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Serial Mom (1994)

by John Waters.
Second Draft: July 22, 1992.

More info about this movie on IMDb.com

FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY

1.     Film opens with prologue title: "This is a true
story.  The screenplay is based on court testimony,
sworn declarations, and hundreds of interviews
conducted by the film-makers".  Fade out.

Fade in to second prologue title: "Some of the
innocent characters' names have been changed in the
interests of a larger truth".  Fade out.

Fade in to final prologue title:  "No one involved
in the crimes received any form of financial
compensation".  Fade out.

2.     Establishing shot of upper-middle class suburban home.
We hear on the soundtrack the daily morning chatter
of a family rushing to get to work and school.

Subtitle appears:  "2815 Calverton Court.  The
Sutphin Family".  Fade out.

Second subtitle fades in:  "Friday, September 18th,
1992.  7:08am".  Fade out.

3.     Interior cheery, bright SUTPHIN kitchen.  CREDITS
BEGIN.

MOM, BEVERLY, a trim, fortyish, pretty Betty Crocker
of the 90's, grabs the toast as it pops up and
butters it. She waves cheerfully out the kitchen
window to the passing GARBAGEMEN on the back of a
Baltimore County garbage truck and then turns to her
husband and children and expertly begins to serve
breakfast.

DAD, EUGENE, the ultimate nice guy and a dentist by
trade, divides the morning paper up between himself
and son CHIP, a cute semi-hip kid who is still in
high-school.  Daughter, MISTY, a pretty and slightly
overweight college student, frantically prices the
junk she plans on selling at the flea market after
classes while gulping down a light breakfast.

			MOM
	Who wants fruit salad?

			MISTY
	I do, please.

			MOM
		(Hesitating)
	That's not gum in your mouth,
	is it?

			MISTY
		(Removing it)
	It's sugarless.

			MOM
		(Gently)
	You know how I hate gum,
	Misty.  All that chomping
	and cheesing...
		(Begins serving her)

			MISTY
	Sorry, Mom.  Thanks.
		(To her brother, as she
		prices a record album)
	Hey, Chip, think I could get
	50c for Vanilla Ice.

			CHIP
	I wouldn't give ya a nickle.

			MISTY
		(Dreamily)
	Carl can't believe how much I
	make at swap meets.

			MOM
	(Rolling her eyes good-naturedly)
	And who may I ask is Carl?

			MISTY
	Just a boy.  He's picking me up
	this morning.

			CHIP
	Here we go again.

			MISTY
	He's really cute!

			MOM
		(Watching the cute little
		birds nibbling seed from
		the bird-feeder in kitchen
		window)
	Cute is not enough, Misty.
	You know that.

			CHIP
	She sure can pick 'em!

			MISTY
		(Exasperated)
	He goes to college with me!

			DAD
	Leave her alone, Chip.
		(To MOM)
	I think it's great she has a
	new beau, Beverly.

MOM smiles kindly, picks up a box of cereal in each
hand and turns to the family.

			MOM
	Cereal anybody?

Title "SERIAL MOM" appears on the screen.

			DAD
	Just a little, please.  Bad
	for the teeth.

			CHIP
	Always the dentist.

			MOM
	Chip, honey?

			CHIP
	Thanks, Mom.

As MOM serves the cereal, she spots a lone fly as it
lands on the butter dish.  Without letting on to her
family, she grabs a flyswatter and begins stalking
the fly with a terrifying intensity, its buzzing
enough to make MOM's head explode.

			DAD
		(Reading paper)
	Look at this!
	(Reading out loud in disgust)
	"Hillside Strangler gets his
	college degree in prison!"

			MOM
	(Preoccupied, stalking fly)
	That's nice.

			DAD
	Nice?!  He should have been
	executed!

			MISTY
	He killed people, Mom.

			MOM
		(To herself)
	We all have bad nights.
	(Gets ready to swat, but fly
		buzzes off)

			CHIP
		(To MISTY)
	You'd probably date him!
		(Mimicking her)
	He's cu-uuute!  Hey, Dad, did
	you ever see "Henry, Portrait of
	a Serial Killer?"

			DAD
	I certainly did not.

			MISTY
	You've been working in that
	video shop too long.

			DAD
	And all that gore better hadn't be
	interfering with your schoolwork.

MOM stalks fly as it lands on CHIP's toast as the
rest of the family remains oblivious to MOM's
building anger.

			CHIP
	I do great in school, Dad.
	(Eats toast as fly buzzes off)

A sickened and rage-filled MOM stalks the fly to
DAD's orange juice glass where it secretes on the
rim in closeup.

			DAD
	Well, your mother's going to PTA
	today.  We'll see what your
	teacher has to say.
	(Takes a big gulp as fly buzzes away)

			CHIP
	(Giving a pleading look to MOM as
		the buzzing of the fly builds in
		intensity on the soundtrack)
	Aw, Mom!  I hate Mr. Stubbins!

			MOM
	(Moving in for the kill, hissing
		the words in a rage)
	Don't say the word "hate", honey.
	"Hate" is a very serious word!

MOM swats violently and we see fly splat in bloody
closeup. ("Directed by John Waters" credit appears).

Family is suddenly silent as they uneasily look up
in surprise at MOM's ferocious attack.

MOM quickly wipes up squashed fly and smiles back at
her family.

			MOM
	There.  All better.
		(Suddenly all innocence)
	Anybody for scrambled eggs?

END OF CREDITS.

A loud banging is heard on the back door.  MOM jumps up
guiltily.

			DAD
	(Getting up from table)
	Who on earth...?

MOM opens door to two police detectives in plain
clothes.  DETECTIVE MOORE is younger and more rugged
than the older more world-weary DETECTIVE BRADFORD.

			DET. MOORE
	Mrs. Sutphin?

			MOM
		(Nervously)
	Yes?

			DET. MOORE
		(Shows badge)
	I'm Detective Moore and this
	is Detective Bradford.

Subtitle appears "7:26am" and then fades out.

			DAD
		(Taking over)
	I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin.  What's
	the trouble, officer?

			CHIP
		(Excitedly)
	Is there a killer loose?

			DET. MOORE
	No son, nothing that exciting.

			MOM
	This is my son, Chip...and my
	daughter, Misty.

			MISTY
	(Inappropriately making eyes
		at the younger cop)
	Hi!

			CHIP
		(Seeing MISTY flirting)
	Jeeezzz!

			MOM
	Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but
	we don't allow gum chewing
	in this house.
		(Hands him a paper napkin)

			DET. BRADFORD
		(Spitting his gum into
		paper napkin)
	Sorry, ma'am.
		(To MOM and DAD, taking out
		an envelope)
	We're investigating obscene
	phone calls and mail threats to
	a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle.

			MOM
	I know Dottie!

			DAD
	She lives right down the street.

			DET. BRADFORD
	Could you take a look at this...

			DET. MOORE
	...And tell us of anybody who
	might be responsible?

			DET. BRADFORD
	(As he hands note to MOM and DAD)
	I should warn you...this note
	contains LANGUAGE.

MOM and DAD open note.  In cut-out letters from a
magazine it reads:  "I'LL GET YOU PUSSY FACE!"

			MOM
		(Recoiling)
	Oh God, really!
		(Hands it back to cop)
	This is the limit!

			CHIP
	Let me see!

			DAD
	Sorry, son.
		(In disgust)
	This is a matter for adults.

			MOM
	Officers, I've never said the
	P-word out loud, much less
	written it down!

			DAD
	No woman would!

			MOM
		(Seeing cute little bird
		land on window feeder)
	Look officers!  Life doesn't
	have to be ugly.
		(In baby-talk)
	See the little birdie?  Listen
	to his call.
		(Imitating bird call)
	Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

CHIP and MISTY roll their eyes in embarrassment as
bird calls back to MOM.

			BIRD
	Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

DAD smiles proudly as detectives look at MOM in
amazement.

4.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

A convertible pulls into driveway driven by CHIP's
best friend, SCOTTY BARNHILL, a handsome but sullen
red-necky teen.  Next to him is CHIP's girlfriend,
BIRDIE STUART, a sexy tom-boy with lots of savvy.

Subtitle appears:  "7:41am" and then fades out.

5.     INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

			MOM
	Chip, your ride is here.

			DAD
		(Looking at his watch)
	Hey, I'm late for work.
	Bye, honey.
		(Kisses MOM goodbye)

6.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

All exit.

			DET. MOORE
	Thanks for your time, everybody.

			MISTY
		(Sighing)
	Bye, Detective Moore.

			BIRDIE
		(Leaping out of convertible)
	Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sutphin.

			DAD
		(To cops, getting into his car)
	That's Birdie.  She's a horror nut
	just like my son.

			MOM
		(Fondly)
	Good morning, Birdie.  This is
	Detectives Moore and Bradford.

			BIRDIE
		(Overdramatic, feigning horror)
	I didn't do it!  I swear!  Don't
	lock me up!  I'll take a lie detector!
		(Kisses CHIP)
		(Good-naturedly to COPS)
	Hi ya, boys!

			MOM
		(Sarcastically to a sullen
		SCOTTY in car)
	Good morning Scotty!

SCOTTY guiltily looks up from vintage Betty Page
pin-up mag he's reading and toots horn defiantly in
response as MOM grits her teeth.

			BIRDIE
	Hey Misty, look what I got!
		(Pulling it out of bag)
	A Pee Wee Herman Doll.  Can you
	sell it for me at the flea market?

			MISTY
		(Impressed)
	Wow!  Still in the box!  I sure can!
		(Looks up and sees a Trans Am
		speeding towards the house)
	Oh God, here comes Carl!

DAD pulls off in his car and almost collides with
CARL as he aggressively manoeuvres his car up the
driveway.

CARL PADGETT, a handsome jock climbs out of his car.

			CARL
		(To MOM)
	You must be Mrs. Sutphin.
	I'm Carl Padgett.

			MOM
	Misty's date...

			CARL
	More of a friend really...

MISTY looks hurt.

			MISTY
		(To CARL)
	See what Birdie gave me to
	sell at the flea market?

			CARL
		(Sneering at Pee-Wee)
	That guy's a weirdo.

MOM'S smile freezes on her face as CHIP and BIRDIE
hop in SCOTTY's convertible.

			MOM
		(Pointing to SCOTTY and
		calling out to COPS as they
		get into their car)
	Now there's something you should
	be interested in, detectives.  A
	grown boy who doesn't wear his
	seat belts!

SCOTTY gives MOM a hateful look and peels out.

7.     DISSOLVE TO SUBURBAN STREET.  DET. MOORE and DET.
BRADFORD sit in their unmarked police car, drinking
coffee and filling out police reports.

			DET. BRADFORD
		(Once again chewing gum)
	Christ, that one was Beaver
	Cleaver's mother.
		(Imitating her)
	Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

			DET. MOORE
		(Good-naturedly)
	Oh, leave her alone.  Mrs. Sutphin's
	about as normal and nice a lady
	we're ever going to find.

8.     INTERIOR BEVERLY AND EUGENE SUTPHIN'S BEDROOM.

MOM is sitting on bed, dialing phone with a
determined expression on her face.

Subtitle appears: "9:37am" and fades out.

In split screen, DOTTIE HINKLE, the harrassed middle
aged neighbor, looks at her ringing phone in her
living room with suspicion and finally answers.

			DOTTIE
		(Angrily)
	Hello.

			MOM
		(Speaking in disguised voice)
	Is this the Cocksucker residence?

			DOTTIE
		(Rising to the bait
		every time)
	Goddamn you!  STOP CALLING HERE!

			MOM
	Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way?

			DOTTIE
		(Furious)
	You bitch!

			MOM
	Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you?

			DOTTIE
	The police are tracing your call
	right this minute.

			MOM
	Well, Dottie, how come they're
	not here then, Fuck-Face?

			DOTTIE
		(Red with rage)
	FUCK YOU!
		(Slams down phone)

MOM giggles to herself like a little kid and
immediately redials the phone.

9.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.  BACK DOOR.

ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, MOM's frumpy, brittle, busy-body
next door neighbor, is knocking on door, carrying a
sewing basket.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Calling out)
	Beverly?  Beverly darling?
	You home?
		(She lets herself in)
	I know you are...

10.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

MOM is laughing to herself listening to ringing
phone while MRS. HINKLE, on split-screen, tries not
to answer.  Finally she lunges for it.

			DOTTIE
		(Answering)
	FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!!

			MOM
		(Disguising her voice
		in prim manner)
	I beg your pardon?

			DOTTIE
		(Horrified but suspicious)
	Who is this?

			MOM
	Mrs. Wilson from the telephone
	company.  I understand you're
	having problems with obscene calls.

			DOTTIE
		(Mortified)
	Yes, I am...I'm sorry Mrs. Wilson..
	It's driving me crazy...I've
	changed my number twice already...
	Please help me!

11.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

ROSEMARY ACKERMAN walks through kitchen, wipes a
finger on window ledge to check for dust and calls
out Beverly's name.

12.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

MOM doesn't hear MRS. ACKERMAN as she continues her
phone conversation with MRS. HINKLE.

			MOM
		(Still the fake telephone
		company representative)
	What exactly does this sick
	individual say to you?

			DOTTIE
	I can't say it out loud.
	don't use bad language.

13.    INTERIOR MOM'S LIVING ROOM.

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LU-ANN watches in horrified amazement and throws
down joint like it's a hot coal.

MOM starts swerving car but MR. STUBBINS holds on
for dear life, grabbing at MOM, pulling her hair.

MOM struggles and bites his hand like a snapping
turtle.

Shot of sign "SLOW-SPEED BUMPS".

MOM hits speed bump and MR. STUBBINS flies over roof
and lands in a heap behind her.

MOM screeches to a stop.

MOM's POV, through rearview mirror of MR. STUBBINS,
still alive, struggling to his knees.

MOM smiles sweetly.

Closeup of automatic gear shift being thrown into
reverse.

MOM's car backs up swerving in speed towards MR.
STUBBINS.

Low-level MR. STUBBINS' POV of rear of car coming at
him.

MOM'S POV of MR. STUBBINS' desperate struggle to get
out of her path.

Car runs directly over him - THUHP - and chewed up
wad of gum flies out of MR. STUBBINS' mouth.

MOM smiles to herself.

LU-ANN, the only eye-witness, runs away in fear.

MOM peels out and once in main parking lot resumes
waving innocently to other parents as she flees.

MOM swerves car into car wash.

23.    INTERIOR CHIP'S BEDROOM.

On CHIP's large video screen plays the ridiculously
dated but still appalling scene from "BLOOD FEAST"
where the madman with the corny, madeup eyebrows
rips a girl's tongue out of her mouth in hokey
special effects.

Subtitle reads "4:22pm" and fades out.

CHIP and BIRDIE are hooting and hollering and eating
popcorn as SCOTTY looks up from his vintage
nudist-camp magazine to watch in real horror and
nausea.

			BIRDIE
	It's a sheep's tongue!

			SCOTTY
	Man, I just ate.  Turn it off.

			CHIP
	Rewind it!  Let's see it again!

			SCOTTY
	No!  That shit is sickening!
	Put on pussy!

			BIRDIE
		(Torturing SCOTTY)
	Look, Dick-Head!
		(Gore scene replays)
	SLOW-MOTION!

SCOTTY starts to gag and tries to hide it,

			BIRDIE
		(Looking at screen)
	BLOOD FEAST!

			CHIP
		(Proudly)
	The "Citizen Kane" of gore
	movies.

SCOTTY looks at gore on video, jumps up to run to
bathroom, yanks open bedroom door and screams when
he sees MOM standing there with a plate of chocolate
chip cookies.

			MOM
	I don't know what it is about
	today, but I FEEL GREAT!

			SCOTTY
		(Gagging)
	Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin.

He runs past her to the bathroom.

			CHIP
	Hi, Mom.

			BIRDIE
	Hi, Mrs. Sutphin.

MOM looks at TV monitor and sees madman taking out
heart of girl.  MOM smiles inappropriately.

			MOM
		(Giggles)
	You kids.  Now Birdie, I want
	you to have a cookie and then
	run along home.

			CHIP
	But Mom, the video's not over.

			MOM
	No "but mom" for you, young man.
	Mr. Stubbins seems to think these
	silly movies are interfering with
	your studies.
		(Turns off video with remote)

			BIRDIE
		(Rolling her eyes)
	Oh, boy!
		(Getting ready to leave)

			CHIP
	Mom, Mr. Stubbins is a nimrod!

SCOTTY comes back in room feeling better.

			SCOTTY
	Man, that one made me puke!

			MOM
		(Picking up SCOTTY's nudist
		camp magazine and handing it
		back to him like it's poison)
	You forgot something...

			SCOTTY
		(Looking around confused)
	Are we leaving?

			MOM
	Yes you are.

SCOTTY guiltily takes back magazine as BIRDIE drags
him out.

			BIRDIE
	Bye, Mrs, Sutphin.

			CHIP
		(Affectionately)
	Bye, bird-brain,  See ya, Scotty.

			MOM
	Bye, Birdie.
		(Sitting down next to CHIP
		on his bed)
	Chip, honey...I know it's hard
	being a teenager but I understand..
	I'm your mother and I love you.

			CHIP
	Oh Mom...

			MOM
		(Suddenly his buddy)
	Can we watch that scene again?
	You know, where he rips out
	her heart?
		(Giggling scarily)
	PLEEEASE?

CHIP looks back at his MOM in sudden confusion.

24.    SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

SPIN-WIPE to tomato sauce topped meatloaf being
taken out of the oven by MOM.  Subtitle appears
"6:30pm" and fades out.

25.    SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

DAD, MISTY and CHIP sit around dining room table.
MOM enters with the meatloaf and a smile.

			MOM
		(Jokingly)
	Ladies and gentlemen, the
	perfect meatloaf!

			CHIP
	Looks good, Mom!

			DAD
	Nothing like a home cooked
	meal, honey.

			MOM
	Misty, I made your favorite
	sesame broccoli...
		(Passes it to her)

			MISTY
	Yummy.  Carl says if I lose
	ten pounds, he'll take me to
	the University of Maryland
	Fall Mixer.

			MOM
		(Appalled)
	Misty, if you want to lose
	weight go ahead, but do it for
	yourself, not for some boy you
	barely know.

			CHIP
	Carl's a jerk!

			DAD
	He certainly drives like a jerk.

			MISTY
		(Getting upset)
	Carl makes me happy and that
	threatens this family, doesn't it?

			DAD
	Doesn't threaten me, honey.
	I'm happy.

			MOM
	I'm happy too and we want you
	to be happy.

			CHIP
		(Mockingly)
	I'm so happy I could shit.

			MOM
	CHIP!  You know how much I
	hate the brown word!

Suddenly a scream from outside is heard.

26.    EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, the busy-body next door neighbor
is running across lawn from her house to the
Sutphins.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Beverly!  Beverly!

27.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

Family is getting up from table in alarm.

			MOM
	That's Rosemary.  Something's
	wrong!

CHIP and MISTY look at one another and stick fingers
down their throats at mention of MRS. ACKERMAN'S
name.

ROSEMARY ACKERMAN runs in from kitchen in hysterics.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Turn on the news!
		(To CHIP)
	A teacher at your school has
	been murdered!

			MISTY
		(Appalled)
	Murdered?

			CHIP
	Who?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	A Mr. Stubber...or Stubbins.

			CHIP
		(Horrified)
	MR. STUBBINS?  That's my
	math teacher!

28.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN LIVING ROOM.

DAD runs in and turns on TV as family and MRS.
ACKERMAN follow and watch under MOM's framed
portrait on wail.

			DAD
	What channel?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	It's on all of them!

Phone rings.  CHIP grabs the receiver.

			CHIP
	Hello.

We see BIRDIE in split screen.

			BIRDIE
		(Excited)
	Did you hear?

			CHIP
	What happened?

			BIRDIE
	This is so cool! It's just like
	a horror movie.

ANNOUNCER comes on TV.

			CHIP
	It's on!  I'll call you back!
		(Hangs up)

			ANNOUNCER
	..Police claim the driver of
	the hit and run vehicle ran
	down the teacher in cold blood
	and then backed up over his
	body to finish off the job.
	Mr. Paul Stubbins was
	thirty-eight years old...

			DAD
		(Mad)
	Whoever did it should get the
	death penalty!

MOM yawns absentmindedly.

			ANNOUNCER
	...So far only one eyewitness
	has surfaced.

MOM looks up in sudden fear as LU-ANN, the trashy
pot-smoking girl who witnessed murder appears on
screen.

			LUANN
	It was a blue car...I know that
	much!

			CHIP
	That's Lu-Ann Hodges!

			MISTY
	She's a pothead!

			LUANN
	...A blue station wagon...

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	That's like your car, Beverly,

			MOM
		(Glaring at MRS. ACKERMAN)
	I'm not that bad a driver.
		(Disapprovingly at TV screen)
	Look at her hair!
		(To CHIP)
	Turn it off, honey.

			CHIP
		(He does)
		(In shock)
	I can't believe Mr. Stubbins
	is dead.

			MISTY
	You said you hated him.

			CHIP
	Well...he was an asshole...
	but he didn't deserve to die!

29.    SUTPHIN MASTER BEDROOM.

Wipe to MOM finishing a silent prayer kneeling next
to bed as DAD reads a spy novel under the covers.
Subtitle appears: "10:45pm" and fades out.

			DAD
		(Putting down his book
		as MOM climbs in)
	I can't stop thinking about
	that poor teacher.
		(Turning out light on
		his side of bed)
	Goodnight, honey.  Don't read
	late, we've got a big day with
	the birds tomorrow.

			MOM
		(Picking up and leafing through
		"The Encyclopedia of Birds")
	I've identified every little
	birdie we're going to watch
	tomorrow on the Eastern Shore.

We see that underneath the cover of the bird book,
MOM is reading "Helter Skelter".  She lightly
caresses a picture of Manson and closes the book and
turns out her light.

			DAD
	Goodnight, honey.

			MOM
	Don't I get a kiss?

			DAD
		(Moving closer)
	I just thought with all the
	sadness...you wouldn't want...

			MOM
		(Snuggling up)
	We have to concentrate on
	life, Eugene.

			DAD
		(Kissing her)
	It's fine with me, Beverly.
		(Kisses her again more
		passionately)
	You want to, honey?  You
	think the kids are asleep?

			MOM
	We can be real quiet...

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WV@ʕ~>l'V1SNIৱwe^́tarts fixing breakfast)

COPS bang loudly on door.  MOM jumps.

			MISTY
	It's him!

			MOM
	No, honey, it's the police.
		(Opens back door)
	Hello, officers.

Subtitle appears "7:10am" and then fades out.

			DET. BRADFORD
	Good morning, Mrs. Sutphin.

			MISTY
		(Subtly unbuttoning her
		blouse one button)
	Hi, Detective Moore.

			DET. MOORE
		(Embarrassed)
	Morning, Misty.
		(All business)
	Mrs. Sutphin, I presume you heard
	of the death of Mr. Stubbins.

			MOM
	A fine man.  A good teacher...

			DET. BRADFORD
		(Reading from notes)
	Contrusions...fractures...
	rupture of numerous vital
	organs...

			MOM
		(In sympathy)
	What a mess.

MOM sees SCOTTY pull up in driveway with BIRDIE in
his convertible.

			MOM
		(Seeing MISTY's eyes light
		up at hearing a car)
	No, honey, it's just Scotty.
		(To COPS)
	Scotty, who doesn't wear his
	seatbelts!

 DAD and CHIP enter kitchen as BIRDIE and SCOTTY
 barge in back door.

			DAD
	Good morning, Detectives.

			BIRDIE
		(Dramatically)
	Nightmare on Calverton Court!

			SCOTTY
	The Maryland Teacher Massacre!

			DET. MOORE
	That's not funny, son.

			DET. BRADFORD
	Did you drive your car to the
	PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs.
	Sutphin?

			MOM
		(Buttering toast)
	Yes, I did.

			DAD
		(To cops, getting angry)
	Detectives, what is this about?

			DET. MOORE
	I know this sounds weird,
	Mr. Sutphin, but the Department
	of Motor Vehicle's computer shows
	only one blue station wagon
	registered to a parent of any
	of Mr. Stubbins' pupils.

			DAD
	Surely you don't think Beverly
	was involved!

			SCOTTY
		(Hamming it up,
		pointing to MOM)
	SHE DID IT!  Aimed the car right
	at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him
	down!

			MOM
		(Quickly staring daggers at
		SCOTTY before patiently
		addressing COPS)
	From what I understand, the
	eye-witness is a drug user.

			MISTY
	I got somebody you could
	run over, Mother!

			DAD
	Misty, that's a terrible
	thing to say!
		(Putting his arm
		protectively around MOM)
	Detectives, it's time for you
	to leave.  My wife knows
	nothing about this terrible
	...accident.

			MOM
		(Correcting him)
	Murder, honey.

			SCOTTY
		(Picking up a "People"
		magazine with Ivana Trump
		on the cover)
	Now, here's a babe!

COPS see magazine cover with the "P" in "People" cut
out as in threatening note sent to Mrs. Ackerman.

			DET. MOORE
		(Suspiciously)
	Let's see that, young man.

			MISTY
		(Whispering to BIRDIE as
		she ogles him from behind)
	Nice buns!

			DET. BRADFORD
	"P" as in...

		MOM
		(Glaring at SCOTTY)
	...People who don't mind their
	own business.

DAD looks at MOM suddenly, for the first time
showing slight suspicion.

			MOM
		(To DAD)
	It's Mrs. Ackerman's magazine,
	honey.
		(To COPS)
	Look at the subscription label
	if you don't believe me.
		(Proudly)
	I recycle my magazines.

40.    Wipe to EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

MRS. ACKERMAN is dumping all her bottles and
newspapers into the rest of her garbage without the
slightest thought of recycling.  Subtitle appears
"10:06am" and fades out.

Cut to GUS and SLOPPY, two Baltimore County
sanitation workers as they pick up bags of
neighbors' recycled trash and scowl in hatred at the
environmentally incorrect MRS. ACKERMAN.

41.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

MOM, now alone, is happily separating her cans and
plastic trash into proper recycle bins as she rocks
out singing along with the Barry Manilow record
"Daybreak" that spins on her high-fi set.

			MOM
		(Singing and dancing
		in place as soulfully
		as possible for her)
	"It's Daybreak"
	If you want to believe
	It can be Daybreak!..."

MOM looks out through her kitchen window and sees
MRS. ACKERMAN dumping styrofoam packing chips in
with the rest of her un-recycled garbage.  Freezing
in horror, MOM then lunges for MRS. ACKERMAN's
gleaming sewing scissors in borrowed sewing basket
and begins to run out door.

Suddenly MOM sees the friendly GARBAGEMEN waving to
her from truck.  She quickly puts back the scissors,
grabs her recyle bags, locates two "miniatures" of
liquor hidden in kitchen cabinet and runs out back
door.

42.    EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

MRS. ACKERMAN goes back inside her house as MOM
charges out to meet GARBAGEMEN with her recyclables.

			MOM
	Don't forget me, boys!
		(Holding up blue bags)
	All rinsed and ready to
	recycle!

			GUS
	Morning, Mrs. Sutphin.

			MOM
	Morning, Gus.  Hello, Sloppy.
		(Sneakily handing them
		miniatures)
	Here you go.  You work hard
	for the environment.  A little
	drink never hurt anybody.

			SLOPPY
	Thanks, ma'am.
		(Takes a big swig)
	Damn!  Good stuff.
		(Looking at MRS. ACKERMAN's
		garbage)
	Do you believe that goddamn
	litterbugger?

			MOM
		(Fingering a tin can)
	I've told her!  It takes ninety
	to one hundred years for a tin
	can to decompose but she still
	won't recycle.

			GUS
		(Also taking a guzzle)
	Cost taxpayers millions of
	dollars last year but she don't
	care about the national budget!

			MOM
		(Deadly serious)
	I HATE Mrs. Ackerman.

"Mom's Psycho Theme" begins building on soundtrack.

			GUS
		(Drinking, encouraging her)
	I hate her too.

			SLOPPY
		(Getting tipsy, joining
		the bull session)
	I HATE HER GUTS!
		(Egging MOM on, laughing)
	Somebody ought to kill her!

			GUS
		(Joking and drinking)
	Yeah, hack her up and recycle
	her!

			MOM
		(Not kidding, in a trance)
	For the sake of this planet,
	SOMEBODY JUST MIGHT!

"Mom's Psycho Theme" climaxes on soundtrack.

43.    INTERIOR ROSEMARY ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

MRS. ACKERMAN is serving brunch to DOTTIE HINKLE as
they drink beer together and watch "The Joan Rivers
Show" on TV as JOAN interviews a fat woman in her
20's.

			JOAN
		(On TV)
	...But your boyfriend was
	convicted of killing twelve
	people

			HAG
	I don't judge him.

TV audience groans.

			JOAN
	How can you love a
	mass-murderer?

			HAG
	Easy!  He's handsome.  He's
	famous.  AND WE GET CONJUGAL
	VISITS!

			JOAN
		(To camera)
	SERIAL HAGS!  Woman Who Love
	Men Who Mutilate!  We'll be
	right back after this!

			DOTTIE
	Turn it off.

MRS. ACKERMAN does.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Violence is everywhere these
	days

44.    EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

MOM runs up to window in a frenzy and freezes at the
sight of DOTTIE HINKLE inside.

45.    INTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

DOTTIE looks over and sees MOM in window and
screams.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Looking up)
	Oh, it's just Beverly.

			DOTTIE
	She scared me.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Going to door)
	Come in, Beverly.  Have some
	coffee

			MOM
		(Entering, back to normal,
		being so-o-o-o nice)
	Just a half-a-cup.
		(To DOTTIE)
	Hello, Dottie.  I'm so sorry
	to hear of your troubles...

			DOTTIE
	It's not fair!!

			MOM
		(To MRS. ACKERMAN, noticing
		her flower arrangement)
	Are those pussy-willows?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Fixing the coffee)
	Dried ones.  Aren't they pretty?

DOTTIE freezes in horror when she recognizes the
P-word in MOM's voice.

			DOTTIE
		(Alarmed)
	What did you just say?

			MOM
	(Evily baiting DOTTIE under
		her breath)
	PUSSY-willows, Dottie!

MOM purposely knocks MRS. ACKERMAN's Franklin Mint
Faberge Egg off table and sends it crashing to the
floor.

			MOM
	Dottie!  Watch what you're
	doing!

			DOTTIE
		(Horrified to see MOM
		is blaming her)
	I didn't do it!

			ROSEMARY
		(Crying out, rushing
		to pick up pieces)
	My Franklin Mint Faberge Egg!

			MOM
		(Helping MRS. ACKERMAN)
	Dottie didn't mean to be a
	clumsy ox.  She's sorry,
	Aren't you, Dottie?

			DOTTIE
		(Pleading)
	Rosemary, I didn't break your
	egg - she did!

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	You could at least apologize,
	Dottie.  I collect Franklin Mint!

			MOM
	And we're going right to the
	flea market to get another one!
	Misty tells me there's a whole
	booth of Franklin Mint stuff.
	Dottie, you lock up.
		(Evily)
	I'll take care of poor Rosemary!

			DOTTIE
		(Stammering in fear to
		MRS. ACKERMAN)
	But...but...she...Rosemary, I
	heard her voice!  It's her, I
	tell you, IT'S HER!

46.    INTERIOR DAD'S DENTAL EXAMINATION ROOM.

DAD attempts to do dental work on RALPH STERNER, the
"emergency" patient who lets out a blood curdling
scream every time DAD gets the drill anywhere near
his mouth.

			DAD
	Mr. Sterner, you've lost a tiny
	filling.  I have to drill deeply
	enough to remove all the decay.

			MR. STERNER
		(Whimpering)
	Alright...go ahead...but be
	careful, it really hurts!
		(Opens mouth)

DAD begins to drill again.

			MR. STERNER
	OWWWWW'! Goddamn you!  You're
	hurting me on purpose!

47.    DENTAL WAITING ROOM.

MRS. STERNER, reading an old issue of Newsweek, with
Jeffrey Dahmer on the cover, jumps up and runs to
her husband past the RECEPTIONIST.

48.    INTERIOR DAD'S EXAMINATION ROOM.

			MRS. STERNER
		(Running in)
	Are you ok, Ralph?

			DAD
	Mrs. Sterner, please stay in
	the waiting room!

			MR. STERNER
	Help me, Betty!  He's worse
	than the dentist in "The
	Marathon Man"!

			RECEPTIONIST
		(Poking her head in)
	Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Sutphin,
	but there's two police detectives
	here to see you...

49.    INTERIOR DAD'S TINY OFFICE.

DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD wait grim-faced in the
office.  Subtitle appears "10:35am" and fades out.

			DAD
		(Entering)
	What is it, officers?
	My patient is waiting.

			DET. MOORE
	Dr. Sutphing is your wife a
	big reader?

			DAD
	Bird books mostly...

			DET. BRADFORD
	Like these we found in
	her garbage?
		(Showing him the book)
	"Urge To Kill".  "Mass Murder
	in Houston"?

			DAD
	I'm sure those are my son,
	Chip's books.

			DET. MOORE
	No, they're your wife's.  We
	checked,  She bought them
	down at "The Browse and Learn
	Bookshop" along with a few other
	titles...

			DET. BRADFORD
		(Reading from notes)
	"Helter Skelter", "Hunting Humans",
	Master Card reference number 7876.
	Dated June 5th.

			DAD
		(Seeing their suspicions
		of MOM are serious)
	THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!

			DET. BRADFORD
	Dr. Sutphin, is you wife mental?

50.    OUTDOOR FLEA MARKET.  EDMONSON DRIVE-IN THEATER.

Cut to MOM's face, seemingly in the middle of a
frenzy as she jumps around like a crazy person.
Camera pulls back and we see that she is swatting
away a persistent bee as she sits with MISTY at her
flea market table.

Subtitle appears "11:20am" and then disappears.

			MOM
	Damn these yellow-jackets!
	I hate 'em!

			MISTY
		(Angrily)
	Always something isn't it?
		(To CUSTOMER)
	Can I help you?

			CUSTOMER
	Just looking.
		(Walks away)

			MISTY
	Thanks for not buying anything!

			MOM
	Misty, lighten up.  It's not
	the customer's fault Carl stood
	you up!

MOM looks over two rows and sees CARL walking
through the flea market with a SEXPOT DATE.  Her
face turns to stone but she doesn't let on to MISTY.

Cut to MRS. ACKERMAN shopping passionately at the
nearby Franklin Mint booth.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(To VENDOR)
	Young man, this Faberge Egg is
	chipped.

			VENDOR
	Yes, ma'am, it is.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	I'll give you fifty cents.

			VENDOR
	That's a Franklin Mint piece.
	Eight dollars.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Eight dollars?!  Franklin Mint
	or not, it's damaged goods!
		(Puts it back)

MRS. ACKERMAN bends over grumbling and sees a fire
poker marked with a price tag of $6.O0.  Sneakily
she switches price tag of $3.00 from another item.

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	I'll take this instead.

			VENDOR
	Nice one, huh?  Winter's coming.
		(Looking at price
		momentarily hesit'ating)
	Three dollars?...I guess that's
	what I marked it...

MRS. ACKERMAN smirks and pays him.

MRS. ACKERMAN comes back to MISTY's booth carrying
fire poker.

			MOM
	(Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN1s
		purchase, but still watching
		CARL and SEXPOT DATE in distance)
	Did you find your Franklin Mint
	egg, Rosemary darling?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	I saw one, but it was ridiculously
	overpriced!

			MOM
		(Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN's
		fire poker)
	You want me to keep that under
	the table for you?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	If you wouldn't mind...
		(Gives it to her)
	It was on sale.

Cut to CARL browsing at same Franklin Mint booth
that MRS. ACKERMAN was shopping in earlier.  SEXPOT
DATE is drooling over chipped Faberge Egg and
batting her eyes at CARL.

			SEXPOT DATE
		(In baby talk)
	Honey, pleeease?  For my little
	knick-knack shelf?

			CARL
		(To VENDOR)
	Wrap it up for the little
	lady.

Cut to MOM with the fire poker partially concealed
under her coat as she stalks CARL and S5^4>Fڄ-Κyclw=6_|˫|n@;.PG^
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him and together they take off.

FATHER STONE stares out from altar in shock as
worshippers scream and trample each other trying to
get out of church as police try to restore order.

SCOTTY, trying to be macho, fights his way towards
front of church and for a split-second sees CHIP,
BIRDIE and MOM running out back door of sacristy in
escape.

			SCOTTY
	THERE SHE IS!!

MOM blows a quick kiss to GUS and SLOPPY who beam in
happiness at helping her escape.

112.   EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.

CHIP and BIRDIE are "hot-wiring" SCOTTY's car as MOM
lies hidden out of view on back seat of car.

113.   INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.

			CHIP
	We'll show 'em, Mom,  We'll
	go on "60 Minutes"!

The car engine starts up.

			BIRDIE
	Alright
		(To MOM)
	You're bigger than Jason or
	Freddie now!
		(In wonderment)
	Only you're a real person!

			MOM
		(Innocently)
	Do you think I'll need
	a lawyer?

			CHIP
		(Putting on his seat belt)
	You need an AGENT!

CHIP peels out.

114.   EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.

REPORTER has chased DAD and MISTY to their car,
still taking pictures as COPS flood the area looking
for MOM.

			DAD
	NO COMMENT!  PLEASE!  My
	wife is missing!  I'm worried
	sick about her!
		(Gets in car)

			REPORTER
	Hey, Misty!  Just a few more
	shots, Ok?  I'm Hank Hawkins
	from the Baltimore Sun.

			MISTY
		(Flirting boldly
		and posing)
	Hi, Hank.

			DAD
		(Appalled, opening
		passenger door
		from inside)
	MISTY SUTPHIN, GET IN THIS
	CAR!!

115.   EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

CHIP and BIRDIE hurry MOM from car and run to door
of shop as CHIP fumbles for his keys to open up.

116.   INTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

CHIP and BIRDIE hustle MOM into the shop and lead
her to the "Gore" section and open a door covered
with violent video display boxes to reveal a small
closet.

			CHIP
	In here, Mom...

			MOM
	But, Chip...

CUSTOMER begins banging on door.

			CHIP
	Get in, Mom!  I have to open.

			MOM
	This is so silly.
		(Gets in)

CHIP closes door behind her and then inserts
cassette into VCR and pushes "Play" button.  On
video in shop we see "Leatherface" in "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre" jump out from behind a bush and
hack up a male victim.

BIRDIE lets in the first customer of the day, a
middle aged battle-ax, MRS. JENSON.

			BIRDIE
	Good morning, Mrs. Jenson.

			MRS. JENSON
		(Scowling at video screen
		where "Leatherface" chases
		a girl to house where he
		"chainsaws" his way through
		door as the victim screams
		in terror)
	Haven't you had enough
	violence, Chip Sutphin?
	Turn that filth off!

			CHIP
		(Turning it off)
	Sorry, ma'am.

			MRS. JENSON
	Do you have the musical,
	"Annie"?

			CHIP
		(Rolling his eyes and
		getting the cassette)
	Sure do.  Did you bring
	back "Ghost Dad"?

			MRS. JENSON
		(Rooting in her purse and
		handing CHIP the casette)
	There you go.  I love Bill
	Cosby pictures.

			CHIP
		(Looking at cassette in
		frustration)
	Mrs. Jensen, I've told you.
	You have to rewind the tapes
	before returning them!

			MRS. JENSON
		(Belligerently)
	Why?

			CHIP
	Because it's the rules!

			MRS. JENSON
		(Defiantly)
	I don't feel like rewinding it!

MOM's face turns to stone in closet.

			CHIP
		(Exasperated)
	You see the sign!  It's a
	dollar fine for not rewinding
	and this time I'm gonna charge
	you! $2.99 plus one dollar
	is $3.99!

			MRS. JENSON
		(Slamming money down and
		grabbing video)
	Keep the change, you son of
	a psycho!

MRS. JENSON stomps to door and slams it behind her
as MOM's face twists in rage as she listens.

			BIRDIE
	What a bitch!

			CHIP
	It's the influence of all those
	family films.
		(Turning to closet)
	Right, Mom?
		(No answer)
	Hey, Mom??...
		(Still no answer)

			BIRDIE
		(Nervously)
	Mrs. Sutphin?

			CHIP
	Mother?
		(Opens door to reveal
		empty closet)

			BIRDIE
	0h, shit!

			CHIP
	You don't think....

			BIRDIE
	She wouldn't...

BIRDIE runs to back of shop and sees opened door to
street.

			CHIP
		(Panicked)
	What's Mrs. Jenson's address?

BIRDIE runs to files and starts going through them.

			BIRDIE
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6QSF&Ŗ/haWԺ;l(ea="5lg}>@Uat the edge of the stage.  He sees MOM
almost on top of him and leaps onto stage and runs
for his life, dodging bouncers and beer bottles
being thrown from audience.

MOM looks furious that SCOTTY has escaped but then
looks up at theatrical light rigging overhead and
then back down at SCOTTY's face as "CAMEL LIPS"
tries to hit him with their instruments.  MOM looks
over her shoulder and sees DET. MOORE and DET.
BRADFORD advancing on her.  Ducking behind a giant
speaker, out of view of the crowd MOM pulls butcher
knife from purse, cuts supporting rope and sends
whole set of lights crashing down on SCOTTY's head.

The crowd goes wild thinking it's more of "CAMEL
LIPS" sickening theatrics.

A gang of heavy-metal chicks slam into DET. MOORE
and DET. BRADFORD and knock them to the ground.

MOM's eyes light up in fury when she sees SCOTTY
still alive, crawling out from under the lights,
semi-conscious and bleeding.

BIRDIE faints at the sight of more blood.

Thinking fast, MOM swipes a hairspray can sticking
out of a girl's purse and uses her VIP pass to go
backstage as CAMEL LIPS reaches its deafening
crescendo of musical mayhem.

As SCOTTY crawls to side of stage, MOM jumps out
from a piece of backstage scenery and aims hairspray
can at him.

			MOM
		(Hissing)
	Buckle up, Scotty!

MOM lights the spray from the hairspray can and
ignites SCOTTY's clothes in lethal flames without
anyone seeing her.

SCOTTY runs across the stage ablaze as "CAMEL LIPS"
plays the final deafening note of their song and the
crowd gives a screaming ovation, all holding up lit
lighters, thinking SCOTTY on fire is all part of the
act.

DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD look to the stage in
horror.

DAD gasps in fear.  MISTY and CHIP stare speechless
as SCOTTY falls to his knees and keels over.  BIRDIE
comes to and then faints again.

The LEAD SINGER thinks it's a joke, pours a little
Jack Daniels on the smouldering corpse and then
jumps back in comic over-reaction when the flames
light up again.

MOM, now caught in the front row of laughing
slam-dancing spectators, turns to her dumb-struck
family, smiles and sticks fingers in her ears,
mimicking that the music is much too loud.

DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD slamdance MOM from both
sides and knock her to the ground and handcuff her.

DAD puts his arms around CHIP, MISTY and BIRDIE as
they hang their heads in sorrow.

"CAMEL LIPS" and the entire audience of grunge-punks
boo and jeer the police as they drag MOM out as she
smiles innocently in suburban lunacy.

Slow fade to black.

156.   Slow fade from black to EXTERIOR TOWSON COURTHOUSE.
WINTER.

DAD, CHIP, BIRDIE, MISSY and her new boyfriend, the
REPORTER get out of folksy lawyer, HERBIE HEBDEN'S
car and follow him through crowd of hostile press-
trial groupies, and MOM1s punk-grunge fans, feeling
the full heat of MOM's serial killer infamy.  DAD
wears a "Say No to the Gas Chamber" button and
BIRDIE has turned hippy, wearing tie-dye clothes
covered in peace signs.  CHIP, on the other hand,
looks cooler, wears L.A. styled outfit and carries
copy of Variety.  MISTY is obviously very much in
love and the REPORTER seems to feel the same way
about her.  Subtitle appears "Four months later,
Monday, January 18th, 9:46am" and then fades out.

			PRESS A
	Mr. Sutphin!  How does your
	wife feel?

			DAD
		(Grim-faced)
	Beverly is devastated by the
	charges against her.

157.   INTERIOR PRISON BUS.

Female criminals are handcuffed and seated around
MOM on their way to court as MOM leads them in a
joyous and Disney-esoue rendition of "100 Bottles of
Beer on the Wall".  MOM sings out with insane
happiness and glee.

158.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.

A "COURT TV" reporter is interviewing trial groupies
as they wait in line to go through metal detectors
to attend MOM's trial.

			COURT TV
	...And you, ma'am, how long
	have you been waiting to get
	in?

			LADY A
		(Beaming at the attention)
	Since 5:00am.  But it's gonna
	be worth it!  I know she's guilty!

			HUSBAND A
		(Leaning into the shot)
	We've been to famous trials
	all over the country!

			WIFE A
		(Getting into the act)
	..Manson.. .Watergate...
		(To Lady A)
	Didn't I see you at Hinkley?

			LADY A
		(Proudly)
	I was there!  My husband
	thought I was crazy but...
		(Seeing Sutphin family
		getting off elevator)
	LOOK!  HERE THEY COME!!
	That awful family!

The hostile crowd starts craning their necks and
screaming in recognition as if rock stars are making
their entrance.  DAD is blinded by the press's
flashbulbs as HERBIE HEBDEN tries to stop CHIP from
signing autographs as BIRDIE hands out "Stop the
Violence" handbills.  REPORTER BOYFRIEND gives MISTY
the signal and she starts crying for his exclusive
news shots.

159.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

Packed with spectators, press and security officers.
The middle-class jury of seven woman and five men
take their place in the jury box as Sutphin family
take their seats in front row behind HERBIE HEBDEN
at his defense table.

TIMOTHY NAZLEROD, the prosecutor, studies evidence
photos of victim's bodies at the District Attorney's
table on other side of the courtroom.  He looks up
in disgust as MOM makes her apple-pie entrance.
Escorted by two stern-faced police matrons.
Subtitle appears "10:00am" and fades out.

			MOM
		(Happily waving to DAD)
	Hi, honey!

DAD smiles back pitifully.

			MOM
		(To CHIP, BIRDIE & MISTY)
	Kids, did you do your homework?

They give her a weak smile and nod "Yes".

			JUDGE
	Quiet in the courtroom! Court
	is now in session!

			MOM
		(To JURY)
	Hello, jury people.
	My name's Beverly Sutphin.
		(To startled woman juror)
	I like your jacket!

			JUDGE
		(Losing patience)
	Mrs. Sutphin, I SAID QUIET!
	You are accused of mass murder!
	This is a court of law, not
	a coffee klatch!
		(Bangs gavel)
	Mr. Nazlerod, your opening
	statement.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	Thank you, your honor.
		(Approaches JURY)
	Ladies and Gentlemen of the
	Jury, my name is Timothy
	Nazlerod...
		(Smarmily)
	...and I hope we can be
	friends!
		(JURY stares back
		impartially)
	...I warn you, this is not a
	pretty case...Beverly Sutphin
	is a woman evil to the core...
		(JURY POV shot of innocent-
		looking MOM staring back
		at them)
	...a rotten apple, if you will...
		(DAD gulps in sorrow)
	...who beyond a reasonable
	doubt killed five innocent
	people!!

SPECTATORS scowl hatefully at MOM.

			CHIP
		(Whispering to BIRDIE,
		making excuses)
	Well...they sort of deserved it...

BIRDIE pales over the mere thought of violence.

			DAD
		(To CHIP)
	Shhhhh!

He looks over and sees MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND
are holding hands and glares at them to stop.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...THAT'S RIGHT!  SHE MURDERED
	THEM!...WITH A SPEEDING CAR...
	A FIRE POKER...

MOM subtly motions to MALE JUROR that he has
something in his nose.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...A PAIR OF SCISSORS...

JUROR self-consciously feels around his nostrils in
embarrassment.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...A TOPPLED AIR CONDITIONER!

MOM signals to JUROR that the problem is still
there.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...THE LETHAL FLAMES FROM AN
	AEROSOL CAN...EVEN A LEG OF
	LAMB!!

JUROR blows his nose.  MOM smiles happily to him
that the problem is solved.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...Beverly Sutphin is not a
	woman!...

MISTY and REPORTER are watching and move even closer
together to snuggle.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...SHE IS A MONSTER!!

MOM's smile turns to horror as JUROR #8 on end of
second row crosses her legs and MOM zeros in on her
hideous white summer shoes.

Wipe to a disheveled HERBIE HEBDEN, the ultimate
liberal defense attorney, as he paces back and forth
before JURY wiping his brow.

			HERBIE HEBDEN
	...Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm
	Herbie Hebden and you and I
	have a tough job ahead of us...

MOM is still staring insanely at JUROR1s shoes.

			HERBIE HEBDEN
	...I have known the Sutphin
	family for sixteen years...

MOM is frantically scribbling a note to her attorney
on a legal pad.

			HERBIE HEBDEN
	...Dad, Eugene, is my dentist...

DAD self-consciously smiles to JURORS.

			HERBIE HEBDEN
	...Chip and Misty played with
	my own children...

CHIP smiles to MOM's few heavymetal supporters as
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			MOM
	Don't judge people by what
	they read, Detective.
		(Smugly)
	Your witness, Mr. Nazierod.

MOM winks to SLOPPY and GUS.

			DET BRADFORD
		(Sputtering, purple with rage)
	I'm a married man!!

BAILIFFS forcefully remove him from the stand.

			DET. BRADFORD
		(Yelling to MOM)
	I hope you get the gas chamber!

			JUDGE
	The jury is instructed to ignore
	the outburst of the witness.

			MR. NAZLEROD
		(Furious at MOM's
		cross-examination)
	I call to the stand Rosemary
	Ackerman!

Wipe to MRS. ACKERMAN on the stand holding the fire
poker murder weapon tagged as evidence.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	...and did you ever see the
	fire poker again after you
	left it with Mrs. Sutphin?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Yes!  Thirty minutes later
	it was covered with blood and
	gore and Carl Padgett was dead!

			MR. NAZLEROD
	No further questions.

			MOM
		(Standing to cross-examine)
	Mrs. Ackerman, when you left
	me at the flea-market, where
	did you go?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	...Browsing.

			MOM
	Did Carl Padgett buy
	something you wanted?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	I didn't want that Faberge
	egg - it was chipped!

			MOM
	Carl Padgett died for the
	Franklin Mint, didn't he?!

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Shocked at the suspicion
		being pointed at her)
	NO!  I could never hurt anyone!

Spectators buzz.

			MOM
		(Not letting up)
	That was your People magazine
	with the letters cut out, wasn't it?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
	Yes, but I lent it...

			MOM
		(Cutting her off)
	And those were your scissors
	found sticking out of Mrs.
	Sterner's stomach, weren't they?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Stuttering, panicked)
	Yes...but...I didn't...

			MOM
		(Suddenly, dramatically)
	Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle?

			MRS. ACKERMAN
		(Horrified at the sudden
		silence in court as everyone
		stares at her in hostility)
	No...
		(Weakly)
	I don't have room in my kitchen...

GUS, SLOPPY and all the spectators let out a howl of
disapproval.  Even the JUDGE scowls at the witness
in disgust.

164.   EXTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

REPORTER BOYFRIEND is unpacking stack of the
"instant" book he wrote "Serial Mom - The Real
Story" and autographing them for a line of
housewives.

			HOUSEWIFE A
		(To RALPH)
	Could you sign it: "To
	a future Serial Mom"?

			REPORTER
		(Signing)
	Sure.  You think she did it?

			HOUSEWIFE B
	I have reasonable doubt.

			HOUSEWIFE C
		(Buying a book)
	I feel like killing a couple
	of people myself!

All the HOUSEWIVES in line begin booing and jeering
MRS. ACKERMAN as she runs in terror from courthouse
with GUS and SLOPPY chasing after her.

165.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

DET. MOORE is on witness stand being examined by the
prosecution.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	Detective Moore, did you
	then proceed to the stage
	area inside "Hammerjacks"?

			DET. MOORE
	Yes, I did.  Scotty Barnhiil
	was on fire and he fell to
	his knees in flames.

BIRDIE looks up from reading "Ghandi" biography and
gags as prosecutor hands DET. MOORE a gory 8x10
glossy photo of victim.

			MR. NAZLEROD
	Would this be what you saw?

			DET. MOORE
	Yes, sir.  A real barbecue.

Suddenly a buzz starts in the courtroom and all
heads turn to the back of the spectator section
where the real life star, FARRAH FAWCETT* is
entering with an entourage to "observe" Serial Mom.

MOM acknowledges MS. FAWCETT with a dignified nod as
DAD looks on in amazement.

DET. MOORE, the JURY, even the JUDGE crane their
necks to get a better look at FARRAH FAWCETT.

			MR. NAZLEROD
		(Ignoring FARRAH FAWCETT,
		trying to continue)
	Your honor!
		(Impatiently)
	May the photo be entered in as
	evidence and passed to the jury?

			JUDGE
	Huh?...oh yeah...YES.

			DET. MOORE
		(Star-struck)
	Jeeeeze!  It really is Farrah
	Fawcett!

			JUDGE
		(Blurting out, unable
		to contain himself)
	I loved you in "The Burning
	Bed"!

			MR. NAZLEROD
		(Furious at JUDGE)
	No further questions!
		(Smugly looking at MOM)
	I call to the stand, Marvin
	Pickles.

MOM looks back in sudden fear at the prospect of
this mystery witness.

166.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE MEN'S ROOM.

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		in place)
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		(Posing)
	Smile, Serial Mom!

Flashbulbs explode.

			MOM
		(Hissing to FARRAH in the
		scariest, most threatening
		voice yet)
	THAT'S MY BAD SIDE, FARRAH
	FAWCETT!!

A JUROR down the hall screams in horror as she opens
phone booth door and a bloody white shoe pops out.

FARRAH FAWCETT looks back at MOM in sudden fear.

MOM glares back with the face of a madwoman.

Freeze frame.

Dissolve to epilogue title card:  "Beverly Sutphin
is a free woman."

CREDIT ROLL.
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