend -- I'm
not a lunatic but -- no, you basically...
SECURITY
... can't let you through.
At that moment -- thirty yards away, William sees trailer door
open. Out of it comes Anna -- looking extraordinary -- in a
velvet dress; full, beautiful make-up; rich, extravagant hair.
She has a necessary cluster of people about her. Hair, make-up,
costume and the third assistant who has collected her.
She walks a few yards, and then casually turns her head. And
sees him. Her face registers not jut surprise, certainly not a
simple smile. His being there is a complicated thing.
Cut back to him. He does a small wave. She pauses as the whole
paraphernalia of the upcoming scene passes between them. The
movie divides them. But then she begins to walk through it, and
followed by her cluster, she makes her way towards him. When
she reaches him, the security guard stands back a pace, and her
people hold back. She doesn't really know what to say...
ANNA
This is certainly... ah...
WILLIAM
I only found out you were here
yesterday.
ANNA
I was going to ring... but... I didn't
think you'd want to...
The third assistant is under pressure.
THIRD
Anna.
She looks around. The poor third is nervous -- and the first is
approaching.
ANNA
(to William)
It's not going very well -- and it's
our last day.
WILLIAM
Absolutely -- you're clearly very busy.
ANNA
But... wait... there are things to say.
WILLIAM
Okay.
ANNA
Drink tea -- there's lots of tea.
She is swept away, four people touching her hair and costume.
KAREN
Come and have a look...
EXT. KENWOOD PARK - DAY
As they make towards the set...
KAREN
Are you a fan of Henry James?
WILLIAM
This is Henry James film?
EXT. KENWOOD HOUSE - DAY
A complicated shot is about to happen -- with waves of extras --
and a huge moving crane. They end up next to the sound desk.
KAREN
This is Harry -- he'll give you a pair of
headphones so you can hear the dialogue.
Harry the sound man is a pleasant, fifty-year-old balding
fellow. He hands him the headphones.
HARRY
Here we go. The volume control is on
the side.
WILLIAM
That's great.
William, the headphones on, surveys the scene -- the cluster is
a full 100 yards from the action, to allow a gracious sweeping
wide-shot. He watches Anna. She is with her co-star in the
Henry James film -- let's call him James.
JAMES
We are living in cloudcuckooland --
we'll never get this done today.
ANNA
We have to. I've got to be in New York
on Thursday.
JAMES
Oh, stop showing off.
He studies an actress a few yards to the left.
JAMES
God, that's an enormous arse.
ANNA
I'm not listening.
JAMES
No, but seriously -- it's not fair -- so
many tragic young teenagers with
anorexia -- and that girl has an arse
she could perfectly well share round
with at least ten other women -- and
still be beg-bottomed.
ANNA
I said I'm not listening -- and I think,
looking at something that firm, you and
your droopy little excuse for an 'arse'
would be well-advised to keep quiet.
Back by the desk, William is listening and laughs. That's his
girl. Anna prepares.
ANNA
So I ask you when you're going to tell
everyone, and you say...?
JAMES
'Tomorrow will be soon enough.'
ANNA
And then I... right.
JAMES
Who was that rather difficult chap you
were talking to on the way up?
ANNA
Oh... no one... no one. Just some...
guy from the past. I don't know what
he's doing here. Bit of an awkward
situation.
EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAY
Cut back to William -- he has heard.
WILLIAM
Of course.
He takes off the headphones and puts them gently down.
WILLIAM
Thank you.
HARRY
Anytime.
William walks away. The moment of hope is gone. He couldn't
have had a clear reminder.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
William is emptying Anna Scott videos into a box.
SPIKE
What's going on?
WILLIAM
I'm going to throw out these old videos.
SPIKE
No. You can't bin these. They're
classics. I'm not allowing this.
WILLIAM
Right -- let's talk about rent...
SPIKE
Let me help. We don't want all this
shit cluttering up our lives.
INT. BACKROOM OF THE BOOKSHOP - DAY
The next day. William is hard at work, doing the accounts in a
dark small room with files in it. Martin pops his head in.
MARTIN
I have to disturb you when you're
cooking the books, but there's a
delivery.
WILLIAM
Martin, can't you just deal with this
yourself?
MARTIN
But it's not for the shop. It's for you.
WILLIAM
Okay. Tell me, would I have to pay a wet
rag as much as I pay you?
They head out, Martin behind him, incomprehensively rubbing
his hands -- he's in a very good mood.
INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY
William enters -- and there stands Anna -- in a simple blue
skirt and top.
ANNA
Hi.
WILLIAM
Hello.
ANNA
You disappeared.
WILLIAM
Yes -- I'm sorry -- I had to leave... I
didn't want to disturb you.
ANNA
Well... how have you been?
WILLIAM
Fine. Everything much the same. When
they change the law Spike and I will
marry immediately. Whereas you...
I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory
...
ANNA
Oh no. It's all nonsense, believe me.
I had no idea how much nonsense it all
was -- but nonsense it all is...
(she's nervous)
Well, yesterday was our last day
filming and so I'm just off -- but I
brought you this from home, and...
It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot,
leaning against a bookshelf.
ANNA
I thought I'd give it to you.
WILLIAM
Thank you. Shall I...
ANNA
No, don't open it yet -- I'll be
embarrassed.
WILLIAM
Okay -- well, thank you. I don't know
what it's for. But thank you anyway.
ANNA
I actually had it in my apartment in New
York and just thought you'd... but,
when it came to it, I didn't know how to
call you... having behaved so... badly,
twice. So it's been just sitting in the
hotel. But then... you came, so I
figured... the thing is... the thing is
...
WILLIAM
What's the thing?
Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith.
WILLIAM
Don't even think about it. Go away
immediately.
Mr. Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient.
MR. SMITH
Right. Sorry.
And he leaves.
WILLIAM
You were saying...
ANNA
Yes. The thing is... I have to go away
today but I wondered, if I didn't,
whether you might let me see you a bit...
or, a lot maybe... see if you could...
like me again.
Pause as William takes this in.
WILLIAM
But yesterday... that actor asked you
who I was... and you just dismissed me
out of hand... I heard -- you had a
microphone... I had headphones.
ANNA
You expect me to tell the truth about my
life to the most indiscreet man in
England?
Martin edges up.
MARTIN
Excuse me -- it's your mother on the
phone.
WILLIAM
Can you tell her I'll ring her back.
MARTIN
I actually tried that tack -- but she
said you said that before and it's been
twenty-four hours, and her foot that
was purple is now a sort of blackish
color...
WILLIAM
Okay -- perfect timing as ever -- hold
the fort for a second will you, Martin?
Martin is left with Anna.
MARTIN
Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost' was a
wonderful film.
ANNA
Is that right?
MARTIN
Yes... I've always wondered what
Patrick Swayze is like in real life.
ANNA
I can't say I know Patrick all that
well.
MARTIN
Oh dear. He wasn't friendly during the
filming?
ANNA
Well, no -- I'm sure he was friendly --
to Demi Moore -- who acted with him in
'Ghost.'
She's kind in here, not sarcastic.
MARTIN
Oh right. Right. Sorry. Always been
a bit of an ass.
William returns a little uneasy.
MARTIN
Anyway... it's lovely to meet you. I'm
a great fan of yours. And Demi's, of
course.
Martin leaves them.
WILLIAM
Sorry about that.
ANNA
That's fine. There's always a pause
when the jury goes out to consider its
verdict.
She's awaiting an answer.
WILLIAM
Anna. Look -- I'm a fairly level-
headed bloke. Not often in and out of
love. But...
He can't really express what he feels.
WILLIAM
... can I just say 'no' to your kind
request and leave it at that?
ANNA
... Yes, that's fine. Of course. I...
you know... of course... I'll just...
be getting along then... nice to see
you.
WILLIAM
The truth is...
He feels he must explain.
WILLIAM
... with you, I'm in real danger. It
took like a perfect situation, apart
from that foul temper of yours -- but my
relatively inexperienced heart would,
I fear, not recover if I was once again
... cast aside, which I would
absolutely expect to be. There are too
many pictures of you everywhere, too
many films. You'd go and I'd be...
well, buggered, basically.
ANNA
I see.
(pause)
That reality is a real 'no,' isn't it?
WILLIAM
I live in Notting Hill. You live in
Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world
knows who you are. My mother has
trouble remembering my name.
ANNA
Okay. Fine. Fine. Good decision.
Pause.
ANNA
The fame thing isn't really real, you
know. Don't forget -- I'm also just a
girl. Standing in front of a boy.
Asking him to love her.
Pause. She kisses him on the cheek.
ANNA
Bye.
Then turns and leaves. Leaving him.
INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - DAY
The restaurant is in the middle of being deconstructed. The
pictures are gone off the walls -- a kettle on a long extension
lead is on the bare table behind. They're all sitting there.
WILLIAM
What do you think? Good move?
HONEY
Good move: when all is said and done,
she's nothing special. I saw her
taking her pants off and I definitely
glimpsed some cellulite down there.
BELLA
Good decision. All actresses are mad
as snakes.
WILLIAM
Tony -- what do you think?
TONY
Never met her, never want to.
WILLIAM
Brilliant. Max?
MAX
Absolutely. Never trust a vegetarian.
WILLIAM
Great. Excellent. Thanks.
Spike enters.
SPIKE
I was called and I came. What's up?
HONEY
William has just turned down Anna Scott.
SPIKE
You daft prick!
Bella is casually looking at the painting that sits beside
William. It is the original of the Chagall, the poster of which
was on his wall.
BELLA
This painting isn't the original, is
it?
WILLIAM
Yes, I think that one may be.
BERNIE
But she said she wanted to go out with
you?
WILLIAM
Yes -- sort of...
BERNIE
That's nice.
WILLIAM
What?
BERNIE
Well, you know, anybody saying they
want to go out with you is... pretty
great... isn't it...
WILLIAM
It was sort of sweet actually -- I mean,
I know she's an actress and all that, so
she can deliver a line -- but she said
that she might be as famous as can be --
but also... that she was just a girl,
standing in front of a boy, asking him
to love her.
They take in the line. It totally reverses their attitudes.
A pause.
WILLIAM
Oh sod a dog. I've made the wrong
decision, haven't I?
They look at him. Spike does a big nod.
WILLIAM
Max, how fast is your car?
EXT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - DAY
Max's car arrives in the street outside. They pile into the
car.
MAX
If anyone gets in our way -- we have
small nuclear devices.
BERNIE
And we intend to use them!
MAX
Where's Bella?
HONEY
She's not coming.
MAX
Sod that. Bernie -- in the back!
He shoots out of his door, rushes round and grabs Bella out of
the chair.
MAX
Come on, babe.
EXT./INT. CAR. STANLEY CRESCENT/NOTTING HILL GATE - DAY
Max's car is shooting up Stanley Crescent. We are inside and
outside the car.
BELLA
Where are you going?
MAX
Down Kensington Church Street, then
Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Corner.
BELLA
Crazy. Go along Bayswater...
HONEY
That's right -- then Park Lane.
BERNIE
Or you could go right down to Cromwell
Road, and left.
WILLIAM
No!
Suddenly the car slams to a halt.
MAX
Stop right there! I will decide the
route. All right?
ALL
All right.
MAX
James Bond never has to put up with this
sort of shit.
EXT. PICCADILLY - DAY
The car turns illegally right across Piccadilly the wrong way
down a one-way street and ends up outside the Ritz. William
sprints into the hotel. Bernie follows.
BERNIE
Bloody hell, this is fun.
IT. RITZ LOBBY - DAY
WILLIAM
Is Miss Scott staying here?
It is the same man.
RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
How about Miss Flintstone?
RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
Or Bambi... or, I don't know, Beavis or
Butthead?
Man shakes his head.
RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
Right. Right. Fair enough. Thanks.
He turns despondent and takes two steps when the Ritz Man stops
him in his tracks.
RITZ MAN
There was a Miss Pocahontas in room 126
-- but she checked out an hour ago. I
believe she's holding a press
conference at The Savoy before flying to
America.
William is very grateful. He kisses the Ritz Man. Bernie's also
gratuful. He kisses him too.
BERNIE
We have lift off!!
A Japanese guest assumes this is the way to behave and the Ritz
Man gets kissed a third time.
EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY
The car speeds through London. It gets totally stuck at a
junction where no one will let them in.
SPIKE
Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.
He gets out of the car and boldly stops the traffic coming in the
opposite direction. Our car shoots past him.
SPIKE
Go!
They leave him behind. Honey leans out the window and shouts...
HONEY
You're my hero.
Spike waves wildly -- he loses concentration and is very nearly
hit by a car.
EXT. THE SAVOY - DAY
They pull to a stop. William leaps out.
MAX
Go!
INT. THE SAVOY - DAY
William rushes up to the main desk.
WILLIAM
Excuse me, where's the press
conference?
MAN AT SAVOY
Are you an accredited member of the
press?
WILLIAM
Yes...
He flashes a card.
MAN AT SAVOY
That's a Blockbuster video membership
card, sir.
WILLIAM
That's right... I work for their in-
house magazine.
(mimes quotation marks)
'Movies are our business.'
MAN AT SAVOY
I'm sorry, sir...
Honey shoots into shot, pushing Bella's chair.
BELLA
He's with me.
MAN AT SAVOY
And you are?
BELLA
Writing an article about how London
hotels treat people in wheelchairs.
MAN AT SAVOY
Of course, madam. It's in the
Lancaster Room. I'm afraid you're very
late.
HONEY
(to William)
Run!
INT. SAVOR ROOM - DAY
William runs, searching. At last finds the room, and enters.
INT. LANCASTER ROOM - DAY
Huge room -- full of press. Row after row of journalists,
cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back. Anna clearly
gives press conferences very rarely, because this one is
positively presidential. She sits at a table at the end of the
room, beside Karen: on her other side is Jeremy, the PR boss,
firmly marshalling the questions.
JEREMY
Yes... You -- Dominic.
QUESTIONER 1
How much longer are you staying in the
UK then?
ANNA
No time at all. I fly out tonight.
She's in a slightly melancholic and therefore honest mood.
JEREMY
Which is why we have to round it up now.
Final questions.
He points at a journalist he knows.
QUESTIONER 2
Is your decision to take a year off
anything to do with the rumours about
Jeff and his present leading lady?
ANNA
Absolutely not.
QUESTIONER 2
Do you believe the rumours?
ANNA
It's really not my business any more.
Though I will say, from my experience,
that rumours about Jeff... do tend to
be true.
They love that answer, and all scribble in their note books.
Next question comes from someone straight right next to
William.
QUESTIONER 3
Last time you were here, there were some
fairly graphic photographs of you and a
young English guy -- so what happened
there?
ANNA
He was just a friend -- I think we're
still friends.
JEREMY
Yes, the gentleman in the pink shirt.
He is pointing straight at William, who has his hand up.
WILLIAM
Yes -- Miss Scott -- are there any
circumstances in which you two might be
more than just friends?
Anna sees who it is asking.
ANNA
I hoped there might be -- but no, I'm
assured there aren't.
WILLIAM
And what would you say...
JEREMY
No, it's just one question per person.
ANNA
No, let him... ask away. You were
saying?
WILLIAM
Yes, I just wondered whether if it
turned out that this... person...
OTHER JOURNALIST
(to William)
His name is Thacker.
WILLIAM
Thanks. I just wondered if Mr. Thacker
realized he'd been a daft prick and got
down on his knees and begged you to
reconsider, whether you would...
reconsider.
We cut to Max, Bella, Bernie and Honey, all watching. Then back
to Anna.
ANNA
Yes, I'm pretty sure I would.
WILLIAM
That's very good news. The readers of
'Horse and Hound' will be absolutely
delighted.
Anna whispers something to Jeremy.
JEREMY
Dominic -- if you'd like to ask your
question again?
QUESTIONER 1
Yes -- Anna -- how long are you
intending to stay here in Britain?
Pause. Anna looks up at William. He nods.
ANNA
Indefinitely.
They both smile -- suddenly the press gets what's going on --
music -- noise -- they all turn and flash, flash, flash photos
of William. Max and Bella kiss. Bernie kisses a total stranger.
Spike finally makes it -- he's bright red from running.
SPIKE
What happened?
HONEY
It was good.
Honey hugs him. It's a new experience for Spike.
Cut to William's face -- flash after flash -- still looking at
Anna. They are both smiling.
INT./EXT. THE HEMPEL ZEN GARDEN WITH MARQUEEN - DAY
Anna and William at their wedding -- they kiss and walk into the
crowd.
Honey, a bridesmaid in peach satin -- she is surrounded by at
least four other bridesmaids, all under five.
Nearby, Tony standing, glowing, beside his fabulous,
pyramidical wedding cake.
William's mother is not quite happy with how he's looking. She
tries to brush his hair.
Max, dressed in the most devastating Bond-like white tuxedo is
dancing with Anna -- thrilled. He does a rather flashy little
move. Cut to Bella who is watching and laughing.
Martin, in an awkward tweed suit, is jiggling to the beat of a
song, entirely happy in the corner.
EXT. LEICESTER SQUARE - NIGHT
A huge premier -- screaming crowds -- Anna and William get out
of the car, she holding his hand -- looking ultimately gorgeous
-- he in a black tie that doesn't quite fit. He's startled.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
A pretty green communal garden. Children are playing, watched
by mothers, one of whom holds a new baby in a papoose. A very
old couple wander along slowly.
A small tai chi group moves mysteriously. And as the camera
glides, it passes a couple sitting on a single, simple wooden
bench overlooking the garden. He is reading, she is just
looking out, totally relaxed, holding his hand, pregnant. It
is William and Anna.
THE END